(An: Here's where I say something witty and/or odd and respond to a review or two...)

We switch back to the resteraunt. All of the mutants-turned-veggies are there now, entranced.

"So, from inside the whale, Pietro prayed and asked God to forgive him for not obeying," Magneto continues. "He told God that if he got another chance, he WOULD go to Nineveh, even though he didn't like those people very much. Hey, author-person, how can we still be alive in the present time and in ancient Israel?"

Author: -shrugs- It's a Plot Device, I would think.

"So did he get another chance?" Logan asks. He's showing OOC interest.

"Shouldn't you be lookin' out fer your tow truck?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Logan snaps. "That can wait. Did Pietro get another chance?"

"Well, God saw that Pietro needed help," Magneto goes on, "and he wanted to help him!"

"That's compassion!" Jamie chimes in. "I still wanna know what scampi is..."

Author: Well then get used to disappointment. I don't even know. I'm not much for shellfish.

Jamie frowns with a raised eyebrow.

"Ahem," Logan says. "Can we hurry along my miniscule part?"

Author: You're going to pop your little tomato-ey brain, using big words like that.

Logan growls. Then thunder boom in the background and he shuts up. "But did he give him a second chance, even though he didn't deserve it? You know... mercy?"

"After three days, Pietro noticed something strange happening..."

We go back to the sea, where Pietro and Todd, who is clinging to him for dear life, are being... um, "ejected" from the whale. They land on the beach. Both look pretty weird- pale, scraggly, and covered in seaweed.

Author: See, this is why I picked Pietro for the part- he's got the complexion for this section.

Pietro moans and rolls over and looks up. Staring down at him is Xavier, his camel. "Oh! Xavier! Good to see you!"

"The feeling's not mutual," Xavier mutters. "Have you ever tried carrying a bleached asparagus on your back?"

Author: As far as I know, camels don't talk.

"So?"

Author: Storm?

-BOOM!-

"Shutting up."

"Yes... well..." says Pie.

We switch to a big, endless desert. Pietro is riding Xavier, with Todd hiding in his hat. "This is a pretty nice view, yo."

So God told the whale to burp up Pietro- and Pietro got his second chance! And just like he promised, he headed straight for Nineveh!

Pietro passes some signs. The first reads "Welcome to Nineveh- Home of the Mr. Twisty's Twisted Cheese Curls!" Then another one, not so friendly, "Visitors Welcome..." Then another sign swings down below it. "To Leave!"

Pietro and Todd look rather nervous. They enter a canyon that leads into Nineveh. "We're bein' boxed in, yo!"

Pietro looks around. "He's right..." Then a noise gets their attention. A crazed guy, Principle Kelly, hops up to him.

"Turn back! Turn back! Turn back!!!" he cries, terrified. "The slapping! The mutants! The vegetables!"

Author: What have I said about ad-libbing?!

He runs right into a canyon wall, bounces off it, and keeps right on going. "Turn back! Turn back!"

"So, basically, whenever an extra gets hurt as their main gag, you pick Kelly for it?" Storm asks.

Author: Yeah, pretty much so.

Pietro and Todd give each other frightened glances, then keep going. They come up to Nineveh, which looks like a giant fish, as I've mentioned, and are promptly stopped by two guards with big pointy sticks. "Get in, give the message, get out," Pietro repeats under his breath.

"Who goes dere?" the first guard snaps. It's once again, Julien and Jean-Luc.

"Ah, yes," Pietro says, clearly nervous. "My name is Pietro... and I'm a prophet... from-"

"Y're not from here, are y'?" Jean-Luc interrupts.

Author: Our boy's brighter than dead fish, ain't he.

"Um, no," Pietro says, "you see, I'm from-"

"That would make y' a STRANGER, wouldn't it?" Julien goes on.

"Well, um, yes, I suppose so, but-"

Jean-Luc interrupts him again. "We don't like strangers."

"No... yes, I've heard that... But you see I have a-"

"So why're y' here?!" Julien asks.

"Well- I have a message."

"A message? For who?"

Pietro blinks. "Um, well, for everyone! For the whole city!"

Jean-Luc and Julien once again forget their animosity in the light of this ludicrous prospect. "You've got a message for de whole city?!" Julien asks.

"De 'ole city!" Jean-Luc agrees.

"Oh, dat's rich!" Both guards start to laugh.

"I'll alert de king!" Jean-Luc cries, delighted with this joke. "Your Honor! A bleached asparagus has a message for us all!"

"Most important!" Julien agrees. They laugh themselves silly.

Todd peeks out of Pietro's hat. "I don't think this is goin' very well, yo."

"Oh, let's just go home!" Pietro declares. "I did what You said, I guess it just wasn't meant to be!" He turns to leave.

"Pietro?!" Magneto calls, offscreen.

Pietro turns back around to see the Pirates standing there. They all have large foam cheese curl hats on their heads.

Author: In the script they make a ref to WI cheeseheads... jerks.

"Why are you so bitter about Wisconsin anyway?" Storm asks.

Author: Think about it. Cheese obsessed, cow-loving, meat-eating, football-sympathizing barbarians. I'm a vegetarian who has a phobia of most cows and can't stand sports. I'm supposed to survive, how?

"Cue rant mode, eh?" Storm asks.

Author: Yep.

