Hi my sweet readers and welcome to this sweet little rewrite of Solace's Lullaby! The originally story is posted under my first account of Elodie . Desta. I started writing Solace's Lullaby when I was 18, but now being 22 I find my self yearning to rewrite it through a more practiced and developed writers hand. With everything that's cracked within this world these past years, with different tragedies and heartbreaks this world has faced and individually - I can't help but wish to rewrite a tale I once so loved and develop it into something even more beautiful and true. I hope you may like it so and I would adore to hear what you think and if this rewrite, from reading a chapter so old rewritten, is something you'd like to explore with me so. I'm sending you all my love and comfort to all the corners of this world where you may be. All my love and more, Elodie.
As the sun quivered and unfurled it's rays, the clouds painted with those red and yellow hues – Willa Fawn nestled between the branches of an old tree. Her back curled against its bark as she sat there awake, her eyes wide and brown as she watched her last sunrise in a home that was no longer hers. Home. That word stung her heart as each letter that had sewed her to this soil unravelled. Once again she was to move, once again she was to be that stranger.
Hearing the sound of the boarding school kitchens open their shutters, the spices escaping into winters air – Willa closed her eyes and squeezed her tears behind them. She had lived in India for five years, arrived here with just her and her mama during the warm summer heat. Yet never did she think she may leave so soon, nor that her leaving would be alone. She had become an orphan this winter, and the carrier of a heart she did not know could be repaired.
Resting her chin against her knees, she looked out towards the school that had become her home. It was nothing fancy nor grand, but a humble little thing tucked away past the cornfields and forest. She knew every corner and hideaway of that school, of that wooden labyrinth that she and her mama had been taken in and cared for all those years ago. It was so strange, she thought now, how something once so scary could in time become so entwined with love. How places and objects can morph before one's very eyes once memories become tied to them.
She painted that school in her mind as her last Indian sunrise framed it, captured her own mental image before unravelling her petite frame from her nook in the tree. Her feet were bare as she landed on the grass, as she straightened the baby blue skirt of her dress and walked towards her dormitory. She had packed her things only last evening, in some desperate little attempt to delay her parting. It wasn't that she didn't like the new place she was going to, no. Forks held what only a birth place could in her heart. But knowing what she was leaving behind, it seemed to blur and dampen all that her hometown had awaiting for her.
Her fingers knotted in front of her as she neared her dorm, each step making her heart quiver shy and little. Shy. Willa had never been shy, always little and vulnerable looking with her doe eyes and innocent features, but never shy. Not until her mama's passing. She was born with a heart that was sweet and untamed, a dreamer just like her mother, Flora. She was the rose of Forks in her time there, a blooming flower that refused to quiver underneath it's raining skies. She was soft and ethereal, beloved and yet alone in her differences. She spent her youth in books, in art and in dance – spinning words and stories that others may deem silly. She graduated to become a nurse, to live a normal life as all others did in her town. But she wanted more. She was more, and in the end so was he. Silas.
The name pinched her heart in memory as she thought of him so, as Willa's hands unknotted and went to graze the pendant that hung around her neck. It was old and marred – a locket shaped like a heart with her parent's initials engraved into the rusting mental. She never met her father, never touched his hand or held his eyes in hers. He passed when she was but a child, but through her growth her mama kept his name singing through her tales of him. He was a ghost to Willa, and yet she felt as if she knew him just as well as she knew her mama. She was told that she had his smile, but Willa knew she had half of his heart too – beating away within her as his memory and self etched into her bindings.
Pressing her hand against the door to the dormitories, she walked nimbly through the halls – the other students still lost in slumber. Her room was right at the end, separate and alone so she and her mama could share it. Her breath stuttered as she neared that sweet blue door. She could see and feel all the times her and her mama had gone through them – had gone through in laughter and arguments, in giggles and tears. She was her closest friend, her –
She paused as she reached it, her hand hovering over the doorknob that was worn with memory and touch.
"Take a deep breath." She whispered to herself. "Everything is alright, everything will be alright." Willa turned the knob with one final breath, the door releasing with a soft croak of old age wood. She busiest herself as the sun rose, as she finished her packing and dressed for the airport in another dress so sweet and her hair with a bow. She wore the part of an innocent girl – and yet when she looked in the mirror, when she looked at those big doe eyes that starred back her, she looked ruined. Whipping her eyes and nose on the back of her sleeve, she hoisted her suitcase of the bed and stood in the centre of her room, of their room – their home.
