I wanna thank all my loyal readers for giving me the motivation to write. A special thanks goes to 'Booklover3600' for his/hers story 'Jon Kent's Diary' which was the actual inspiration for the first chapter of 'Lose your mind!'. The first story of this series. I highly recomment that story. I once read it and while writing this story. Another author mentioned it in his story. I planned to mention the diary of my story earlier, but it somehow didn't happen. The other story (which is written like an actual diary) is written so well. It actually fits perfectly to Jon's mood in my story, too.

/works/39918360/chapters/99954084

Enjoy!

"How… How did you see it?"

"He was playing with his gun openly. Every blind could see it!"

The lie came out of Jon so quickly that his father didn't mention that it was one. Jon just continued refueling the car as if nothing had happened. Luckily his father seems to believe it… but he continued praising him about his warning and how he saved the clerk's life…

Jon told his father to wait and went into the shop of their gas station to pay. His father never ever fulfilled this rescue in slow-mo on purpose. His father doesn't know that Jon was able to see everything. While waiting in the queue at the cashier desk to pay, Jon investigated the other gas-station again.

The robber was still tied up in the broom closet while other customers kept sure that the door remains closed until the police arrived. But the robber himself was weird. His body, like Jay's, his body was odd. And suddenly the human shaped person in the broom closet seemed to literally dissolve…

Jon zoomed in closer and could swear the robber his father just caught, is dissolving, and vanishing…

In shock, Jon closed his eyes, shacked his head and rubbed his eyes.

"Are you okay?" the cashier asked.

"I am okay! A bit headache!" Jon said and paid for his gas. Realizing his supervision needed much more training than he thought and that it was not as perfect as he first guessed.

Clark, who would normally focus on the robber, was so focused on his son, that he didn't mention anything what happened at the other gas-station. Jon came out and they continued their ride.

"Are you hungry? We could stop by a Burger-restaurant on the way and…"

"I had breakfast!"

Clark tried to find a matter that Jon won't be ignoring and motivate him to engage in a real conversation. He knew that his son was fed up with excuses and would expect that Clark leaves him alone again. His son was mad. He was a boy who really believed that he could have been switched at birth or is going to be replaced with his inverse doppelganger because of powers.

"A nice sunny day, isn't it!" Clark said.

As if on cue, they passed the big 'You're now leaving Metropolis'-sign and the sun vanished behind dark clouds…

Lois meanwhile thought a lot about the phrase 'Extraordinary humans'! According to Lara, Lois just confirmed to Jonathan to deny his Kryptonian heritage. And if Lois was honest to herself, she believed so, too. And to make it worse, she didn't really keep her promise.

While she sat on the couch and browsed through Martha's old scrapbooks, she remembered that day they sat here together. After she yelled on him so terribly. And how he confessed to her that he was jealous on Jordan and Clark getting so close. How she promised to show him how to handle being powerless in a Kryptonian family.

She felt like she made the rift even wider. As if she told him to give up bonding with his Kryptonian father and just focus on her and on being human. To give up waiting for powers and being normal. She didn't properly support him. And she knew now too that Jon-El was the final warning. And now that she knew that he is going to develop powers, too she knew that 'extraordinary humans' were a bad choose of words. While looking through the scrapbooks she suddenly found an old coloring book…

It was a 'Superman-themed' coloring book, Martha bought for the boys when they were five. It was one of many 'incentives' of her to convince them to teel the boys about the family-secret sooner or later. Each of the boys got one and this was Jonathan's. Lois browsed through it and smiled. Jon was always a fan. And it was a shame that he didn't get more attention since the reveal…

Martha had a lot of scrapbooks, old toys and other stuff from the boys. The attic was full of stuff, Martha collected over the years. Lois would do everything to be able to talk to her now. Knowing that she would have a perfect advice for her how to deal with the conflict with her son.

