Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me.
"Alright everyone, we are leaving in five minutes, so if you need to use the bathroom, do it now!" Yukimi Igarashi announced to her household.
"Yes, mama/Mrs. Igarashi!" Her children, both biological and otherwise, replied before quickly rushing off to use the toilet.
One of the good things about running a bathhouse, Yukimi reflected happily, was that her family didn't have to worry about waiting their turn to use the bathroom, considering they had so many of them. "We did a good job raising them, didn't we, Papa?" She asked, leaning into her husband's embrace.
Genta smiled and kissed her on the forehead. "That we did, mama." He glanced at one of the many, many family pictures lining the walls and his face fell. "If only all of us could be here."
Yukimi's face fell, and both their thoughts flew to their missing progeny, beyond the walls of ARARAT. "I sent him a text," she said quietly. "And an email. And left a message on his voicemail. He hasn't gotten back to me yet."
Genta sighed, expression weary. "I really thought I'd gotten through to him, after I settled things with Vail."
"He'll come back to us," Yukimi said with confidence she didn't entirely feel. "He has to. This is his home."
Genta nodded. "And now that I'm fully recovered, maybe it's time I joined the kids as a Kamen Rider."
Yukimi gave him an alarmed look. "Genta, no-"
"Yukimi, if I can help our kids, then I have to," Genta insisted. "I'm the most experienced Rider of us all. And if we can't talk sense into Daiji… Then I'll drag him home, kicking and screaming."
"… I almost lost you, so many times," Yukimi said softly. "I just got you back, Genta."
He kissed her gently. "I'll come back. Every time. I will always come back to you."
"Hey, are we interrupting a private moment?" Vice asked as he and the rest of the kids filed back into the room. "Don't stop on our account!"
"No, we're finished," Yukimi said, pulling away from Genta, much to his disappointment. She smiled fondly as she gazed upon her extended family. There was her eldest, Ikki and his partner Vice, her youngest, Sakura and her partner Lovekov, their girlfriends Hana and Astarte, and the shy and awkward but endearing Tamaki.
Oh, and George Karizaki was there as well.
"Are we all here?" Yukimi asked, even though it was unnecessary, everyone currently staying under her roof was gathered before her. "Everyone who wants to come?"
"Yes, mama/Mrs. Igarashi," everyone chorused.
"Thank you for inviting me, Lady Igarashi," Astarte said regally, bowing and causing Lovekov to giggle. "I am still learning about this era and how best to establish my new kingdom, and I'm looking forward to this opportunity to better understand how the people of this age enjoy themselves and seek pleasure."
"A-and thank you for inviting me, Mrs. Igarashi," Tamaki stammered adorably. "You really didn't need to, I would have been perfectly happy to stay here and look after the bathhouse in your absence-"
"Nonsense!" Genta barked. "This is a family outing, Tamaki, so of course we couldn't leave you behind!"
"And besides, you've been working so hard at Weekend along with everyone else, you deserve a break as much as anyone, even if you aren't a Rider," Yukimi assured him, causing the lonely young man to start tearing up.
"It's…th-thank you for giving me a home, and a family!" Tamaki bawled, his face getting all red and splotchy and leaving everyone feeling rather awkward.
"Geez, it's not that big a deal, you're just the live-in Butler," Hana muttered, the blush on her face and the way Sakura was holding her hand making it clear she very much appreciated being included in the family as well, even if she was just Yukimi's daughter's girlfriend.
Of course, she was far more to Yukimi than just that, now, even if Hana had trouble believing it herself.
"This is so cool! I can't believe we're going to Hiden Land, I've always wanted to go!" Ikki gushed.
Everyone gave him confused looks. "What are you talking about, Ikki?" Asked a confused Sakura. "We've gone there lots of times. It's your favorite theme park."
Ikki blinked. "It is?"
Vice suddenly laughed very loudly, aggressively grabbed Ikki, and pulled him close. "Of COURSE it's your favorite theme park, Ikki! You LOVE going there! You've gone there lots of times, ever since you were a little kid, and rode all the rides and tried all the attractions and got horribly sick after eating too much cotton candy! Remember that, Ikki? Remember that? Remember? Remember? Remember that, Ikki?"
