A/N: Well, no death threats –and only one reference to the possibility that I might receive them! That's a good thing, I suppose… Again, I implore you, my faithful readers, please don't give up on me! If you're as much of a Shipper as I am, you should be used to the many, many bumps along the path to Sam-Jack happiness. And, if you're like me, you never give up hope in a happy ending. So, with that in mind, on with the show…

Chapter 22

Sam stared at Daniel as his harsh words sank in. A violent "NO!" of denial tore out of her frozen throat. She stared at her friend in expectation. Where was the ray of hope? Whenever one of them was in danger, a miracle always seemed to materialize and save the day. When Jack had been "lost" on Edora, Sam had figured out a way to get him back. When Daniel had ascended, there was always hope that his ethereal body would rejoin the physical world, which it eventually had. She, herself, had been presumed dead when the replicator ship that carried her had been destroyed. But in each of these cases, luck or providence had prevailed. There had never been a time when she'd felt beyond hope.

Until now.

Sam pulled away from Daniel and rushed to the waste bin beside the dressing table. Dropping unceremoniously to her knees, she retched with all the sick despair coursing through her body. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she remembered seeing the sheer desolation in the eyes of her 'mirror self' when that Sam Carter had been forced to live with the death of her Jack O'Neill in a parallel universe. In this world, she'd never expected to experience that loss, because, until recently, she'd never really believed she and Jack would find a way to be together at all. Now, however, she was haunted by visions of her alter ego lost in grief. She knew all too well what lay ahead of her.

Once the spasms stopped, Sam buried her face in her hands and sobbed. Vaguely, she was aware of Daniel dropping to his knees beside her and pulling her into his arms. She thought he might be crying, as well. A few moments later, the door opened, and Jacob rushed in. Sam felt her father take her hand. He was saying soft, reassuring things.

She processed none of it. In her mind, the only thing that mattered was that her beloved Jack was gone – ripped away on the very day he was supposed to be joined to her forever. The cruel irony of the situation sat bitterly in her gut. If she hadn't decided that postponing the mission would be outside the best interests of the SGC, Jack would be here now, speaking his words of love and commitment. She knew he might have died anyway, after the wedding, but at least then she would have been able to think of herself as his widow. Now, she was simply the mother of his unborn children – children who would never know their father's dry humor and gentle affection.

What could have been minutes or years later, Sam heard the door open again. Shinsall slowly strode into the room and stooped beside Jacob. Sam heard the word, "sedative," and the phrase, "safe during pregnancy," but the rest of her words were a blur. Moments later, a Colonist wearing a lab coat walked in and began speaking soothingly to Sam. She carried a syringe filled with some sort of clear liquid. Sam felt the cool dampness of a medical cleaning pad being applied to her upper arm. She smelled the sharp tang of rubbing alcohol, and then felt a small stinging pinch.

She continued to sob inconsolably as she began feeling the effects of the sedative. As waves of fatigue and dizziness overtook her, she looked up at Daniel, silently pleading for him to somehow ease the pain that was racking her soul. She saw the tender compassion in his eyes, and knew that he would take care of her until the world righted itself again. Giving in to the drugs, Sam laid her head on Daniel's chest and slipped into a dark, quiet world of oblivion.

Consciousness descended like a dark rain cloud. Sam felt the first few hazy moments of awareness somewhat distantly. For a brief, perfect moment, all was right with the world. Jack was lying beside her in their bed, keeping her warm and safe. They were going to be parents. They were going to be married.

And then, the harsh light of reality flicked on in her brain. Suddenly, she felt the crushing weight of grief settle over her. She was not married – would never be married to the one man she'd always adored and respected so ferociously. Instead, she was left with a gaping, tattered hole somewhere in the vicinity of her heart, and the most blinding emotional pain she could imagine.

Her eyelids fluttered open. She was lying in the infirmary at the SGC. Daniel sat in a chair beside her bed, quietly sleeping with his chin on his chest. He was still wearing the suit he'd donned for her wedding, though the tie had been cast off. Teal'c stood across the room, beside the doorway, looking out into the corridor. He was as ragged as Sam could ever recall seeing him. He had changed from his tuxedo, though his usually crisp, neat BDUs looked rumpled and dingy. His face was starting to show a hint of a five o'clock shadow, and his eyes were bloodshot.

The large Jaffa returned his attention to the interior of the hospital room. Seeing that Sam's eyes were open, he locked gazes with her and began striding across the room. "Samantha Carter," he said softly, "can I assist you in any way?" His voice was slightly hoarse with emotion.

