Phoenix Fallen: This chapter is probably going to seem, well, off to you. At least, it seems off to me, and I do not really like it that much. But I don't know what else to do with it! Maybe I'll fix it later…
Anyway, I'll ramble again at the end of this chapter. Just read on, and don't get mad at me because it's not that good! [ducks under desk] Oh, and stop your poking! You'll find out who that man is soon enough! Just wait, a'ight? It'll be explained… in an upcoming chapter.
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Disclaimer: Beyblade belongs to Aoki-san, while I only own this plot. Actually, I don't see anything saying that I do, except for my word… but, um… I dunno.
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For Those Who Are Beaten
Chapter Four: To See Another's Perspective
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Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap-itty, tap, tap.
Frowning slightly in his sleep, Kai's brow twitched each time the sound of something clicking reached his ears, vibrating through his skull, causing him to realize the trifle headache settled there. He groaned, moving his head so that it would lie on its side, and the noise stopped for a moment, then continued on endlessly.
Tap, tap, tap-itty, tap.
Annoyance growing each time the clickings resounded in his head, he opened his red-brown eyes, glaring up at the wooden ceiling of the Kinomiya dojo. This, too, he recognized; he had spent a few months in the very same room when the "BladeBreakers" were still together, and facing challenges like those from the Saint Shields and Team Psykick. They had all slept here every night.
He was lying quite contentedly on a soft, thin mattress placed on the ground - a traditional futon - and clean, white bed sheets were spread over him. Slowly, he sat up, suddenly noticing that he wasn't in his own clothes: he was wearing what looked like a pair of Tyson's grey pants, white, cotton socks, but was lacking a shirt.
Looking down on his bare chest, he gave a short, intake of breath. No wonder I hurt so much, he thought as he ran his fingers delicately along his side, and down towards his finely built abdomen. There, he found numerous dark purple bruises, accompanied by many cuts and scratches, and an open gash running straight across him, which was most probably caused by the severed table.
He sighed quietly, glancing over to his side, and over to the exit, where he found the source of the unceasing clicking just a few feet away from him. He cocked his head to one side slowly - just wolves did when interested - and found a wave of curiosity getting the better of him.
"What are you working on?" he asked aloud, his raspy voice sounding much louder than he had wished it to.
Kenny gave a short, surprised shout, jumping a few feet up in the air. Clutching the left side of his chest, where his heart was undoubtedly pounding, he turned from the screen of his laptop, looking over, completely amazed.
"K-kai!" he exclaimed, "You're... you're..."
Kai blinked, still staring at the computer, and he repeated his question, unfazed by the others stuttering, "What's that?" he nodded at it once, "What are you working on?"
"Oh..." Kenny glanced back over to the screen for a second, "I was just... just updating Dranzer's status."
At the mention of his Sacred Spirit, Kai's hand flew instinctively to his pocket, although he already knew his blade wasn't going to be there. A shimmer of anger began to bubble inside him, surfacing as he glared over at the brunette.
"You... took..." in his growing rage, he wasn't able to finish his sentence, and his hand curled into a tight fist in the sheets around him, which were soon becoming stained from the red liquid escaping around the glass shards.
You touched Dranzer...? Without my permission? How could you take the one creature that has stayed by my side this entire time? How could you even dare to think of taking him from me? You... I'll -
"I'm really sorry I didn't ask first," Kenny bowed his head, reaching for something behind his laptop and holding it out, "I've been working on it since yesterday, when you arrived. We found it in your pant pocket, and I've had it since then; I've improved everything on it that I could. I hope you aren't mad..."
Kai's eyes had softened the moment he saw what lay in Kenny's hands: his blade... it looked almost brand-new. He reached out, taking the small object in his palm, rubbing the cool metal lightly (his skin was very sensitive because of the china) examining it. It was shining; the navy blues, deep greens, and bright reds sparkling in the sunlight.
His eyes trailed to the center of it, where the bit - the home of the beast - was located. A faint, yet distinguishable warmth began to radiate off of it, as his brilliant, loyal phoenix immediately sensed the emotions raging inside of him, and began to soothe him silently, relaxing him, and calming his nerves.
He looked upwards towards Kenny, his heart feeling much lighter, "Thank you," he murmured, "But... why? Why would you do this for me?"
Chief blushed a light shade of pink, "It's... a present. From me to you."
"What for?"
