A/N: Hit a bit of a wall when brainstorming this chapter. So, I just sat down and started writing. The results were… unexpected. Hope it turned out all right!
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Chapter 10
Jack paced the short length of his somewhat Spartan living room. His body may have been there, in his own home, but his mind was undoubtedly elsewhere. He just kept replaying his last conversation with Carter over and over in his head. Those mental images, combined with Daniel's words of warning, were having a rather unexpected effect on Jack. He was actually starting to doubt himself.
Ordinarily, O'Neill wasn't given to second-guessing. But then, he supposed, there was really nothing ordinary about his life at present. Frustration was starting to eat a hole in his gut, and his fuse was shortening by the second.
Finally, he snapped. With a growl of sheer irritation, he grabbed the phone and began punching Sam's phone number.
One ring.
He truly had no idea what he was going to say to her. Clearly, he needed to say something to clear the air between them, but he didn't want to get too personal, either.
Two rings.
His intention had never been to hurt her feelings, and that's obviously what he'd done. He supposed he should apologize for that. Of course, 'I'm sorry,' weren't really words he was good at saying. Perhaps he could find a way to convey his regret without words.
Three rings.
Maybe he should make some sort of friendly gesture – something that would ease the tension between them. But what sort of olive branch could he extend? Wait! He could ask her to go fishing! It was something they had danced around often enough in the past. Yes, that was perfect.
Four rings.
Damn, she must be out. He was just about to hang up, when suddenly Sam's voice materialized on the other end of the line.
"Hello?"
At least she sounded okay. Composed, even relaxed. "Carter," he said, "Hi. It's Jack." Well, duh. That was a real conversation-starter. Mentally, he sighed. Talking was never really one of his talents.
"Oh." She hesitated. "Hi."
Silence. Jack took a deep breath. He supposed he should have expected some resistance to his call. Still, he had to try to smooth things over. "Sam, about before…" He trailed off. This was where those two little words of apology should go, but they seemed to be stuck in his throat. Instead, he blurted, "Daniel called me an ass. I think he might have been right." There, that wasn't so hard. "So I thought I'd make it up to you."
Another pause. Jack began to feel tension creep up his neck. Something was wrong. Sure, he might have been an ass earlier, but he hadn't done anything so unforgivable that she would be holding a grudge about it. Even factoring in the effect of pregnancy hormones, he knew Sam would normally jump at a chance to heal a rift between herself and someone she cared about. The silence on the phone spoke volumes. Why wasn't she rushing to accept his apology?
"Well, thanks." Her voice was strained. "Can I call you back?"
Then, in the background, Jack heard something that made his blood run cold. Suddenly, he understood the awkwardness to Sam's reactions.
"Sam, do you have any singles? The pizza's here, and I don't have anything to tip the guy with." Though he hadn't heard it often, he knew the muffled voice belonged to Pete Shanahan.
Sam and Pete were having pizza at her house. Woodenly, Jack sank into a chair, all his energy leaving him like a balloon deflating. All at once, he realized Sam was waiting for an answer to her question.
"Yeah, sure, Carter. Call me back whenever it's more convenient for you." He winced at the venom in his voice. The point of this conversation was to make things better between them, not worse. He just couldn't help it. His worst fears seemed to be materializing before his very eyes.
"Jack," she said, regret clearly ringing in her voice, "I promise I'll call you later, okay?"
"Yeah, all right." O'Neill had to restrain himself from slamming the phone down. Even as he gently replaced the receiver in the cradle, he felt the undeniable urge to throw something.
Damn it! Clenching his jaw in sheer frustration, he grabbed the phone again and began punching numbers with enough force to make his fingers sting.
"Hello?" Daniel answered on the first ring.
"So, Danny, do you have some leftover psychic abilities from that whole ascending thing, or did you just talk to Sam?" Jack's voice was raw with anger. "It must get really boring, being right all the damn time."
"Jack?" Daniel sounded puzzled. "What are you talking about?"
