Today was Friday, and Krieg was nervous beyond measure. Even with his suit and newfound social skills, he wasn't sure just how well his night out with Verosika would go. Gaige, who was driving him to Ozzie's, noticed this and tried to comfort him. "Hey, don't sweat it, Krieg! Even if the date ends in disaster, there's tons of other people out there you might have better chemistry with!" Gaige's truck pulled up to Ozzie's and dropped Krieg off. "Good luck! I'll be a few Rings over if you need me!" shouted Gaige as she drove off. Krieg walked over to the front of the building, trembling. "Look, just don't scream anything about poop trains or threaten to murder her family and this'll go great." reassured the Sane Personality.
Krieg walked to the front door, where a muscular imp stood. "CALL ME KRIEG!!" shouted the Psycho. The imp bouncer looked through his list. "Hmm, says here you're Verosika Mayday's plus-one. Go right in, you lucky bastard." The bouncer opened the door, and Krieg walked inside. Ozzie's was full of demons engaging in shall we say, carnal activity. The interior was primarily lit by a large neon light, which constantly shifted through various colors. Krieg scanned the area for Verosika, an effort not really helped by almost every other patron having pinkish-red skin and some combination of wings and horns. Amidst all the random demons and side character cameos, Krieg finally found a pair of friendly faces in Moxxie and Millie, who were celebrating their anniversary. "Oh hi, Krieg!" Millie waved to the Vault Hunter. Krieg waved back and asked the couple the question of the night. "PARDon me but HAVE YOU SEen LADY LUS-er, Verosika?" Moxxie, briefly taken aback by Krieg speaking somewhat coherently, pointed behind the psycho.
Krieg turned to see Verosika sitting in a heart-shaped chair, looking slightly baffled as to how he hadn't noticed her yet. Krieg promptly sat down across from her. "I'm SORRy, miss, not to be rUDE, BUT alMOST EVERyone in here looks the sAME!" half-yelled Krieg, desperate to not lapse back into his usual rambling about castrated sheep and poop trains. "Hm, I can see how you'd have trouble distinguishing between most of the people in here." said Verosika as she looked around the room. "Anyway, what're you drinking?" Krieg looked at the menu in front of him. None of the options in regards to drinks seemed quite palatable to him, until he came across a surprisingly familiar choice. "MOTHER'S MIL-er, I mean Zaford's Whisky?" Verosika raised an eyebrow. Krieg quickly recomposed himself. "I'll-Yeah, I'll have some of that." said the psycho to the waiter who had just came to their table. "So, I've heard a lot about you Vault Hunters, going around slaying monsters, bandits, and just about anything else that gets in your way. Tell me, is it as exciting as people make it out to be, or is the fighting alien warriors part of it a rare occurrence and it's actually mostly spent repeatedly killing a high-ranking bandit for a fancy gun?" inquired Verosika. "WELL, I'D HAve to say it's rarely ever a dull moment when you're a Vault Hunter, but as you can probably guess from us being here, it can also get pretty lonely." said Krieg, growing increasingly confident in his non-psychotic speech.
As Krieg and Verosika continued hitting it off surprisingly well, a certain pair of Hellperion mercenaries watched from the skylight. "Rrrrggh! Why don't we just jump in now!? I bite the bandit's head off, you mount that succubus' horns somewhere on that robot body!" growled Nisha, craving violence. "Jack said to wait until we're not at risk of getting Asmodeus' attention, last thing he wants are the Kings of Sin getting on his case." said Wilhelm as he held back the Lawbringer.
Back inside the building, Krieg and Verosika, after several drinks, shared some laughs over the time one of the latter's cohorts had accidentally smuggled atomic weaponry into a Los Pollos Hermanos restaurant without realizing it. "You should've seen the look on Josh's face when the police opened the bag and found the warhead!" Krieg pounded the table, laughing uncontrollably. "Oh, you wanna talk illegal weaponry? I'm pretty sure Torgue guns are banned in at least 2 galaxies!" Krieg then pulled out his prized Carnage shotgun and Devastator revolver, showing them off to Verosika.
