20 : Sasuke
By: Kokoro Kakera HP ^^
Disclaimer: You are a sad, sad little person if you still need this to be here.
Author's Notes:
O_O CHAPTER 20!? I originally planned this to be only around 17 chapters! Of course, I also originally planned this to be a happy, bouncy fanfiction and look where that idea ended up.
Oh my god, I finally got this out!!! But I'm very sorry about the long wait and I will allow you to envision /Insert form of torture for author/ to make up for that.
Thank yous for everyone who reads this fanfiction and triple to those who actually review! Thanks also goes to "Cat, Avatar for The DCG" and Elsie-Chan and Chira for their constructive criticism. I'll try my best to improve every chapter I write! (Let's just not include this one or the next...my interest is straying to the later chapters...)
It's a gag me, shoot me, there's too much freaking sugar chapter!?!
"Sasuke-kun. Sasuke-kun. Sasuke-kun!" The persistent call pulled his awareness forward. Drowsily and quite reluctantly, he opened his eyes a crack so he could see the person requesting his attention.
Curled tendrils from a curtain of pink hair fluttered above and tickled his face as someone leaned over him. He shifted within the comforting circle of arms that linked around his neck and held him closely to a comforting warmth. The movement brought him nearer to the soft cushion of the stomach he had been pressing his face in. The new position made Sasuke feel utterly cozy; something he couldn't ever recall experiencing. It also unexpectedly roused an old memory he'd abandoned out of scorn at the beginning of his quest for revenge.
His mother used allow him to lay his head on her lap like this... when he was much younger and not so interested in running around to become stronger. She would always be there for him, chasing away any pain he felt, holding him when he was troubled. At the moment, he couldn't even remember the things that were hurting him. Guilt assaulted him when he realized he hadn't given any thanks to her, nor felt any obligation to do so before she'd died. He felt a pang of longing and it disappeared when he realized that he felt the same way now as he had then. Elation pulsed through him. He could tell her this time...how much he appreciated her support and how kind she'd always been to him.
The sudden rush of joy disappeared when the image of his mother within his thoughts blurred out of focus and melded into another he couldn't quite make out. His brow furrowed in confusion. Who was he talking about?
'Mother of course.' No. The feeling was right, but the word was all wrong.
A giggle cut off his thoughts. "Sasuke-kun? That tickles!" He squirmed enough to get his face away from the plush surface it had been pressed against and once freed, his eyes darted to the source; a pair of soft pink lips curved into a smile. Curiously, Sasuke's gaze roved upwards and he saw lively green orbs gently glowing in his direction.
"Sakura..." He murmured. He didn't get up from her lap, or make any movements to do so either.
"Morning, Sasuke-kun." Her voice sounded as affectionate as ever as she leaned over him to get a better view of his face. She tilted her head when he didn't respond. "Sasuke-kun? Don't you... have anything to say?"
'I miss seeing pink every morning before a mission.'
He reached up and threaded some of her hair through his fingers. 'Soft.' It was the first time he'd felt her hair he realized. Strangely, the reasons to justify this seemed rather self-conscious and idiotic now that he thought about it. Never wanted to, thinking she might take it the wrong way. Never thought about it in the first place because he'd been engrossed in the idea of revenge. Never brave enough to, as it seemed like a childish notion to just grab someone's hair because it was pretty and looked soft. He gently tugged the trapped strands. She winced. The skin at the bridge of her nose wrinkled just slightly and a small yelp, more of surprise than pain, escaped her. He wasn't sure why he had done it. Being able to touch her put him at ease. Seeing her react to pain made her seem alive and real. No, it proved she was real if not alive.'It means she's here.'
"Sasuke-kun?" His fingers released her hair and lay to rest on his stomach.
"Sorry." He decided to keep quiet about some of the loose pink strands around his fingers he'd come away with, lest he angered Sakura and she left.
"It's okay." She whispered. "You didn't mean to." Wondering if there was an underlying meaning to her words, he sat up, feeling it inappropriate to use Sakura as a pillow anymore.
"It would be logical to pick Naruto at this point, wouldn't it?" He murmured.
"Pick?"
"I don't know." Sasuke shook his head, perplexed by how he felt. "Will I be picking? Whether I save Naruto or you... I always wonder if it will be because I wanted that person back more than the other. I-" He stopped in surprise when Sakura lightly poked Sasuke's forehead. He stared at her, not understanding the significance of her action.
"You're not thinking. Or maybe you're thinking too much." She said simply. "Because, as far as both of us should be concerned, Naruto is alive and still wants to become Hokage. It's been his lifelong dream. He won't let anything or anyone stop him from achieving his goal and I don't want to be in the way of it either." She paused, allowing Sasuke some time to absorb her words. "You understand, don't you Sasuke? For me..." Her finger lightly dragged across the ground in a smooth arc that sharply ended with a straight line that moved away from where Sasuke sat.