"Carter." He swallowed. "And Shanahan." Swearing under his breath, he shook his head. "I just called over there. Seems Sam is having dinner with her old flame tonight. Damn it all, I just left there five hours ago!"
Daniel absorbed Jack's statement for a moment. "Wow. Jack, really, I didn't know anything like this was going to happen." He paused. "Well, I mean, I figured it might happen eventually, but I had no idea it would be so quick. You don't think I knew about this and didn't tell you? Because, Jack, I'd never–"
O'Neill cut him off. "No, Daniel, I don't think that." He sounded defeated. "I'm just royally ticked off, and I needed someone to scream at."
"Well, I'm usually up for that," Jack could hear the smile in Daniel's voice. Then he grew serious. "Listen, Jack, just don't do anything stupid. Sam's in a tough place right now. She needs to know you're there for her, regardless of anything else. Just be her friend."
"That used to be a whole lot easier, Danny-boy." O'Neill began rubbing a hand across his face in an automatic gesture of resignation. However, he quickly winced and pulled his hand away when he reached the tender spot on his jaw. It really had been a lousy day.
"Yeah, I'm sure it was." He sounded supremely sympathetic. "Do you want company? I'm sure I could round Teal'c up and come by with a few beers." Then he hesitated. "Well, maybe the beers aren't such a good idea."
Jack wholeheartedly agreed. "No beer for a while. My head is still pounding, though I'm not sure if I have myself or Jacob to thank for that." Then he sighed. "Thanks for the offer, but I think I'd make lousy company tonight. I'll probably just watch some crappy TV and go to bed."
"Okay, but feel free to call back if you change your mind. Or if you just want to yell at someone again. I'm pretty good at listening to you yell."
Jack smiled. Daniel was a good friend. Not exactly a kindred spirit, but certainly someone he'd come to trust. "Thanks, Danny."
"And Jack?" He hesitated a moment. "Don't jump to conclusions. I may be totally wrong, but I get the feeling that Sam is far more interested in a future with Jack O'Neill than with Pete Shanahan."
Jack didn't know what to say to that. He still wasn't comfortable thinking about his feelings for Sam, much less talking about them. "Yeah, well…" he trailed off.
Understanding the awkwardness, Daniel quickly moved on. "Take it easy, Jack. Talk to ya later."
They exchanged goodbyes and hung up. He wasn't sure if he felt better or worse after speaking to Daniel. It seemed like every time he tried smothering his feelings for Sam, they shoved to the surface with a vengeance. And he didn't like showing that vulnerability to anyone. Still, somewhere deep inside, he couldn't help hoping that Daniel's winning record held up one more time.
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"Jack," Sam said, regret clearly ringing in her voice, "I promise I'll call you later, okay?"
Oh, had this been a lousy day, she reflected. With the chaos surrounding Jacob's temper tantrum and the argument that had followed, Sam had been emotionally exhausted before lunch. Unfortunately, matters hadn't improved much since then. After crying herself out, she had tried to collect her thoughts and get on with her day. She'd decided to follow through on her intention to call her brother, Mark. After all, he was bound to find out about her pregnancy eventually. So, she'd called him. Admittedly, she had been feeling down about the whole situation, and she had clearly heard Marks 'big brother' desire to fix everything for her. She hadn't stopped to consider that he might actually try to do just that.
That's when things had steadily gone downhill. No more than two hours after her chat with Mark, there had been a knock on her door. As she's hurried to answer it, she'd fought down the gleeful hope that Jack had come to apologize. In truth, she hadn't been nearly as excited at the prospect of an apology as she had been by the thought of just seeing him and smoothing things over.
Imagine her shock and – guiltily she admitted to herself – dismay to see Pete standing there instead. Mark, in his desire to help, had called Pete and 'talked some sense into him.' Evidently, Pete had been working up the courage to come see her for a week now, and Mark's not-so-gentle push in Sam's direction was all he needed to follow through.
