The Invitation and Partner Choosing

Note: I shall try to update this Mario Kart fiction on Sundays. That means once a week, so there. If I don't, too bad for me and all of you, because I was probably shot and killed. Good luck, and man juices speed. Teehee, inside joke! Anyway, I own not the Mario Kart characters or tracks in this fiction, but I do own the fiction.

Mario was enthralled by the arrival of the post paratroopa that fine Saturday morning, since there was expected to be an invitation for himself to join the annual Mario Kart tournament. This time, though, instead of being alone in the kart, one could have a teammate! Mario was looking forward to having Peach ride in the back, holding on to him and giving him sweet nothings to his ear. He sighed and was rudely awakened by the post paratroopa slamming into his door.

"Ouch!" it wailed in a loud, scratchy voice. "Mail call! Mario, you have a few bills and an invitation! Not that I was checking, since that is illegal."

Mario shrugged and took his mail. He threw the bills into the trash by the door, since bills were of no importance in the Mushroom Kingdom, due to the lack of real currency. "Thank you ever so much, my dear mail man."

The paratroopa looked at him quizzically. "What was that?"

"Practice for asking Peach to be my partner in the kart race," Mario responded, giving a sly smile and eyebrow raise.

"Oh. Don't do it to me again," said the mail paratroopa, flying off with a bag of invitations for the rest of the motley crew throughout the Mushroom kingdom.

Mario sighed and ripped open the invitation. Remarkable, it began with the words 'You are invited!' and had a poorly scrawled 'Mario' after that. In fact, all the names were just random squiggles, and you were supposed to know that it was your name. So the signature for Peach, Toad, Bowser, and Jeremy Binks were all the same.

"I can't believe I am invited to the annual Mario Kart race! Yay!"

Luigi entered the doorway, not happy. "Why wasn't I invited?"

"Because you suck!"

"Bugger off!"

"And we can have partners this time!" Mario was giggling like a giddy, drunken, eight-year-old school girl.

Luigi perked up. "Really? And whom may you be inviting, dearest brother?"

"Not you. I'm off to get my love!" Mario cantered off, leaving Luigi to sulk and put voodoo curses on him while he was away.

"Hooray! I was invited to the Peach invitational! Also known as the Mario Kart race thingy!" cried Peach after receiving her invitation via mail paratroopa. "Whom can be my partner?"

Daisy, who had not received an invitation, was drinking spiked tea in the background, not listening.

Peach cleared her throat loudly, stirring Daisy from her reverie. "I said: who shall I invite as my partner?"

"Oh, well, you can try...Toad. He is your servant, after all." Daisy fell asleep, since the tea was spiked with sleeping powder and something like Toadette spit.

"Sigh," said Peach. Just then, Mario walked up the path, screaming at a stalker bee that was attacking him. As soon as he saw Peach outside, he immediately shot the bee with his laser vision and put on his happy, manly man face.

"Good day, lovely Peach," he said, giving her his hand.

"Why are you giving me your hand?" Peach asked, puzzled. "That is a womanly thing to do."

"Sorry," spouted Mario. He continued to talk, but Peach ignored him, so it is obviously not important to write down. Basically, it was ending with "So, dear Peach, will you be in my kart for the race?"

Peach said, "I'm flattered, but I simply don't like you very much. Sorry." She went over to the passed out Daisy and took away the tea cup. "Tea?"

Mario was crestfallen, but then sprang back to happiness by being able to touch anything Peach had touched. "Oh, yes, please!" He drank the tea and passed out immediately.

"Sigh," Peach said again. She entered her castle, and spotted Toad near a kettle, brewing what appeared to be a noxious potion of...something or other. It was very popular in the world of Steve.

Toad looked at Peach and then at the invitation still folded in her hands. "Oh. The race. Are you asking me?"

"I never said that."

"Good. I'm not going."

Toadette came down the stairs in silk lingerie, and noted the princess and the two passed out guests. "Hey, Toad, baby. Are we going to the race thingy?"

"Don't you know it, pooch face!"

They scampered off, in love. The poisonous liquid bubbling on the stove scared Peach out of the kitchen, and she went over to the Mario household. Not surprisingly, Luigi was there, a bottle of watered down vodka in his hand. He was mumbling to himself.

"Mumble, mumble," he said. No one understood what he actually mumbled. Peach walked up to him, slowly.

"Hi."

"Mumble, hi."

"Want to go to the race with me?"

"Sure, mumble."

"Great. Pick you up at the race time. I'm driving."

"Fine, mumble."

"Yay." She left.

The cold, dark mansion of Bowser was deserted. Except for the fact that Bowser and his son, now named Gregory, were there, and that pesky mail paratroopa.

"Go die," Bowser said, welcoming the guest. "I will kill you if you do not supply me with something special, like a Mario Kart invitation."

The mail paratroopa gave Bowser the invitation and then ran off, cowering and leaving a puddle of urine in his wake. Bowser laughed, and Gregory soon followed, since he has no personality other than to copy his daddy.

"Yes!" Bowser cried. "I am going to kill everyone ever just to win the race!" He laughed menacingly.