"O-oh, of course I remember!" Ikki said quickly, laughing nervously. "A joke, a silly joke, ha ha, that's an Aruto!"
Genta regarded his eldest son skeptically for a moment, then shrugged. "That does sound like the sort of awful joke President Hiden would make," he admitted, much to Ikki's relief.
Tamaki raised a hand. "Um, Mrs. Igarashi, not to complain, but… If this is a family outing, then does that mean you view Dr. Karizaki as family too?"
"Not even close," Yukimi said flatly. "However, if we leave him here, I'm worried he would destroy the entire bathhouse in some horrific science experiment."
"A legitimate concern," George said cheerfully.
"Why are you even here, George?" Sakura asked. "Shouldn't you be back at Weekend? Your dad's really been wanting to talk to you."
"He can keep waiting," George said coldly.
Genta sighed. "Look, George, I understand you're angry at your father-"
"He let me think he was dead for years and implanted his inner demon inside of me, and Lord knows how that screwed me up," George pointed out bitterly.
"All that's true," Genta admitted. "But if you let him die before telling him how you feel, without gaining any kind of closure… Well, that'll mess you up even worse."
Vice nodded in agreement. "Yeah, so much so you become so obsessed with surpassing your daddy you give in to the whispers of your inner demon, craft a Driver that doesn't use any demonic power whatsoever, and become a Kamen Rider yourself and try to take us all out in the name of world peace or something!"
Ikki blinked. "… That's an oddly specific prediction."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," George said haughtily, briefly wondering if Vice had somehow seen his files on the Chimera Driver or Project Juuga.
"So, should we invite Hiromi or Hikaru?" Ikki wondered. "I mean, they've been fighting alongside us, so that sort of makes them like family too-"
"What are you talking about, Ikki? Hiromi is getting the first of many procedures which will hopefully fix his old man body so he can actually fight again and not possibly drop dead if he sneezes too hard," a puzzled Sakura spoke up.
"Yes, Ikki, that's something you absolutely knew the whole time," Vice said loudly. "Remember? Remember that, Ikki? REMEMBER?"
"O-oh, yes, that's right," Ikki said quickly. "Of course I remember."
Everyone gave him confused looks.
"… Anyway, while we would love to have Hiromi under any other circumstances, Hikaru lied to us and spied on us for years, so he's dead to me," Yukimi said flatly.
"Didn't you lie to your husband for years?" A perplexed Astarte inquired. "At least, that is what I've been told."
Yukimi fidgeted. "She did that to protect me," Genta was quick to assert, putting a hand on her shoulder. "To make sure nobody would come after me to try and make me into a weapon again."
"Vail still found us in the end," Ikki pointed out, which made Vice wince for some reason.
"There's no way anyone could have predicted that," Sakura argued.
Astarte nodded. "Understandable. Why, then, did she claim you were already in a relationship and married?"
Genta frowned. "That's… Kind of a good question. Honey, why did you-"
Yukimi clapped her hands together. "So! We can deal with problems like George's serious daddy issues, whether Hikaru can ever do anything to get his lifetime ban removed, or whether or not my relationship with papa is legitimate another day. If we are going to make it to the park before the rush, we should probably get going-"
There was a jingle of bells as the front door opened.
"I'm sorry, but we are closed for the day-" Yukimi started to say to the customer who apparently didn't know how to read, only to scream when none other than the demon king Giff walked into the room.
Tamaki screamed like a little girl and passed out, George dove behind the couch, a horrified Ikki, Sakura, Hana, and Genta immediately strapped their Drivers on, Vice and Lovekov tensed for battle, and Astarte…
Facepalmed. "Oh no, not again…"
"Greetings, humans and demons of the Igarashi family and their vassals!" Giff announced dramatically, raising a hand in greeting. "I am Cousin Giffrey, your long-lost blood relative whom you have never heard about until this very moment! I am a genetic relation to your family and a descendent of the awesome demon king Giff like yourselves, but I assure you I am completely and totally human save for possessing a reasonable percentage of superior demon cells which, like yourselves, places me a step above the mortal chattel who have convinced themselves they are the dominant species of this planet. I am absolutely not Giff, though I've been told I bear an uncanny resemblance to him, as well as sharing his fashion sense, as my completely ordinary human garments should demonstrate!"
