Getting to volterra took me exactly one day.
One of the redeeming qualities of this wretched life was the lack of bodily needs. Of course I needed no oxygen, no food, no water. My body lived for blood. As a result it moved fluidly, was stronger than any other predator and thought faster than the fastest computer in existence.
Bella needed food.
The thought stung, but I allowed the intrusion. I could remember one of the few days I spent with her, glowering at the disgusting things she'd eaten in the morning for breakfast. Cheerios. Pop Tarts with orange juice. Repulsive.
Well it's no irritable grizzly….
A laugh slipped from my lips of its own accord.
You were certainly right Bella.
As I swam, I thought about her. Bella. Thoughts of her were the only thing that kept my body moving fluidly in the ocean. Whenever the pain of loss became too much, I would shut down and sink. I desperately wished for release, to end my suffering. I wished the water would beat against me and end me. I wanted to drown in the salty water.
Every time I stopped, my body would glitter conspicuously in the water. That was dangerous. Anonymity was vital to our kind.
I could have cared less at this point.
Your skin is like diamonds. So beautiful.
Pain slid its icy knives under my skin, tormenting me. Punishing me.
I swam for hours, reaching the shore of the Tyrrhenian Sea just as night fell. I briefly considered stealing a car. The end was near. No one would be the wiser.
In the end, Carlisle's face stopped me. Even in the end, I would not commit myself to atrocities.
The turret of Volterra was as Carlisle remembered. Very little has changed in the past three hundred years.
When I arrived at the doors, a caramel skinned woman opened the doors. Her warm eyes went wide when she saw me and her thoughts were plain upon her face.
He looks as though he is in great pain.
She was incorrect. I was truly in hell. No existence out weighed this pain. None. I would gladly relive the pain of the venom burning in my veins to escape this torture.
She offered a small smile and confidently asked "Benvenuti a Volterra. Come posso assistervi questa sera"?
Her Italian was very fluid. I answered "Devo vedere Aro il prima possibile. Sta vedendo... ospiti oggi?" I slipped up on the last few words. In her mind , I saw Aro and his chalky pallor. From the tenor of her thoughts, I could see that she knew our secret and that she revered the Volturi above all else.
Her smile grew wider as she replied "Aro accoglie sempre gli ospiti in visita con lui. È veramente gentile. Gli farò sapere che sei qui."
I nodded and she turned and walked to her desk, heels clicking loudly on the linoleum.
I sat in a low wooden chair and put my head in my hands. I heard the sounds of plastic, the faint beep of phone numbers being pressed. Then a faint voice at the end.
"Speak", the voice was feminine, monotone. The musicality of it told me that she was a vampire.
"I have a visitor to see Aro, maam." she spoke in hushed tones. Her English was as good as her italian.
"Oh?" the voice breathed, piqued with curiosity, "i'll be there soon".
The woman hung up the phone and stood. "Ci sarà qualcuno a prenderti a breve, buona visita."
I was silent and still as I awaited the collection. I could hear that this room was a facade, only meant for humans. Echoes came from below and the air smelled of moisture.
I looked up and discovered I was no longer alone. A short vampire with blonde hair and porcelain skin was there to greet me. Her eyes were burgundy and devoid of emotion. Her thoughts were quiet as well.
"Follow me." She breathed and turned vanishing into the hall. I followed her easily and we came to a door that was made of solid wood. From the look, it had to be very old. The grains showed signs of heavy wear.
The door opened and there was a hallway with a hole in the floor. The moisture was thick in the air as I entered the room.
The vampire did not hesitate as she walked towards and fell through the hole. I followed morose, thinking about what Bella might say if she was in this situation.
This is a horror movie waiting to happen.
I winced, feeling the pain surface and slice again. I caught the vampire's head turn and note it with displeasure
Hmmmm. I wonder if he will attack. He acts strange for our kind. Either way he will not be very successful.
I was counting on that.
I could see the dozens of victims that had attacked this vampire and had fallen to the floor, burning in agony. I knew now this was Jane. Carlisle had told me of her fiery gifts. I could tell there was no bloodlust in her as she led me across the stone steps. She had collected me out of curiosity and now her task was finished.
We came to a metal door. Jane opened it without bothering to knock. The light was better here, and I could see that this was a sitting room of sorts. The furniture was medieval, with books spilling from every surface. A large table dominated the space, and four vampires sat with varying looks of curiosity.
Aro looked at Jane briefly before she came to life before him. An angelic smile slid into place and she took a deep breath, "Master, I have brought you a visitor."
"Ah, Jane" Aro crooned, his voice high, "such a treasure to behold. It has been so long since we've had new visitors! What joy!" His face smiled, but his eyes were clouded with his thoughts. He didn't know who I was, but was appraising me to figure out my motives.
Seeing myself through his thoughts did not please me. My skin was sallow from lack of feeding, eyes splotched with deep purple circles. My expression was apathetic, blank. I could see the effort in the set of my body to remain upright, to keep going. Aro noted these things with apathy. What kind of vampire did not care for himself?