He shrugged, "I... figured you could use an upgrade."
A twinge of annoyance, and flash of fury, "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked roughly.
"Nothing!" the computer expert quickly reasoned, "You're strong, Kai, I'm not saying you're not. It's just..."
"Just what?" he snapped, narrowing his eyes, "What are you trying to say, then?"
You're trying to say I'm not good enough, is that what? he snarled inwardly, I don't need anyone else telling me that! Boris... Grandfather... those two are enough to deal with. Grandfather's criticism alone is enough to deal with... because I know he's right. He's always right. Which is why I've got to find a way to get back to him.
Kenny was looking very flustered, opening his mouth a few times and closing it, but no sound came out. Patience wearing thin, Kai decided to ignore him and his comments, leaning forwards, slowly bringing is feet under him, and straightening his legs until he was standing.
Chief scrambled to his side, "What're you doing?" he put his hand on his shoulder, managing to push him back down into his bed (much to both boy's surprise).
"I'm getting out; I'm going. There's nothing for me here," he retorted, growling as he pushed away his hand, "What do you care, anyway?"
"I care a whole lot, Kai!" the shorter, younger one fell silent for a moment, and then added, "That's why I improved Dranzer for you. I'm always upgraded the others equipment, but never yours, and I've only just realized it fully now."
Kai blinked, his anger evaporating, and Kenny continued, his eyes fastened to the wooden floor.
"I know you never liked me, and I was never too fond of you either. You were always cold, mean, you never showed any respect for me, and it wasn't the greatest feeling in the world; feeling like you were always looking down on me. So I just learned to leave you alone, and I guess that's why I never worked with you."
Something in the teen's mind shifted, and he could hear faint voices from his own past. He could hear that member from the Dark Bladers challenging him, for they had Chief as their hostage. Fine with me, his younger, smirking voice echoed quietly, enjoy your home cooked Kenny-burgers.
Back in reality, Chief kept talking, "This year, it's been different. You actually acted like... like I really was part of this team. You were the one who had volunteered - without anyone asking, even - to accompany Hilary and I to the lighthouse on that mad doctor's island, because you said we needed protection. Remember?"
Nodding slowly, Kai gazed down at the fidgeting boy beside him. He was... he was just like him, but in a lighter situation. He could relate to how he felt... and it hurt to know that he did that to him.
"Yeah," he muttered softly, "Yeah, I remember... falling rocks..."
"Yes," Chief raised his eyes from the floor, "And the falling rocks. You saved us - Hilary and I - from getting crushed in that landslide. You risked your life to push us into the side of the cliff, and you stood over us to make sure we didn't get hurt..." he let his sentence fade off, and it was silent for a while.
"I never knew I made you feel that way," Kai whispered, shaking his head lightly, "I never meant to cause it..."
Are you there, Grandfather? Did you catch all of that; that conversation? The boy, Kenny... I made him feel worthless... and I never knew... but still he cared about me; still he was kind to me. Doesn't that remind you of something? Of a relationship in your life? Because our lives together, the way we treat each other, are just like that, except... worse. Extremely worse.
Do you know that you're hurting me? Or do you, like I had to Kenny, not know what damage you are creating? You can't imagine how much time I spend thinking about this; you have no idea how many nights were spent dreaming of it all - how many nights have been haunted by these nightmares of reality.
Or do you know? Are you haunted by what has happened as well? Do you remember when you, Grandma, and I were living happily together, back when you didn't even know how to frown? Do you still dream of when it all fell apart, when it all broke down, when all of our joy ended? It didn't have to end... but you - we, both - made it that way. I didn't want it... I just followed your lead... but it's as much my fault as it is yours...
"It's okay, Kai." Chief voiced softly, reading the slight expression on the other's face as best he could.
"No," Kai frowned, hardly aware of what he was saying, "It's not okay; nothing's okay. Everything's gone wrong; it's always been wrong. Nothing's been right. Ever since they were all taken away, this has all been a mess. I can't do anything right..." he gave a low growl of his own disapproval as he watched drops of blood dropping down his clenched fist.
Father, Mother, Grandma... why'd you have to go? Why'd you have to leave me here? I don't know what's going on... why can't you come back to me? How did you leave me in the first place...?
Grandfather, do you hurt like me? I'm sorry for bringing up the mention of my father; I know it caused you pain, and you're not used to it like I am. You become angry because of it, and then you take it out on me - beat me, throw me out of my own home. But I keep it all to myself; it eats away at me on the inside.
