Author's Notes

Ash: Well, well, well. It's Ashnat Productions' first song fic. I had a feeling it would only be a matter of time before we parodied something.

Nat: Yah, especially with Ash over here being so freakin' analytical. We just couldn't help but destroy someone's perfectly good song and tear it to shreds with our meaningless babble. Wheee! Fun!

Ash: ::grins:: I love to destroy! Anyway, for those of you who didn't know, this is a songfic based off the song TERRIERS by the legendary Kids in the Hall.

Nat: ::grins:: The original song was funny enough, but this "revised version" is enough to make you roll on the floor laughing. If you know the song in the first place that is.......... huggles Sephiroth I don't know why he's here, but he is so :P ::sticks out tongue::

Ash: :: sighs:: What's Blinky doing here.....?

Nat: ::shakes her head:: Well if you let me wander off for a moment on my own then I'll tell you. ::winks::

Ash: ::shudders:: You're not moving an inch! ::staples Nat's feet to the floor with a large staple gun:: Now you'll never escape. They're industrial staples!

Nat: ::pouts:: But.......but....... ::looks at Sephiroth with puppy dog eyes:: DO SOMETHING!

Sephiroth: ::stares blankly for a few moments then digs around in his pockets:: Aha! ::pulls out an industrial staple remover and pry the staples out of her feet::

Nat: OW! BE GENTLE! ::glares::

Sephiroth: ::rolls his eyes:: There. You're free.

Ash: ::points the staple gun at Sephiroth's head:: Back off Blinky. I'm taking over these author's notes!

Nat: NOOOOOOO! ::throws herself in front of Sephiroth who cowardly wraps his arms around her waist to use her like a shield:: Oh thanks Sephy. I feel so loved.

Sephiroth: It has come to my attention that your friend is insane and with that conclusion I have deducted that you must protect me from any and all acts of insanity.

Nat: Oo Huh?

Sephiroth: SHE'S FRICKEN INSANE! YOU DEAL WITH HER!

Ash: ::grins darkly:: No worries, Nat. I can't do the author's notes without you, so I can't kill you................ yet.......... heeheeheeheeheehee........

Nat: ::cowers and snuggles closer into Sephiroth's arms::

Shawna: SIX INCH RULE!

Sephiroth: ::grins:: Oh, it's more then six inches. Don't worry.

Nat: OO.........................um...............

Ash: CAN WE PLEASE FOCUS!?

Nat: ::ahem:: Right. Songfic. Okay. ::takes a deep breath and squeaks when Sephiroth tries to kiss her: DOWN BOY! BAD!

Sephiroth: ::pouts and backs off, sitting on a beanbag chair that appeared out of thin air::

Nat: There. That's better. So Ash, as you were saying.......

Ash: ::sighs:: How can I highjack something when everyone is too moronic to figure out I'm high jacking them... Its just not fair...... No one appreciates my reckless nature......

Nat: ::pats her shoulder:: It's okay. One day we'll learn and then you can say stuff that we'll actually understand.

Sephiroth: ::shakes his head and eyes widen when he spots Rinoa in the distance:: I.....um.......I'll be right back......

Nat: ?

Rinoa: ::screams:: AHHHHHHH! NOOO! NOT MY WING!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!

Nat: ::ahem:: Right......... ::ignores the screams::

Ash: ::begins crying on Nat's shoulder:: How can I create carnage and chaos if no one clues in!? Maybe if I murder someone it will get my point across..... But first, I need to conjure up someone to viscously eradicate. ::hands Nat the magic author wand:: Here, you summon someone who's a total pain in the ass. You know, someone who everyone would want to see cruelly slaughtered. ::closes her eyes:: Surprise me!

Nat: ::thinks carefully and waves the wand around thoughtfully:: Hmmmmm..... ::Chris pops out of the air and looks around confused::

Chris: Man. This is just like the time when that Semi came and hit me and I flew over a hundred feet and landed in someone's pool, but they had rabid sharks living in there so I had to get out pretty quick and then this babe who lived in the house wanted to have sex with me so I had to run away and I almost got eaten by a rabid squirrel.