Lois put the coloring book on the coffee-table and looked into the box again where she found something else: an exercise book. Curiously she took the exercise book to look on it. It was a normal student's exercise book; children write in during school. Guessing it were some of Martha's notes, she opened the book to see that it was her son's notes… And without really mentioning she start to read her son's journal… and couldn't stop…

Jordan spent the week in a state, his parents guessed was sorrow and depression. Nobody remembered witnessing him using any powers in that time. It was like he stopped like them. Before the reveal, he always felt so much out of place. Every day in his life. Nobody dare to believe that it was because of his developing powers. But ever since the reveal, his life and everything what happened to him or what he felt made much more sense…

Ever since his powers manifested, he turned from the shy introvert to a brave fighter. Jon was the one who always saved him and who was there for him in the past. Today, the roles switched. Jordan was the one who saved Jon and Jon was the one who felt so terribly out of place, left out and worthless.

Jordan knew exactly what it means to feel like this. He could relate to this feeling. That's why it hurt him so much. Especially because he couldn't even say this to Jon, knowing he would be accusing him for being hypocritical.

Everyone who knew about his powers mentioned that Jordan didn't use them anymore. Not even to 'unload' how they used to call it. Instead of using his speed to get into town within seconds, like usual, he walked like his brother does. Instead of using his speed and his powers for chores, he did them as slow and as 'human' as Jon. He was on 'powers-strike'.

His brother, his brother's words and his bad mood didn't get out of his head. Everything his brother went through and gave up for him played in his mind over and over again. He didn't talk to his parents about it. Instead, he only talked with Sarah and Natalie about it…

Ever since Sarah found out and Jordan explained her everything weird that happened as detailed as possible, they had this easy-going relationship again that also felt like they got closer again. And they wanted to help. Jon was their friend, and they wouldn't let him down. But Jordan had no idea where to start. Eighter had one of the girls. And Jon was about to come back, today.

And so, they just sat in the old repair shop, Natalie and her father lived in and read her old Kryptonese notes.

"It took him only a couple of hours to learn it?" Sarah asked in unbelieve while reading the notes, unsure if she ever manages to learn at least one word.

"It took us months to even decrypt a single word!" Natalie added. "He learns with the speed of a Kryptonian, that for sure!"

"My grandma says, he speaks like a native speaker and with less accent like our father!" Jordan shrugged. "Kryptonian brains have such a high capacity. She says he will be able to handle the powers much easier than I did."

"Isn't that a good thing?" Sarah asked.

"Sure… but explain that to a boy who thinks that I am our parents' favorite child just because of those powers!" Jordan moaned. He told them the whole story, so they understood what he was talking about.

"Honestly, I am confused!" Sarah began to talk again. "You two found your father's spaceship at the same time, you learned about your father's secret the same day, but he waited two years to introduce him to your Kryptonian grandparents. Why… Why didn't he take both of you to the fortress that day?"

"Because Jon is right and my father only cares about powers! Aww… I should had mentioned it!"

"What?" Nat asked.

"That he is jealous!" Jordan responds. "The… the way he looked on me when I left with dad. Or his reaction when I… aww… I have the best brother I can wish for, but I failed him in the worst possible way! I wanted him to get powers, too so he does not feel left out. But now he thinks that our dad only loves him for them, and he does not know what is real and what not! I am not so sure about it, too anymore…"

"What do you mean?" now Sarah asked.

"Ever since Jon left, I am wondering. My dad said, when we moved to Smallville, that he wants to be more around. For us! But… I feel like… It is just weird. I start to wonder what would have happened if I didn't blew up the bonfire and my powers kicked in that day."

"Sean and the others would have beaten you and your brother death." Sarah remembered. "Tag wouldn't have powers. You would have never got in the football team…"

"Gosh, I am a bigger cheater than all the X-K takers together." Jordan moaned. "But what I mean is that… Dad wanted to be more around for both of us. And if we moved out here without anyone of us having powers… or if we hadn't found the spaceship down there… I… I think my dad and I would had never been able to become so close without my powers. It is… Yeah, if I wouldn't have them, everything would be still the same as it was before…"

"Or he had tried to be there for both of you?" Natalie suggested.

