Every Heart For Years

Chapter Three – Past

The soul… some say it's different than the heart. Some say, the soul is the heart… the being that creates us. Or if you ask a scientist, they claim that it's the brain that makes us who we are. However, both are wrong. In a way, no one is created by his or her heart, or mind for that matter… it's their past that creates them. Before anyone jumps at me… really think about that one for a moment.

Say your father dies when you're at the age of seven. That affects you and your relationships around you. It could completely change your path in life depending on your feelings about it. You could go down a new path, instead of the one he forced you down, or you could dedicate your life to him. Many things change who we are, but it's the past that makes us today.

For us humans, it's simple I suppose. We live such short lives in the entire scheme of time. About one hundred years is nothing in time. Some of us try and live our lives to the fullest. Some of us just waste our lives, not caring what could happen tomorrow. But have you ever grown tired? So tired your soul feels completely drained? Nothing matters anymore, no one either.

Maybe it's the fact we know we're going to die, mostly of old age than anything else. Most of us care enough to try until we can't try anymore. Life itself has a soul… our children, our parents… the things that are important to us, they make the soul of us, the past makes who we are, but what if the past haunts you?

What if the past is the reason… you have no soul?

---

Meryl awoke feeling desperate. Like she was alone… completely alone. Not a soul in the world existed. Sitting up, she found it was still dark. Glancing over at the fire, all that was left was very small red embers and a small trail of smoke leading to the clear sky. That's when it hit her. She looked to her left, to find herself alone… in the middle of the desert. He… he left me… alone out here?

For some odd reason, it bothered her. She had been traveling with the Typhoon for about three months, still never seeing the sight or sounds of a town nearby, and yet he always seemed to disappear. At first, he'd tie her up. To a large rock or something heavy enough that she'd never be able to pull. However after about two weeks of that, and certain that she had no idea where they were, he stopped tying her wrists. He insisted that it was never because he trusted her, only the fact if she wandered off; she'd more than likely die.

Living with the Humanoid Typhoon wasn't as bad as she thought it'd be. At times he could certainly be moody, she could say one thing and he'd take it in another direction completely. They'd fight, bicker, and whine at each other, but before long he was back to an odd sort of personality. An almost happy look in his eyes when he spoke to her, and somehow that gave more reason to stick around him. The more she was around him, the happier she felt.

She knew better than to trust him though. He was still after all a very dangerous man after all. Why he was so dangerous, or why he did kill so many people at a time he hadn't told her yet. At times, when he was staring at the fire, he'd tell her stories of his past. A few of them being of his brother Knives, or how they weren't human. Even a little into the power they possessed. It didn't really surprise her, remembering the state Knives had come with when he was handed over to Milly.

Most of the time however she wondered how an idiot like him could really take so many lives. The same idiot that left her here out here… alone. Sure he was known for disappearing in the middle of the night, usually to get supplies however this time it was different. She felt it. Something she noticed had been growing over time the more she hung around Vash. Her mind felt open and at times she could swear she could hear him thinking things when his face scowled over.

At first she thought she was just losing it, but as time went on, it didn't go away. It grew stronger and she remembered the night he snapped at her when she tried to hone in on his thoughts. " It's not smart to pry into things people don't want you to know." Okay in a way he was hiding something, and she wanted to know. She wanted to… help him. Even though he killed Wolfwood… even though he was probably the most dangerous and ruthless man alive. She still wanted to help him. However telling him that wasn't an option.

Even though he told her not to, she tried anyway. Closing her eyes, and placing her index and middle fingers over her temples, she stretched her mind, and in a way, tried to feel him. What she got however was not what she was used to. The pain that surged through her body, it wasn't hers and it took her mind a moment from the shock to realize that it was coming from him. Something was horribly wrong.

Standing to her feet, she swayed slightly but stood her ground for a moment. Trying to just lightly touch his mind instead of finding it, the dull ache pounding in her head told her part of the reason was he was drunk. But it was more than that as well. Eventually she connected enough to get a general direction, she stared out at the blank desert a moment before sighing. I'm going to kill him. Simple as that.

---

The walk wasn't actually all that long. Within the hour she found herself peering out at a small town. Most of the lights were off, save for the bar and few random houses here and there. For a moment, her mind told her this would be the perfect time to escape. To get free and back to Milly and Knives, she could easily tell them what happened. She could even do her best to map out a route if she could find out what name this town was.