"Teal'c," she whispered thickly. "You loved him almost as much as I did. Are you all right?"

Though his face remained stoic, Teal'c's eyes flashed with pain. "I am no longer able to kel'noreem as I once did. Coping with such a loss would be difficult even with meditation. Now, I'm afraid, I feel very… overwhelmed."

Sam felt her eyes moisten with tears. She longed to just break down and weep, but she was afraid if she gave in to the urge, she might never be able to stop. Instead, she reached out and took his hand. "He loved you, too, Teal'c. Like a brother."

The large Jaffa said nothing, but he squeezed her hand meaningfully.

"Sam, you're awake." Daniel's voice was gravelly with sleep. As he blinked the grogginess away, he focused on Sam's face. "If there's anything I can get you, please, just name it."

She looked at his rumpled clothing and weary features. "Daniel, you and Teal'c have your own grieving to do. Please don't feel like you have to babysit me."

Daniel took her other hand and leaned forward. "Sam, you could never be a burden to us. Teal'c and I both know what you're going through. We've been there." He paused. "But, unlike you, neither of us was expecting twins when we lost the beloved person in our lives." He squeezed her hand and gazed at her intensely. "Jack was like family to all of us, and I know he'd want us to watch out for you and those babies."

Teal'c nodded sagely. "Samantha, after we thought Daniel Jackson had left our world forever, you asked me why I did not speak of my grief. You felt that the pain would lessen if it was shared. At the time, I disagreed. However, I now believe that you may have been correct. In assisting you, Samantha, we will be able to help each other."

Sam choked back a wave of emotion. "Thank you both so much. I don't know what I'd do without you now." Tears began streaming down her face as she continued. "I want to just curl up in a ball and die, but I can't. My babies need me." Her voice broke, and for a moment, she was overwhelmed with grief.

Daniel squeezed her hand again. "You'll get through this, Sam. Somehow, I know you'll be all right."

She sniffled. "I have to be. I'm about to be somebody's mother. I don't really have a choice. If I'm not strong and capable, I'll just have to fake it until I am."

"We're her for you, Sam. Whatever you need, we're here." Daniel's voice was soft and heartfelt.

Sam looked around the infirmary. "I want to go home." Then, reality sank in. Home was no longer her comfortable suburban house. Home was Jack's place, complete with a million reminders of all she'd lost. There was no way she could stay there.

The same thought seemed to have occurred to Daniel. "If you need a place to stay, I've got a spare room."

She swiped her eyes with the back of her hand and nodded. "I think I'd like that. The new house will be ready in a few months, but until then, I don't think I can live in Jack's house. I'll look for an apartment right away, but until I find one, I'll take you up on the offer."

Daniel waved his hand dismissively. "You shouldn't be alone in an apartment when you're 8 months pregnant with twins. Forget about an apartment. You're staying with me, Sam. And I won't let you argue about it."

She had opened her mouth to do just that, when she stopped to consider his words. She couldn't afford to be proud and stubborn. She had to consider her twins. And Daniel was absolutely right. If something went wrong, she needed to be near immediate help. Living alone, she might not have that. She closed her mouth and nodded quietly. "I'll just need to go to Jack's house for some things."

Daniel winced slightly. "Do you want me to go for you?"

Sam shook her head. "No, you'd never be able to find everything. Besides," she said, steeling herself, "I'll have to go there eventually. I know I'm not strong enough to live there yet, but I'm sure I can cope long enough to pack some things."

"Okay," Daniel said, "but at least let me go with you."

Nodding, she sighed. "Can you get the doctor in here? I'd like to go as soon as possible."

Suddenly, a new voice came from the doorway. "Sam, sweetheart, you're awake." Jacob rushed into the room toward his daughter. Teal'c respectfully let go of Sam's hand and stepped back to give her father some space. As he approached, Jacob's face became a mask of concern. "How are you, Sam?" Then he stopped, shaking his head. "That was a thoughtless question. You're a train wreck, and I know it." Looking intently at her, he reached forward and brushed his fingers across her forehead tenderly. "Just hang in there, sweetheart. We're all here for you."

Sam felt her throat tighten again. "Thanks, Dad. I'm not sure what to do. It's still just a little unreal to me. "

Jacob's eyes were filled with sad understanding. "I know, Sam. And I know it doesn't seem possible now, but it will get easier. Just hang on, and remember that as long as you have those two babies, you'll always have Jack nearby."

Sam nodded, tears streaming down her face. She was unable to say anything around the knot of grief in her throat.

