KA fic
Tristan/Guinevere
fourth part to "Watching"

'I am a fighter to everyone but you, for you... I am just a silly woman in love.'

"And I am just a stupid man in love with you also." Tristan said to himself as he sat watching his hawk feed on the white field mice. Sitting on horseback out in the open country, Tristan contemplated what Guinevere said to him the night they had first made love. "Took her without permission is more appropriate."

After returning to the party, Tristan left without a word to anyone, he tried to find Arthur but was told by Bors that he left without notice. Going back to his chamber, he sat on his bed and pouted. It was childish and foolish of him to pout, he knew it, yet at that time, it was the only that Tristan could do without yelling to the whole of Britain that he had the most wonderful time with the woman he loved.

Why did you pout? You always have to ruin everything, don't you? Tristan was not upset that he made love to Guinevere, a married woman and wife to his commander, nor did he pout about the fact that he had her on the wall of the castle... no. I'm upset because I almost hurt her, I was too rough and crude with her. She is much to delicate of a woman to be handled so carelessly, I should have waited!

"Look where waiting before got you." Tristan reminded himself. "I waited last time and wasted the golden opportunity; my patience wore thin... it's my fault."

"Talking to yourself? This is twice now I have caught a scouter off guard."

Tristan immediately wheeled around while grabbing his sword, pointing it at the intruder of his thoughts. Seeing immediately who it was, Tristan almost dropped it on the ground, ashamed to have pointed it at her to begin with.

"My Lady!" Tristan immediately jumped off his stead, sheathed his sword, and rushed over to Guinevere, who was sitting upon her horse. Reaching her, he didn't touch her but instead, stared into her deep brown eyes, feeling himself and drown and suffocate with love.

Guinevere was rendered helpless, also gazing into Tristan's deep and solemn eyes, she felt a twinge of sadness swimming through them. Guinevere wanted to reach out and touch his scarred yet beautiful face, she wanted run her hands through his dark brown hair, she wanted to feel his lips upon hers, just as she had wanted since they departed last, two days ago. But she didn't, she didn't move at all... just stared into his dark eyes, giving what little of heart was left over to him completely.

Finally finding her voice, albeit hoarse with desire, she whispered, "You are a riddle yearning to be solved."

Smirking a bit, he brushed the hair out of his eyes for a better view. "And only you can solve it."

Overcoming the initial shock she feels whenever she sees Tristan for the first time, she reached to cup his cheek and softly caress it with her thumb. "What will the final answer be?"

Slowly reaching up to the gentle hand caressing him, Tristan lightly brushed his lips over it. "That I love you."

Guinevere immediately closed her eyes, holding back the tears of joy she felt whenever Tristan mentioned those three glorious words. Feeling her heart beat quicken, she smiled a bit and let the rush of heat flow over her body, welcoming it.

"Guinevere?"

Hearing her name from Tristan brought her attention back to him, "Yes?"

"About the night of the party... I-I..." Tristan sighed with frustration, angered that his tongue and mind were not corresponding in agreement. "I just want to say that- well, I mean- I was too... rough with you and... I'm sorry to-"

Guinevere put her finger on Tristan's mouth, stopping him mid-sentence. "I love you."

Feeling his heart expand as Guinevere muttered these words, Tristan kissed the soft finger upon his lips and moved it away slightly to speak. "I love you too."

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."

Still holding on to the finger that shushed him, Tristan reached to intertwine his fingers with it. Kissing the hand, he replied, "Then I'm not sorry."

"Nor am I."

Tristan reached for Guineveres' dainty waist and helped her off the horse, locking arms together, they slowly walked toward Tristan's hawk, mumbling sweet nothings into each other's ears and ignoring the surrounding world. They saw only each other, no one else; they walked as if they had no care in the world.

Guinevere casually strolled into her chamber, not glancing for a second to see if anyone was in the room with her, humming one of Vanora's lullabies. Calling out to one of her maids that she would like to take a bath, she quickly and carelessly stripped out of her gown and into the tub that was already partially filled with warm water by her quick servants.

After the tub was filled, the rose petals surrounding Guinevere already releasing their scent, and Guinevere head back and eyes closed she let out a deep sigh of relaxation. Enjoying the heat, she let her mind peruse the hours she spent with Tristan.

Guinevere smiled when she thought back to Tristans' worried expression when she tripped and fell on the hill and Tristan was immediately by her side, kissing the invisible wounds that she did not suffer. She touched the part of her neck, red and swollen from too much nibbling and sucking, where Tristan insisted was the softest and most irresistible skin he had ever tasted. She sighed with pleasure thinking back to her own possessive marks she left on his body, remembering how sweet and hot he tasted.