But that was all it was. A moment, deep down inside she knew she couldn't leave. She wasn't afraid of him looking for her, yelling at her for leaving. Deep down… I'm afraid he won't. She groaned weakly, smacking her hand over her face. She would never admit that to him, or hell… even Milly. Torn in half, between the truth and the lie, she told herself the lie was better. Even still, she made her way towards the bar.

Stepping inside the bar, the sight in front of her nearly made her scream. Blood coated the walls and ran in streaks across the floor from random bodies loaded with bullets. Gagging slightly, she closed her eyes, placing her hands firmly over her eyes. Sinking down to her knees, she shook softly. She hadn't seen something so horrible since her father's death, images flying through her mind. I… I can't feel my body.

A few tears escaped her eyes, trailing down her still slightly healing forearms. She didn't even notice the pair of strong arms lifting her, carrying her out into the fresh air. She didn't notice until she heard a grunting sound from the chest her head was pressed against. Gathering herself together, she moved her hands away just enough to look up into the sharp sea-green eyes of Vash. This time it was him who suddenly sank to the ground, letting out a few more grunts as she landed in his lap, his back pressed against a nearby wall.

" You… you killed them!?" In the time she had been with him, she was positive he hadn't killed anyone. Foolish… thinking he would just stop killing because you showed up. He growled through his slightly drunken stupor and pulled his arms away from her. Across her blouse were dots of blood. Blinking a few times, she took a good look at him. Even in the weak light, she could see trails of a darker red down his jacket. Frowning softly, she reached out and touched his chest softly.

" I… I…" He had closed his eyes as she touched his chest; flinching in the pain even the simple touch gave him. Tried to dull the pain with alcohol… such a male. She rolled her eyes softly, she helped him up slowly, with him hissing in pain most of the way. It had been a short journey to a house. Knocking softly, she waited before opening the door. Helping him into a bedroom, she checked the rest of the house, not really surprised to find it empty.

Returning the room she had laid him down in, she stripped him of his coat and shirt. … So… So many scars!! She gapped down at his chest, running her fingers over a large old looking scar before snapping out daze. He was mumbling softly at her, nothing coherent or specific as she dressed his wounds. She wasn't surprised that shortly after she was done that he passed out.

---

Vash groaned painfully. His muscles were sore, feeling like someone was pulling them in opposite directions, and his head pounded from the drinking he had did to help relieve the pain. Opening his eyes slowly, he tried to focus on something… anything, but his head was too busy spinning. As he tried to sit up, he found himself weighted down. Not horribly heavy, just certainly sure the weight didn't belong to him. Forcing his eyes back open, he focused on a mass of white, cream, and soft raven black.

The shock nearly caused his eyes to focus alone. What the…? Lifting his sore arm slowly, he saw it bandaged and clean. Gently he brushed his fingertips over her cheek, which caused her to groan and mumble and then crawl closer to his body. Most of her chest was draped over his and her face must have been snuggled into his neck most of the night. Sighing softly, he leaned his head back into the pillow, unconsciously letting his fingers bury themselves into her hair, stroking her slightly.

Meryl mumbled and tried to snuggle into the hard mass beneath her, however it didn't really work too well. Her eyes shot open as soon as they felt fingers tangling into her hair, almost like petting her while she was lying there on top of… VASH!? She shoved herself up, not even remembering falling onto the bed, much less on top of him. The walk must of tired her out a lot more than she had thought. Lifting her eyes to his face, she found the common smirk and chuckle erupting from him.

She blushed furiously, looking like she was ready to hit him from not waking her, but she held her hands clenched to the bed while she tried to think of something to say to him. However he seemed to have his mind completely back in check even with his massive headache. " You took care of me." His voice was soft, and even grateful. She blushed a little more, before hardening over after a moment, glaring at him. " You killed them."

The look that crossed over his face wasn't something she had seen before. He looked away from her, out the window with a heavy sigh before shaking his head. " No they shot each other trying to kill me." She shifted, trying to think why anyone would kill him, and he read her mind almost perfectly. " I do have a good six billion double dollars on my head you know. I didn't shoot anyone…"

Letting her eyes fall back down on him, she sighed softly. " Sorry I…" He waved her voice off with his hand, taking a moment before looking over at her. " I'll tell you… when I'm ready okay?" She blinked and tilted her head a moment before he took a sharp breath, forcing himself to sit up. " That's what you prodded into my mind for. You said I buried my heart… you prodded into my mind to find out if it was true."