Suddenly, microphone feedback rang out across the building, causing everyone to look towards Moxxie, who was on a stage, holding a guitar. "If I could get your attention, please, this is a song I wrote for my dear wife, Millie." Millie looked on in excitement. "Let's hear it!" exclaimed Krieg, egging on his impish acquaintance.
Moxxie began strumming his guitar. "I looove you. More than the brimstone loves the fire, more than Beezle loves her Bub..." Millie smiled and blushed as Moxxie continued serenading her. Surprisingly, most of the other demons in the room were also getting into it. "...More than a maggot loves gangrenous stubs, you make my spirit sing! You make me glad I live in Hell! Our love is a sweet tale to tell! Yeah, you cast a satanic spell over my heart, I hope we'll never, ever be apart-" Suddenly, Moxxie was interrupted by smoke pouring out from behind him on the stage. Verosika swiftly hid her face behind a menu. "What's wrong, Verosika?" asked Krieg, confused as to what was going on. "He's here..." said Verosika, taking Krieg's menu to hide herself further. "Who's here?" asked Krieg, still confused. He was answered by a giant rooster-like demon emerging from the smoke with a tall, slender imp dressed like a jester by his side. "You singin' love songs in my lustful lounge!?" sang the rooster, with the jester following with: "Ozzie's ain't the place for sentimental sounds!" The two segued into a boisterous cabaret number. "What'd you expect from a proprietor like us!?" "Your demon host, Asmodeus! The Embodiment of Lust!" Krieg looked down to see Verosika now hiding beneath their table, shuddering. "What's the matter with this guy? You're a succubus, right? Shouldn't you be cool with Asmodeus?" asked Krieg, unsuccessfully attempting to bring Miss Mayday back up from beneath the tablecloth. "Yeah, but he isn't gonna like me interacting with you in a way that isn't rigorously fucking you."
Suddenly, Asmodeus grabbed Verosika grabbed Verosika by the tail and dragged her out for all to see. "Oh my! Verosika, miss, we thought you were better than this!" The jester wrapped his arms around Krieg. "You'd think since she's dating such a stud, that by now they'd have fucked!" "Well, guess not, SLUT!!" exclaimed the two as they let go of Krieg and Verosika, and went back to roasting Moxxie and Millie.
Krieg was not happy, not just about Asmodeus interrupting Moxxie's song for Millie, but also his apparent disdain for Verosika just wanting to be herself. So, Krieg did what Krieg does best. He responded with violence. Asmodeus and his little jester, Fizzarolli, stood on-stage, having swatted Moxxie and Millie aside, singing their finale. "Give me a thrust!" "Show me some lust!" "From the groin to the bust, in desire we trust!" "In the House of Asmode-" In something of an ironic echo from earlier, Asmodeus was interrupted, but not by smoke. Rather, by an 8-foot tall Vault Hunter walking up and bitch-slapping him. Everyone present was shocked by the brass balls this man must have had. "Holy shit!" "Did you see that!? That dude just pimp-slapped the Lord of all Pimps!"
Krieg stood before Asmodeus, who was rubbing where the former had slapped him. The King of Lust turned to face the Vault Hunter. "You're gonna regret that, boy." Within seconds, Ozzie's had devolved into a riot. Wilhelm, still standing by the skylight, looked on in astonishment. "Heh, guess Asmodeus might just do our work for us!" "This is gonna be entertaining." said Nisha, now suddenly holding a bag of popcorn.
Krieg wrestled with Asmodeus, waving his buzzaxe around and firing off the Carnage. "HAAAAHAHAHA!! THE MEAT IS UNLEASHED!!!" laughed Krieg. Asmodeus then knocked Krieg away with relative ease. "Did you honestly think you could take a King of Hell!?" said the King of Lust as Fizzarolli slid next to him, having captured Moxxie, Millie, and Verosika. "Say, Fizzy, why don't you make these little lovebirds comfy while I have some more fun with this gimp." said Asmodeus, drawing a rather stylish sword, lined with hearts and demonic runes. "Hehe, sure thing, Ozzy!" cackled the impish jester as he tightened his grip on his captives.