It looked so much bigger now that everything was gone, so naked and yet – everywhere she looked, her eyes fluttering, she could see memories, see ghosts of them and all they shared, all they…she had to get out of here, had to get out of this room when suddenly the door released another croak and opened to reveal her last piece of home and comfort here.
"Willa." Her name escaped the boy's voice with such pain, with such hesitance as he stood in the doorway. Dressed so formal and neat, his shaggy brown hair brushing the rims of his glasses, Fitz held Willa up with his eyes. She felt as if she was about to collapse, about to crumble but when he looked in her eyes she felt as if she could stand. Only barely.
"How…" Willa croaked, tears slipping from her eyes, "how did this happen? How did we get here? I-" Seeing her knees tremble, seeing her cheeks redden and her emotions shatter that soft exterior -Fitz went to her. He caught her at just the right moment, just as her knees buckled and her body slumped into his. He held her weight, held her trembling form as she cried into his arms. "I…I don't know if I can do this." The worlds were muffled as she cried into his shirt, as she held onto him as if he were the only thing keeping her tethered to this earth. "I'm so afraid."
Pulling away, Fitz cradled her face in his hands – held those sweet eyes in his as his usually shy and awkward demeanour broke before her. He was her only friend, a brother in her heart rather than blood. The first day she had arrived in India she knew, he knew – the moment they looked at one another and Willa, being the untamed dreamer she was, saved him from a dare he was unwillingly coaxed into by his schoolmates.
His thumbs slipped behind her ears as he held her face, as for the first time in their friendship he took the lead and became her pillar and strength. "Breathe now, Willa." Fitz said, watching her chin wobble and her eyes glisten. "You're not really leaving. How can you when every corner of this place is stained with memories of you and Flora. Of you and your mother." A small smile quivered upon her lips as he spoke, as his thumbs caressed the skin behind her ears. "India and me – your mother, all you need to do is close your eyes and we are all there Willa. Beating away in echo to your heart." His voice strained as he spoke, as Willa squeezed her eyes shut at his words and placed her hands over his.
"I'll never forget, I'll never forget." Her voice was rushed and soft as she repeated the words, as Fitz's forehead fell against hers. She began to shake, and so his arms wove around her – held her fragile and safe in arms that were not used to embracing. Fitz had never been the kind to hold another, to be warm with touch and love. He was awkward with his emotions, hesitant in his demeanour but now, now he held her. She was so little to his tall and thin frame, a mouse curled under his tree.
"You are not alone, Willa. You are not." His word were firm as he spoke. "You have your Uncle Charlie, your cousin Bella and all that is there waiting for you. You have me and this, your parents and you. You are so much stronger than you know, Willa. You can do this. I believe it. I..I believe in you." He pulled away from her, feeling her trembles slow as he brushed a stray hair from her eyes.
"Remember me and smile, remember me and dream." Willa spoke softly, her words dulcet and small. Stepping out of his arms, her hands went to his, her fingers folding with Fitz's as she looked at their interlocked grasp. Together, they were together. Interwoven and laced, quilted and sewed with that sweet gesture of hand holding. She could feel his pulse through her palm and he hers. She held on to this moment, held onto his hands as time slipped by and the sun rose. She held onto his hands as they walked to the car, as the driver placed her luggage in the boot and the door to the passenger seat remained open. She held onto his hands for as long as she could, held onto that moment of togetherness, of being intertwined and held – of being grounded and truly home.
"I," Willa's voice cracked as the words brushed the seams of her lips. "I love you."
Fitz smiled back at her, smiled that smile which held so much back, so much hidden and unspoken. "Travel safe, Willa. And I…I love you too." His words were quick as was the pace his fingers dropped from hers. It was too quick, too fast the time that had past. From when he held her in her room to now being here at the Taxi, to when she met him as a child and now parting as a new adult. How did they get here? How was it that time moved so quickly?
He bowed his head to her as he stepped back, as she felt her fingers tingle at the ghost of his touch. Time, oh time…she thought, please be kind to me someday. But with a flutter of her eyes, time smirked with its crooked sense of humour and before she knew it, she was driving away, watching through the window as Fitz and her home, her life - grew smaller and smaller until new landscape shrouded it gone.