"What?" Pietro asks. "No, seriously, what was that all about?"

"It is our friends from the ship!" Todd says cheerfully as Pietro gets off Xavier. "They AIN'T my friends, yo! The cucumber tried to kill me!"

"De fact dat I didn't get t' do it depresses me," Remy mutters.

Pietro blinks. "What on earth...? What are you doing here?"

"What are YOU doing here?" Remy replies.

"Yeah! You were... you were..." Pyro can't quite find the right words.

"Fish food!" Magneto finishes.

They meet off to the side of the gate. Pietro keeps looking up at their curious hats.

"The whale spit us out like so much- what's cous-cous, yo?" Todd asks.

Author: A spicy Asian dish.

"Ah. Yo! And here we are now! Delivering the message to Nineveh!"

"But the wouldn't let us in, so I guess we're going home," Pietro completes the little story.

Pyro grins. "Hey, I bet we could get him in..."

Pietro blinks and Todd grins. "Huh?"

A few minutes later, the Pirates and Pietro line up in front of Julien. They look kind of like they're posing for a family picture- except Pietro doesn't really want to be in the family. Todd grins from atop his shoulder. He's also now wearing Remy's cheese curl hat.

Julien grins as he recognizes them. "Hey, look! It de cheese curl hommes!"

The Pirates grin, rather nervously.

"Can I kill him now?" Remy asks, fidgeting.

Author: Wait 'til the end.

"Fine." Remy pouts but shuts up.

"Comin' back fer a visit, are y'?" Julien asks, seeming not to recognize Remy now that he's a cucumber, and then spots Pietro. "Ahem- dis homme wit' y'?"

"Oh, yeah!" Magneto exclaims. "He's with us!"

"You're wit' dem, eh?" Julien asks Pie.

Pietro attempts a smile. "Yes, indeed! Why, I sailed halfway across the world with these.. fine... gentlemen?"

Julien frowns. "All right, you can come in. Er, enjoy your stay in Nineveh!"

They head through the gate. Pietro glances back, to see Julien making creepy "eye on you" faces. "These people are so paranoid... What was that all about? How did you do that?"

Magneto grins. "Remember that money you gave us? By the way, you aren't gonna want that refund, are ya?"

"Ah..." says Pietro. "Depends. How much did I spend?"

Author: Not the line!

"Sorry."

"Good! Cause we spent it! Every last penny! On cheese curls!"

Pietro stares. "Cheese curls?"

"Yup! 1458 bags of 'Mister Twisty's Twisted Cheese Curls!'" Magneto cries proudly.

"And you'll never guess what we found in bag 497..." Remy adds.

Pietro blinks.

"The golden ticket!" Magneto whispers reverently. "What is up with the Roald Dahl ripoff?"

Author: -shrugs- I always wondered that too... but it was pretty funny.

Pietro doesn't get it.

"We won the 'Mister Twisty's Twisted Cheese Curl Sweepstakes!'"

"And the prize was...?" He looks at their hats.

"Mmm hmm," Magneto agrees. "But in addition to our enviably fashionable-"

Everyone else besides the Pirates: -chokes back laughter-

"AHEM!"

Author: -trying desperately not to laugh- Go on, go on.

"Our enviably fashionable headgear, we also got a tour of Mister Twisty's factory- right here in Nineveh!"

"But if-" Pietro begins.

Author: Yes, this is ancient Israel, but there's no need to question technology- again- for the sake of a running joke!

The group enters the crowded market place. The Ninevites mill around, and the sound of fish slapping is ever-present in the background.

"Which, despite its unseemly location," Magneto continues, "was a splendid experience!"

"And, believe it or not, in THIS town we are famous!" Pyro adds.

"And not in the bad way," Remy agrees.

"Hey, look!" Pyro says. "Here comes a city official to greet us!"

A Ninevite and several guards walk up to them. They do not look perky.

"Hello!" Magneto says, oblivious to their intentions. "We were in the neighborhood, so we thought we'd-"

The Ninevite, Jason (a.k.a. Mastermind), interrupts him. "These are the men! Arrest them at once!"

The Pirates (and Pietro and Todd) blink. "But..." Magneto says. "You work for me, buddy!"

Author: -rolls eyes-

"Excuse me, what have they done?" Pietro asks. "I think a better question is 'what haven't they done?'"

"Thievery!" Jason cries. "High theft against the Royal City of Nineveh!"

"That's ridiculous!" Pyro cries.

"Oh, is it?!" Jason asks. He grabs Remy, pulls out a knife, and slits open his backpack. Several small bags of cheese curls fall out.

"Eh heh heh..." Remy blinks.

"You klepto!" Pietro yells.

Author: That was the main reason I picked him for this role.

"Non! Wait! I thought dey were free samples!" Remy cries.

"Take them away!" Jason states, clearly pleased with his position of authority. "Damn straight."

A lightning bolt appears out of nowhere and just misses him. "...Eep."

"That was a warning shot," Storm calls from the background.

"You can't do that!" Pietro cries.

Jason turns to him. "I'm sorry... are you with these men?"

Pietro blinks. "Well, um... yes, I suppose."

A city guard (who looks suspiciously like Wanda) comes up. "Hello... what are you doing? Wanda?!"

Wanda slaps him with a fish and Pietro blacks out.

(There. At most there'll be two more chappies to this story.)