Daniel quietly released Sam's hand. "I'll go find the doctor. As soon as she gives you the okay, we can go get your things."

As he left the room, Jacob gazed down at his devastated daughter. "Honey, you're not going to be alone, are you? Because, I'm sure the Tok'ra can do without me for a few weeks–"

Sam raised her hand, gently interrupting him. "It's okay, Dad. Daniel has offered me his spare room. I'll be staying there until the babies come. And once the new house is finished, I can move back out on my own. I'm just stopping by Jack's house to collect some things. Eventually, I'll go through everything there, but I just don't think I can right now." She took a deep breath, trying to collect herself. "There's no need for you to stay here. Really, I'll be okay."

Jacob looked uncertain. "I'm glad you're not going to be alone. But if something comes up, just get word through the gate. I'll stay nearby, in case you need anything."

She patted her father's hand. "Don't worry Dad. I'm tougher than I look. And I have to be strong for the twins."

Sighing, Jacob took Sam's hand and squeezed it gently. "Sweetheart, I know you're strong. But don't be afraid to let yourself grieve. Only by letting yourself feel the pain can you begin to heal."

Sam nodded, trying to reassure her father. Perhaps his words were true, but she had no intention of following his advice. If she allowed herself to feel the mountain of anguish bearing down on her soul, she thought she might forget to breathe. And at the moment, there was just one thought keeping her going. The babies wiggling inside her were going to need a strong, capable mother; not one overrun by grief and pain. So, healthy or not, she was fully prepared to hide from her heartache for as long as it took.

Even if it took forever.

Standing on the doorstep of Jack's quiet, suburban home, Sam felt a wave of unreality wash over her. It did not seem possible that this peaceful little house was going to be forever deprived of its owner. Sam half expected to find Jack standing in the living room when she entered.

Taking a deep breath, she put the key into the lock and briskly opened the door. She'd asked Daniel to wait in the car. This was a journey she had to make on her own.

The familiar sights and smells of Jack's home hit her like a fist in the stomach. The subtle scents of the leather furniture, combined with the understated colors of Jack's decorating were almost too much to bear. It was like being surrounded by him.

Grief, like a wild animal, clawed its way into her throat. Everyplace she looked, Sam saw him. He was standing in the kitchen, pondering the contents of his refrigerator. He was lounging on the sofa, watching football and eating pizza. And he was standing in the doorway to the bedroom, beckoning her to join him for the night. Before she knew it, Sam was on her knees, sobbing in uncontrolled oblivion.

She wasn't sure how long she stayed in that position, but eventually, the cold, ceramic tile beneath her knees began to create enough discomfort to filter through her emotional pain. Slowly, she fought back the waves of grief and tried to concentrate on something that might anchor her to reality. Abruptly, her eyes and mind fixed on a tiny, blinking red light. With each flash, she pushed her pain back onto a dark, deserted corner of her mind. Within a few moments, she had collected herself enough to unsteadily pull herself to her feet.

Still a bit wobbly from her time on the floor, Sam slowly returned to the present. She realized that the flashing light was coming from the answering machine on the hall table. She hesitated for a moment before pressing the button on the machine. If Jack's voice was on the recording, she didn't think she'd be able to keep from completely breaking down again. Then she realized that she'd checked the messages before leaving for the wedding, and that Jack wouldn't have had access to a phone while offworld. Certain that someone else had left the message, Sam pushed the message button and listened.

"Hi Jack." The voice on the tape was soft and feminine. "It's Sarah. Just wanted to wish you and Sam a happy wedding. Hope your honeymoon was nice. And make sure Sam sends me pictures of the ceremony. I'm sure she was lovely. Anyway, take care. Goodbye."

A quiet beep from the speaker announced that there were no further messages. Sam stared at the machine mutely.

Sarah.

She wondered if anyone had thought to call and explain things to the sweet, elegant woman. Sam sincerely doubted it. Jack's accident had occurred less than twenty hours ago. He had added Sam as his emergency contact/next-of-kin on his service records just before leaving for his last mission. He'd wanted to tie up all those loose ends before the wedding, so his return would be smooth and worry-free. Since he had no other family, and was an extremely private person, Sam was relatively certain that no one had thought to call his ex-wife.

Taking a deep breath, Sam decided to get back to the business that brought her here. She quickly walked to the bedroom, concentrating on the task at hand. Keeping her eyes away from their bed, she marched to the dresser and pulled out a drawer full of her clothes. Trying to remain as unemotional as possible, she pulled her duffle bag from the closet and began transferring her belongings into it. After another quick trip into the master bathroom for her toiletries, Sam was ready to leave.

