Bella
I should have done it faster.
I should have ignored that little voice in my head arguing with all of my reasons.
I should have been braver.
But I wasn't, and now I'm stuck with them again, and I know that I'm not going to get an opportunity to escape for quite some time.
I don't know how to feel.
I don't understand everything that's happened.
I don't want to understand it anymore.
Can I jump out now? Are we going fast enough that it would make a difference? I doubt it, with two vampires in the car, I'd never be able to move fast enough.
At one point, Alice wraps her arms around me, but it's only now that I notice.
I tense, unsure about her reasoning. Unsure about everything.
Although she shifts herself to look at me, she doesn't let go.
Slowly, I relax into her embrace, briefly enjoying the feeling of being safe.
There's nothing that I need to figure out here, nothing that I need to be.
Before long, we're back, and I'm on the couch.
I look around at the space, taking it in with new eyes. Emmett is across from me, looking as though someone tried to drown his puppy. I suppose, if he still sees me as a glorified plaything, then maybe that's how he is feeling, so I quickly look away from him. I don't want to be just there for someone's entertainment; that's no life at all.
Next to him is Rosalie, her usual sneer in place whenever she is in my presence. Whatever it was I'd done to offend her in those early days clearly hasn't eased with time.
Alice is making something in the kitchen, probably more food to try and force down my throat. It's such a waste. There's so many people, people I used to consider friends, who would have snatched her hand off for even a small amount of the food I'd thrown out over the last few weeks, but I can't bring myself to care or act on it.
When you've reached the bottom, there's no way back up again.
No matter what any of the others said about them also being at the bottom of the pile and getting these incredible lives back, theirs didn't count. They'd had divine intervention, also known as Carlisle. Maybe that had been in the cards once upon a time, but now, I won't even consider it. I can't cope with dealing with this for a full mortal life, let alone an immortal life of being alone.
I start to curl in on myself, resigning myself to at least one lifetime of misery, when Jasper breaks the silence.
"To find you," he says, clearly reluctant to continue, "we had to speak to some people. And, I promised I'd tell them when we found you."
My head shoots up. Who had he spoken to? Why would he bother speaking to anyone? No one knows me anymore enough to have given him the answers he'd have been looking for.
"Carlisle, and therefore Edward and Esme, were at home when I called. I was calling for the Quileute contact number."
It's as though someone pressed pause on the world. Everything stops.
They all know. The ones I'd worked so hard to get away from. The ones in the position to once again reject and break me.
"We need to call them and explain," Jasper continues, breaking through my trance. "I think you need to hear their explanations, too."
I finally find my voice and manage to say in a scratchy tone, "I don't need them."
"Regardless," Jasper continues, "They may need you. I'm going to start with Jacob. I'm not in a position to be discussing anything with the leader of the Quileute pack without Carlisle, so it will be brief."
"I'll do it," the unexpected voice of Rosalie says. "I was there for the original treaty; I can talk to them. And most importantly, I can keep a cool head in all this mess."
Shared looks of astonishment pass around the group.
Jasper nods and passes her the phone, the number already typed in.
It doesn't ring nearly as much as I expect before a familiar rough voice answers. "Yes?"
"Mr. Black," Rosalie says, turning the phone on speaker for only my benefit. "It's Rosalie here. I believe you know who I am."
"Yes, another one of those leeches. Have you found her?"
I'm surprised by the worry in his voice. After all this time, I thought I'd been abandoned without another care in the world, but I'd been wrong.
"Yes, she is here with us. She can hear you. I understand that you must have a lot of questions, but we are not in a position right now to answer them sufficiently. Therefore, I must request further patience while we get Bella the help that she needs, and we will be back in touch when possible."
"Tough shit," he spits at her down the phone. "Bella, can you hear me? You need to come home. You need to be here. We can fix it. Bella?"
I'm stunned into silence. I don't know how to answer any of them, there's too much information, too many people. I need to run, but I can't.
Despite my best efforts not to, I burst into tears and attempt to bury myself into the corner of the couch.
"Bella?" Jacob's voice says more tentatively. "Bella, no, please don't. I'm sorry." He must be able to hear my crying and, much to my disgust, my tears don't lessen, they worsen.
"That's enough for now," Rosalie says once again. "As I said, we shall be in touch soon, but it is not in our discretion to divulge information that Bella does not wish us to divulge. Thank you for your time."
As she's hanging up the phone, I hear Jacob faintly utter the words, "I love you."
The imprint hadn't been his fault. I knew what could happen when I agreed to marry him. But, it didn't make it hurt any less.
Nothing about this could hurt any less.
It's several long minutes before my cries finally start to die down. My head is killing me, and my mouth feels as though it's been filled with cotton wool. Pulling myself up slowly from the ball I'd made, I hide the wince from my sore body.
I send a simple nod to Jasper.
"I'd like to invite them here," he says to the room. "I feel that as they now know, their skills may be of use to us, and when they find out, they're likely to show up anyway. Is everyone here happy with that?"
I look around to several nods of the head. It's then that I spot that Alice has come in, placing the food down silently, or maybe I'd just missed it.
"Bella?" Alice asks me.
So slightly that a human wouldn't have seen it, I nod my head. This isn't really something that I can get out of.
