Chapter Title: Turn the Page
Series Title: Turn the Page
Chapter Summary: This is the introduction to a new series. Force ghost Qui-Gon attempts to help his struggling former apprentice, five years into Obi-Wan's seclusion on Tatooine, by reliving stories of their past together.
New chapters will be various stories of their past and stories will be posted in no particular order.
"Master." Ben Kenobi summoned his dead - no, his immortal - Master Qui-Gon Jinn, from the Force.
The response, as it tended to be, was almost immediate, though the disconcerting tone to the calling voice was concerning to the old Jedi Master.
"I'm here, Padawan." Qui-Gon said, shimmering into corporeal form. "You seem tired. More than usual."
The former Jedi now turned desert hermit sagged in his chair, setting an old paper book down on the compact stone table nearby.
"Still reading that old thing, are you? You bought that for me when you were fifteen I believe. When you and I were still struggling somewhat to find our way as a team."
"I saved as many of your books as I could, Master. They were important to you and therefore to me as well."
"Of course. But that's not why you called for me. What's wrong, Obi-Wan?"
The old name. None one called him that anymore. No one called him much of anything anymore. Visitors were rare and he could not take any chance in using the Jedi name. It felt comforting to hear it again.
"I'm am tired, Qui-Gon. This desert, this solitude, it wears on me. The monotony of this life. It's a lonely and unforgiving place."
Obi-Was struggled. One of his most difficult days in the five years he'd been here on Tatooine. Having gone from the Jedi Temple and adventure and learning and teaching, to General in the Clone Wars and commanding a fleet; the action and flying. Then to violence and heartbreak and loss and betrayal...to this. To nothing. To emptiness.
Most days he tolerated, understanding how vitally important the future of young Luke was to the Jedi and the entire galaxy. Other days, it broke him.
Today was one of the latter.
Absently, he wiped his tunic sleeve across his eyes, resisting the emotional collapse. The last thing he needed...or perhaps the thing he most needed, if one were to ask Qui-Gon.
"Emotion is not wrong, Padawan. It has never been. You know I never taught you that. Do not fight against what you need. You've always been fervent in your feelings and beliefs, even when they countered mine. There are times when emotional liberation is the only way to move forward."
The younger Jedi stifled a meaningless laugh. "I can't afford to lose myself, Qui-Gon. You know what hangs in the balance if I fail with Luke."
"I also know what hangs in the balance if you do not take care of yourself. It's all right to feel, Obi-Wan. There is no one here to judge. And I can easily disappear if you with me to not see..."
Obi-Wan lifted his head to the Force ghost in front of him. "No, don't go." The voice, desperate. Needy. Worn. "I...I need the company, Master. Something familiar. Please don't go. Not yet."
It pained Qui-Gon to see his former apprentice in such a state. He longed to reach out with a hand and comfort him, but he'd not yet learned that part of this whole netherworld situation. It was possible, but exceedingly difficult to master; to reach from beyond and physically touch the living. Instead, what he could do, was to gentle his tone as much as possible. To bring emotional and verbal comfort, if not physical, to the one who meant so much to him.
"I am here, Obi-Wan, and will remain so as long as you need me to be." Qui-Gon was well aware that he could not hold his ghost form indefinitely, but he'd do the best he could for as long as he could. His former apprentice needed him and he would not leave him alone at such a time.
"Lie down, Padawan." The old familiar title.
"Master...". Another wipe at moist eyes that didn't go unnoticed.
"Lie down." The tone remained gentle but firm this time. An order that Obi-Wan would not refuse.
The hovel's bed was padded by an extra cushion and warm blankets as the Jedi stretched out and rolled onto his right side. Qui-Gon's ghost sat cross-legged on the floor, watching him. Waiting. In their life together as master and apprentice, in any similar situation, Qui-Gon would have taken a hand and set it on the then boy's forehead. A soft suggestion of sleep through the Force would have a young Obi-Wan resting comfortably in seconds.
Such a gesture was not possible now.
"You were always stubborn about resting when you were younger. There was always something more to do once we returned from arduous missions; spar with your friends, catch up on all the latest Temple gossip, or watch the star-racer holos from distant planets. How many times did I have order you to go lie down?"
"Probably far too many. It's a wonder you never tired of it, or perhaps you did. I never got that impression though. You were exceedingly patient with me at times, Master."
"If you only knew, Obi-Wan." Jinn said with a smile in the placid voice.
Obi-Wan blew out a deep and thoughtful breath. "We had quite a run, didn't we? I have much time to think back and remember in this part of my life. I recall so many of our missions. The good and the not so good. I flinch thinking of how badly I behaved at times when I was at my youngest."
"Indeed. You were difficult, but we worked through our differences. I was very proud of us for the effort we put into our partnership. It made us both stronger for the struggle. In the end, you were the legacy I left behind."
Obi-Wan huffed and sheltered a bitter laugh. "Hardly a legacy, Qui-Gon. Or I wouldn't be lying here in the bed of a hovel in a barren desert counting tormenting minutes of unbearable days that never end. What I once was, I can never be again. This is my life now. Alone. Desolate. Empty. Those years as an apprentice, those were difficult, but good years. The best of my life. My reality is now though. I have to accept what happened. What I could not prevent. What I refused to see until it was too late. But once I did, I tried, Qui-Gon. I tried so damn hard to stop it and stop...him. He was my brother. My responsibility. My failure."
"I know how hard you tried, Obi-Wan. I know how much you lost. But your responsibility, your failure, this is not. And that's all I will say on the issue. You are here. Isolated. But you are not alone. I will not allow it. As long as I can hold form and be here, I will."
"You cannot hold ghost form forever, Master. I see how it exhausts you."
"This form..." Qui-Gon waved a hand to indicate his corporeal self, "I pushed myself to learn this for you, Obi-Wan. It is exhausting. Mentally. Physically. But if it helps you in not having to spend your time here complete solitude, it is worth every second of that exhaustion."
A fleeting smile came and went from Obi-Wan's face and quiet descended on the pair for a time. The silence went on so long that Jinn thought his friend had drifted into a much needed sleep. Softly, he spoke his name.
"Obi-Wan."
Aged blue-green eyes opened. "Resting my eyes."
"You need complete rest. Body and mind. We should meditate together. As a boy, you often achieved better when I was alongside you. I can help you find the inner peace you crave, at least for a short while."
"I would like that, Master. Soon perhaps." Qui-Gon paused, seeing something else in the man's face. A need. He pressed. "Is there something else, Obi-Wan?"
Deep thought for a moment. Wanting to ask. Needing to ask. But feeling foolish for it. "Master? Could you..no, that's all right. It's silly and I'm no longer a child. Never mind."
"I suspect it's not as silly as you think. What do you need, Padawan?"
Obi-Wan, now Ben, warmed at the continued use of that soothing title. After so much loss and so much pain, just a simple affectionate word was able to do wonders for the wounded heart.
"You used to tell me stories. Of your past. Missions when you were a solo Knight and of days before I was your apprentice. I always loved hearing your stories. It meant a great deal that you cared enough to share them with me. I remember you would finish one and then tell me that we had to turn the page until it was time for the next. Do you...could you share some stories about us? I mean..."
"I would be happy to do so, Obi-Wan. I have always enjoyed a good story, along with the occasional not so good story. You and I shared many of both in our years together, did we not?"
Obi-Wan, looking suddenly younger than his years, nodded into the arm tucked around his face as he still lay on his side.
"Very well then. I guess I shall...turn the page. Where to begin. Let's see...you were thirteen and quite the pain in my..."
...
...turn the page...