Gregory laughed too, and then screamed, "I am going with you!"

Bowser grumbled. "Damn."

Gregory laughed again, and then he was knocked out by his father, who accepted his invitation.

Mario woke up. Daisy woke up. They looked at each other. Everything was cloudy, and it managed to make them both seem irresistible to the other. The James Bond porno music blared from no where, and then the love making began. It was hot, humid, and drugged. It stopped after about three minutes, and Mario popped the question. She said yes.

That annoying, stupid, mail paratroopa came by to the big man himself, Wario. The fat, lazy, fat man gave a hearty laugh at the invitation and then screamed for his beer buddy to come outside and see the sunlight.

Waluigi came out and Wario wasn't surprised at all. He always knew Waluigi was gay. "So," Wario started, "would you like to ride in my kart all day long?"

"Well, I've never done that with a man before," Waluigi said timidly.

"It's a bumpy ride, but I think you can handle it."

"Okay, then. Let's do it!"

"Great! Now we are teammates!"

"Good job, mate!" Waluigi dropped the beer he was carrying and began to jump up and down until he vomited happily.

Wario stopped smiling and began to sing. This is when we leave for the next area.

"Petey, you come back here!" Diddy yelled at the hopping/flying bird/plant thing that had just taken his 'cousin' away from him. "I need him for my experiments!"

The plant/bird thing laughed and pooped on Diddy, who passed out from the stench. The mail paratroopa came by, dropping an invitation in the crap on Diddy's head and throwing one at Petey Piranha, who fell out of the sky (a whole two inches) and crashed to the ground, killing three people.

"Bellow, bellow?" it bellowed., picking up the invitation. It scanned it and then told Donkey Kong that they were a team for the race. Donkey Kong fainted.

Diddy was still unconscious when Petey left to perform various sexual acts on the big monkey. After about three hours, a friendly koopa popped out of the ground and ate the crap that had been suffocating the poor wee monkey. Diddy jumped to life, fully animated again and cried happily at his rescuer. "Oh, please join me in whatever this invitation is, since I haven't read it yet and know not that it is the Mario Kart invitation!"

The koopa nodded, almost in tears himself, because he didn't want to go with the insane mad scientist monkey. Diddy ripped open the invitation, accidentally killing another person. He read it and beamed, letting his new koopa friend that he would be riding in a car with himself.

Koopa screamed in panic and passed out. Perhaps the poop that had come from Petey's anus finally reacted in his brain. Anyway, Diddy went over to the koopa and kissed him passionately, knowing that they would be married immediately. There was a priest, and Diddy ordered their vows to be said right now, or else someone would be killed.

"Okay," the priest said, eager to get back to his church choir of boys. "You're married now to the passed out koopa. Have a good life."

"Thank you," Diddy called after the priest and then quickly stripped for the honey moon.

"Mail paratroopa!" yelled Baby Mario at the top of his lungs, watching as the mail guy crashed into a tree and fell to the ground, dead.

"Let's play with it!" Baby Luigi cried, happy for a while.

"Okay!" Baby Mario agreed. They crawled over to the body and did a lot of things to it, like stick their feet in various orifices, and crawling up his anus to meet the othe4r by the nose. It was all very exciting, and they stole all the mail and read it.

Among the love letters and naughty photos of Gregory, they found their invitation, along with the invitation for Yoshi and paratroopa. "Let's play with it!" Baby Luigi cried, happy again.

"Okay!" Baby Mario said, shoving the letters down his diaper and giving them a nice squash between his freshly browned cheeks.

"I want some!" Baby Luigi said, sticking his hands down Baby Mario's diaper for a letter. It was poop covered and smelly, so he put it in his mouth.

Together, they giggled, until Baby Luigi passed out, probably from being electrocuted by the evil, headless zombie behind him.

Baby Mario took Baby Luigi's hand and gave it a squeeze, to let him know that he was there for him. "Let's be partners in the race, not that I can read, so I cannot tell what the invitation said."

And so they did, happily ever after.

A magical breeze had removed Baby Mario's diaper and sent it flying through the air and into Yoshi's porridge. Yoshi cursed in his Yoshi language. Then he read the poop-stained note and wailed in delight. He ran into the dining hall and told Birdo about it. She didn't understand his native tongue, and she just nodded and said stuff about cheese. He madly agreed. Now they are partners in the race, and Birdo is in the guild of suicide contemplators and presidential assassinators.

Although they didn't get an invitation, the paratroopa and King Boo knew about the race and also knew that they had to be partners, since everyone else was taken. "So," said King Boo. "It is so nice to meet you. I guess we are partners."

"Yeah, I guess," said paratroopa.

"Okay."

"Okay."

"So..."

"Yeah..."

The James Bond porno music began to play and then they made hot, passionate love, breaking the ice completely. They were happy to be partners, not only in the race, but in life.

Now everybody has a partner and everyone is blissfully happy, ready to get this race underway. And now for the rules. There are none, other than the fact that some team will not continue to the next leg of the races. Every chapter (except this one) will have someone kicked out, depending if they lost or not. Yeah. And the standings are important for the rest of your lives. Hey! That was funny. Not really. I like purple.