Everyone stared at him blankly.
"GodDAMN!" George yelled, poking his head out from behind the couch.
"Well, he's not wrong about the fashion sense," Vice muttered, taking in the plaid jorts, horribly loud tie-dyed T-shirt with a huge hole where Giff's chest horn burst through, astonishingly tacky oversized sunglasses, makeup messily applied to his skull face, bucket hat dangling from the end of his twisted horn, glow-in-the-dark slap bracelets, gaudy mood rings and, most damning of all, socks and sandals. "That's about as ugly as his golden pimp suit."
"Does this mean Assistant Prime Minister Himuro is also related to Giff?" Ikki wondered, dazed. "I've heard things about his sense of style."
"No, it can't be genetic, none of us dress like that," Sakura said, stunned.
"Yeah, you're much more stylish," a shocked Hana murmured.
Genta took a deep breath, then straightened up, stood in front of Yukimi, and raised his Hercules Vistamp. "Giff, I don't know what you think you're doing coming here, but if you plan to take us out, in front of my wife, you have another thing coming-"
Astarte grabbed Genta's shoulder, pulling his arm back. "One moment. Giffrey, was it?"
Giff nodded. "Yes. That is me. Cousin Giffrey. Not Giff. I have never met him, though I would love to someday! He seems like a powerful and respected entity who deserves to rule the world and guide humanity to a new future."
Astarte gave him a very false smile. "Right. Could you give us a minute?"
Giff nodded. "But of course! And in the meantime, I shall examine this crude human domicile which is an utterly unworthy residence for those who share the exalted genes of the inestimable demon king Giff!"
"Crude? Unworthy?! We just redid the wallpaper!" Yukimi protested as Astarte gently pulled her and Genta back and gestured for everyone to come together. "And we have stellar reviews, and numerous tourism sites say we are a must-visit place!"
"Astarte, what's going on, love?" Lovekov asked in concern as the family formed a huddle. "That is great grandpa Giff, isn't it?"
"Oh, definitely, I can feel it from head to toe!" Vice agreed.
"That's absolutely him, though I have no idea what he's doing here," Hana insisted. She wrinkled her face up in disgust. "Or what he's wearing."
"Is this some sort of trick? He doesn't really think we're dumb enough to buy this whole long-lost cousin bit, does he?" An incredulous George asked. "I mean, that's hardly even a disguise!"
They briefly glanced over at Giff, who was regarding a bar of complementary soap with great interest. After a moment, he took a bite out of it. He chewed on it for a moment in contemplation, then stuffed the whole thing in his mouth.
"And you worshiped him?" An incredulous Sakura asked a very embarrassed Hana.
Astarte sighed in resignation. "I'd hoped it would never come to this again… You see, back in the old days, occasionally Giff would attempt to disguise himself to blend in with human society in a better attempt to understand and coexist with you all, as he's always wanted. However, Giff is terrible at pretending to be human, as should be quite evident, due to him having very little understanding of how you function despite observing you for millennia, so pretty much everyone saw through his act every time he tried it, freaked out, and drove him out, which would lead to him destroying their civilization in retribution and losing more faith in humanity. Understandably, this didn't help his reputation among your species very well."
"So you're saying that the big scary demon king we've been worrying about all this time is a moron?!" Vice demanded in astonishment.
"That explains your brain," Lovekov joked.
"He's not a moron," Astarte insisted as Vice gawked at Lovekov in outrage. "He just… Fails to understand humans, and believes that he has a better grasp on how to act like one then he actually does."
"They never told me anything about this back in the cult," Hana remarked skeptically.
"I doubt it's something Akaishi would want made public knowledge," Sakura pointed out. "It's kind of hard to respect and worship a demon God who dresses up like… That."
Again they glanced at Giff, who was staring in fascination at a complex chain of dominoes Genta had started setting up for a video he wanted to film later. He hesitantly touched one, then jumped back in surprise when it toppled over, causing a chain reaction which he watched in wonder.
Genta cringed. "I spent hours on that…"
"So why is he doing this now?" Yukimi wondered.
"Maybe he's trying to learn our secrets so he can figure out how best to destroy us?" Tamaki, who had come to without anyone noticing or caring, suggested.