She groaned inwardly. He heard me… Smirking up at her, he poked her stomach softly. " Yes… I heard you." She opened her mouth before staring at him. Shrugging a little he looked out the window. " I've never had anyone pick up on talents from me before. Then again, you're probably the only human that's been around me longer than five minutes." She flinched at the statement, dropping her gaze down to the ground. She then muttered four words she swore she never thought would have come out of her mouth.

" You left me… alone." She didn't know how the pain from deep inside found it's way up to her voice, but it caught his attention. His head snapped back towards her, his eyes looking like he wanted to kill her for her words before he suddenly seemed to realize what she meant. Opening his mouth, he couldn't find any words for her. Damnit, I said I wouldn't go back! I swore! But as much as he didn't want it, she was changing him.

He was torn between throwing her out of the room and leaving her completely alone permanently, or to pull her towards him. The past two months had been trying on him. Even with her temper towards him, she followed him almost willingly. Almost? Wrong… she followed you willingly last night. Groaning slightly, he scratched the back of his head. She noticed him deep in thought and she moved to stand. His arm shot out and held her in place while he seemed to think hard, trying to bring up words that belonged.

Meryl simply grumbled while he held her in place. She had learned long ago to fight his grip generally ended in a fight and him closing up on her. After a moment though he let out a few mutters and released her arm, and she rubbed at the spot as though it had been sore. He sighed and stared straight at her, causing her motions to stop and freeze as she stared back at him. " You look familiar… you look like her."

Blinking a few times, she tilted her head. Her? Oh… of course I would. He sat up and almost laid a glare on her. " Of course? How do you even know what I'm talking about?" Meryl hissed and turned her back to him, crossing her arms over her chest while she tapped her fingers on her forearms, trying to find a way to explain what she meant. Not long afterwards she felt a mild pain, as though someone was sticking a pin into her brain slowly. Whirling around, she glared down at the blond before reaching out and slapping him across the face.

She would have preferred hitting his body, but she had spent so much time bandaging it, she didn't want to ruin them. " You don't want me in your brain so STAY out of mine!" She growled at him as he rubbed his face. That's the second time she's done that… stupid bitch. He rolled his eyes before copying her and crossed his arms over his chest. She watched his eyes become guarded and sharp, staring at the wall instead of her now.

Meryl stood there for a moment, trying to decide if storming out on him and finding a way out of the town to her freedom would have been better, or to watch the brooding broom-head in front of her mutter about how she was nothing but an annoyance. Most of his words hurt her; even though she knew her temper was very hard to stand. He was the first to say it aloud and not care about any consequences that came with it. After a moment she sighed painfully and let her arms drop. She still went with her better idea. Lie over truth… at least for now.

" If you said I look like her, the obviously I would, otherwise you wouldn't say it!" She raised her brow, the logic making sense. His eyes turned to her, looking rather unbelieving at her a moment before he grunted at her and looked back at the wall. " You look like her but you are certainly nothing like her." Why I outta… She growled and before she could slip up again, she stormed out the door, effectively slamming it behind her.

---

It felt like days, but simply a few hours later of not moving, Vash started to feel his muscles bunching and cramping from the same position since she had left. The simple thought of those he had lost so far into the past pained him deeply. Thoughts he had pressed into the back of his head until he didn't think of them at all. This was more than he imagined. Just by taking this woman with him, she reminding him constantly now of all the pain he went through to get to this point.

Just as he sat up, pushing to take his time, the short woman pushed the door open carrying a tray in one hand. Placing the tray down on the stand next to the bed, his nose told him what his heart had already hopped. A thick and delicious looking stew and off to the side were two donuts. It hadn't taken her long to pick up that he would have lived on donuts if it had been completely possible.

The silence normally wouldn't bother him, except for the fact she was never quiet. Well, deathly quiet anyway. When he looked up from his half eaten donut it was then he realized she had left. For her to sneak out that well over creaking boards and squeaky hinges was a feat he didn't think she contained within that small body of hers. Placing the rest of his food off to the side, he forced himself up. It was painful, but only for a moment. What bothered him more was the dizziness that came with the pain. Grunting ruefully, he pulled his door open.

The house was plain, like most. Probably just a husband and wife, either with no children or more likely an elderly couple. He padded into the living room, the dark blue against cream barely catching his sight. He stopped and tilted his head before sighing. Rubbing his hand over his face he moved to stand behind her. Her eyes were stuck on the sky, glazed over and looked as far away as the stars were. Even him clearing his throat didn't catch her attention.