Nat: Oo

Ash: DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ::shoots a million staples into his chest::

Chris: ::falls over dead::

Ash: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! So much for invincible....

Sephiroth: ::grins:: Only I'm invincible.

Ash: Shutup Blinky... You're full of crap...

Sephiroth: ::pouts:: I AM!

Ash: Uh huh.... that's why you got your ass kicked by that pansy, Cloud...

Sephiroth: ::stares at her with a crushed look on his face:: Hey......that really.....it really cut me deep..... ::bottom lip quivers sadly::

Nat: Awwww. Poor Sephy. ::huggles him and waves the author's wand with a disturbing grin on her face::

Sephiroth: ::clothes turn into "leather apparel":: Um.........OO

Nat: Heehee. Hee heehee hee.

Ash: Sick..... Listen up, Blinky, dispose of the corpse or I'll ridicule you a second time.

Sephiroth: But..

Ash: DON'T OPPOSE ME! ::points the staple gun at him:: Not even masemune can stand up to THE MIGHTY STAPLE! NOW MUSH!

Sephiroth: Fine... ::skewers the now dead Chris with masemune and heads out of the fic::

Ash: Well, now that we're rid of them, shall we start the fic?

Nat: ::pouts:: But he left with my sexy leather outfit! I want it back! ::grins:: There's always Inuyasha.

Inuyasha: ::hears his name and runs like hell::

Nat: Damn! Fine then. Start the fic. ::sighs forlornly::

Sephiroth: ::sneaks back in and steals Nat as well, leaving with her in his arms and a suggestive grin on his face::

Ash: ::sighs:: That's it, I've had enough. I'm retiring to a nice novel in the Caribbean. Nice knowing you guys. ::snaps her fingers and disappears::

Nat: ::blushes:: Sephiroth! Put me down! NO! Stop it! ASH HELP! I'LL BEHAVE IF YOU SAVE ME! AHHHH! GET YOUR HAND AWAY FROM THERE!

Mailman: I have a telegram for a Nat...

Nat: That's me.

Mailman: Here you are ::hands the letter to Nat::

Letter: Dear Nat, how are you? I'm doing just great! This tropical paradise is awesome! There are white beaches and warm sun, and all the free food and drink you can muster. I'm treated like royalty because the owner of the resort read When Worlds Collide, and he thought it was awesome. Go figure, eh? Anyway, it's time for my scuba diving lesson, so I'd better shove off.

Write back soon, love Ash.

PS: As for you begging for me to save you, I have one reply. BITE ME!

Nat: ::sobs uncontrollably and Sephiroth looks sheepish::

Sephiroth: I'm sorry. I shouldn't force you to do...that........until you really want to...... ::kneels down in front of her:: Will you marry me?

Nat: Oo ::backs away slowly:: Um....I......well......you see......

Sephiroth: And if you say yes I'll take care of you forever and be legally allowed to do all the stuff that I try to do to you!

Nat: I.....it's just.......it's just so sudden...... ::looks around for an escape and sees none::

Sephiroth: ::narrows his eyes:: You want to say yes, right?

Nat: ::sighs and gives up:: Sure, why not.

Sephiroth: ::does a little dance:: SCORE! BOOYAH!

Nat: ::write a letter back to Ash while trying to fend off Sephiroth:: CONTROL YOURSELF! NOT TIL AFTER THE WEDDING!

Mailman: ::sighs and takes the letter all the way back to Ash:: Letter for Ash.

Ash: Uh-huh. That'd be me.

Mailman: ::hands her the letter and runs before she can give him one to take to Nat::

Ash: ::opens the perfume scented envelope with disgust::

Dear Ash,

Guess what?! I'm getting married! That's right. Thanks to you and your annoying "I'm gonna sit on my butt and let Nat save herself" I have to marry Sephiroth tomorrow. I just thought I'd let you know cause now he's gonna expect 'wifely duties' from me. Oo Please come to wedding and be my maid of honor. Thanks.

P.S. We're starting the fic now.

Love, Nat

Ash: ::sighs:: Fine, if it's what she really wants, We'll start the fic now.