Curled on her seat upon the plane, Willa pulled her knees up to her chest and made herself as small as she may. Her head rested against the window, a blanket draped over her as she stared out at the black view. It was night as they flew, her view limited to that pitch sight. But despite her efforts to distract her mind, despite trying to tumble into her books – she couldn't. Her mind was too busy, too full as pain ached in her heart and anxiety hiccupped at what lay ahead in anticipation.
This was the first time she would be in Forks without her mama, spending time with Charlie and Bella. She loved them so dearly, felt so protective over her small family and yet she couldn't help that nervous prick against her pulse. Before now, she used to visit them twice a year, staying in this sweet little room which Charlie decorated for them so. Her mama was Charlie's little sister, and despite the separation through geography – they were as close as two siblings may ever be. Siblings…the word made her mind flutter to Fitz, to the way he held her and all the memories before. He was like a brother to her, and in another way, Bella was like a sister.
From what Willa knew, Bella was arriving in Forks today too – the thought a soothing hand upon her. She adored Bella, adored how they grew up together and shared such a love for books and fantasy. Whilst Bella was more Tom Boy, Willa was girlie – whilst Bella was more shy, Willa was softly energetic. They were opposites and yet they brought the best out of another. She couldn't help but think of her as she flew, think of those small memories that were tucked away in her mind's pockets. They were so small and insignificant, but suddenly all Willa could do was think of how when they were little they used to lay underneath their make-shift forts and read tales of fantasy and love. They read the books allowed, made up alternative endings and wondered what it would be like – just for a moment, to live within that world. It was so innocent back then, them and their lives. But now as reality seeped in, Willa couldn't help but cradle those memories and conversations precious.
Rain. That was the first thing Willa thought when she landed in Port Angeles. From her seat in the plane she watched with wide and curious eyes as it tumbled, as droplets painted her window and called her sweet name. She hadn't seen rain in so long, since maybe last she had visited here. And in some strange way, she couldn't help but feel a comfort in them, as if it was a nostalgic hand caressing her heart or perhaps the skies weeping with her in understanding. Whatever it may be, it made her smile softly in yearning.
Pulling her tattered suitcase along the isle and off the plane, through each formal procedure and check – Willa sighed as she finally stepped outside. People ran around her in a hurried panic to escape it's wetness, and yet Willa couldn't move. She stood there still, stood there calm and gentle as she tipped her head back and felt the rain against her face. It felt cool and soothing, cleansing and whimsical in this fantastical way. She had always loved the rain, romanticized it within her day-dreamers mind. Ever since she was little, through her stories both heard and read, she chose to believe that if magic ever existed within her world, then it existed through the rain.
"Willa!" Hearing her name, she looked to her left and felt her heart stutter at the sight of Charlie and Bella waiting for her outside a cruiser. They were huddled underneath an old umbrella sagging underneath the weight of the rain. They looked stiff and awkward as if neither felt comfortable with such proximity so soon. The ice still thawed between them, unbroken and uncomfortable. But when Willa's eyes met Bella's, when Willa smiled at her cousin so sweet and true, Bella smiled back and her discomfort crumbled into glee.
Running towards them, Willa collided into Bella with an embrace so tight and desperate. She was all she had left in this world, her and Charlie – and seeing them here, it felt as if her heart pressed against her chest, pressed and ached like a magnet seeking it's other half. And as Bella held her tight, Willa couldn't help but close her eyes. She could feel tears well there, feel them prickle and tease her irises as she nestled her head into Bella's shoulder. She was one year older than Bella, entering the last half of her senior year. Although if you looked at the two girls next to one another, you never would have thought.
Gathering her tears and heart, Willa pulled back and cupped Bella's face in her hands, her thumbs tucking behind her ears as she leaned forward and kissed her nose gently. "Hello sweet Bella." She said softly, looking her cousin over as she stood on her tiptoes and marvelled at how she had grown. Whilst Bella was 5ft4, Willa stood at a mere 4ft10. Small in stature and yet so full of heart. "Oh my honey daisy Bella, it's been too many bells and days passed since I saw you." Willa teased, bringing her cousin back in for another hug.
"You could say that." Bella replied lightly, holding Willa to her as smiled. "Gosh I missed you." She exhaled, her teeth chattering in the cold making Willa pull back and lower herself to the palms of her feet.
