I sat up, and looked around me at the filth and squabble I had come to recognize as the outer gates of Heaven. Great. More bunnies.
I hoped they didn't remember the last time I was here. I really don't feel like having my head exploded right now. I looked down at the fatal wound. It no longer bled, but I really needed a bandaid.
Thinking of mortal wounds made me think of Johnny. I looked around, and saw he was already sitting by me. He was glaring in a scalding near-fatal kind of way.
"I hope you hate it here." he said. "There's freaky angel bunnies all over the place. It's infested." I glared right back.
"Duh. You think I've never been to heaven before? Moron."
"Shut up, or I'll kill you again as soon as we come back to life."
"I'll kill you too. You just try. I bet Senor Diablo would get really pissed at us. It's not easy to re-install all of existence, you know. Twice in one day, phew." He looked thoughtful.
"I guess. Hey, look there's God." I looked. He was still sitting in his sentient chair. I ignored him. "We might as well go in. We've gotta stay here until they dump us down into hell, and it stinks out here."
Soundlessly, he stood up, and I followed him into Heaven. He looked a little worried. I wondered why. As we walked into heaven, all heads turned to look at us. In unison, Everyone's face turned into a frown. I considered going back, but then I felt the horrifyingly familiar sensation of having my head explode. A second later, it pulled back into position. I spit out a mouthful of blood. I really hate going to heaven.
I looked over at Johnny, expecting him to be smirking at me. He wasn't. He was shaking his head. The other people here smirked at us, and went back to blissing. I made a face at them, but they didn't notice. I pulled down a chair, and sat on it, waiting for the poof that would take me to Hell. When it didn't come, I let my mind wander, occasionally getting scared to death by the freaky floating bunnies. Soon, I had an idea. I tapped into the magic Heaven-powers, and EXPLODED THAT STUPID BUNNY!
Laughing my head off, I fell backward, almost tipping off the chair. A fat old bag looked over at me with that look, the really annoying one. If I hadn't had my head so recently exploded, she would get it. I heard a pop, and saw that Johnny had taken up the bunny exploding. I popped two at once. Just like a guy, he took it as a challenge, and popped three. I popped four. So on and so forth. I was up to 11 when a little poof dropped me in Hell.
"I win." "Like Hell."
"You two have REALLY got to stop doing this." In horror, I looked over my shoulder at Senor Diablo. True to terror's sake, he was a cheerleader. Pure evil.
"What was I supposed to do? She was in my HOUSE!"
"Well EXCUSE me for trying to avoid prison."
"You can't get caught." The Devil said matter-of-factly.
"HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT, SATAN?!"
"Will you shut up."
"You shut up! I would have left your stupid house! YOU took the first swipe at ME."
"YOU WERE IN MY HOUSE!"
"I thought it was ABANDONED! You're not world's best housekeeper, you know."
"I'M A HOMICIDAL MANIAC!!"
"I would have thought with all those nutrients, the grass would grow quite well." Mused Satan.
"Well. Yeah, but I keep digging it up again."
"Oh, well. Look, Johnny, I know your reasons for killing Marissa. And I would too, if it would get me anywhere. But she's a waste lock, too, so don't kill her again. It's really a pain re-installing reality all the time. Plus, I don't want her down here anymore than she has to be. She has a thing for Hell's brainfreezys. They have a LOT of sugar, and well…" He trailed off. Johnny looked at me fearfully. I grinned like a psycho. Which, I guess, wasn't that far from my regular smile.
"Well, you guys have to go back any minute now. See-"
POOF!
Thinking of mortal wounds made me think of Johnny. I looked around, and saw he was already sitting by me. He was glaring in a scalding near-fatal kind of way.
"I hope you hate it here." he said. "There's freaky angel bunnies all over the place. It's infested." I glared right back.
"Duh. You think I've never been to heaven before? Moron."
"Shut up, or I'll kill you again as soon as we come back to life."
"I'll kill you too. You just try. I bet Senor Diablo would get really pissed at us. It's not easy to re-install all of existence, you know. Twice in one day, phew." He looked thoughtful.
"I guess. Hey, look there's God." I looked. He was still sitting in his sentient chair. I ignored him. "We might as well go in. We've gotta stay here until they dump us down into hell, and it stinks out here."
Soundlessly, he stood up, and I followed him into Heaven. He looked a little worried. I wondered why. As we walked into heaven, all heads turned to look at us. In unison, Everyone's face turned into a frown. I considered going back, but then I felt the horrifyingly familiar sensation of having my head explode. A second later, it pulled back into position. I spit out a mouthful of blood. I really hate going to heaven.
I looked over at Johnny, expecting him to be smirking at me. He wasn't. He was shaking his head. The other people here smirked at us, and went back to blissing. I made a face at them, but they didn't notice. I pulled down a chair, and sat on it, waiting for the poof that would take me to Hell. When it didn't come, I let my mind wander, occasionally getting scared to death by the freaky floating bunnies. Soon, I had an idea. I tapped into the magic Heaven-powers, and EXPLODED THAT STUPID BUNNY!
Laughing my head off, I fell backward, almost tipping off the chair. A fat old bag looked over at me with that look, the really annoying one. If I hadn't had my head so recently exploded, she would get it. I heard a pop, and saw that Johnny had taken up the bunny exploding. I popped two at once. Just like a guy, he took it as a challenge, and popped three. I popped four. So on and so forth. I was up to 11 when a little poof dropped me in Hell.
"I win." "Like Hell."
"You two have REALLY got to stop doing this." In horror, I looked over my shoulder at Senor Diablo. True to terror's sake, he was a cheerleader. Pure evil.
"What was I supposed to do? She was in my HOUSE!"
"Well EXCUSE me for trying to avoid prison."
"You can't get caught." The Devil said matter-of-factly.
"HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT, SATAN?!"
"Will you shut up."
"You shut up! I would have left your stupid house! YOU took the first swipe at ME."
"YOU WERE IN MY HOUSE!"
"I thought it was ABANDONED! You're not world's best housekeeper, you know."
"I'M A HOMICIDAL MANIAC!!"
"I would have thought with all those nutrients, the grass would grow quite well." Mused Satan.
"Well. Yeah, but I keep digging it up again."
"Oh, well. Look, Johnny, I know your reasons for killing Marissa. And I would too, if it would get me anywhere. But she's a waste lock, too, so don't kill her again. It's really a pain re-installing reality all the time. Plus, I don't want her down here anymore than she has to be. She has a thing for Hell's brainfreezys. They have a LOT of sugar, and well…" He trailed off. Johnny looked at me fearfully. I grinned like a psycho. Which, I guess, wasn't that far from my regular smile.
"Well, you guys have to go back any minute now. See-"
POOF!
I sat up. The world existed. We must be alive again. Woohoo. I sat up. Crap. More blood on my shirt. It was definatly ruined forever. The huge tear along the side didn't add to it's redeeming factors. Strangely, the blood seemed to soak into the floor. I heard a sucking noise. Oh-kayy…
I tenitavely reached my hand up. Shoot. All my hair came off again. I would put it at an inch, tops. I JUST got over the last time!
I poked Johnny. He groaned, and gave me the evil eye. I glared right back.
"Oh good! You guys are finally back. Nice to see the universe still exists"
"Shut up, weird Meat thing"
"Yay! You're back!" Squeaked Elijah.
"Quick." Said Damon. "The paint is thinning. Go refresh it, NOW!"
"OK, OK, I will… geez, you sound like my MOM…"
Without another word, I walked out the door into the gathering darkness.