"May I get you something my friend? You look unwell." His brow creased with concern.
"I am unwell, Aro. but I would not disappoint my creator by abandoning his life style" my voice was strained.
"You must know Carlisle!" Aro beamed. "How is my young friend after all of these centuries? I hope he is well!"
"Carlisle is the best of us all," I whispered, feeling the pain slide along my body, "He is doing well, as is the rest of our coven."
"I am pleased to hear that my friend" he said the words simply, "May I ask the reason for the visit? I can imagine from your physical appearance that this isn't a social visit."
I want to die.
The words were a prayer in my head. I could not say them. Saying them would release the pain. I could not take it anymore. My body fell to the floor.
"Please" I said through my teeth, holding out my hand. Aro's brow flared in surprise, but he was at my side in seconds.
"Hmm" Aro muttered and took my hand.
I was unprepared.
Since I had received the news of my beloved's death, I had done my best to remain numb. To embrace the blackness of apathy because facing the void of pain was too great of a challenge. I didn't even consider the possibility of existing after Bella because of what had lain before her. My life had been utterly boorish. In one hundred years as a vampire, I had done so many things, learned so much, killed so many.
But my life had begun the moment I saw those brown eyes.
Aro closed his eyes as he concentrated on every thought I'd ever had. He saw my darkness, my life that was so deeply empty, devoid and unwhole. He saw the murderer, saw my flaws, my lack of passion for this life.
When he saw my reaction to Bella, his brow lifted in surprise. He saw my violent reaction to Bella's blood and scent, saw my indecision and desire. He saw the many horrific futures that Alice had seen and noted with curiosity, that Alice was a beloved sister.
These thoughts crested and crashed against me, breaking my emotional reserve. The memories were fresh in my mind, sharp knives with jagged dirty edges.
The moment I decided to love Bella.
Our first kiss.
The thrill of running in the woods with her.
My name on her lips as she slept.
The meadow.
Her eyes, swollen with moisture.
"Don't. Don't do this."
So many potent memories.
He ended with the agony of Bella's death. The decision to die.
His eyes were serious as they read my intent. Many vampires were punished, but it was rare for one to ask to die. It was a momentous occasion.
"Please" I whispered again. Every second was agony, every moment was torture. Aro had seen that. I waited for his determination.
Such pain. I only wish his gifts weren't so potent. Maybe a fresh start will soothe his wretched soul.
I could see Aro's desire to have me be a part of his collection. He did not know I would refuse. Any kind of life without Bella would be intolerable.
"Brothers", Aro breathed as he made his way towards the ancient triad, "it appears that dearest Edward wishes for the blessing of death. He has lost his mortal love and does not wish to remain among us without her".
"I understand" Marcus whispered, his voice was more papery than Aro', almost fragile. " When I lose my beloved, the world is unrecognizable without her." The layers of sadness were unmistakable. His thoughts told me more than his words. He too had lived too long in this world and wished for death. Because of his gift, Aro would not grant him his requests.
Caius' only response was a twitch of his mouth.
"His love for Bella was a great one. He views his life as intolerable without her. With our permission, he will join her in the afterlife."
"And yet", my body froze at the words, though I knew they were coming. I was no Alice, but the volturi's obsession with power was well known. I thought of the words that would make refusing him polite, "he is deeply talented. Edward has the ability to read the thoughts of those within his range. It is quite similar to my own gift, although limited."
Caius spoke in a thin reedy voice "perhaps a new start would help him find some measure of peace".
Aro appeared to be in deep thought at the words that Caius said, though I knew better. He was pleased that Caius had segued into what he wanted to ask, "that is a generous suggestion, Caius and a distinct possibility. Edward, had you thought of giving new purpose to this life?"
My words were dull and throbbed with pain "I had not. I have one purpose for coming here." and I knew now that he would not grant it.
Aro turned and placed his palms flat upon the medieval table, a gesture that was meant to be construed as indecisive.
When he turned to address me, his voice was laced with concern, empathy and regret. "Dear Edward, although I understand your loss, I cannot allow such a prolific life to be destroyed. For one, it would be…. Wasteful", his voice caressed the word, "and I do believe that Carlisle would argue egregiously over my decision if he were here."
"Is that your final decision?" My words were tight, spoken through my teeth.
"I'm afraid so, friend. You will always have a place here if you so wish. Enjoy Volterra, but refrain from hunting within the city. You understand we must remain anonymous."
I nodded and turned, running silently through the damp and musty corridors to the front office. The lady nodded and waved as I made my exit to the streets of volterra.
Once outside, I slid against the dewy stones to the floor ground.
So the volturi would not grant me death. It would not stop me.
My family would never grant me death. They would wish to coddle and soothe me for the rest of eternity, a thought almost as painful as Bella's death.
There were many friends of Carlisle's I could ask for help, but I knew they would not aid me either. They would tell me that my family was a priority and I could not die and leave them to their grief.
There was only one way I could think of. I had to force the volturi's hand.