"And if Jonathan got the powers?" Sarah asked.

"I think he would have apologized to me like I did to him. And I think… I would have been jealous, too. But openly and I would have yelled and cried the shit out of them. I think when Jon said that he was fine… it was more an act of self-protection. Denying it is easier than dealing with it without powers. But… I think if he had been taken to the fortress that day, he would have insisted on taking me there, too. At least to give me a chance to feel cared…"

Clark knew that, too. If he could turn back time, he would have taken Jon to the fortress, too. Prepared him better for all the changes. Given him a chance to accept that side of his heritage. Jon was right: Clark risked that his son is forced to deal with the powers alone. Like Jordan, he could hurt someone…

But Clark couldn't start to talk about this. Jon is mad enough because of the powers. Trying other matters instead…

"Your grandma told me you had some interesting ideas for the fortress!"

"Yes!" Jon's answers were still numb.

"Which one?"

"Just stuff!"

"She is looking forward to seeing you again soon. You deeply impressed her."

"Good!" Jon murmured. Clark saw a careful smile appearing on his son's face.

"What did you two came up with?"

Suddenly the smile vanished, and Jon's face turned deeply red…

In Smallville, Lois' face turned deeply red, too while she continued reading her son's diary. A diary he began to write after the reveal and that he hid for a while during the period where they were so mad on him. A journal full of his personal thoughts and his feelings. And about all the unfairness he had to endure since their move to Smallville.

Lois knew it was shabby. She knew it was not right. It was a violation of her son's private sphere and as bad as Clark listening in to his conversations. But she was not able to put the journal away. It was so gripping to her, like an exciting novel. Her son wrote with such a charm, she was sure he got his writing skills from her. But with every new page, more tears ran down her face and the images in her head got worse…

Suddenly she heard a car stopping right in front of the house. In shock she threw the journal into the box again and closed it. Knowing that if Jon figures out that she read it, it will be over for good. Hastily, she ran with the box out of the living room. Just seeing her with it could let Jon assume that she read it. But luckily it was just Jordan, who got dropped by Sarah, and he wouldn't know about it.

"Hey, you are back!"

"Yeah!" Jordan answered numb and went to the living-room.

"What did you Natalie and Sarah did together?" Lois asked, hoping to have a better conversation with her son than she had over the past week.

"Nothing important!" Jordan answered numb before he found the coloring-book on the coffee-table. "Oh, my god… where did you find this?"

Lois turned around to see Jordan holding the coloring-book. She forgot it there.

"In this box!" Lois responded. "I was looking through your grandmother's stuff and…"

"Wow… I remember this!" suddenly Jordan began to smile. For the first time in days. Lois got happy. She put the box on the stairs and sat next down next to her son to watch the coloring book again together with him.

On the way to Smallville, Clark mentioned that Jonathan was embarrassed by the question of what kind of projects he and Lara talked about. And Jonathan was too embarrassed to admit that, while he couldn't remember anything, that he so urgently wanted to find 'other Kryptonians' that he suggested a way to try to contact Argo City, to see if it survived the destruction of Krypton, like they hoped before the rest of the planet blew up. But he was not able to admit that. So, his father changed the topic.

"Your grandmother said, that your Kryptonese is so good!" Clark said before switching to Kryptonese. "Ve'hxe to sho?" (How good is it?)

"Zhim eshte?" (Who cares?)

"You seem to have a talent for languages! I could… teach you Spanish for your High School course?" Clark suggested.

"¡Lo siento papá!" Jon responded and told in perfect Spanish that he is top of his Spanish classes for years.

"Desde luego!" Clark said a bit embarrassed. Remembering how Jon's first Spanish-teacher once praised that Jon spoke better Spanish than every Latino in their class. But was happy, as this was the longest answer he got from his son since they departed. "Any… other languages you are interested in?"

"Timmy thought me a bit German!"

"Das klingt interessant! Wie viel?" (Sounds interesting! How much?)

