Chapter 4

Severus Snape was a moronic fool of epic proportions.

At least that's what he told himself. And whatever it was that he just did went far beyond unbecoming.

Maybe it was all a dream. A horrid nightmare caused by a bad bit of cheese or something. Next thing you know, he'll be teaching Potions naked, and then he'll wake up in a cold sweat. Because this is all a very dreadful dream gone terribly, horrifically wrong.

Apparently the gods were very bored and needed a good joke. He just wished that he wasn't the punch line.

But he did know one thing. He did not just faint. Snapes do not, under any circumstances, including extreme blood loss, faint. He merely lost his grasp on consciousness for a bit. Side effect of the potion. It is very well documented, if one would care to look it up.

But none of these interesting facts helped him figure out why on earth was she still there. Could she at least let him die of mortification with some dignity? No, the damn Gryffindor was probably worried.

So why was she laughing?

"I mean really professor, I know my hair is a little out of control, but I think that was going overboard."

"Miss Granger, please inform me as to why you are still in my chambers." Snape said, slowly pulling himself upright.

"I'm here because you let me in. Right before you decided to nap in the bathroom."

He considered if Obliviate would be going too easy on her. "And why did you think your presence would be welcomed?"

"Oh professor, please stop! I have no need for thanks. No, I couldn't of left you on the cold floor wrapped around the toilet! And don't bother thanking me for curing you hangover. I need no more thanks. Oh, stop, really, you're making me blush." She gushed sarcastically.

He snarled at her. "What do you want?"

She looked at the floor, as if realizing she didn't have much of a reason to be there. "I just wanted to say hello."

He stopped, turned and stared at her.

"You wanted to tell me 'hello'?" Wanting to tell him hello indeed. Nobody stopped to tell him hello unless they had a death wish. Which it was becoming very apparent that she did.

She looked him in the eye. "I didn't see you last night and was wondering how you were, that's all."

"My humblest apologies for not dropping everything and fawning over you, Miss Granger. I had better things to do with my time."

Severus Snape was not known for thinking before he spoke. He realized he had lived up to his reputation once again as Hermione stood up, and gave him scathing glare as she began speaking. "I'm glad to see that you rate getting arsed of higher importance then associating with me. Have fun vomiting your lunch up tomorrow Professor. I won't be bothering you."

He watched as she quickly exited his room, not even bothering to shut the door. Severus Snape, he told himself, you are a moron.

He figured he should run out of the room, catch her and apologize. But if he did, she would maybe take that as an invitation to stick around. In other cases that might have been a good thing- he could actually use some sensible company about now. But personally, he didn't like having things held up in front of him that he couldn't have. It was very simple indeed. He'd apologize later. Let her vent to Lupin or something. He'd rather go for a walk.

Walking through the halls, Hermione Granger was quite upset. "The gall of that unbelievable bastard! I should have just left him hugging the toilet." She muttered as she briskly walked back to her chambers.

"I'm rather glad you hadn't Hermione. Term is about to start and I'd hate for my Potions Master to get a cold. Rather hard to find a substitute on such short notice."

She stopped short and followed the voice to its owner. "I didn't see you there Headmaster."

He walked up to her and placed her hand in the crook of his arm. "Ah, it's rather easy to be overlooked in these halls. Now, let an old man have the honour of escorting you on your walk. Where were you going?"

"I actually don't have a destination in mind." She sighed, giving in to the older wizard.

"Most of the best walks aren't planned, if I do say so myself. So while we walk, tell me how you've been." He said as he started to lead her out the hallway.

They walked around the castle, through the grounds, not really stopping nor going anyplace. Something about the Headmaster set you at ease, just enough to tell him everything. Or maybe it was a spell of some sort. That, in all honesty, was probably closer to the truth.

So she gave him the short version: Harry said he loved me, and had a funny way of showing it, and if you see him, tell him I hope he gets the clap.

"Very interesting Hermione. If I see him, I will be sure to pass on the message," he said as they walked along. "Are you ready for school to start?"

She sighed. "Actually, I haven't even started my lesson plans. It's been kind of hectic."