"Enjoying your bath?" Arthur's voice was cool and flat; completely detached and void of emotion.

Guinevere jumped out of fright, splashing water over the tub and onto the floor. Grabbing for her racing heart and trying to control her breath, she let out a sigh of frustration. "You scared me!"

"I can see... enjoying your bath?" Voice remaining the same, Guinevere turned to see Arthur sitting in a chair in a corner, staring at her, unmoving.

"I was until you scared me." Guinevere's voice filled with annoyance.

"What were you thinking about?"

"What?" She asked confused.

"You seemed to be enjoying whatever it was you were thinking about. So I ask... what were you thinking about?"

"Oh... just... little things."

"Well, I'll be leaving on state affairs tomorrow and won't be back for a week. And it seems to me that we don't... talk anymore... so... enlighten me on your thoughts."

Breaking contact from his cold stare, Guinevere stared straight ahead, refusing to look back at him. The bath that had seemed so warming and relaxing had become a corner that Guinevere was backed into and could not escape.

"Is there something on your mind Arthur?"

"I just want to know what you were thinking... that's all." Each word Arthur said was with precision and cold, like steel.

Tired of being in a corner, she immediately stood up, unabashed by her nudity, and reached for her robe. Hastily putting her robe on, she turned only once to look at Arthur, her eyes filled with contempt and anger that he had come across her at an intimate moment. "It doesn't matter," was all Guinevere said before storming off.

Arthur stood and followed, anger and strength surrounding him. "Oh, but it does matter! It matters to me!"

"Why do you care?" Guinevere yelled in retort, turning around to face Arthur.

"Just tell me what you were thinking Guinevere. Tell me." The thickness and cruelty in Arthur's voice shocked Guinevere, but still, she did not give in to him. She stood there, in silence, staring right back at him, dead set expression on her face.

"Why can't you tell me, eh? Why can't you tell me!" He yelled at her, the echo bouncing off the walls.

Guinevere broke Arthur's deadly gaze and turned her cheek to him, trying to ignore his anger while keeping up her strength.

A long, drawn out moment of silence. Neither spoke nor looked at each other. The air was growing thick and impatient. Arthur, with his back turned toward her, finally broke the silence.

"You were thinking about Tristan." Arthur neither turned around or changed the emotion in his voice.

Guinevere's face betrayed her by looking at Arthur, eyes wide with shock. Keeping control of her tongue, she said nothing; only stared back.

"I know Guinevere." Arthur finally looked at her, instead of anger or sadness, Guinevere saw absolutely nothing in his eyes that gave way to what he was thinking; as if he was a statue. "I know about you and Tristan."

Other than Guinevere's eyes lowering to the floor and her increasing breath, there was no other movement from her.

"I saw you the night of the party... in the hallway."

Guinevere let out a broken and ragged sigh, but still... said nothing.

Arthur was now circling Guinevere, like a vulture circling his prey, just waiting for the opportune moment to strike.

"Stupid of me really... not to notice before. Do you know what I did after I saw you two together?" He paused, waiting for an answer. Realizing he wasn't going to get one, he continued."I cried."

At this, Guinevere looked up, eyes beginning to water. She looked upon Arthur's face, which a minute ago seemed so unemotional, now was filled with sadness and remorse. Unable to handle the pain, she looked back down to the floor, it was the only thing she could do.

"I know what you're thinking," he paused to stare into Guinevere's eyes, "I never cry, save for the day on Badon Hill. But what I saw in that hallway... made that day in battle seem like mere childs' play to my heart."

Arthur now stood directly in front of Guinevere and watched as tears rolled silently down her cheek, grabbing her chin, he forced her to look at him. Staring up at him through teary eyes, she took a deep and closed her eyes again, trying to stop the tears that she hated to shed.

"I was so stupid!" Arthur spat out a bitter and harsh laugh. "It never once occurred to me that you didn't love me and loved him instead-"

"I-" Guinevere tried to cut him off with her sob filled voice.

"No. Let me finish. What's done is done. I can say nothing more about this. I leave tomorrow... early and will be gone for a week, that will give you enough time."

Sniffing and having difficulty breathing, she finally managed to croak out, "Enough time for what?"

"To decide where your heart lies... unless... you already know?"

Yes, I do know, but Guinevere remained silent, not trusting her tongue if she had let it slip.

After a moment more of silence, Arthur turned his back and began to ready his things for the trip. Guinevere said nothing, merely turned away and retrieved her gown. Hastily putting it back on, she grabbed a large purple cloak and silently left the room.