Scuba diving Teacher: Are you really gonna go back there?

Ash: Hell no! I've got fanfiction signing in a few hours, and dinner reservations after that.

Teacher: Whew, for a second there I thought I'd be out of a job.

Ash: No worries, man. Now, come on. Nemo awaits!

Teacher: Aren't you forgetting something?

Ash: Oh, right. :clears throat:: Ashnat Productions does not own Final Fantasy X-2 or any of it's characters. The song 'Terriers' is property of The Kids in the Hall. There, all done!

Teacher: Alright, let's dive!

::both flip backward into the water::

Ash: ::blub:: On with the ::blub:: Sonfic!

Yuna: ::enters the Farplane and sees Rikku holding a Tonberry::

Rikku: ::notices Yuna and grins her signature grin:: Look Yunie! I just got him and I love him and I'm going to name him and it's going to be a perfect name 'cause he's the perfect pet and I love him....isn't he great?

Yuna: ::looks at Rikku blankly:: No. I don't like him.

Rikku: ::is surprised:: What?

Yuna: ::shrugs:: Sorry.

Rikku: ::looks forlornly at her new tonberry:: W-what's wrong with him?

Yuna: He's just not my type of pet...he's just not...a moogle.

::transforms into songstress and starts singing::

Moogles are my very favorite fiend!

They're cute and cuddly and easy pets to feed!

They'll help bring you up whenever you are down!

Moogles average 20 pounds...

When I walk around in this moogle town,
One thing that makes me down
Is when people put pink vests on their moogles...

Moogles are my very favorite fiend!
Cute and cuddly, easy pets to feed!
Moogles were there in the preceding Final Fantasy!
Mika had one to prevent insanity...

Moogles are good with the aged.
Studies show that they prolong old peoples' lives!

No one wants to die,
Like this guy died ::points at the Pyrefly that was Seymour::
Die die, die die!
Die die, die die!
Recoils eating your eyes!

BASS SOLO!

::stops singing when she notices LeBlanc behind her in her usual attire, except it is all black and a black veil is over her face::

Yuna: Ah, excuse me lady, you're scantily clad and have nothing to do with the narrative. Therefore, it's sexist. Sorry...

LeBlanc: ::waves her now black fan at Yuna:: I'll be back for you, Dullwings! ::leaves::

Yuna: ::in monotone:: Wow... that hurt. ::turns back to Rikku:: You know those mornings that you just can't get out of bed, and you'd call in sick, if you had any asset as a sphere hunter. You know those mornings when you just wanna watch spheres, eat ochu salad and whine. Sure you do. Well, when those days happen... what you should do is start thinking about my friends. My little furry, data-saving pals. You know who I'm talking about.....

::starts singing again::

Suukmac yna so jano vyjuneda pnaat

Drao'na lida yht littmo yht ayco badc du vaat

Drao'mm ramb pnehk oui ib frahajan oui yna tufh

Suukmac yjanyka 20 buihtc

Give moogles a chance!
Yeah!
Do the moogle dance!

Random Moogle: KUPO!

Yuna:

No, let's not...

But if you want your love to show,
If you want your love to grow,
Then go moo-, go moo-, go moo-........

.....GLES!

Yuna: So you see....your tonberry just isn't good enough.

Rikku: :looks sadly at the tonberry:: I guess you're right. Go on, Tommy, to a brand new life! ::throws him into the Farplane Abyss::

Tommy: ::beats the crap out of the Fayth of Bahamut with his chefs knife::

Yuna and Rikku: ::raise an eyebrow::

Yuna: ::sighs and shakes her head:: Now you-know-who will never be able to come back...

Rikku: ::shrugs:: Meh...

Yuna: No kidding.... Let's go back to the Celsius. This calls for a toast in the cabin!

Rikku: Let's!

::both leave to head back to the airship::

Random Moogle: Wait up! ::chases after the two::

Nat: ::slowly walks up the aisle, head bowed, carrying a bouquet of flowers and wearing a beautiful wedding dress::

Crowd: ::sighs happily::

Adam: ::muttering in the background:: Frickin Sephiroth...