Do you know that I hear you cry about it sometimes? At night, when I lie awake - afraid of what I'll dream of next - I'll hear your muffled sobs coming through the walls of the mansion. You miss them all... just as I do. You need someone's comfort... just as I do.
I cry with you, did you know? I cry as much as you...
Kai sighed, his heavy eyelids threatening to close down. Ignoring the sores, the throbs, the piercing stings, and the small, warm rivers of blood all over his body, he slumped back down into his futon, curling his legs up closer to his body for warmth, and wrapping the blankets up around his shoulders tightly.
"I can't keep this up much longer," he murmured quietly as his head sunk deeper into his pillow, and he lost himself to rest, "I'll die before I ever get anywhere..."
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A small figure made its way through the darkness, wandering confused through the thick, unending fog. His blue shark-fins painted upon his cheeks were the first things noticeable about him, adding to his already fierce exterior, but his deep, crimson-brown eyes darted around nervously.
I've been here before...
Kai stopped abruptly, staring in disbelief at what he saw ahead of him. His breathing became shallow, and his heartbeat sped up a few notches in the left side of his chest. With one arm, he reached out towards the outline slowly, and whispered, "Mother?"
The woman turned around, and her beautiful face was clear in his view. She smiled gently, her eyes sparkling from some unseen light source. Below her feet were poppies; blood red petals with the blackest of black for their centers, and dark green as their stems and leaves. They bent delicately around her, and dew drops rolled off them whenever they were tipped.
Suddenly, the smile of the woman faded, and her soft, joyful expression was replaced by a sorrow-filled one. Kai faltered, taking a hesitant step forwards in her direction, then began to run flat out when she started to disappear.
"Mother! Mother, don't go!" he cried as he sprinted, his one arm still outstretched, "I didn't even get to know you properly! Don't leave me; don't go!"
She smiled again - a sad, depressed one - and lifted her hand, dipping her fingers in a small wave.
"No!" he screamed desperately, and he let his tears fall freely down his cheeks, which flew by him as he ran, "Mother, please! Don't leave me here! I don't want to be alone anymore! Please, Mother, don't go!"
Just as his hand came up to touch her, her image vanished completely, leaving him with nothing but what looked like swirling, grey smoke instead. He collapsed, falling forwards to the ground, beginning to sob uncontrollably into his arms.
"No," he begged between pained gasps, shutting his eyes down tightly, "Don't go; I don't want you to go. Please don't leave me here by myself... I don't want to be alone anymore..."
Slowly, he became aware of a warm, gentle stroking motion running across his forehead, and then transferred down on his cheek. Stopping his whimpers, he opened his eyes, realizing that he wasn't in the darkness anymore; he wasn't in the poppy-filled place that reminded him of what he had lost...
He was still in Tyson's family dojo, although this time, it wasn't bright, as it had been day when he had spoken to Kenny. Now, the natural light came from the moon, accompanied by a few shimmering constellations, which shone through the windows of the wooden foundation.
Raising his view upwards, he rested his gaze upon her, the one Kenny had mentioned earlier in the day. As his pupils adjusted to make the best of the little light, he looked upon her deep ruby eyes, her soft brown hair curling neatly around her face, and her worried expression as she looked down on him while she sat beside his futon.
"Hi... hil...ary?"
"Shhh..." she whispered, continuing to soothe his hot, burning face with her cool hand, "You're not alone, Kai. I'm here... I won't leave. Don't worry, it was just a nightmare, everything's fine."
He closed his eyes in an extended blink before opening them again, hardly soaking in what she just said. His body felt like a ton of lead, and he was covered in a light film of sweat; he could feel an intense amount of heat rising from his body, and his thoughts were cloudy and unclear.
"Hilary?" he asked, watching her eyes shine as if she were about to cry, "What's... what's wrong? Is... is someone sick?" he swallowed dryly, feeling utterly confused. Somehow, the thought of someone ill kept echoing in his mind.
"Am... am I sick?"
She nodded, "Mmm hmm. You've got a fever, Kai. You stayed out in the cold and the rain too long. Now, just go back to sleep, alright?"
He frowned, "Rain? When...?
"You were out in the rain in the morning, remember? And that man had found you and picked you up off the side of the road and brought you here to Tyson's house. Now, please, Kai; go back to sleep."