"I missed you too." Willa replied, threading her fingers with Bella's before turning to Charlie. He looked stiff as he took her in, as his eyes met hers and tumbled inside. She knew he was seeing his sister when he looked at her, seeing his memories and the personified echo to his heart. She had the same eyes as her mother, the same snow white skin and soft features. His eyes pained as he took her in, became haunted as if she being here were but a tease of what he lost.
Yet he smiled at her, smiled warm and true and opened his arm to embrace her. Willa tucked herself against his side, accepting the half hug as she still held on to Bella's hand. "It's good to see you, Willa." Charlie said, his hand grasping her shoulder tight as the gesture imprinted upon her heart. She could feel his suppressed emotions reach out to hers, feel them slip beneath the surface of her heart and rest where her tears lay hidden. "You're still the same little Willa I remember." He said, stepping back and looking her over once more.
"Still find it slightly curious that I'm smaller than my cousin?" Willa asked lightly.
He shook his head with bemused eyes. "You're your mother's daughter, your height doesn't surprise me. Especially your eyes, those big brown eyes. They're your mothers in every way." She smiled shyly at his words, adverting her gaze to the ground below as a timidness crept upon her. "But anyways," he sighed, "we should get going."
Bella squeezed Willa's hand before she let go, leaving a tingling sensation against her fingertips as she did. She wrapped her arms around herself as Charlie heaved her bags into the car, as she stood in the rain and thought of that touch against her fingertips. Touch. It seemed so simple and yet she yearned for it so. She yearned to be held, yearned to be protected and not alone. She was desperate for it in some secret way, as if her mother's passing had felt her too vulnerable and fragile.
"Does it always rain here?" Willa asked as Charlie closed the boot.
He released a single puff of laughter, "I would tell you to get used to it, but it seems you're enjoying it too much."
"I haven't seen it in so long." She mused, lifting her hand as she watched the droplets decorate her skin and weave around her fingers. "Seeing it now, feeling it's touch – it's like a whimsical thing. Some element that despite it's wet force gives extraordinary comfort."
"Your mother used to say the same thing, she would say the rain is misunderstood." Charlie replied, putting his hands in his pockets. "That despite its coldness, it's actually the one weather form which is more emotional, most -"
"Pure." Willa finished, her eyes holding his as memory of her mother, of his sister caressed their minds and drifted in the air in-between them.
"I…" He took a step towards her, droplets tumbling from the tip of his cap. "I promised her I would do my best to look after you Willa, and I will. For you, her and Silas. I know Forks may not be such but, it's your home for as long as you need it." Willa outstretched her hand at his words, teased his fingertips with hers at the words he spoke. For she knew that underneath them he needed this too, need her and his sister through what Willa was.
"Home." Willa whispered.
"Home." Charlie replied.
Home. That word stung her heart as she arrived at what it was to be, as her shoes grazed the wet driveway and she stood before the small house in Forks with the brown door. She thought it was so strange, how one could have a home in one place – and yet within the flutter of an eye, it could be somewhere else. The weight of that word, the substance and depth of it carried and passed between places so easily, so quickly. Home.
Walking up the steps and over the threshold, Willa was quiet as she took it in. It held a different air to it, a different feeling and different touch as her hand grazed the banister and she made her way up the stairs. It looked just the same as it had been before, since she last visited – and yet at the same time, it didn't. She didn't know what it was, didn't know why…but as she walked down the corridor to her room at the end, it felt different.
Placing her hand on the blue door, her mother's paintings of flowers and vines etched into the wood – she pressed it open and stood silently as she took in her old and yet new room. The double bed was placed up against the window, the sheets a dainty pink and the pillows a soft white. A wall of book cases left empty except for a few and a desk on the other. The room was bright and soft, dainty in the flowers woven into the walls through paint and love. It had been their room, her mother and Willa's, and Flora had made it so. Her soul was engraved into each wall, engraved through her delicate art and choices of wispy curtains and pastel pink sheets.
A few boxes which had been shipped earlier lay on the floor, and a small vase of pink roses sat on her nightstand. Pink roses. She smiled at Charlie's gesture. He did that every time she and her mama had visited, always a vase of pastel pink roses. Willa walked towards them, her feet soft and nimble against the plush cream carpet. She bent down and smelt them sweet, their petals teasing her nose.
"I'm glad you like it." Charlie said from behind her. Willa stood, turning with a soft smile. "Always pastel pink, never red or yellow or any other color. Always pastel pink roses."