"Couldn't he just get that information from Daiji, though?" Sakura pointed out.
"I think any information Daiji might have on us is out of date," Ikki reminded her. "Plus, there's no way he would sell us out like that… Well. More than he already has. Right?"
"Why don't we just ask him, love?" Lovekov suggested. Before anyone could stop her, she poked her head out from the huddle and yelled, "Hey, great grandpa – I mean, Cousin Giffrey, why are you visiting us?"
Giff, who had been holding one of many family pictures and examining it with great scrutiny, yelped and nearly dropped it. "Oh! Well, you see, I have been alone for a very very long time, and I only recently found out that I had living relatives who I'm not on bad terms with, and I was really excited to meet you all, especially after learning that just like me you're amazing heroes descended from the demon king Giff, who's sort of my idol, so I came over in hopes that we could become friends and I might maybe become part of your family because I've always really wanted one because, like I said, I'm actually very lonely and my relationship with the only other people I could consider family is… Strained at best."
They stared at him for a moment, then went back into the huddle. "Okay, there's no way he expects us to buy that, right?" Vice asked incredulously.
George snorted. "Does he think we're morons?"
"I believe him!" Lovekov spoke up.
"Of course you do, sweetie, and it's very nice of you, but there's no way we can possibly trust him," Sakura said gently.
"Actually… I believe him," Yukimi said slowly.
Just about everyone did a double take at that. "WHAT?!"
Yukimi bit her lip and gripped her husband's hand. "That loneliness he's talking about… I've felt it too. After I lost my parents, before I met Papa, I had nobody. I was so lonely, so desperate, that… That if things hadn't turned out differently, I might've…"
She took a deep breath, then shook her head. "That kind of loneliness can't be faked. I could hear it in his voice. I think he genuinely wants to become part of our family."
"… Okay, Yukimi, no offense, but there's absolutely no way-" Hana started.
"She's right," Astarte interjected. "That loneliness is all-too-familiar for me as well. It is why I established a kingdom millennia ago. And…" She trembled slightly, until Lovekov hugged her around the waist, and she relaxed. "And it is what I felt when I first awakened in this new age, and discovered everyone was gone. And then… You all took me in, and…" She smiled. "Like myself, I believe Giff desires companionship, and since you are related to him by blood, thanks you may be his best chance at getting a family of his own. However, considering that you are currently at odds with each other, he may feel this is the only way he can get it."
Vice snorted unsympathetically. "What, you don't think he's satisfied shtupping Akaishi?" Everyone gave him disgusted looks. "What? I'm not the only one thinking it!"
"No, he's right, you wouldn't believe the things I found him doing to Giff's sarcophagus," George admitted, a haunted look in his eyes. "It was horrifying. Naturally I caught it on camera for… Scientific purposes."
Everyone gave him disgusted looks.
"So… What, are you saying we should play along?" Genta asked skeptically. "Let him tag along on our family outing, pretend like he isn't the ultimate source of every awful thing that's happened to our family?"
"… That's exactly what we're going to do," Ikki said abruptly, catching everyone's attention. "Because this is an opportunity we can't pass up."
"What do you mean?" Tamaki asked in confusion.
"No, he's right," Sakura realized. "This might be a great way for us to get some information on what he and Akaishi are really up to. Considering how bad he is at pretending not to be himself, it shouldn't take much effort to get him to spill the beans."
"Goddamn! And I might be able to collect tons of samples, which I can use to make better weapons and gear!" An excited George exclaimed.
"And we can make fun of him and his terrible fashion sense and awful parenting skills to his face, and he can't do anything about it without exposing who he really is!" Vice cackled devilishly, as if he could cackle any other way. "Brilliant!"
"What? No, that's not what I meant!" Ikki protested. "Well, okay, those are all actually pretty good ideas, except for Vice's."
"What are you talking about? It's a great idea!" Vice said indignantly.
Hana nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, I'm totally going to do it. I have a lot of things to say to that bastard. All I wanted was for him to love me, and he slapped me! He slapped me!"
"And was also going to devour you as a human sacrifice," Tamaki pointed out.
"Well, yeah, but I would've been okay with it," Hana admitted. "I'm more angry that he slapped me."