Guinevere was running, not knowing where her legs were taking her, but she continued running. Holding the mournful cries she longed to yell, she wiped away the tears with the back of her hand. Continuing down whatever path her feet had chosen, she felt her body being ripped and shredded apart by love and reason.

Stopping to catch her breath and rest her legs, she suddenly felt very dizzy and nauseous. Guinevere took a deep breath to try to settle her sense but only increased the uneasiness in her stomach. Bending over she finally retched, coughing and still crying, she heaved until there was nothing left for her to vomit.

Feeling the queasiness slowly dissipate, she looked around her to locate exactly where she was. Standing in a dark hallway, she noticed light from the outside coming from behind a door, walking over to it, she opened it and stepped out into the cold, but invigorating, air.

Reaching down to scoop some snow into her hand, she slowly sucked on the ice trying to ease the burning and stinging in the back of her throat. Chewing and eating the ice, she felt her stomach return to normal and her dizziness clear away. Feeling a bit cold, Guinevere went back inside the hallway and looked back to where she was heading.

Guinevere walked forward a bit more and couldn't help but gasp when she saw where she was subconsciously headed. Standing in front of Tristan's door, she made no move to knock or enter. She contemplated turning around and heading elsewhere, away from her husband and lover. And where will I go? I'm thinking about Tristan either way... it would make no difference.

Swallowing and clearing her throat, she brushed her hands through her hair, trying to make it look at least presentable. Stepping forward, she lightly knocked on the wooden door.

It had barely been a few seconds before Tristan was at the door, opening it slowly to see who the visitor was and opening it wider and faster when he finally saw who it was.

"Guinevere! What happened?" Tristan blurted out, immediately grabbing her in his arm, covering her slender body with his strong arms.

The confusion and hurt Guinevere was feeling evaporated the instant she felt his body enclose hers. The sudden rush of relief and ever growing feeling of safety swarmed her body as he wrapped his arms tighter around her. I feel so safe...

Letting herself be taken up into Tristan's arms, Guinevere closed her eyes and sniffed the familiar scent that she had grown to love and crave. The warmth and love that Tristan provided for her allowed Guinevere to ignore all of what Arthur said and just drift into his arms, not caring for anything, only loving Tristan.

Tristan engulfed Guinevere's body, hugging it tightly yet never crushing her. Tristan wanted to hold on so tightly and strong, never wanting to let her go. He felt the familiar beat of her heart and her body slowly relaxing into his arms. However, no matter how relaxed she may have felt, Tristan saw the look in Guinevere's eyes when he opened the door for her, it was filled with pain and poignancy. Tristan reached out his hand and gently ran his hand along her hair, trying to comfort and ease her pain.

"Tell me, my love, who or what has made my angel so morose?"

Guinevere slowly opened her eyes and lifted her head to look upon Tristan.

"Oh! It was terrible-" Guinevere stopped immediately when she gazed into Tristan's eyes.

She saw the care and love he had for her in his eyes, she also saw the desperate plea in his eyes, begging her to tell him. She heard the quiet fear in voice that told her he was scared for her... for the both of them.

Glancing from one eye to other, she felt responsible. He cared for her and loved and protected her, yet... what did Guinevere do to protect him? What had Guinevere done to show her love for him? She knew that what they have and share is delicate, so fragile that the gentle wind would crack and shatter it. The only thing not gentle or faint was their love for each other, Guinevere knew that their love could last through death and hell together.

But... Tristan. Tristan was also fragile, the love he had cautiously given her was strong, but easily hurt. Guinevere saw the delicacy in his eyes and body, as strong and skilled as he was, he was still human. He suffered and felt pain like any other human, he loved and cried like any other human. Tristan was just as easily hurt as she was.

Guinevere knew that she could cause him pain, pain that she herself would rather die from than inflict upon him. But she also knew that Tristan would deal with the pain, rather than ignore it and pretend it wasn't there.I cannot cause him pain, I refuse to!

"I... I had a nightmare. I got scared and... I... wanted to see you."
Guinevere felt his tense body relax and heard him let out his pent up breath. Smiling a tiny bit, he wrapped his arms around her tighter and gently kissed the top of her head. "Sleeping during the day hours, are you?"

Leaning her head into his chest again, she felt a twinge of guilt creeping through her mind, but she immediately pushed it back. "Only to see you more each day." She said quietly, trying to force her smile back on her face. "Only to see you..." She repeated, convincing herself that she was right lying to him. I refuse to cause him pain!

TBC

Line taken from "Love Story"