"Thank you." Willa said with a dulcet breath, her hand fluttering to her chest as she felt her emotions stir, as she felt that waterfall so nestled within her break just a little. But no, she told herself, not yet. Not yet.
"I'll be down stairs if you need anything." Willa nodded her thank you in a timid manner, watching Charlie leave and close her door until it was just her. Her fingers went to the hem of her skirt as she stood in her empty room, as she felt the room grow and felt herself shrink. Wrapping her arms around herself, she moved to the window, to the bookcases and the desk. That waterfall within her cracked once more and she sighed herself sweet and awake. Busy, she had to keep herself busy.
Kneeling on the carpet, she unpacked her things with light fingers – taking each piece of clothing out gently, and each book with such love and care. She was light and quiet as she went, as she held each item and thing before placing it in its new home. Home…what did that word really mean?
She plucked her violin out from its case and placed it on her bed, took out her sheets of music and ballet shoes. Music and dance, oh how they tattooed her heart and bound her to their form. Placing on her ballet pointe shoes, she took her time and pleasure in the process –customising them to her liking and tying the pink velvet ribbon. Placing a matching one in her long brown hair, she was just about to begin her exercises to soothe her heart when a small squeal came from Bella's room.
"Bella!" Willa called, leaving her room and tapping softly on her cousins door. "Are you alright my lovely?" She pushed the door open, resting a fluttering hand to her chest as she saw her cousin stumble and tumble between the pile of boxes in her room. She had always been clumsy and Willa loved her the more for it.
Tiptoeing between the boxes, Willa took Bella's hand and led her to her bed. They sat opposite one another as Willa saw Bella's features tighten and become anxious.
"Would you like to talk about it?" She asked Bella softly, brushing her cousins hair behind her ear.
Bella shrugged before answering. "I'm just nervous for tomorrow, I guess. I just have a bad feeling about tomorrow." Her words were mumbled as she spoke, as she looked down and bit her lip in anxiety. Willa moved closer to her, holding Bella in her arms as she pulled her to her. Being one year older, she had always felt so protective of her, even when they were apart. She knew how different Bella was, how misplaced she felt around others. It made her wilt inside, made her heart echo in understanding but also the wish to take it all away and make things easy for her.
"It'll be alright." Willa said into Bella's hair, rocking her gently as she placed a dainty kiss to her forehead. "For you're not alone sweet girl. I know how frightening starting over may be, how daunting and unsettling it can be to have everyone's eyes on you. But here, tomorrow – you're not alone. I'll be right there, protecting you and loving you." Bella pulled away, resting her forward against Willa's as she spoke. "We can be alone together, and maybe…just maybe, this new school and life, perhaps it may hold an adventure we are yet to know of. Maybe it'll be beautiful. Maybe it'll be hopeful and sweet on our quivering hearts. But no matter what it may be my lovely, I'm right here." Willa kissed Bella's forehead once more, offering her one of her sweetest smiles that held a warmth so rare and comforting. "I'm right here."
"I don't think I could do this without you." Bella said, pulling away to look into Willa's big brown eyes.
"Well you don't have to." She replied sweetly. "So, how about we finish unpacking and then maybe we can read together? I have a new book I think you may love."
"I would love that." Bella replied, smiling at the warmth flowing from Willa.
"Beautiful." Willa said softly, getting to her feet. "I'll see you in a few notes of melodies." But as she walked to the door, as the waterfall within her threatened to crack once more, Bella called her name. "Yes?" She turned, her eyebrows knitting together in worry as her hands held one another in front of her nervously.
"Thank you." Bella said from where she still sat on her bed. "I've really missed you."
"I've really missed you too, Bells. More than you know." And with that, with the waterfall cracking her chest and her eyes glistening with those wet hues, Willa slipped out of Bella's room and into her own.
"Everything will be alright." She whispered to herself, her back pressed against her door. Her eyes squeezed closed as she began to cry. "Everything will be-" her chin quivered as tears slipped out, as she slid down the door and pulled her knees to her chest. She was so afraid, so alone and in pain. Her heart ached with grief, grief for her mother, for her past home and for Fitz. For the girl she used to be and the girl she was now. She was so frightened, so vulnerable and scared. She cried, cried and buried her small face against her knees. "Everything will be alright. Everything will be alright."