Chapter 3

Bloody Ell Sexy and Crazy

I do not and I repeat I do not own POTC I only own Alanna!! SUCKS!!

Past "Alanna"

"Maria listen to me it will be for the best", whispered Alanna as she was packing up all the necessities she needed to escape. "But senorita you cannot, the world is too dangerous"!!!

"Where would you go"? Alanna Chapman was a young British girl at the age of 24 and since her 20th birthday her mother and father had tried everything in the power to get her to marry.

They invited some of the best known gentlemen to their parties just so their daughter could talk to them. But she as well did everything in her power to disgust them. Such as whenever she ate she made sure to burp her loudest around them or leave something in her teeth so when she talked her suitors would notice.

She would sneeze, drool, spit, and if they wanted to dance with her even after all of that step on there feet until their feet were so bruised that they wouldn't be able to walk for a whole a week.

So for those 4 years that Lord and Lady Chapman tried their best and did everything they could to make their daughter become more of a lady then a boy. But as the days, months, and years they noticed how much their daughter was such a wild spirit riding horses bare backed and not even having the decency to ride side saddle. Always wearing trousers and shirts. Alanna Chapman had nothing against dresses she just didn't see the necessity to wear them everyday. Alanna's parents knew that Alanna was a beautiful girl even if she didn't see it herself. If she just wore more feminine clothes and stopped her antics they knew that she would be irresistible but she didn't stop.

The Lord and Lady Chapman were becoming more inpatient as the days went by.

"You know I need to leave ", said Alanna desperately.

"My parents keep letting me take my time but I think the next time will be my last and I'll have to get married to some snobby man whore who probably uses more hair products then me".

"Please Maria, do you want me to be unhappy for the rest of my life?". "Please, don't tell my parents where I'm going". "Where are you going"? Maria asked concern in her voice.

"I'll go live with your cousin in Spain, she'll help me out". "But what are you planning to do with your life senorita"? "I plan to become a pirate".

"Oh no, my lady piracy is too dangerous", Maria said with a terrified voice. "Nothing is too dangerous for me plus I don't even want to marry at all so I think that it will be best if I leave, find a ship, and pillage and plunder". Maria felt so lightheaded and dizzy she had to sit down before she fainted.

"Oh Maria, don't you worry about a thing, said Alanna as she was putting the last of the things she needed away, I'm a big girl Maria". "I've grown up near the sea and I'm more then ready to start a life on it". "Alright I'm sure my cousin will be able to help you out".

"I can't believe your doing this", said Maria as Alanna began sneaking downstairs to leave. "My lady I wish you the best of luck and do be careful me lady". "I'll be careful, said Alanna ,as long as you be quiet to my parents". "You know that I'll keep quiet for you".

"I know", said Alanna as she handed a letter to Maria to put on her parents bed when she left in that letter Alanna described that she was leaving to live a life that she wanted to live. She didn't tell them where or what she was to become but what her parents did discover was sorrow for their lost daughter. With Maria's help Alanna was able to travel to Spain without any problems or worries. On that journey she was able to learn everything about the ship and how to survive in the real world. As Alanna had finally arrived in Spain. She could feel the warmth of the sun on her skin as she traveled throughout the small town. She found the address of Maria's cousin and was welcomed with opened arms.

"You must get out of those horrible rags", said Ella Maria's older cousin. "Quickly ya look horrible and your probably very tired so common lets gets you cleaned up". "Thank you so much your very kind". "Of coarse my dear no problem what so ever". "Any friend of Maria is a friend of mine". Alanna took a bath and got dressed but since she didn't have any thing proper enough to wear in public that didn't have holes or was see through. Since she didn't she was allowed to borrow a dress from Ella. Ella began burrowing deep throughout her clothes to find a nice comfortable dress for Alanna to wear.

At last she found a nice emerald tight corset dress for Alanna to wear that matched her eyes. Alanna never knew that she was so pretty until she looked into the mirror. She might not be a big fan of dresses this one was one that she could definitely wear. As she stared at her reflection in the mirror she fell in love with the green dress that was tied in the front lifting up her bust area while the long skirt flowed down with black intricate velvet roses as another layer above the green.

Alanna twirled in the mirror and smiled. She decided she wanted to go look at the beautiful ships in the harbor so Alanna went out for a while and began searching for that one ship that would make all her dreams come true. As she began scanning the ships she began to wonder how she would be able to get one of these glorious ships out of the harbor without getting caught with the Spanish Navy as to find a crew willing to sail under a woman.

"Oh Shit", this is going to be harder then I thought she said to herself as she had a mental image of seeing how her mother would react to the vulgar language that was coming out of her daughters mouth. As Alanna continued walking she happened to notice a strange man following her with dreadlocks with strange trinkets in his hair, a goatee, and wearing some sort of black makeup around his eyes, and wearing a very old hat on his head.

"Oh dear" I've heard my mother talk about men who where eunuchs. "How sad I never thought that I would actually be seeing such a strange person I mean look at how he walks he walked as if he's about to fall backwards any minute, looks like a man but acts like a woman", she murmured to herself.

All of a sudden when she was coming up with an idea to attack she heard a splash of water behind her. She turned around and saw that this man fell off the dock. "What an idiot", she said to herself as she dived into the water and saved this strange man. She pulled and dragged him to the shore. She saw that he was unconscious{wink, wink} and she knew that she could leave him hear to die but she would feel guilty.

"Oh god I really don't want to do this she said to herself as she stared at his mouth". "I mean common he's got gold teeth", she whined. But as she continued staring she looked at his face and could see pure masculinity all over. He didn't even smell bad. He had a strange kind of sexy smell about him mixed of sweat, masculinity, and salt water.

She actually thought for a minute that he was quiet attractive for a man who was pretty much dead. Alanna decided that she shouldn't stop from doing something good even though she probably isn't going to like it. She sucked up and took his mouth into hers and began to breath into his mouth. His mouth was warm and salty from being in the ocean. She continued until the man she saved opened his eyes and she saw the most amazing chocolate colored eyes ever that she had ever seen. She continued to stare into his eyes as he continued to stare into hers. But of coarse this man had to break the trance.

"How much fer the night luv?" He asked as he grinned and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. So instead of standing up and running away crying and humiliated as she was sure a lot of girls her age would do instead grabbed his head and stuffed his head into the sand so hard as she could to make sure he suffocated. It was quiet a sight to see for the people of the little village who were walking on the shore or the docks.

To see a young lovely women crushing a mans face into the sand while the mans flaying his arms about trying to get up was quiet a moment. As Jacks face was being stuffed into the ground by this small women he was thinking this chit is crazy but she is sexy. "How dare you"! She screamed into his face covered in sand. "I'm not that kind of woman I saved your stupid good for nothing arse". Jack got up and turned his head to look at his butt. "I always thought it was good fer grabbing by young women such as yerself".

"They always said it felt like a pillow or a plushy", Jack said pouting thinking that she didn't think his butt was good. "And to answer yer question", Jack said as he began wiping face from all the sand.

"How was I suppose to know I mean look at ye". She stared down at herself. "I mean your womanly goggles can probably see most of the ocean being up so high"!, Jack said while he admired them. "How dare you"!, She screamed fury in her voice. She began to walk away leaving Jack on the beach. "Boy was I wrong".

And their yeah go!! Thanks PirateGyrl and Moulin Rouge Pirate!!