"I see. Maybe one of the other professors could offer you help if needed." She nodded, wondering if McGonagall or maybe Lupin would be free today. After all, it has been years since she was even inside a classroom. Help would be very much appreciated.

"And here's a perfect volunteer now." He said, as they turned a corner and were brought face to face with a still grouchy Professor Snape. "Miss Granger, I do believe you worked with Severus before, correct?" He looked at Snape. "I'm sure Severus will be delighted to help show you the ropes."

"Of course" Snape answered in a way that suggested he would rather not.

"Splendid!" The headmaster clapped his hands together. "Then you can excuse me. I need to go to Hogsmead and pick up a new pair of socks. My old ones are getting worn."

With that, the Headmaster walked off humming, seemingly unaware of the potential disaster he left behind.

"Socks?" Hermione asked Severus.

"Of course he needs them. He's been needing new ones since I've started working here." Severus answered, watching the Headmaster walking away.

"So he's been needing new socks the entire time? Has he ever actually made it to the store?"

Severus sighed. "No, Miss Granger. He doesn't need socks. If anything, he's going to go back to his office and attempt to practice twinkling in the mirror. He's trying to marry me off you know."

A look at Miss Granger showed him, that no, she did not know. He sighed, continuing, "He's trying to set us up, Miss Granger. He's done this to me to every female on staff who's under 80. He'll bump into me, suggest I help her with a time consuming project, and then disappear claiming to need socks."

"Oh."

"Oh, indeed." Severus turned and started walking back to the castle. "I suggest we at least take his hint on this one. If we resist, it only gets worse."

"How much worse?" She said, not yet starting to follow him.

"I was accidentally locked in the broom closet with Hooch once for 12 hours, with a lovely plate of lemon drops to provide our substance."

Hearing this, Hermione decided that he was right, and it was best if they started work immediately. Cursing to herself, she led the way to her quarters. Yes, today was indeed shaping up to be a great, sunshiny, happy day.

Severus wasn't exceptionally happy about this current situation either. In all honesty he'd prefer cuddling with Hagrid by a roaring fire to dealing with this. At least he wasn't hung over anymore- thank whatever deity had intervened in that.

They arrived at her door, and after Hermione quickly said the password, they entered. She looked at him expectantly.

He stared back. Think Severus, he told himself- you're a Slytherin. There should be someway out of this. Visualize being the conniving bastard you are.

There was an uncomfortable silence.

A very long, uncomfortable silence.

Clearing his throat, Severus realized that a dazzling, wonderful excuse wasn't coming. Best just to get on with it. Maybe she'd have done something, and he could get escape, while technically still doing what the Headmaster asked. "Still haven't done your lesson plans? I expected more from the ever-studious Ms. Granger." Good. He could still do sarcasm.

"No, Professor I haven't. I had other things to deal with." She answered.

Severus hadn't been aware that it was possible to make professor sound like a curse word. Somehow, Hermione had managed to do it. It would have been a praiseworthy quality in anyone else. But from her it just managed to really irk his nerves.

"Humph. Typical Gryffindor. Can't stomach a simple heartache."

"At least I have a heart to break. Unlike some people in present company." She said rather coldly.

Touché, he thought. "Of course. As everyone is well aware, I live under a rock, free from any danger of romantic entanglements. I have a heart of stone, sacrifice virgins and bathe in the blood of infants in my spare time. Now are you going to show me what you plan on covering this year, or do you plan to just stand there and stare at me?"

She glared at him for a minute more before giving in, lemon drops and closets being forefront in her mind. "Over here I have the books I picked out for the Muggle Arts class," she said hurrying to a desk. "Basic overview of western literature and art. I also have a textbook for history and another about everyday life for general Muggle Studies." From her movements, it was obvious that she had nothing planned. Severus was sure she didn't even know the names of all the classes she'd be teaching. He'd be here all evening.

"So do you have anything planned?"

"Well, I have a selection of books for the literature class. As for the art and music- I'm borrowing the lesson plan of a class my cousin took last year."

