THE FIRST DECEMBERWEEN EVER
FIRST DRAFT
BASED UPON THE LEGEND OF THE ORIGIN OF DECEMBERWEEN
RETOLD BY STRONG BAD
ACT IV
EXT. TOWN—NIGHT
The Angel and the Popular Vote have just got back into town. The Angel goes up to the King of Town.
THE KOT
Welcome back, Angel!
THE ANGEL
Any luck finding Decemberween?
THE KOT
Nope. But it would be great if you could help us look for it!
THE ANGEL
Of course!
So Dr. Christmas, the Angel, Archibald, the King of Town, and Kobe Briant #1 (Pom Pom) and Kobe Briant #2 (Strong Mad) are all running around town, looking for the first Decemberween.
ARCHIBALD
You guys, I think that to get the first Decemberween to show up, we need to do a big musical number!
THE KOT
I conquer!
They all stand together in a line. Music begins to play, and they all start singing.
KOBE #1 (singing in bubbletalk)
Bubble bubble bubble bubble!
(Trans: Decemberween is almost here!)
KOBE #2 (singing?)
WE MUST SPREAD DECEMBERWEEN CHEER!!
ARCHIBALD (singing beautifully)
Before the clock strikes 12 tonight!
DR. CHRISTMAS (singing)
We must find Decemberween to make things right!
THE ANGEL (singing)
When we find Decemberween, everything will be good!
THE KOT (singing)
And all in the town will be the way it should!
KOBE #1, KOBE #2 (singing)
Because...
Because...
Because?
Because!
The music gets a lot stronger, the singing becomes louder.
ARCHIBALD (singing)
Because everyone's searching and looking and searching!
THE ANGEL (singing)
And everyone's hanging around!
DR. CHRISTMAS (singing)
And who can be sure if we're looking for something?
THE KOT (singing)
And looking for something I a-am!
The music stops and the song ends.
ARCHIBALD
Great, you guys! I bet my awesome singing encouraged Decemberween to come running up here! I'm gonna go find him. My expert skills'll have us celebratin' Decemberween in no time!
Archibald runs down the street, ready to show everyone how good he is at finding Decemberween's.
ARCHIBALD (o.s.)
Decemberwee-een! Decemberwee-een! Come out, come out, where ever you are!
Back with the Angel, Dr. Christmas, and the KOT, there is an awkward silence, eventually broken by the King.
THE KOT
Umm...who are you?
DR. CHRISTMAS
You don't know who I am?
THE KOT
Noperino.
DR. CHRISTMAS
Everybody knows me! My name's Cornbread!
Archibald comes up. He has not found the first Decemberween, and feels stupid for it. He will have to stall the others until he does show up.
ARCHIBALD
Uh...I found a computer. I think it can help us!
DR. CHRISTMAS
So, this computer you speak of...where is it?
ARCHIBALD
Umm...on the moon. Yeah, it's a Moon Computer. It can do lots of other stuff too, like help you do your taxes.
THE ANGEL
I can take you there! Everyone hop on!
Just then, as they're all about to climb onto the Angel's back, someone comes up. They look to see who it is—
And it is none other than the first Decemberween! He glows magestically in the light of the moon as he appears before them in all his majesty!
Okay! I'm gonna have to cast someone good as Decemberween, to handle all that majesty! Well, I'm already taken, and Coach Z's signed up the be the director, and the King, well, I don't see anything wrong with casting the King, only...he's the King. I can't cast a loser like the King. I guess I'll have to cast...crap! Looks like the only one left is Strong Sad! Okay, forget the majesty part. No majesty for the Wiggidyweiner. Just have him walk in.
DR. CHRISTMAS
Behold! The first Decemberween!
DECEMBERWEEN
Happy Decemberween to everyone!
I hope the City Dump doesn't mess up his line.
THE KOT
This is the first Decemberween ever!
(fade out)
Author's Notes: If this doesn't become a movie, I guess I could get it as a play at the Free Country Theatre. You can get anything in there. They even let in The Cheat's one-man monologue show about the time he ate some bad clams. Easy as pie. Or at least tort.