Kneeling down in front of her, he started to reach out to her but stopped mid way between them. Going soft already? He grimaced; the obvious excuse came into mind. Better to be gentle than to be rough and smacked. Using his thumb and index finger, he caught her chin and slowly nudged her face to look at him. She stared at him as blankly as she had been towards the stars, before clearing the daze from her eyes with a few blinks.

With his hand so close, she blushed deeply and ran her fingers through her hair, but didn't push his hand away from her face. Simply and gently as she could, she pushed the question he resented most. " What happened to you?" The fact he could be this gentle with so much blood on his hands… something had to have happened to him. Deep inside though, her memory already knew, but only parts. She wanted to know what happened.

He groaned but didn't push the question away. He was in too much pain as it was; he didn't want her bugging him to tell her when they started traveling again. Moving his hand from her chin, he grasped her hand and led her to the couch. Folding himself down onto it slowly, he tugged her to sit down next to him. " I'm not human as you know. I'm… old. About one hundred and thirty… two I believe."

---

" Vash… Vash come over here!" Knives snickered and pointed to a butterfly fluttering from flower to flower. Vash clambered over a rock and leaned over his brother's shoulder. Behind them, a young woman with long black hair smiled softly over the two. " That's a butterfly Knives. It drinks nectar to survive. It also helps create new flowers." Vash whirled around to face the woman, a huge smile planted on his face.

" Your favorite… it's the red flower right Rem?" She giggled and nodded. " The geranium. Its red color is also connected with determination. Although I love all flowers, geraniums are my favorite." Rem dazed off for a moment, staring out over the multi-colored field. " I always have loved flowers… my sister…" She giggled and shook her head. " She loved the oceans." Pointing down at Vash's eyes she smiled softly. " She would have loved your eyes. The color of the ocean…"

Vash tilted his head a little in confusion. " You have a sister? Where is she?" Rem lost her smile a moment before smiling weakly at the boy. " My sister and I are kind of like you and Knives. We're twins… almost. We don't look completely the same. Marina she's… she's here." Vash blinked before his eyes light up. " She's one of the frozen?" Rem opened her mouth to reply before Knives came running up. " The doctor says it's time for the check up!"

---

Vash stared out over all the dead bodies in front of him. All of them from the frozen capsules containing the sleeping people who would become the seeds of the new chosen planet. In the middle of them all, stood Darien… a crazed look over his face. Turning slowly, he faced the boy before moving towards him in slow and frightening steps. Vash backed up into the door, trying to force his brain to catch up.

---

" Rem!? No Rem you can't leave us!" Knives screamed over his brother, who clutched the bleeding woman to his chest. Knives shook with rage over the fact someone had the guts to shoot the gentle woman, but grabbed his brother, dragging him reluctantly away from the dying woman. Rem smiled sadly as she watched the brothers pull themselves into an escape pod. Knives smashed the panel, locking the door before his brother could force the door open. " NO REM!"

---

Vash stared blankly at the sandy ground beneath him while Knives stood next to him, watching several ships crash into the ground, or burn in the sky. It seemed like forever, but he eventually he kneeled down next to his crying brother, who suddenly stiffened and looked up to the sky. " They all need to die. I'll kill them all." Knives simply nodded before grabbing his brother's hand. " I agree."

---

Vash stared down at his bleeding brother, who stared back with pleading eyes. " Don't leave me here Vash, they'll kill me." Grunting down at his brother, Vash crossed his arms, watching the shadows slowly approaching the broken down building. " You're a weak link brother… I will finish off the race without you." With that, he turned his back and disappeared from view.

---

Meryl wasn't sure what to say. The look of murder that had come across his face frightened her. Truly and deeply, the idiot broom head she had spent time around was gone. The recollection of his past suddenly seemed to harden his resolve. Standing without a flinch or a hiss of pain he wandered over to his coat. Tilting her head a little, Meryl herself slowly forced herself to her feet as well. After a moment Vash slowly faced her, raising his gun towards her. Her stomach and heart fell away with his words.

" Humans kill each other. I loved her… I loved Rem. You all deserve to die… you look just like her." He hissed at her like she was the ugly thing he had detailed in his past. Meryl started to open her mouth, but it was cut short by the pain that suddenly ripped through her.

He didn't just shoot her… with that, he shot her heart.

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Yes yes I know, much of his past was 'flashy' from scene to scene and I want it to be that way. Everything will be revealed in time of course. I couldn't help but leave off with a cliffhanger too. R&R… it'll make me update faster. Plus I kinda rewarded you... this chapter is like.. twice as long as most of my chapters!