SNAP
The limb that Harry sat upon broke, he fell and blacked out. Harry opened his eyes to show that he was heaped at the bottom of the stairs looking up and Uncle Vernon - realized that Skeeter, the photoshoot, Aunt Marge, and the Death Eater were another hallucination.
"Well Boy?" Uncle Vernon demanded.
Harry regained his stature, then looked out realizing he was showing off his T-shirt and underwear to Snape standing in the doorway.
"What are?!" Harry demanded.
"The highly skilled Potions Master that has nothing better to do than to sit around and study the underwear of a delinquent's son," Snape sneered as he pushed his way past and into the house.
Uncle Vernon shook a key at Harry. "Your freaky friends provisioned you a babysitter--Your Aunt, Dudley, and myself are off to Morocco until the thirthieth. In the meanwhile, you are to keep up the house--there are plenty of gallons of paint in the shed for you to paint the exterior. Also, Mr. Melvich of next door will be expecting you every day to assist with their chores and gardening. Don't stray unless you want to be paying us rent!"
HONK
"Vernon!" Aunt Petunia shouted, standing next to the cab from the street, Dudley was already in the front.
"Get the guest room ready Boy," Uncle Vernon said, "My sister should show up a day or two before we return--you are to be polite. Understand?"
Harry swallowed. "Yes Sir."
"If anything happens," Uncle Vernon said, "You'll wish you never were born."
Uncle Vernon left the house, shutting the door.
Harry turned to see Snape, standing there in the hallway, looking at him with an expression of ....
Dragon Voldemort