Chapter 2
Once again I'm involved in something like this. Once again, I have become part of a group that will risk everything for one shred of happiness. I guess that's what all this is about, Matt wants a little peace so he plans to repay everything, and take everything that's his. And I guess I'm helping, maybe Kyle would've done it if he was alive. No, I'm sure he would've. This time, I'll be taking his place.
I was sleeping in what would've been Kyle's bed, and I felt the flood of emotions drown me. I fell asleep sometime around two. The dreams were vivid, just like Kyle always said his were. I dreamt that he died every time he could've. The time I met him, the time in the hospital, the time at the prison, and finally the time at the testing facilities, where he did die.
I woke up in the mid morning, I was sweating a little. There was a note on my door, it said, "Get ready then come down for planning." I took a shower and went downstairs to see what was up.
"What are we planning for," Matt and Julie were already there and waiting for me.
"There are four brothers, each with their own district, and each with a debt." Matt threw a few photos on the coffee table, I picked them up and leafed through them. "They have dinner together at the oldest brother's restaurant every Saturday, then they go out for drinks, we hit them tomorrow night."
In the dark of my room, I thought about what had happened to me, and my family. I had met my brother, Kyle after about fourteen years, I last saw him when he was two, that's when I was taken in by Durden. Kyle died shortly after I met him, I couldn't take care of him, some big brother I am. Julie was sleeping quietly beside me, her chest rose and fell rhythmically. I couldn't sleep though. Christy once told me how Kyle could never sleep either, I guess brothers are alike in many ways, but something that's different is, he's dead and I'm here.
I got out of bed slowly, careful not to disturb Julie's rest. I went down to the living room to make myself a drink, I was surprised by Christy. She looked up from her book when I came in and smiled.
"Can't sleep either?" She put her book down and moved herself to a sitting position.
"No, too many things in my head." I opened my wine cabinet and found that my favorite drink was gone, the cabernet 1947. I laughed when I saw that the bottle was in Christy's hands.
"Want to share the rest of the bottle?" She held it up, I nodded and got a glass for myself. I took the bottle from her and poured both of us drinks.
"So what were you thinking about?" I asked after my first sip.
"Kyle," She drank from her glass, she downed the whole thing. "You?"
"Kyle," I moved to pour her another, but she refused.
"I've had enough, I think I can sleep now, good night." She put her glass in the dishwasher then went up stairs. I couldn't help but feel a little jealous of Kyle, she really was the perfect girl, literate and stylish, kissable and quiet. The girl that dreams are made of.
I thought about my relationship with Julie, that just kind of...happened. I don't think I really planned it but after I met her, I felt that she was the right girl for me, and I guess she thought I was the right guy. Can't worry about this now, I still have to come up with a plan for tomorrow night.
I woke up slowly and felt that there was something missing, or more like someone. It was still dark, the clock beside the bed said it was three. Matt wasn't here, I put on my night gown and went down stairs, Matt was in the living room.
"Hey," I whispered, I slipped my arms around his neck from behind him. "Why are you still up? Thinking about Kyle again?"
"Yeah, something like that." Matt took my left hand in his right, and I felt his warmth. I wanted every moment of my life to be like this, but I know it can't. We all have jobs to do, something that we have to accomplish. "What about you?"
"Got lonely in bed." I sat down beside him and took his bottle from him. I also took his glass and poured myself a little of the wine. "So what's the plan for tomorrow?"
Matt sighed, "I don't know. This is all to complicated, I can't do this alone."
"Kyle could've." I was joking but I saw the flash of emotion on Matt's face. "Don't worry, you can too. After all you're the older one right?"
"No, Kyle may be young in age, but he's more experienced at life, he knows just about everything. Like the pain of love, or the joy of togetherness, or even the finality of death." Matt leaned back and let his head fall backwards, he stared at the ceiling for a while. "You know, I wish it was me."
I knew, he'd rather have Kyle alive, even if he had to trade his own life for it. "I don't."
"You don't know or you don't want Kyle instead of me?" Matt lowered his head again, now he was looking me right in the eye.
"What kind of question is that to ask me?" I gave him back his bottle and went upstairs again. I guess Matt needed to be alone right now, he was too upset about Kyle. Maybe seeing Christy brought thoughts of Kyle back to him, but I don't blame her. It's not Christy's fault, nor is it Matt's. All this was Kyle's fault, his suicidal ways. He once told me, all he wanted from life was new experiences, he said he wanted as many as possible, the good ones and the bad ones.
Julie left, I knew I shouldn't have asked her that question, but it just came out. There was a little left in the bottle, I drank all of it right from the bottle, not bothering with a glass. I fell into a sort of drunken sleep shortly after that. I wasn't cut out to do this, I needed the courage that Kyle had, or maybe the recklessness that he had. Either way, I needed something.
After I came back upstairs, I still couldn't sleep, being here made me think of Kyle. I took out the stuff that Julie and Matt had given me earlier today. I picked up Kyle's mp3 player and put on the earphones. Music flooded my head and I felt more at peace. It was like the music was part of Kyle, he had chosen the songs, and put them together. And now I was listening to something that almost seemed to be the essence of him.
"...One part loss, one part no sleep, one part the gunshot we heard. One part the screams mistaken for laughter, one part everything after. One part love, one part stepping out of the driving rain, one part parting ways, in the cold apartment, don't look back. Just keep running down the stairs, do you hear the footsteps? Can you hear voices in the traffic? Communiqués in the attic? They say after time all this will heal, and our broken arms will mend themselves, stuck in our embrace..."
Sleep came after that, I slept as the music kept playing in my head. I finally slept.