"I don't need to sleep," he argued back at her, running his words together as he spoke, as he was unable to articulate them properly, "I don't want to."
It was Hilary's turn to frown, "You need to sleep Kai - to get better. Now, please, close your eyes," she trailed her hand up to his brow, gently flipping her fingers across it before bringing her limb to rest on her lap.
"But I can't," he reasoned weakly in his dry, raspy voice, hardly knowing what he was blurting out, "It's only me there, in my dreams. I don't like it - I don't like being alone, especially there; I can't see anything."
"You're not alone, Kai," she repeated, "I'm right here, and I'm not going to leave you," slowly, she leant in towards him, "I promise I won't leave you," then, in one smooth, fluid motion, she brought her face up to his, brushing her lips with his forehead, and whispered, "Just go to sleep."
Shifting back into her regular, sitting position, she continued in stroking his face, attempting in cooling him down, "When I was little," she told him softly, "My Mom used to sing to me whenever I couldn't sleep. She'd sing all sorts of different songs - songs from musicals, movies, or her favorites off the radio..."
Kai gave a nod, recognizing the look on her face - the change of expression once she let herself go back to her memories. Hilary began to hum, setting the tune whilst absent-mindedly beginning to play with the bangs of hair near his face. He relaxed slightly at this action, exhaling greatly, feeling a new wave of heat come wafting past his cheeks and neck.
"I close my eyes,
Only for a moment, then the moment's gone.
All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity.
Dust in the wind,
All we are is dust in the wind."
"It's the same old song,
We're just a drop of water in an endless sea.
All we do
Just crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see.
Dust in the wind,
All we are is dust in the wind."
Now listening to the words of her song, he found himself slipping in and out of distinct dreams, passing before his eyes... or were they memories triggered only now? A drop of water in an endless sea - he was one, indifferent person in the world. His actions wouldn't account to anything... all he did just crumbled to the ground, and he refused to see it... he was hurt from the shame that nothing he did would impress his grandfather..."Life's too short, brothers and sisters.
Dust in the wind,
We are all dust in the wind."
The majority of his family had left - been taken away from them, before he really even knew them. He saw how fragile and short lives were; really like dust in the wind, they had been guided by fate, and couldn't do anything to prevent it; the wind is just too strong for tiny particles of dust."Don't hang on,
Nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky.
It's always there
And your money won't another minute buy.
Dust... all we are is dust in the wind.
Life's too short brothers and sisters.
Dust... all we are is dust in the wind."
Should he continue this; put up with all of this any longer? He hated it when Grandfather dwarfed him, but he only did it out of frustration... didn't he? Sure, Grandfather's exterior was hard, cold and mean, but on the inside, he pained and broke down. He and his Grandfather were the same in so many ways...
"Open your eyes you've acquired a bit,
Keep your balance, don't you slip.
It could all end instantly as you see
Time waits for no one, it just moves on.
There is a white one
Who won't accept the black one
Who won't accept the yellow one
Who can't accept the white..."
Only two Hiwatari's were left in the world, and both had seen how quickly it can end - an ear-shattering bang, a short, afflicted scream, and then everything left silent. That's why there were only two Hiwatari's left... and soon, maybe only one.
Kai closed his eyes, Hilary's beautiful voice still drifting in his mind, her hand still caressing his cheek. Maybe... maybe he should just stop thinking about it now. Maybe he should just stop worrying and let himself rest properly. Maybe, just maybe, something would go right for him...
"When will we learn,
That all we are is dust in the wind.
Time for the healing to begin,
All we are is dust in the wind.
Time for healing to begin,
All we are is dust in the wind.
Everything is dust in the wind..."
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Phoenix Fallen: There, that wasn't so bad, was it? You could probably tell had trouble with this one, and I just kind of forced it out, but the next one will be better, I promise! Oh, and I don't think I'll be able to update every week anymore. It's hard, minna! I want some "me time" too! I hope you can understand that.
The song – that was originally by Kansas and it's called, "Dust in the Wind." I love that song, it's so pretty. [begins to sing] Oh, and those spaces between the lyrics... I don't know why it does that. I tried so many things, but it just doesn't like me.
I don't think I'm missing anything… did I say all I needed to say? Hmm, I guess so. [shrugs]
Ja ne, mina-chan, and please leave me a review!