A/N: Seriously, what is it with me and these suddenly depressing stories? Sorry if this one is a little out of character for Sirius, he's a little hard to write for me. But I don't own him, or anyone else mentioned.

It's not what you'd think, dying. You expect to feel pain, sorrow, your world closing in on you. But I felt... I felt, peaceful. It were as if my entire existence were coming into perspective. As if my entire meaning of being put on this God forsaken planet was worth while.

James was something that made my life good. He was my best mate, my brother. He took me in, when my family had cast me aside as a disgrace. A mutt in a kennel of pedigrees. I would have done anything for him, and I still will. I still manage a smile when I think about him. All of them.

Lily was a picture by herself. I never felt more for her than was necessary, but she was still the essence of beauty. She lit the room with her smile, with just her presence. She cared for everyone, even those she hated. But I guess she never really hated anyone. She still loved her sister, and still stuck up for Snape. She was better than all of us.

Remus had needed me. He had needed us in Hogwarts. We were there for him, through everything. If it was possible, I think he may have been my favorite. I had a soft spot for him, especially after a hard full moon, when he was to weak to stand. But I remember his voice, grating out a small thank you when I half carried him back through the tunnel.

Peter. There's nothing more to say about him. I don't forgive him, and never will. I know Remus has, and I know James would have. But not me. I can't forget the lies, the way he played us all in his twisted little tune. I hope he'll be joining me soon, here in this place.

And out of all of this, is Harry. I hate myself for leaving him. We needed each other, more than I realized. I was selfish. I thought of him as James, reincarnated just for me. But Harry is his own. His eyes and compassion, those are Lily's. And his hair and skills are James's. But his smile... is something unique. For so many lives in his hands, his smile still shows how young he is. How uncertain he is. And I'm not there to comfort him.

It's not what you think, dying. But I hope you never have to go the way I did, for the sake of the ones you leave behind.