Once again I'm involved in something like this. Once again, I have become part of a group that will risk everything for one shred of happiness. I guess that's what all this is about, Matt wants a little peace so he plans to repay everything, and take everything that's his. And I guess I'm helping, maybe Kyle would've done it if he was alive. No, I'm sure he would've. This time, I'll be taking his place.
I was sleeping in what would've been Kyle's bed, and I felt the flood of emotions drown me. I fell asleep sometime around two. The dreams were vivid, just like Kyle always said his were. I dreamt that he died every time he could've. The time I met him, the time in the hospital, the time at the prison, and finally the time at the testing facilities, where he did die.
I woke up in the mid morning, I was sweating a little. There was a note on my door, it said, "Get ready then come down for planning." I took a shower and went downstairs to see what was up.
"What are we planning for," Matt and Julie were already there and waiting for me.
"There are four brothers, each with their own district, and each with a debt." Matt threw a few photos on the coffee table, I picked them up and leafed through them. "They have dinner together at the oldest brother's restaurant every Saturday, then they go out for drinks, we hit them tomorrow night."
In the dark of my room, I thought about what had happened to me, and my family. I had met my brother, Kyle after about fourteen years, I last saw him when he was two, that's when I was taken in by Durden. Kyle died shortly after I met him, I couldn't take care of him, some big brother I am. Julie was sleeping quietly beside me, her chest rose and fell rhythmically. I couldn't sleep though. Christy once told me how Kyle could never sleep either, I guess brothers are alike in many ways, but something that's different is, he's dead and I'm here.
I got out of bed slowly, careful not to disturb Julie's rest. I went down to the living room to make myself a drink, I was surprised by Christy. She looked up from her book when I came in and smiled.
"Can't sleep either?" She put her book down and moved herself to a sitting position.
"No, too many things in my head." I opened my wine cabinet and found that my favorite drink was gone, the cabernet 1947. I laughed when I saw that the bottle was in Christy's hands.
"Want to share the rest of the bottle?" She held it up, I nodded and got a glass for myself. I took the bottle from her and poured both of us drinks.
"So what were you thinking about?" I asked after my first sip.
"Kyle," She drank from her glass, she downed the whole thing. "You?"
"Kyle," I moved to pour her another, but she refused.
"I've had enough, I think I can sleep now, good night." She put her glass in the dishwasher then went up stairs. I couldn't help but feel a little jealous of Kyle, she really was the perfect girl, literate and stylish, kissable and quiet. The girl that dreams are made of.
I thought about my relationship with Julie, that just kind of...happened. I don't think I really planned it but after I met her, I felt that she was the right girl for me, and I guess she thought I was the right guy. Can't worry about this now, I still have to come up with a plan for tomorrow night.
I woke up slowly and felt that there was something missing, or more like someone. It was still dark, the clock beside the bed said it was three. Matt wasn't here, I put on my night gown and went down stairs, Matt was in the living room.
"Hey," I whispered, I slipped my arms around his neck from behind him. "Why are you still up? Thinking about Kyle again?"
"Yeah, something like that." Matt took my left hand in his right, and I felt his warmth. I wanted every moment of my life to be like this, but I know it can't. We all have jobs to do, something that we have to accomplish. "What about you?"
"Got lonely in bed." I sat down beside him and took his bottle from him. I also took his glass and poured myself a little of the wine. "So what's the plan for tomorrow?"
Matt sighed, "I don't know. This is all to complicated, I can't do this alone."
"Kyle could've." I was joking but I saw the flash of emotion on Matt's face. "Don't worry, you can too. After all you're the older one right?"
"No, Kyle may be young in age, but he's more experienced at life, he knows just about everything. Like the pain of love, or the joy of togetherness, or even the finality of death." Matt leaned back and let his head fall backwards, he stared at the ceiling for a while. "You know, I wish it was me."
I knew, he'd rather have Kyle alive, even if he had to trade his own life for it. "I don't."
"You don't know or you don't want Kyle instead of me?" Matt lowered his head again, now he was looking me right in the eye.
"What kind of question is that to ask me?" I gave him back his bottle and went upstairs again. I guess Matt needed to be alone right now, he was too upset about Kyle. Maybe seeing Christy brought thoughts of Kyle back to him, but I don't blame her. It's not Christy's fault, nor is it Matt's. All this was Kyle's fault, his suicidal ways. He once told me, all he wanted from life was new experiences, he said he wanted as many as possible, the good ones and the bad ones.
Julie left, I knew I shouldn't have asked her that question, but it just came out. There was a little left in the bottle, I drank all of it right from the bottle, not bothering with a glass. I fell into a sort of drunken sleep shortly after that. I wasn't cut out to do this, I needed the courage that Kyle had, or maybe the recklessness that he had. Either way, I needed something.
After I came back upstairs, I still couldn't sleep, being here made me think of Kyle. I took out the stuff that Julie and Matt had given me earlier today. I picked up Kyle's mp3 player and put on the earphones. Music flooded my head and I felt more at peace. It was like the music was part of Kyle, he had chosen the songs, and put them together. And now I was listening to something that almost seemed to be the essence of him.
"...One part loss, one part no sleep, one part the gunshot we heard. One part the screams mistaken for laughter, one part everything after. One part love, one part stepping out of the driving rain, one part parting ways, in the cold apartment, don't look back. Just keep running down the stairs, do you hear the footsteps? Can you hear voices in the traffic? Communiqués in the attic? They say after time all this will heal, and our broken arms will mend themselves, stuck in our embrace..."
Sleep came after that, I slept as the music kept playing in my head. I finally slept.