So here he was. In her living room. Without waiting for permission, he'd taken over in Pete-like fashion, ordering pizza and commanding her to stay off her feet. He kept repeating his desire to be back in her good graces, and apologizing for behaving so poorly.
Sam had been floored. She'd really thought her relationship with Pete was behind her. Sure, she still cared about him, and she felt awful for having hurt him, but she'd really accepted that he wasn't part of her future anymore. The future, in her mind, was reserved for two little unborn cherubs and their somewhat surly father. She'd been working up a way to explain this to Pete, when the phone had rung.
Sam wanted to scream. All day, she'd been praying for Jack to cool down and contact her. And, naturally, when he finally did call, he had gotten an earful of uncomfortable silence followed by Pete talking about pizza in the background.
"Yeah, all right." Jack's voice radiated anger. Sam felt like crying. She opened her mouth to say something – anything – that might make things better.
Click.
Damn. Staring at the receiver, she sighed and hung it back up.
Then she noticed Pete. A moment earlier, he had been a bundle of energy, ordering food and whisking her off to the sofa. Now, however, he stood with unnatural stillness, looking at her with an unreadable expression.
"What?" she asked, staring blankly at him.
"Jack?" His face hadn't changed at all, but there was a clear note of hurt in his voice.
Suddenly, Sam was tired of tiptoeing around everyone else's feelings. Anger bubbled up from someplace deep within her. "Yes, Pete. That was Jack. You know, the father of my unborn children?" Once she started talking, it was as if a floodgate had opened. "I'm not exactly sure what you expected, but I did tell you that he was going to be part of my pregnancy. He's not only the babies' father, but he's also my friend. One of my best friends, actually. So if you think you're going to come here, sweep me off my feet and make me forget about his existence, you're wrong!" Sam clamped her mouth shut. Seeing the look of raw pain in Pete's eyes made her regret her tone, if not her message. "Look, I never meant to hurt you, and I'm genuinely sorry things ended the way they did. But I can't change the situation. I'm not asking you to accept it, because I doubt anyone in the same situation could."
Pete flinched. He sank onto the sofa next to her. "I'm sorry, Sam. I really wanted to come here and make things work." He looked at her intensely. "I guess it's not that easy, is it?"
Sam shook her head. "No, it's not." She gently placed a hand on his. "Pete, I really can't tell you how much it means to have you here. You're an amazing person for even trying to work through this. Frankly, I'm not sure I deserve that much effort." Seeing him open his mouth to object, she continued quickly. "I'm going to be honest with you." She swallowed. "If there is any way I can make things work with Jack, then I'm going to go for it." She saw him wilt a little with her words, but she made herself continue. "Pete, I really wanted a future with you. I was committed to that. And what happened was not fair to any of us. It was a lousy, unexpected mistake that has cost all of us immensely." Sam looked into his eyes, silently willing him to understand. "If I just had my own life to consider, I might take more time and explore all my feelings more thoroughly before making a decision about who I want to be with. But I just don't have that luxury anymore. In less than seven months, I'm going to have two innocent babies who are going to depend on me to make their lives happy and fulfilling. So I'm going with my gut." She felt hot tears well up in her eyes. "Pete, I do love you. But, the fact is, I love him, too. And, honestly, you were right. I did love him first. All other things being equal, I think I'd like to try having a family with him."
She saw a sheen of tears in Pete's eyes, before he quietly blinked them away. He squeezed her hand and nodded. "I think I already knew that." Gazing at her intently, he leaned forward and brushed a kiss on her forehead. "I've gotta admit, I'm pretty ticked off that things worked out this way, Samantha. I really thought you were the one." He sighed. "I don't know Jack O'Neill at all. But if you love him, he must have some redeeming qualities. Just promise me that if you can't make it work with him, you'll keep me in mind for first runner-up, okay?"
Sam choked back a sob and nodded. The irony of the situation was not lost on her. It was the first time in her whole life she'd admitted her love for Jack aloud, and instead of being said in joy, it was said in sadness and regret. She knew she was taking a big gamble. In no way was she certain of Jack's feelings toward her. In fact, she was pretty certain he was opposed to developing a relationship with her. By sending Pete away, she could be simply adding to the colossal list of errors she'd been making lately. But, it was like she'd said. She had to go with her gut.
Pete drew her close to him for a heart-wrenching embrace, before releasing her and rising from the sofa. "The pizza is on your hall table." He smiled sadly. "I think you might have someone else to share it with tonight."
And then he left.
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Jack sat miserably on his couch, staring at the television, but not really seeing anything. His mind was consumed with thoughts of Sam and Pete. For about the millionth time, he cursed himself for arguing with her earlier. Daniel was right. He was a jackass.
When his doorbell rang, Jack moaned aloud. "Danny," he yelled, rising from the sofa and walking to his door, "I told you I didn't want company tonight!" He opened the door and prepared to continue his complaints. However, what he saw stopped him dead in his tracks.
"Well, sir, that's too bad. Because, like it or not, you've got company." Sam stood on his step, holding a six-pack of diet cola and a large pizza box.
"Sam," he said, utterly stunned. "But… I thought…" He blinked. "What are you doing here?"
She smiled brightly, but still not quite covering up the fear lurking in her blue eyes. "I was in the middle of something important when you called, but I didn't want you to think I was blowing you off." She swallowed. "I know how hard it must have been to call me like that, and I'm sorry I couldn't talk to you. My business is all taken care of now, so I thought I'd come here and apologize in person."
Jack raised an eyebrow. "Something important?" He shifted uncomfortably from one foot to another. "I don't mean to pry, Carter, but I couldn't help overhearing Pete at your place earlier. If you're going to get in trouble with him for being here, then maybe–"
She cut him off. "I'm not. Pete wanted to patch things up, but we both knew he couldn't handle the situation." She took a deep breath. "We both knew he wouldn't like all the time I'm going to be spending with you. So I thanked him for coming, but I sent him away."
"Really?" Jack tried to sound nonchalant, but he was having a hard time suppressing a smile. "Gee, Carter, I'm sorry to hear that." The lie didn't even sound convincing to his own ears.
Sam smirked, obviously hearing how very sorry he wasn't. "So, are you going to make me stand out here all night?"
Suddenly, Jack straightened. "Oh, right!" Immediately, he took the pizza and soda from her. Ushering her into his living room, he set the food on the coffee table and then took a seat beside her on the couch. All at once, he felt nervous. Really nervous. She was here. Alone. In his house. She'd sent Shanahan packing. The SGC knew about their relationship, as did her father and everyone else of importance in their lives.
Holy crap.
Jack was having a very hard time remembering why he was fighting his feelings so hard. And that was scaring the hell out of him.
Sam, unaware of his inner turmoil, turned her big, baby-blue eyes toward him and smiled. "So, when you called earlier, you said you were going to make up for being a jerk. What did you have in mind?"
He swallowed. "Actually, I said I was going to make up for being an ass. Big difference." The sound of her chuckle was musical. Man, he loved to make her laugh. Returning her smile, he continued. "I was going to see if you wanted to go fishing."
Sam saw the uneven way he was breathing, and felt the tension in the air. She sincerely hoped she wasn't imagining things, because if that was the case, she was about to look like an idiot. Still, she'd made her decision, and she was determined to follow through. Looking deeply into his intense brown eyes, she was gratified to see his pupils dilate with an unnamed, powerful emotion. "I don't want to go fishing, Jack." Her voice was breathy, clearly conveying her feelings.
Oh yes, Jack thought, 'holy crap' about summed it up. How could a man fight against something so powerful, especially when faced with that sweet, pixie-like face and luminous, expressive eyes? "No?" He knew he should get up and walk away. Or maybe running would be better.
"No," Sam said, shaking her head. Gathering her courage, she let her eyes drift down his face, until she was focused on his mouth. "I think I'd rather just stay home…" As she said each word, she slowly leaned forward, until the last syllable gently brought their lips together.