The ensuing fight, while not a total curb-stomp, wasn't exactly in Krieg's favor. At least, not at first. Asmodeus kicked Krieg around, parrying all of his axe swings. "Heh, all take, no give. Damn shame." lamented Amsodeus as he ran his blade through Krieg's midsection. "No!" cried Millie as Asmodeus and Fizzarollie laughed. Krieg's vision began darkening as he struggled to remain conscious. Before he blacked out, he saw Asmodeus, stroking Verosika and the others. "Hehehe, you'll make fine additions to the harem." said Asmodeus, sinisterly.
Before he fully passed out, Krieg heard a voice. It wasn't the sane or psycho personalities, but rather, a third one. A deep, booming one. "KRIEG. CAN YOU HEAR ME? IT IS I, THE PSYCHOREAVER. I AM AWARE OF YOUR FEAR OF ME, BUT YOU MUST TRUST ME. ALLOW ME TO TAKE CONTROL. IT IS THE ONLY WAY WE CAN TRIUMPH OVER THE KING OF LUST. PLEASE."
Asmodeus ran his tongue across the side of Millie's' face. "RRGH! You ain't gettin' away with this, you lecherous bastards!" Fizzarolli coiled his tail around her mouth. "Heehee, I'd like to see how talkative you are once you got a ball-gag shoved in that mouth!" suddenly, a golden-yellow light began emanating from the center of the room, and synthesizers began playing.
YOU'VE GOT THE TOUCH...
Asmodeus and Fizz looked around in confusion. "The fuck was that?" "Why is Stan Bush playing?" They then turned to see Krieg, standing. His suit top had been torn off, revealing the tattoos he'd received from Odin, now glowing a bright yellow, along with his eyes.
YOU'VE GOT THE POWEEEEER...
Krieg leapt forward and sent Fizzarolli flying with a swift punch, freeing Verosika and the imps. He then turned his sights on Asmodeus, whose expression could be summarized as a combination of fury and fear. "WHAT!? IS THAT THE SYMBOL OF ODIN!?" Krieg flew towards Asmodeus, driving him through a wall. The two wrestled as they flew across the Lust Ring. Krieg then threw Asmodeus into a nearby skyscraper. The Demonic King of Lust flew right through, and landed a fair distance away. Asmodeus recomposed himself, only to see Krieg about to drop the whole motherfucking skyscraper on him. The tower crashed down, sending quakes throughout the whole ring. Ozzy crawled out of the rubble, and drew his sword. He attempted to run Krieg through again, but the Vault Hunter successfully blocked the strike with his axe. Krieg returned with an uppercut that sent Asmodeus skyward, and then jumped after him.
Whilst these superpowered shenanigans were happening, Verosika and co. were still at Ozzie's, wondering just what the fuck was happening. Then, Wilhelm and Nisha jumped down from the skylight, deciding to find a way to kill some time. "Hey, Wilhelm, how about we kill these overgrown iguanas while we wait for the bandit to come back?" asked Nisha, drawing her pistols. "Hehehe, good idea." replied Wilhelm, calling in his combat drones; Wolf and Saint.
Nisha opened fire, with Verosika and Moxxie managing to leap to cover. Millie, however, decided to face the enemy head-on. She charged at Nisha, chainsword in one hand, and an improvised chair-shield in the other. Millie threw the chair, which shattered against Nisha, which opened her up for the ol' slice-n'-dice. Millie ran the chainsword through her shoulder, taking her arm and a good portion of her torso as well. "AAAAAUUUURRRGH!!" Nisha roared out in pain and fell backwards, clutching her arm-stump. Wilhelm came running in and grabbed Millie by the throat. "Let go of my sweetheart!!" shouted Moxxie, attempting to save his wife, only for Wilhelm to simply swat him aside. Millie repeatedly punched and bit at Wilhelm's arm, to no avail, however. "Ha! I love it when they try to fight..." said Wilhelm, grinning. Suddenly, the arm he was using to strangle Millie was blown off. Wilhelm turned to see Verosika, holding Krieg's Devastator from earlier. "You'll pay for that, bitch!" exclaimed Wilhelm as he began approaching the succubus. Millie, picking herself up, saw Wilhelm pursuing Verosika, then saw Fizzarolli's unconscious body, and got an idea.