Sephiroth: ::stands, waiting up at the alter, grinning proudly and shooting glares in Adam's direction. As if daring him to object::

Nat: ::makes it to the front of the church and closes her eyes when Sephiroth smiles down at her:: I.......this isn't......

Priest: ::shushes Nat and begins the ceremony::

Elsewhere.....

Ash: ::sways back and forth slightly as jazzy Sade music plays in the background::

Ominous voice: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaash....

Ash: Huh? Who is this?

Ominous voice: Your conscience......

Ash: Oh. ::frowns:: Hold on a sec. Didn't you fizzle out and die that night I got really hammered?

Conscience: OH, right. Sorry, my bad.

Ash: No problem. It was an honest mistake.

Conscience: Well, I'll see you in rehab, I guess.

Ash: I'll meet you in group therapy.

Back at the wedding......

Nat: ::looks around desperately for any sign of Ash::

Priest: If anyone can think of any reason why these two should not be joined, speak now or forever hold your peace.

Adam: I OBJ........ ::trails off when he sees the look of death Sephiroth sent his way:: Um.....I.......uh...

Nat: ::looks at Adam hopefully:: Was that an object.

Adam: ::meekly shakes his head::

Sephiroth: ::smiles with a satisfied look on his face::

Priest: All right. If there are no objections then we shall proceed with the ceremony.

Nat: ::mutters under her breath:: Where is she?!

Priest: Sir Sephiroth here has written his own vows and would like to say a few words.

Sephiroth: ::ahem:: Nat......today is the one day I've hoped for ever since you began putting me in the author's notes of your stories. You've made me happier then any woman ever could and I know at first this whole thing was just a cover-up for me to get laid, but now it's something much more. I love you Nat and I want you to have my children and help me conquer this pathetic planet. With me, you can be a goddess.

Everyone in the audience except for Adam: Awwwwwww

Nat: ::shudders slightly but no one notices::

Priest: ::turns to Nat:: Is there anything you wish to say miss?

Nat: ::nods quickly:: GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

Sephiroth: ::laughs:: She's such a kidder. Carry on.

Priest: Very well. Let us continue.

Mailman: ::comes into the sanctuary looking exhausted:: HERE! ::shoves a letter in Nat's hand and leaves, muttering under his breath::

Nat: ::looks around, slightly embarrassed and starts to read::

Letter: Dear Nat, I hope the mailman isn't too upset, but I kinda sent this at the last minute. I realized I've made a terrible mistake and I'm coming back. I'll be there right about.....

Ash: NOW!

Nat: ::eyes light up joyously:: ASH! YOU CAME!

Sephiroth: ::looks at Priest:: Speed it up! Finish now!

Priest: Blah blah blah, etc. I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.

Sephiroth: ::lifts Nat's veil from her face::

Ash: ::looks around in surprise:: Oh, sorry. I didn't know this was happening now. ::Grabs a bottle of wine with a ribbon and tag tied to it:: I just forgot my gift for the resort owner ::backs out slowly:: sorry bout that, carry on ::snaps her fingers and returns to paradise::

Nat: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! ::shoves Sephiroth back and looks around for Ash:: She's........she's gone...........

Sephiroth: Mwahahahahaha! ::grabs Nat and kisses her deeply::

Adam: BASTARD!!!!! ::runs at Sephiroth and promptly gets knocked by masemune::

Sephiroth: Let's go my love! ::picks up the struggling Nat and heads out of the church::

Back in paradise....

Random person: So you're friend was getting married against her will, and you didn't do anything to stop it?

Ash: That's correct.

Random person: Don't you feel at all guilty?

Ash: No, not really. I know that whether I rescue her or not, she'll find some reason to bitch at me, so figure why put in the effort.

Random person: ::shrugs:: whatever... Wanna join the conga line!

Ash: Lets!

::both join the train::

Ash: Alright everyone, Let's here it!

Entire conga line: DON'T FROGET TO REVIEW!

Ash: Olé! See ya next time, readers!

Mailman: Yay! No more deliveries! ::joins the line as they conga off into the sunset::