"Look, what I mean is that this might be our best chance to end the conflict peacefully," Ikki insisted. "Akaishi and Astarte both claim that Giff has always wanted to coexist with humanity, but couldn't because people are afraid of him and it's not helped that he doesn't really understand us. But maybe if we treat him the way he wants to be treated – like a friend, like family – maybe we can convince him that it's possible for humans and demons to live in harmony with each other after all, and that he doesn't have to wipe out humanity."
"Ikki, there's no way that'll work," Vice protested.
"We became friends, didn't we?" Ikki retorted. "And Dad and Daiji were able to make peace with their demons too. Why can't we do the same with Giff?"
"… I can think of several reasons why," Vice said flatly.
"I want to do it," Lovekov spoke up. "He seems sad. I want to hug him."
"Don't you dare!" Sakura snapped.
"You're not the boss of me, I can hug anyone I want to!" Lovekov retorted.
"Young demon, I'm still your mother, and until you've gotten old enough to move out, what I say goes!" Sakura insisted.
"Wait, I don't think she can move out, isn't she like permanently tethered to you?" Tamaki remarked.
"That's the point," Hana replied.
"Astarte… You probably understand Giff more than any of us. Could Ikki's plan work?" Genta asked uncertainly.
"… I am uncertain," Astarte admitted. "However… I want to believe it can. While Giff and I are not exactly on friendly terms, we are still kin, and… I was able to find happiness in the past, and in the present. If he can find similar happiness, then… I want to give it a try."
"Yay!" Lovekov squealed, hugging her girlfriend again and causing her to blush.
"And to be fair, if you turn him away, he probably won't take it well, given how badly he's reacted to rejections in the past," Astarte admitted. "Do you really want the final battle to start here, in your home?"
Everyone winced at that idea. "Yeah, no, we're not fighting here," Sakura said flatly.
Hana nodded fervently. "This is our home!"
"And I have nowhere else to go," Tamaki said sadly.
"We don't have enough money in the budget to rebuild the bathhouse if we have the final battle here!" Genta exclaimed. "Demon insurance will only cover a fraction of the cost of that kind of fight!"
Yukimi took a deep breath. "Okay then. I guess we are going with Ikki's plan, then."
Everyone nodded with varying degrees of enthusiasm.
Putting on a brave face, Yukimi turned around. "Cousin Giffrey?"
"Yes?" Giff, who had been flipping through their guestbook, glanced up, quickly shoving the book away. "I wasn't memorizing the names of your customers so I could interrogate them to learn more about you!"
"… Anyway," Yukimi said, deciding to try very hard to pretend that had just happened. "Before you came in, we were about to embark on a family trip to our favorite theme park, Hiden Land. Would you like to come along, so we can get to know you better?"
Giff stared at her in disbelief and more than a little hope. "You… You actually want to spend time with me? I… Yes! Yes, absolutely! I would love to join you!" He paused. "One question. What's a theme park?"
Yukimi grimaced. Something told her this was going to be a very long day.
"Daiji, I'm sure you're wondering why I have called you here today," Akaishi said, steepling his fingers together as he sat back in his office chair.
"You've finally been able to develop a Vistamp powerful enough to let me defeat my siblings?" Daiji asked hopefully.
Akaishi shook his head regretfully. "No, we still haven't been able to finish piecing together George's notes, though we have managed to finish a few more of his experimental Vistamps. In fact, I have one for you now."
He placed a small box on the desk and opened it up.
Daiji regarded the Vistamp warily. "Is this going to turn out like the Japanese Dwarf Flying Squirrel Vistamp and result in me getting horribly humiliated again?"
"There is a strong chance of that," Akaishi admitted, pushing the box across the desk at Daiji. "Which is why I didn't call you here to give it to you – though you might as well take it, just to be safe – but because I believe it is high time you form a contract with Giff."
"Wait, what?" Daiji asked in alarm. "Why would I do that?!"
"Currently, your siblings are stronger than you, and getting even more powerful by the day, especially your sister," Akaishi said gravely. "And now that Astarte has joined the resistance, I fear it is only a matter of time before they find a way to utilize her cells to empower themselves and the other Kamen Riders even more. Unless a miracle occurs, I don't believe you are able to go any further than you are now with your current power set. You've reached the limits of what the Two Sidriver can give you. However, if you form a contract with Giff, just as Azuma and I did thousands of years ago-"
"Azuma?" Daiji asked in confusion. "Who's that?"