Comprehendingly, Sasuke looked away, heart aching with grief. "I'm sorry."
"I already said it was okay." He was mortified when she brought him into a tight hug. He leaned into the gentle heat and bit his tongue in embarrassment when his eyes became moist. Slowly, he returned the embrace, feeling helpless, relieved and completely ashamed all at the same time.
"Goodbye, Sakura." He hugged her closer as tightly as he could, letting his eyes blink briefly, only once, to get rid of the tears obstructing his vision.
"Goodbye Sasuke-kun." Sakura whispered by his ear.
Gasping for air, Sasuke shot up into a sitting position. His neck felt sore. He must have slept in a strange position. He winced when a twinge of pain jolted sharply down his neck muscles when he tried to stretch and shut his eyes from the sudden invasion of light that attacked them. Sasuke grimaced, feeling the start of a headache spawning in his head. The dryness of his mouth made him feel ill and a nagging feeling also began to develop. He was forgetting something... Sluggishly, the details of what he was forgetting began to filter into his brain as sleep fluttered away. Dread appeared hand in hand with realization.
He had a meeting with Tsunade.
Today.
The sun unfortunately was not, as he had assumed on awakening, rising. It was setting.
Currently, he was witnessing a definite indication of how very late he was.
Cursing, he stumbled up and once his feet found the ground and his clothes were located, began to sprint for all he was worth to the Hokage's office.
"Sasuke. You're late." Tsunade said critically. There were traces of concern that considerably lessened the sting of her tone though, which Sasuke was grateful for. At the moment, he really did feel like dirt. The many pairs of eyes he'd drawn to himself with his tardy entrance scalded his skin with shame. Ino, Shikamaru, Kakashi, Tsunade; their expressions of incredulity told him all he needed to know about how they viewed him now. He wasn't so impressed with himself either.
"Sasuke-kun..." Ino spoke up hesitantly. With losing Sakura permanently, Naruto in danger of being lost forever, topped with the chance that Sasuke might have to kill Naruto if he didn't get to him in time if he wanted to have Sakura back at least, Ino was sure that the boy didn't need to be reprimanded for anything at the moment, even if he didn't have a good reason for being late. "We..." She mentally groped for something to say. "Didn't say much." She finished lamely.
"I'm sure you couldn't." Sasuke murmured.
Tsunade noticed with some alarm, Sasuke's mood pivot from 'terrible' to 'devastatingly miserable.' "Sasuke." Her clear voice cut off his path to the waters of self-hate. She decided to leave any chastisements and such for after the mission was finished. Only, of course, if everything went as planned and Sasuke had at least one teammate to take solace in. "Whatever the reason, I'll excuse you for it just this time. I'm sure it is in everyone's interests to commence the second half of the meeting we put on hold in your absence, instead of hearing me lecture you on the importance of being on time."
"Thank you, Hokage-sama." Sasuke said, bowing his head respectfully and a little thankfully. "It won't happen again."
"I trust it won't. Here, Sasuke." Tsunade reached into her robes and took out a kunai, handing it to him. "It's been soaked in some of my blood and a special seal's been placed on it. There's only one, so don't lose it. It's the key to bringing Sakura back if you can't rescue Naruto."
"If I can't make it to Naruto in time..." Sasuke stared dully at the kunai. He changed his grip from the handle to the blade as he turned it over in his hands and lightly touched the dried reddish-brown substance on it.
"As far as both of us should be concerned, Naruto is alive and still wants to become Hokage."
"You understand, don't you Sasuke?"
His eyes narrowed. 'I won't fail. I can't fail. For Naruto's sake.' He stared at the knife and eyed the metal near the hilt that wasn't coated. Only half a clearly reflected ebony eye stared back at him. The other half's image looked foreboding and accusing, marred by the darkened and crusted blood. "How many ninjas will I have on the mission with me?"
"You'll be accompanied by three others." Tsunade said.
"Only three?" He demanded. "That's not enough!"
"You're a fully capable chuunin, probably at jounin level at this point." She answered. "Shikamaru is a genius in strategy and the two other chuunins are also quite adept with their abilities." Sasuke's look twisted into one of confusion.
"Two other chuunins?"
"Sasuke." He glanced up. Kakashi's eyes were grave. "I can't go with you."
"What?"
"Konoha is currently competing against the other hidden countries. Lately, we've been under much pressure to attract and please potential clients, as well as keep our current ones. All the jounins and a large number of the chuunins have been assigned to mandatory missions."
"Are you saying that's more important than saving Naruto?" Sasuke asked quietly.
"I have no choice." Kakashi said. His voice betrayed how he really felt about leaving the mission to four chuunins who were barely adults. "The welfare of our country depends on-"
"I don't care! You're choosing to go earn money over saving Naruto's life!"