Carlisle
Everyone has packed a bag and loaded it into the car, ready to go. I chartered a private aircraft which will be ready at the drop of a hat.
When we have details, we will be there as soon as possible.
Edward is obviously struggling. He's barely stopped pacing the house since the phone call, and I know that he's struggling to determine the best course of action.
Although we had left Bella on his insistence, I knew that he'd never really overcome the loss. Of course he had been functioning, going through the motions of going to school, playing the piano, feeding, but he didn't have the same life as before.
Finally, the phone rings and everyone crowds around me.
"Jasper," I say, recognising the number.
"Hello. Thank you for your help. We've found her." My group lets out a collective woosh of air. "It doesn't feel appropriate for this conversation to be had over the phone, so we'd like to invite you to stay for a short while. We're in Portland."
I glance up at my two companions, who both nod their heads.
"We will be with you shortly. We are only an hour away. Please send me the address."
He does, and we're all quickly off in the direction of Portland.
The journey is tight and tense.
"Edward," I ask, reluctant to bring up such a sensitive topic. "While I understand your need to be with Bella, I am concerned that it has been some time since you've seen her, and you may have lost the resilience you'd built up. You must remember that she's your singer."
From his face, I see that he hasn't considered that.
"It'll be in public…" He trails off. We all know that a slip up in such a built up area would be almost certain to be caught on camera, and that exposure of that kind could be lethal to us. "I shall encourage you to enter without me." His voice is torn, and I know it's breaking him to say this. "Maybe, for now, it's for the best."
I can't help agreeing with him. Something clearly must have happened for Jasper to have been so worried, but she can't have gotten herself into that much trouble.
When we arrive, I know just how wrong I am.
Bella is but a shell of her previous self, and the doctor in me can see the many maladies she's struggling with. Why is she not under medical care? What has she been through?
I want to demand the answers to all of my questions, but this is Jasper's party, and I must allow him to direct the situation as he feels to be appropriate.
Esme, have my restraint. She immediately rushes towards Bella, but freezes when she pushes herself away, terror on her face. I walk up to Esme and place my hand on her shoulder in support.
We all sit around, and Jasper starts. "Where is Edward? I was under the impression he would be accompanying you."
"He has, but we felt further preparations were needed before it were safe for him to enter the building with Bella. With your blessing," I say, looking over at Bella, "He would like to see you. It is your choice whether you'd prefer that he remain within hearing distance for this conversation."
Bella just stares at my feet, terrified, so I turn towards Jasper, my eye brows raised in question.
"I do not believe he would be able to listen and remain outside. Do with that information what you will."
I nod, and send Edward a quick message that I'd explain everything to him another time. He sends me a simple response back of "I understand," and I can feel his torment.
"Bella," Jasper says, taking her hand and turning her chin to look at me. "I believe it's your turn again."
Esme and I sit and listen to her speak her story. Stunned doesn't even cover it. At one point it all becomes too much for Esme, who starts silently sobbing into my shoulder, but thankfully Bella doesn't stop.
I look over at Emmett and Rosalie, who are curled together on the couch. Rosalie, too, is crying. I have to wonder if this is the first time she's hearing the story in full, because Emmett looks as horrified as we feel.
She tells us about how she lost everything, how even after all of our efforts of leaving, the supernatural had not fully left her alone. Then she goes on to talk about her time on the streets, how she'd had to do anything she could for survival. How she'd nearly given up several times.
From her voice, I can tell how hard this is for her, and at several points, she looked over at us in fear. What she imagines we'd do, I can only guess. Maybe she thought we agreed with her treatment, or we somehow knew?
I want to take her pain away.
As she reaches the end of her story, I can see her eyelids are getting heavier, and she's sinking back into the couch.
"You've done good, Bella," Jasper says to her softly, wrapping his arms around her. It's a gesture I never thought I'd see from him, and it fills my heart with pride, a feeling I know he picks up on because he smiles at me. It's then that I realize how hard this entire situation must be for him, and my heart swells again at his determination. "Rest for now."
As though that's all she's been waiting for, Bella sags into his side and promptly falls asleep.
The room is silent.
No one knows how to start or what to say. I just hold Esme closer to me, wishing I could free her from the painful memories I know the story must have brought up for her.
Finally, I speak. "She's not well," I say to Jasper, knowing I'm stating the obvious. "This won't be easy, but none of us are leaving you, or her, until this is resolved. She will always have a place with this family."
He nods.
"I didn't know," Rosalie says in a smaller voice than I've ever heard from her. "I never would have suggested to leave her if I had known. This really is all our fault."
Rosalie stands and walks over to Jasper. She reaches down and gently scoops Bella into her arms and walks over to where the bedroom must be.
We all listen as she gently changes Bella into something more comfortable, then places her beneath the covers.
"When she wakes, do you think she'll consent to me checking her over?" I ask, unsure of how the action would be received.
"Doubtful," Jasper says, "From what we know, she's reasonably well physically, it's just general self-neglect, which is even harder to fix than the medical problems."
I nod. I expected so. "Do you at least have copies of her discharge papers?" Alice hands me a stack of papers.
From my quick read over them, he's right. There's nothing practical I can do for her right now. No simple pill to fix everything. Just time and a lot of hard work from Bella.
"We'll get her back." For the first time it's Emmett speaking, and I smile at the determination in his voice. "Just you all watch."