„Nicht sehr viel!" (Not very much!) Jonathan spoke on purpose with a very thick accent although he was able to speak without (according to Timmy).

Clark hoped that their conversation would get a bit more relaxed. But instead, it became silent in the truck again. As Jonathan decided to continue punishing him with his silence. And the closer they got to Smallville, the worse the weather got.

When they departed in Metropolis, it was looking like it is going to be the perfect sunny day. But as soon as they left the metropolitan area, the first clouds came up. As soon as they reached Rice County, it began to rain. And as soon as Smallville was in sight it became windy, too…

At the farm, Jordan and Lois had their first warm conversation in days. Seeing the old coloring book woke up so many happy memories in Jordan…

"Jon and I were so excited about these!" Jordan remembered. "Back then I didn't dare to think that this was an attempt of grandma to convince you and dad to tell us the super-secret. We loved those, so much… Back then I imagined Superman living in a cave with a lot of fancy high-tech equipment and Jon imagined him living in a stylish penthouse in Metropolis where he can see the whole city. And with a hinged roof he can open whenever he flies out!"

Jordan showed her the page, where Jon painted it. Remembering how they sat in the dining-room with Martha and how she encouraged them to just draw what they think.

"Oh, your father was so embarrassed!" Lois remembered.

"Yeah… He has no cave, the brownstone couldn't be count as a penthouse. But the hinged roof sounds useful!" Jordan said looking up towards the ceiling.

He told nobody that he listened to Jon, telling everything to Timmy. Knowing that Nat would tell Jon and that Sarah would be disappointed and scared.

"I miss him so much. My powers ruined everything."

"That's not true!" Lois told her son and gave him a tight hug.

"I wish I would have never got the powers."

"Don't say that! You helped so many people…"

"Yeah, but because of me Jonathan was harassed by Coach Gaines and the team, because me he broke his arm, because of me he lost everything… I… wish I never went flying with dad that day… I don't deserve to fly. Jon hates me for that. And he got the confirmation that that dad favorizes me…"

Jordan continued with more moments, that must have shown his brother that nobody cares for him…

"It not your fault. We all had our part in this" Lois said, becoming sad again, too.

With a tear running down his face, Jordan stood up to put the coloring-book back into the box. There he spotted the exercise book…

"What is that?" Jordan asked but his mother was already distracted.

Guessing that it was notes of his grandma, too, Jordan began to read the diary, too… and couldn't stop eighter. Crying waterfalls…

Clark meanwhile gave up engaging his son into a happy conversation and just continued praising him for his good driving skills. When they drove through Smallville, the weather got even worse.

The rain got harder, the wind stronger, and the atmosphere got more and more uninviting and deterrent. But the worst was, as soon as they reached the farm a lightning stroke threw the dark clouds over the property and gave the whole place this 'horror-movie-atmosphere'. Clark looked up into the sky and realized that it has to be a punishment from God…

As soon as Jon stopped the truck in front of the house, Jordan was scared to get caught with the diary. Lois, who witnessed him reading was not able to respond. Jordan just threw the diary into the box, hoping nobody mentioned, and start to dry his face. Not bothering his mother taking the box and carrying it upstairs, to bring it back to the attic where she found it before going down again to greet her son.

Jonathan was not sure how to react to the warm and heartful welcome his mother and his brother gave him when he left his truck. But it was obvious that his brother missed him terribly. And Jon missed Jordan, too. So he hugged him back.

Lois was so happy to see Jonathan again that she cried tears of joy. Clark meanwhile carried his son's luggage inside while Jon was led to the living-room. A fire cracking peacefully in the chimney to give some atmosphere. Jon was said to sit down on the couch and his family joined him.

"There is something that needs to be said. A apology!" Clark began.

"YEAH… I am sorry for becoming a Instagram-star and exposing to the world that Superman gives flying lessons." Jon moaned with crossed arms.

"No…" Clark said, knelt to face his son on eye level and looked him into the eyes. "…I am the one who needs to apologize!"

