This has a plot I promise. It's a strange stream of consciousness and a pile of things I find funny, and I hope you will too? This is what I worked on whenever I was struggling with writer's block on other works, so it's… definitely something.
Chapter 1: Genie's listen to Spiders
"You DARE ask me to take my gift back?" The Genie roared. His pink fluffy fur evaporated into grey and smoky puffs, his soft blue soda eyes turned to stone and webbed with hot orange lava. That dazzling white smile grew fangs. Even the fangs grew fangs.
There were a lot of fangs.
"I AM G.G!" he proclaimed in such a booming voice that Annabeth had no choice but to cringe back in fear. "THE ALL POWERFUL, THE IMMEASURABLE, THE UNFINDABLE, AND THE GENEROUS- generous, see? That's why I'm called 'G.G'. Stands for 'Generous Genie'. Makes marketing a total breeze.- AND YOU WANT TO REVOKE MY GENEROSITY?! SERIOUSLY DUDE. UNCOOL."
Annabeth clutched her book harder. The book the Genie gave her. She didn't want him to revoke all his gifts. Just the one. Not the one where he gave her the all knowing book of all knowingness, or the one where he gave her instant cash money prizes in whatever competition she entered, just the one where she turned into a fishy monster the moment she touched water.
"Alright," she soothed. "I can see how that would be… insulting. But let's review shall we? You said when I entered your cave, after beating back those sand wolves, scaling the unclimbable wall filled with venomous snakes, and finding a way to fill a colander with water without any tools, that I would have three wishes you would grant in the three categories of your choice."
It had been a very long night, and she was pretty sure there was still a snake in her hair. If anything, she was going to try and argue her reasoning for not wanting to turn into a fish when in contact with water. School would be sooooo awkward if that happened.
"You chose: Wealth, Knowledge, and Beauty. Yes?" she continued.
The genie nodded. His face was shifting into a boar's snout and bat eyes, signaling he was still very displeased. He was so large he could take one of those giant purple glowing stalactites and bat her out of there like Babe Ruth. Luckily he seemed too caught up in what she was saying.
"Well I wished to be able to win cash no matter what competition I did, I wished for a book with any answers I wanted, and for beauty -which is a category I could've lived without FYI- I chose to always have flawless skin, hair, teeth, and to never have to shave or have my period every month. Now I was perfectly happy with the first two gifts, but how in tarnation is turning me into a fish granting the qualifications of the last wish?"
"Mermaid," The Genie said with conviction. "Mer-maid. That's what you wanted wasn't it? Flawless hair and skin. No period, no shaving. Being a Mermaid fills all of those categories."
"Yes. Okay. I can see your thought process," Annabeth said. "But consider this; how about fulfilling the wish without the little fish byproduct mess."
"NEVER!" Flames rolled down off his smokey body in a wave of heat that struck Annabeth's face. Singing her eyebrows. "MY GIFTS ARE TO BE CHERISHED, AND IF NOT THAN THE RECIPIENT SHALL PERISH!"
The fire ceased, revealing his body of ashen skin labyrinthed with fissures. Spiders emerged from the cracks and swarmed down his torso, cloaking him in a mat of a black hairy legs and round abomendoms the size of marbles. Scuttling legs creaked and crackled through the air sending chills right down Annabeth's spine.
"But I do cherish your gifts!" Her heart was in her throat. She had fought too hard to lose now. "I cherish the book, I cherish the financial security you've given me. And two out of three. That's not bad right?"
The Genie paused. His army of arachnids stopped cold too. Their trillion little spider eyes turned their gaze up to him as he pondered. Waiting for his command.
"That is true," he said thoughtfully. "So I guess… maybe I'll just like, curse you or something?"
A particularly large spider sitting on the Genie's shoulder reached out a feeler and tapped him on the cheek. Intrigued, the Genie conjured an ear out of the flat side of his head and leaned in to hear the little critters croaky whispers.
"Ah, wonderful Stanley. Good suggestion. I'm impressed. You know what? You do deserve that promotion."
The Genie snapped his sausage fingers and the spider collapsed in a plume of purple sparkly smoke. When it cleared, there sat an overjoyed frog.
"NOW YOU SHALL HAVE YOUR PUNISHMENT MORTAL." The Genie returned to his ploy with full force. Leaking with intimidation as he sucked his spiders back into his ashen body and closed the fissures. Stanley hopped away.
Around them the air changed. Where it was once stale and smelt like old dirt, it shifted. Suddenly a circle of fire gasped to life in a powerful surge. Cutting off Annabeth from any exit she could've made. The sheer height of the fire bearing down on her forced the strength from her knees and she crumbled to the gritty floor. Scraping her palms against the rock.
"ON THE RECOMMENDATION OF recently promoted STANLEY, I SHALL CURSE THE GIFTS YOU CHERISH."
Runes glowed blue around her scuffed sneakers. Panic coursed through her veins like liquid ice. This couldn't be happening.
"CURSE THEIR PROFICIENCY, THEIR USABILITY, MAY ALL GO WRONG WHEN YOU NEED IT TO GO RIGHT."
The flames grew higher and higher. Annabeth grabbed at her throat, unable to scream. She felt as if she were being cooked alive. The book, now out of her arms and splayed against the floor, started curling with steam. The runes throbbed and danced in her vision.
A tremorous laugh filled the cavern above the crackle of fire, above the hiss from the book. As if the laugh was pushing through the earth itself.
"Have fun little mortal girl. Have fun."
Yeah… this thing. It's mostly goofy, unserious. The complete opposite of Lavender Oceans. Never really had a plan with it… it just happened? I think you need to be my brand of idiot in order to like it.
Which is cool, I think I'll end up building a little group of special morons just like me in the following. If that's you; hi there. You are now my bestie.
What to expect with this fic: Anything. Chapters are sometimes 4000 words and sometimes 120 words. Sometimes I'll post on Monday once a week, sometimes I'll skip a week. Sometimes it's a gushy feely chapter, sometimes it's a straight up weird chapter and sometimes it's an action chapter. It starts out kinda slow but things will quickly heat up as the chaos begins. And as I edit it I might just end up changing major things for funsies, who knows.