Author's note: It was a dark and stormy night (no really!) and my dad and brother were playing video games when I suddenly got hit with this absurd idea.

Ti: I take all the credit.

Ariana: Shouldn't you wait til you've read the story before you start taking credit.

Ti: Of course not. I am a great muse!

Ariana: Which I found at the bottom of my sister's laundry.

Ti:… It was a catnapping! I'm telling you!

Ariana: Right…. Anyway I think this might be due to the fact that I had to put on a Barney video tape for my little sister, narrowly escaping pure torture by sneaking away. Not like last time when I had to sit and learn about farm animals. :shudder twitch shudder: Oh the horror! Ahem Anyway, I was sitting watching video games when I was suddenly reminded of the Barney horror story me and my friends used to tell on camping trips. Then I thought about what would happen if my favorite Harry Potter characters got stuck in the story. Mwahahahahahaha!

Ti: Yes, she is evil. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape, or form own Harry Potter or its characters. (Though I'm currently working on that). I am also in no way affiliated with :shudder: Barney or any of its characters.

Harry Potter and the Purple Dinosaur

Harry Potter grudgingly sat beside his archrival, Draco Malfoy. Stupid, slimy, sadistic Snape. Just because he had been paired up with Ronald Weasley, who had happened to have developed a huge crush on Hermione Granger, and had been daydreaming about said best friend, Harry was now being forced to acquire outside tutoring. Oh no, Ron had been let off with just cleaning the potions classroom. But no, for some strange, unexplainable, god-forsaken reason, Snape had said that Harry had some potential with potions and that all he needed was some outside help. And who would be the best option for a tutor but the best potions student in the school, who just so happened to be Malfoy. He knew this was really some new way to torture him.

"You're late," said Malfoy.

"Let's just get this over with okay." Malfoy just shrugged. Harry sighed.

Just then Professor Snape walked into the room carrying a box of ingredients. "Here are the supplies for the potion. I expect you will listen to every word Mr. Malfoy tells you, Potter."

Harry fought the urge to gag. "Yes professor."

"Very well." Just before he closed the door he added, "And do refrain from destroying anymore classroom supplies."

Draco smirked as the professor left. "Well then, Potter. I suggest you do exactly as I say."

An hour later found them close to being finished with the potion. Just as Harry made the last stir he blinked. "Malfoy, what color is the potion supposed to be?"

Draco rolled his eyes from his reclined position. "Yellow. Don't you ever listen to anybody? Or is the Boy-Who-Lived above such obligations?" he said with a sneer.

Harry ignored the insult. "That's what I thought. But this is purple."

Draco sat up and looked in the cauldron. Sure enough, it was a bright purple. "Are you sure I did everything as I said?"

"Well I thought I did…"

Suddenly the potion began bubbling and green sparks came out of the cauldron. Draco stood up. "What's going on?"

A purple light came out of the cauldron and engulfed them. They both shielded their eyes as the light blinded them. They felt a strange sensation in their stomach, similar to being portkeyed. When the feeling had settled, and the light had dimmed, they blinked and looked around. They seemed to be in a school yard of some sort.

"Great Potter. You bloody transported us!"

"It's not my fault! You were the one giving the directions."

"Which you obviously did not follow closely enough. We don't even know where we are. What is this place?"

"Well it's obviously a school yard."

Draco was about to respond with a witty comeback, when suddenly the door opened and a group of kids came out. Their ages seemed to range from 6ish to about 15. (AN: Has anyone else ever noticed that there's always at least one kid way to old to playing with an oversized stuffed dinosaur?) Followed behind the group of kids was a giant purple…thing.

"Oh my freakin god," whispered Harry.

"What is that thing?" Draco asked quietly.

Harry shuddered.

Draco noticed. "What? Is this one of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's?"

Harry shuddered again. "It's worse. Much worse. It's…it's…it's…"

"Spit it out already!"

"Barney!"

One of the younger girls spotted them. "Look Barney! New friends!"

Barney laughed and the two boys wanted to cover their ears. "Right you are Ashley."

A little boy tugged on the dinosaur's hand. "Maybe they can join us in our game."

"That's an excellent idea Tommy. Let's go introduce ourselves."

The oldest girl approached them first. "Hi, my name's Tina."

"I'm Vicky."

"I'm Bobby."

"I'm Tommy."

"I'm Ashley."

"And I'm Barney!"

Draco was just about to say what he thought of the purple freak when Harry spoke up. "I'm Harry and this is Ma—Draco." Draco sneered. Always the noble Gryffindor.