To her surprise, he nodded. "At least you have some sense. I was waiting for the worst. Now what other classes do you have?" He said, pulling up a chair and conjuring up a pot of coffee.

It took 5 hours, 6 and half cups of coffee, and 13 scrolls to get everything ready and in order. Not that Hermione liked the greasy git any more then before, but she was glad he forced her to write it all out. That was one less thing she'd have to worry about. And since now she had her lesson plan for the entire year, maybe Dumbledore would allow them to stay as far away from each other as possible.

Knowing Dumbledore, that was about as likely as Harry and Draco being soul mates.

Meanwhile, Severus was quite ready to go back to his chambers and get roaring drunk for the second time this week. Nothing good ever happened on Monday.

It shouldn't bother him anymore. He was not going to get her - he accepted that fact. So why did he almost go crazy watching her for five hours because he could not touch her?

This was ridiculous. One step at a time, he told himself. He had sat in a room for five hours with her and didn't say anything too horrible or spiteful. Okay, there was that crack about Potter's fixation about waxing certain parts of his Quidditch ensemble. But that wasn't bad for Severus. All in all it had been a pleasant afternoon. It hadn't been quite the scenario he was hoping for, but at least she didn't kill him. Or attempt to in any glaringly obvious ways.

Checking the time, he realized that if he wanted, he'd still have time to work on the Wolfsbane potion for Remus. Not only did he need to brew more, he was trying to find a way to strengthen it, make it much more effective at stopping the effects felt by the victims. Yes, if he hurried, he'd still have time to work on it before it became too late.

Rather then working on a potion for Remus, he ended up having tea with the man himself.

Sitting down in front of the fire in Severus's chamber, Remus Lupin was making himself quite at home. "Spent all day with Hermione, eh? Someone moves fast." He said, giving Severus an over-exaggerated wink.

"Remus, please. I spent all day helping her with her lesson plans. Dumbledore practically pushed the quill into my hands." Severus said, before taking a sip of his tea.

"Lesson plans? So that's what they call it nowadays." Remus added suggestively. Without giving Severus time to respond, he continued, "How is she doing?"

"The same. Infuriating know-it-all." Severus answered a little to quickly. "Why do you ask?"

Remus shrugged, placing his cup on the table. "Just wondering. I saw Harry the other day at Sirus's. He's not taking it well."

"What does he have to take at all? It was his stupidity that caused her to leave as I recall." Severus replied.

Remus sighed, and glanced towards the fire. "All the same, he's pretty out of it. I think he's spent most of the last five months pissed. Quite pathetic really."

Becoming annoyed by the train of conversation, Severus asked, "As much as I relish the idea of Potter making a fool out of himself, is there anything else you wanted?"

"No, just wanted to see how Hermione was." Turning away from the fire, Remus looked squarely at the Potions professor. "I knew she would just tell me she was okay, so I decided to interrogate you instead. You were with her all day."

Severus snorted, "Oh and I thought you just wanted to see me." Putting down his teacup Severus continued. "She's distracted, and Potter is a bigger fool then I thought." Remus raised an eyebrow. "What did you expect me to say? I'm not going to take pity on the prat. If he couldn't see what was before him then and now is choosing not even to put up a fight for her, he doesn't deserve pity. He's a blind, stupid idiot, who deserves to get arsed every night and wake up with hangovers." Picking up his now refilled teacup, Severus finished. "And that, my dear Remus, is my opinion on that matter."

Remus smiled. "I see." The conversation quickly drifted off into another direction. The two professors sat talking pleasantly and drinking tea. Although Severus had not expected to find Remus by his door, and would never publicly admit it, he was thankful for the distraction the werewolf provided. Soon though, Remus started to leave. As Severus walked him to the door, Remus stopped. "Just watch her- I'm not sure she's doing as well as she'd like us to think. And I'm worried about her."

With that, he made his departure. Just great, thought Snape. I'm now the Gryffindors personal fairy godmother. Next they'll be asking me to baby-sit for Weasleys. Shuddering at that thought, the Potions Master decided to retire for the night.