As Wilhelm prepared mow down Verosika with an arm-mounted machine gun, he suddenly found said remaining arm tied up and being pulled back. He looked behind him and saw Millie, wielding an improvised lasso made from Fizzarolli's cybernetic limbs. "Hey! That ain't no way to treat a man's cybernetic enhancements!" yelled Wilhelm, attempting to pull his arm away. With a final yank, Millie managed to forcibly turn Wilhelm away from Verosika, as well as rip the machine gun off his arm. She then leapt out of the way to reveal Moxxie, struggling to carry Krieg's Carnage. "Eat this, you cyborg son of a bitch!" Moxxie pulled the trigger, and -BLAM!- while the sheer recoil sent the imp flying backwards, his aim proved true as the trio of rockets fired from the shotgun nailed Wilhelm directly in the torso. Millie, surprised by what Moxxie just pulled off, ran over to check on her husband, who was currently pinned to the ground from the Carnage's sheer weight.
"Mox, sweetie? You OK?" asked Millie. Moxxie coughed up some dust. "Millie, honey, I have learned a very valuable lesson from all this." "What would that be?" inquired Millie, genuinely curious. "I will NEVER fire another goddamn Torgue weapon as long as I live." The trio looked towards the bonfire where Wilhelm was a few seconds ago. "Well, if an explosion that big didn't kill him, I don't know what can." said Verosika as she and Millie helped Moxxie up. Mayday began eating her words as Wilhelm suddenly emerged from the fire, severely damaged, but still kicking. Half his face was burnt off, revealing the nightmarish endoskeleton beneath. "[CRITICAL DAMAGE SUSTAINED. INITIATING TERMINATION PROTOCOLS.]" said Wilhelm, any sense of humanity in his voice now long gone. Using his remaining arm, he reached into his torso, and pulled out a Hellperion plasma rifle.
Before Wilhelm could actually do anything, thunder rang out and flashing could be seen in the sky. Everyone looked up to see just what the hell was causing this change in weather. Suddenly, something came zooming down from the clouds towards Ozzie's. (Well, what was left of it, at least.) It was Krieg, using his newfound power to suplex Asmodeus from roughly 30,000 feet in the air. "AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!! LIFE!!! IS!!! PAAAAAIIIIIIIIINNNNNN!!!" screamed Krieg as he and Ozzy zipped downwards, right to where Wilhelm was standing. Wilhelm barely had time to react by the time he realized just where the two were about to impact. His choice of last words? "Maybe becoming a robot wasn't such a hot idea..." Krieg's Atomic Suplex connected, eviscerating Wilhelm, and causing a massive pillar of explosive energy to rise.
After a few seconds, the pillar disappeared, leaving only a wounded Krieg, whose glowing Norse tattoos had gone away, and an even worse for wear Admodeus, whose once pristine suit was so damaged it couldn't even be considered a suit. It was now more a collection of assorted threads than anything else. Nisha, having just witnessed Wilhelm's aforementioned evisceration, decided to cut her losses and get out of Dodge. Krieg stood up, brushing dirt, rubble, and Asmodeus' feathers off himself. He came to face Verosika, who thankfully had only sustained minimal injury. Just a few cuts and bruises, nothing that couldn't be patched up. "THE PUSTULENT PRICE IS PAI-no, don't talk to her like that, dammit..." said Krieg as he attempted to recompose himself. He cleared his throat. "Well, this was a disaster, huh? If you never want to see or talk to me ever again, I completely understan-" before he could finish apologizing, Verosika tackled Krieg, lifting his mask to reveal his mouth, and you can probably guess what happened next.
Moxxie and Millie looked on as the two made out. "Say, Mox, I believe you were in the middle of a little song before it all went south?" Moxxie smiled and dug out his guitar from under a pile of rubble, ready to finish his song. "I love us. I love us just the way we are..." Millie blushed, managing to tune out the rigorous make-out session going on behind her. Moxxie continued serenading his sweetheart, smiling all the way. "Don't have to pretend to like to things we don't, I've always got you around to laugh at my stupid jokes. I'll never take you for granted, I'll always give you my best. And if you can offer the same, then we can handle the rest. 'Cause I love you. 'Cause I looove youuu..." The two imps capped off this chaotic experience with a single, passionate, tender kiss. In spite of Asmodeus' best efforts, love was surely in the air that night.