"It's not just 'earning money.' It's about preserving our future. We depend on these people to give us mission for which we can earn their support. Our country and our clients come before everything. We are only tools. You should understand that now." Tsunade chided Sasuke, but only half-heartedly. She felt loathed to say something so cold, but it was her duty as Hokage.
"But what about the demon they plan to rise!?" Sasuke hissed, not believing what Tsunade and Kakashi were saying. Sasuke's eyes narrowed when he noticed the two shift.
"The truth is, that the majority of the ninjas believe that this entire situation is ridiculous." Tsunade finally spoke. "No one has ever been able to successfully perform this jutsu. All that's happened so far is that the sacrifice ends up dying because of the amount of blood and chakra taken from them. In short, the only thing considered a real issue, is the fact that there are unidentified ninjas loose and murdering others without orders."
It took a minute for Sasuke to process this information. When he'd finally absorbed everything, he found himself at a loss. "What are you saying?" He asked lowly. "Are you trying to tell me that this mission might be for nothing? How the hell am I supposed to get to Naruto quickly enough to save him with only three other chuunins that are a probably a little stronger than I am at best? What if I don't get to Naruto in time? When he dies, that means Sakura might stay dead even if I get this damned seal to her! Does everything, every fucking thing mean nothing!?" Sasuke snarled. Everything, Sakura's death, Naruto's kidnapping, the choice he had to make, all his failures, all of it was crushing him, squeezing his heart so tightly that an excruciating pain shot through his veins every time his blood pulsed. His vision swayed and doubled, making him feel sick. A sharp pain yanked his focus together and brought his attention to the kunai in his hand. He'd gripped it so hard that he had cut himself. The sticky substance oozed from the various cuts on his palm onto the kunai. The darkened and dried blood disappeared under a layer of thick vibrant red.
"Sasuke-kun!" Ino rushed forward, but was held back by Shikamaru's hand on her arm. She turned, indignant and distressed, but Shikamaru didn't let her go. "What are you doing?"
"You'll only get hurt if you go near him right now." He hissed.
"But Sasuke-kun is hurting himself!" Ino whimpered. "He's in so much pain!"
"Listen to me Ino. The chances of you being able to stop Sasuke are as low as mine. The only ones who can help him aren't here right now." Immediately, the girl stilled and Shikamaru let her go, knowing she wouldn't try going to Sasuke anymore.
"Don't you think I already know that? But...Sasuke-kun is...I-" Her eyes were brimming with tears and Shikamaru sighed, guilt flooding him.
"I'm sorry." They went silent then, as there seemed to be nothing worth saying at that moment. It was then they noticed that Sasuke had gone quiet as well.
"Sasuke...kun?"
"You're sending us to our deaths." Sasuke muttered. Kakashi's eyes narrowed.
"Sasuke. Tsunade-sama did her best to convince the others. You're lucky to even be going on this mission."
"Who's the fourth member of our team?" Sasuke asked in a resigned voice.
"I went through a lot of trouble to get him here." Tsunade said in a tone that feigned annoyance, but betrayed signs that she was genuinely seemed a little pleased about her next announcement.
"Why isn't he here right now?"
"He needed to complete one more mission for show before he could work with you."
Agitation showed in Sasuke's eyes. "Then he might not be coming."
"He will. The type of mission I gave him ensured that." Sasuke quieted, giving Tsunade a speculative look.
"Sasuke. Tsunade-sama did her best to convince the others. You're lucky to even be going on this mission."
Perhaps he had been too quick to judge her.
A knock at the door alerted everyone to the newcomer's arrival.
"I have returned from my last mission and wish to undertake this one with Uchiha."
Tsunade looked surprised. "You've completed your previous one already?"
"Of course." The newcomer's large eyes stared straight into the Hokage's as he carried out his next request. "Please allow me to join the group for this mission. I know it might cause some dispute, but perhaps if you used some of your influence..." His voice grew quieter. "...Sakura-san probably would have wanted as many people possible trying their hardest to save Naruto."
"They can't have anyone who'll let their emotions get the better of them." Tsunade said warningly.
"My feelings will have no say in this mission. You have my word as a ninja."
The Hokage sighed. "I'll see what I can do."
Sasuke's lips curved into a mirthless smile, surprising everyone. It was the first sign of any emotion other than anger, pain or sadness that he'd shown in days.
"Sasuke-kun... is it really okay?" Ino asked slowly, once her bewilderment had worn off. "Only the four of us...?"
"Ah." He turned so he could directly face the new member of his team. "This mission might be possible now."
"Uchiha." The boy greeted Sasuke respectfully. The familiar voice and polite tone was almost an amenity.
"It's been a while, Lee." Sasuke inclined his head to return the salutation.