Jon looked on his father with big eyes.

"I… I was not there for you! I promised to you that I would be there for you more but I didn't. I was so distracted, by other things, your brother's powers and I should had think about you and the burden I put on you. Not only because of who I am, but also because of the move and everything you went through. There were so many moments, you must have felt like nobody cares for you."

Jon just looked on his father and continued giving him a death glare.

"And?!" Jon said annoyed.

"And… It was not right from me, to assume that that everything we decided was so simply accepted by you. This is your life. And you have the right to make your own decisions and at least get something back for everything you gave up only that I… I can't even say, for our move. You gave everything up just that I can play super-trainer for your brother. You, lost way more than just a girlfriend or football. We were so focused on your brother and you being fine with everything that we didn't see that you have a burden, too."

"Hmm." was Jon's only respond

"But there is one question I need to ask?" Lois said. He voice was trembling. "Why you never told us about the footage in the van you saw? The footage in… in which I get killed?"

Jon looked on her. That images playing in his head again. His … face turned a bit worried. Everyone could see that it was bothering him and that he tried to find the right words.

"I saw no need. Why I should had tell you, five seconds after you yelled on me, right next to the person who could incinerate me if I say something wrong."

Clark's heart dropped when he heard that. He saw the footage too after Jon left. And he was scared to use his powers on a person like that.

"It was terrible! I admit that! And it was not right from me to not listen to you better!" His father admit.

Jon just shrugged. "Anything else?"

This cold behavior made everyone sad. Jordan, who still had his brother's diary in mind and all the things that his brother was so pissed off, lift his hand carefully.

"I… I want to apologize, too. First of all for getting into the team and for cheating with my powers and for taking you the chance to prove to that asshole of Coach that you have real talent."

"AWW… I am over it." Jon moaned. "I convinced our father to let you play, and I see it helped you."

"But you had to run tracks just because you hid my secret, and it was not right. Then… I want to apologize for getting the only one who got taken to the fortress and meeting holo-gramps. And for… complaining about him and his resuslts and that all while you had to deal with my mistakes."

"I don't blame you for that." Jon moaned again.

"About that… I am the one to blame for it." Clark interfered. "It was a huge and unforgivable mistake. He was your grandfather, too. It was your heritage, too. And it was wrong to not at least show you that place or let you meet him. Or let him s…"

Clark bit on his tongue.

"What?" Jon asked, his voice much madder than before. "Scanned me? So, I figure out earlier that I am not the human one?"

That statement caused everyone to flinch. It was a matter they didn't want to bring up that fast.

"Jonathan you were right. With absolutely everything. I was an idiot and a bad father. I let you feel unloved and left out. And that was unacceptable from me. And I know saying you that I am sorry won't improve anything. Or your powers kicking in or if I… you know…"

No reaction from Jon.

"What I want to tell you is that: We love you, Jonathan! No matter what! No matter if you have powers or not. No matter what happened. And no matter what will happen. You are an as important member of this family as everyone else and you have all the rights everyone else has."

Jon looked on his father who held his hands to comfort him. Something he normally doesn't makes.

DING-DONG

The doorbell rang.

"Who is that, now?" Lois asked and went to the door to open it. It was Sam.

"Hello, Lois. I heard Jonathan is back and…"

Lois smashed the door close and turned away again.

"Let him in!" Jon said.

"Jonathan we…" his mother began.

"Let him in!" Jon said more harshly. "I want to hear what he has to say! Or do you want me to continue hiding behind you all?"

After that sentence Lois became pale again. Fighting against her tears. And so she turned around again to let her disgraced father in…

Please Review and keep well.

While writing I realized something: I hate Clark and Lois! I hate the way they treat Jon. If they were my parents I would have run away and ghosted them already.

The story I mentioned was so inspiring! I had to read it again after 'Tireswing1476' mentioned it in 'He ain't heavy'. In the next chapter, more apologizes will be spoken, but Jon won't make it easy for his family.