"An old friend, and a story for another time," Akaishi said evasively. "If you form a contract with Giff, you will gain unimaginable power. Immortality, fantastic regenerative powers, a spectacular new form-"
"You have all those, but you keep losing," Daiji pointed out.
"Yes, but I'm an old man, and despite my immortality I'm starting to feel my age," Akaishi replied ruefully. "You, however, are young and strong, and already a descendent of Giff, which means that if you form a contract with him, you may very well become a being that will surpass me and finally be on even footing with your siblings, if not greater."
"But I'll also have to give up my humanity to do so," Daiji murmured.
"We must make sacrifices if we are to ensure the continuation of our species," Akaishi said tiredly. "Daiji. I have been serving Giff for thousands of years, and I'm tired. Once the New World order is established, once we have guaranteed the safety of the human race, I fully intend to step down and let you become the new leader of our people. However, you will need to form a contract with Giff to do so, to take my place as intermediary between human and demon. You are the only person I can trust with this, Daiji. Only you."
"… If I do this… Will I really be able to save the world?" Daiji asked for a moment.
"I'm certain of it," Akaishi told him.
Daiji clenched his fists, took a deep breath, and reluctantly nodded. "Okay. Let's do it."
Akaishi smiled proudly. "That's my boy," he whispered, oblivious of how deeply uncomfortable this made Daiji feel. "Lord Giff! We seek to make a contract!"
Nothing happened.
Akaishi frowned, perplexed. "Lord Giff?"
Still nothing happened.
Daiji fidgeted. "Shouldn't he have opened a portal by now?"
"Yes," Akaishi murmured, clearly dismayed. "He should have." He stood up, changed into his Giffdemos form, and bellowed, "LORD GIFF!"
At last, the portal to Giff's dimension opened, but Akaishi only got to sigh in relief for a minute before he realized the figure standing on the other side was not, in fact, his master. "What the… Olteca?!"
The former leader of the Deadmans, still wearing his trademark green outfit, smiled and waved a little awkwardly. "Hey. Sorry, but Giff's not in right now."
"YOU!" Daiji shouted, stepping forward. "You… You're alive?!"
Olteca nodded, a little sheepish. "Yeah, I was surprised too. Turns out when Giff absorbed me I didn't die, I was just put in hibernation like the rest of his sacrifices so he could feed off of us and wake us up if he needed us again."
"… That's rather implausible," Daiji said skeptically. He frowned, noticing from the waist down, Olteca now had legs similar to Kamen Rider Demons Hopper Genomix. "What happened to your legs?"
Olteca glanced down at his grasshopper legs. "What, these? Well, Giff-kun got hungry and ate my legs while I was in hibernation, so Giff gave me these new ones as an apology. I was kind of miffed at first, but I'm actually getting kind of used to these, I bet I could win any basketball game now, and I don't need a ladder to get things from really high shelves anymore!"
"… Giff-Kun is still alive?!" Daiji cried in horror.
Olteca nodded. "Yeah, Giff thinks he's cute, couldn't bear to get rid of him-"
"Olteca!" Akaishi snapped. "Where is Giff?!"
"Giff? I just told you, he's not in," Olteca replied. "Said he was going to try to ingratiate himself with the Igarashi family because they are his descendants. He was wearing an absolutely horrible outfit, too, but he seemed to think it was a perfect human disguise and they'd never mistake them for anything other than their long lost cousin Giffrey."
"… Cousin what?!" Daiji shrieked.
"… No," Akaishi whispered in horror. "No… No no no no, he promised he wouldn't do this anymore!"
Terrified, he grabbed Daiji and started shaking him. "Daiji! We have to find Lord Giff before it's too late!"
"Too late for what?!" Daiji cried, struggling to break free. "There's no way my family is going to fall for this!"
"Which is exactly the problem!" Akaishi yelled. "The last time humans saw through his disguise, my civilization was destroyed! If the same thing happens now… It could mean the end of humanity, once and for all!"
"Cool," said Olteca.
"NOBODY ASKED YOU!"