By the time she was on the front porch, her hands were shaking. When she caught Daniel's eyes from across the driveway, she began to feel the hot swell of tears rise up to choke her again. Daniel quickly opened the car door and rushed out to take her bags. Wordlessly, he ushered her to the vehicle, making sure she was settled before depositing her belongings in the trunk.

When he climbed into the driver's side and started the car, Sam reached over and placed a hand on his. "Do you mind if we make a quick stop before going to your house?"

Daniel looked surprised, but didn't object. "Sure, Sam. Whatever you want."

She nodded. "Good. There's something I need to do."

Sarah O'Neill sang softly along with the radio as she finished mopping the kitchen floor. She'd almost expected to feel distraught this weekend, knowing that Jack was marrying someone else. But she was pleasantly surprised to discover she did not. Instead, she was filled with a quiet warmth – happiness that Jack had been able to move on with his life. It was something she might do herself someday soon.

When the doorbell rang, She looked down at her dusty clothes and made a face. She hoped it was no one important. She'd been cleaning all morning, and was not feeling particularly glamorous. Resigned to being a mess, she ran a quick hand over her hair and went to the door.

When she opened it, she was completely taken aback. "Samantha? What brings you here? Shouldn't you be on your honeymoon?"

Sam looked at the lovely woman, who still managed to look elegant in her cleaning clothes, and felt a wave of regret pass over her. She'd never had to give this sort of news to a loved one before. The whole process was even more surreal because of her own barely-constrained suffering that simmered below the surface. She wondered for a moment if she might have been better off letting Daniel deliver the news, as he'd suggested on the ride over.

Sarah examined the young, pregnant woman carefully. As she interpreted what she saw, she felt the blood drain from her face. Sam's expression could only be described as grim, and the swollen, red eyes were a clear giveaway that something was very wrong.

Considering the situation, any other woman might assume that her ex-husband had broken his new fianc's heart and left her standing at the altar because of old feelings for his former wife. That would certainly explain Sam's grim demeanor and tear-streaked face. But Sarah knew better. She'd seen Jack at the grocery store, and had known in an instant that her former spouse was thoroughly besotted with his new bride-to-be. Nothing within his control would have kept him from marrying this woman. Which left only those things outside of his control. And Sarah knew from horrifying experience that the list of those factors was long and deadly when the man involved was a special ops agent of the US military.

Sam watched helplessly as Sarah's face began to transform into a look of fear and understanding. "Sarah–" she began quietly, before being interrupted.

"What's happened, Sam? Is he okay?" Her voice was a strained whisper. Seeing Sam's face change slowly into a weary, grief-stricken expression, she felt her eyes fill with tears. "Oh, God." Her knees began to tremble. "He's not okay, is he?"

Wordlessly, Sam shook her head. Tears of her own began to leak from the corners of her eyes. Unable to speak, she took Sarah's hand and squeezed it gently.

Forcing herself to say the words, Sarah gripped the younger woman's hand ferociously. "He's dead?" The question was little more than a painful gasp.

Holding Sarah's trembling fingers with hands that were just as unsteady, Sam could only nod. The emotional agony that ripped through the air between the two women was almost palpable.

It was impossible to say who moved first, but in a matter of heartbeats, the two loves of Jack O'Neill's life reached out to each other in a tearful embrace. Ever since she'd gotten the news, Sam had been surrounded by people claiming to understand her pain. Only now, fiercely hugging a woman she'd only met twice in her life, did she finally feel like she was sharing her grief.

In the minutes that followed, a strange and powerful bond was forged between the two women. Sam was sure that Jack would have been very uncomfortable with a friendship between his former and future wife. That thought made her smile. She hoped that wherever he was, Jack understood her need to be close to Sarah.

A forceful kick from one of her twins had both women pulling away in surprise. Sniffling, Sarah placed her hand on Sam's belly and smiled through her tears. "You've got a couple of strong babies in there."

Sam returned Sarah's smile with a watery one of her own. "What else would you expect? They're future O'Neills."

Sarah nodded, feeling the vigorous movement beneath her hand. Slowly, she looked up, meeting Sam's eyes with a bittersweet expression. "As long as these babies are around, we'll always have a piece of Jack."

Sam placed her hand over Sarah's and nodded. The lives within her were completely unplanned, and had been totally unexpected. But she thanked fate for sending them to her.

If a piece of Jack O'Neill was all she was ever going to have, then she'd cherish it from now until the day she stopped drawing breath.