"Do you want to play with us?" asked the little girl, Ashley.

"Uh…"

Please say no, thought Draco. I'm actually pleading with you, please say no.

"Sure, I guess."

Curse you Potter, curse you.

"What game should we play?" asked the purple freak.

"Ring around the rosies!" exclaimed Tommy and Vicky at the same time.

Draco looked at Harry with a raised eyebrow. "What is 'ring around the roses'?"

"You've never played ring around the rosies?" exclaimed Ashley. She grabbed Draco's hand. "Come on, I'll show you."

Soon, the entire group was holding hands in a circle. Draco thought he was going to be sick. Then they started spinning and singing:

"Ring around the rosies

A pocket full of posies

Ashes, ashes

We all fall down!"

"Come on Draco," whined Vicky. "You're supposed to fall down."

Draco looked at her incredulously. "You want me to fall in the dirt?"

"Just sit down Malfoy," Harry said through clenched teeth. He was looking warily toward the purple freak. Malfoy caught the look and sat down with a sigh. He had a feeling he was not going to enjoy this at all.

After five more games of ring around the rosies and twenty rounds of duck, duck, goose and a game where they imagined they were pirates on ship looking for gold, Draco had finally had enough. He pulled Harry to the side. "Listen Potter! If I have to spend one more minute in this playground I will hex the next child that touches me. Get us out of here!"

For once Harry agreed. This whole experience was bringing back painful memories of being forced to sit in the room while his cousin watched back to back episodes of Barney. He stepped up to the purple dinosaur. "Listen, uh, Barney. Me and Ma—Draco have to get going."

"Do your parents want you home?" asked Bobby.

"Yes, yes that's it. And we'll be in big trouble if we get back too late."

"Okay then," Barney said. He looked at the children. "Before they go, let's show our new friends just how much we love them."

Oh no, thought Harry. He unconsciously inched closer to Draco.

"I love you

You love me

We're a great big family"

Draco looked at Harry with a "you gotta be kidding me" look. Harry shook his head sadly, as if to say that they really were being subjected to this.

"With a great big hug and a kiss from me too you

Won't you say you love me too?"

Draco was visibly paling and he looked as if he was about to throw up. Harry couldn't blame him there. Luckily it was over.

"I love you

You love me

We're best friends as friends should be"

Noooooooo!!!! When had they come up with a second verse?

"With a great big hug"

Draco couldn't take it anymore. "Shut up! Shut the bloody hell up! You're making me bloody sick. I can't take this anymore!"

Harry gulped as he looked at Barney's face. Gone was the sickening, ever-constant grin. The look of shock was replaced by a sudden coldness.

"Barney?" asked Vicky in concern.

"Kids, go inside and wait for me. It seems our new friends don't quite understand the rules here. I'm just going to explain them to them and I'll be right there.

"Okay Barney." The group of kids filed back inside.

Barney waved them off with a big grin. As he turned back to the boys his grin disappeared. "How could you use such language? And interrupt our theme song?"

Harry looked at the offended dinosaur. "Well, you have to admit, it is kinda corny."

"And sickening."

Barney's eyes narrowed and began to glow red. His teeth sharpened and his fingers turned into sharp claws. "How dare you insult the love of this family!" He roared.

"Malfoy?"

"Yeah?"

"Run."

The two boys ran from the school house screaming. The demented dinosaur was hot on their tails. Soon the "I love you" song was playing behind them as well. There was no escape. The song was invading their very minds. When it seemed all hope was gone, Harry spotted a purple flash up ahead.

"Malfoy! The light! Go toward it!"

"Aren't we supposed to stay away from the light?"

"Just go!"

They quickly approached the flashing light. They reached it and felt the familiar tug. Soon they found themselves safely back in the potions classroom. They collapsed against the nearest desk, breathing heavily. They looked at each other.

Draco was the first to regain his composure. He stood up and dusted off his pants. He looked back at Harry. "This never happened."

Harry stood up and nodded. "Agreed."

They both shakily made their way to the classroom door. When they opened it Snape was standing in the doorway.

"Hello boys," he smiled evilly. His head then transfigured into Barney's, complete with gleaming red eyes and a grin full of perfectly white, razor sharp teeth.

Harry and Draco looked at each other then back at the professor. "Ahhhhhhhh!"

The End

Ariana: Aren't I just horrible?

Ti: :shaking: That was, the most horrific thing I've ever read.

Ariana: :twiddles fingers evilly: Review please! Or I'll sick this on you!

Ti: meow

Ariana: Uh, I mean this! :pulls out Barney plushy:

Ti: :twitch twitch: