A/N: Not looking forward to writing this chapter. Angst is not my specialty; in fact it is pretty well the opposite of my specialty. But alas, it must be done, for this is quite possibly the most anticipated chapter. Well, next to Lloyd and Sheena's at least. You might want to have some tissues handy just in case, I really don't know how sad this is going to be.
No, no it's not true. Lloyd wouldn't do this to me. He loves me. Lloyd loves me, not Sheena. So then why is he holding her like that? Why is he giving her his kisses and accepting hers in return. Doesn't he know how much this is hurting me? Can't he see the tears running down my face? Why won't he stop? Why won't he comfort me like he used to? Why won't he just let her go? Why won't he love me?
I can feel my mind start to close itself off, to protect itself from the pain. It takes my senses with it. I lose my sense of taste first; it is followed shortly by my sense of smell. My hearing vanishes next, and slowly, my sight begins to dim until I can't see anything. Not even a wall of black, there's just nothing there. The only thing I have left is my ability to feel, and the only reason I know that is because I can still feel the tears that just won't stop. Numbed, I turn around and walk back into my room. I know that I don't want to be alone, but I also know that if I stay in there the pain will kill me.
I've lost all track of time. I have no idea how long I've been sitting here by myself. Just me and my tears. I don't even realize there is someone else in the room with me until they sit beside me and pull me into their embrace. For a second in my numbed state, he person holding me is Lloyd. But then my mind opens itself back up, bringing the rest of my senses with it and I realize that it is Professor Raine. It is then that I cannot take anymore and the dam bursts. I throw my arms around her and I sob uncontrollably because I realize that it's true. Lloyd no longer loves me, because Sheena stole him from me.
It feels like hours since I started sobbing, and it probably has been. I can hear the Professor whispering encouraging words to me, but I can't even register what they are. My whole being is weeping and hurting and I wish I would just die so that the pain would go away. But I won't. For some reason it just won't happen. What else is there to live for if I can't have Lloyd? Why do I have to suffer like this? Have I really committed such horrible crimes that this is to be my punishment? To have to live the rest of my life watching the one I love in the arms of another! Why won't someone just make it stop?
It's been weeks since my heart was shattered and I have, somehow, been able to survive. I try to put on a cheerful façade for everyone; make them think that I am all right. But I'm not! The pain hasn't lessened one single bit. The only thing that helps at all is to see that Lloyd is happy. I have accepted that his heart belongs to Sheena, but that doesn't make it any easier. Like now, as I watch them take each other's hand and slowly leave the ball to do who knows what with each other, I can feel the tears begin to rise again. Then I feel someone's hand on my shoulder and I turn to see Zelos with a sad smile on his face. Gently, he nods his head in the direction of the door before placing his arm around my shoulders and leading me back to his manor. He'll be there with me all night, giving me a shoulder to cry on, unless the Professor comes and takes his place.
It has been almost two years since the worlds were reunited and Lloyd and Sheena got married today. It has gotten a little better, but it still hurts so much. I almost didn't attend the wedding, because it meant that I had finally lost him to her permanently. I guess that somewhere, deep down, there had always been this hope that he would fall out of love with her and come back to me. But their wedding signified the destruction of that hope. I am happy for them, really. They make each other happy. And according to Verius, Lloyd and Sheena are eternal soul mates. That makes it slightly easier, but not a lot. All of the Summon Spirits were there, with Origin leading the service and performing the sacred duties. I can't help but wonder if they would do that for any of the rest of us. Somehow, I doubt it. That wasn't the big shocker though, what really hurt was when Lloyd used the Eternal Sword to make the two of them immortal so that he could always protect Yggdrasill and Sheena could stay with him forever. Somehow, I know that if that were me in Sheena's place that he never would have done that.
I'm tired, so very tired. It has been so many years since that day. I'm almost eighty-three years old. It still hurts too. Even after almost seventy years, it still hurts that Lloyd didn't choose me. I sometimes still cry over it. Usually after they have visited me here in Iselia. I never married, never dated anyone or even considered looking. I knew that if I did, the entire time I would see his face and that would have hurt too much. I'm going to die soon. I can all ready feel it happening. Chances are I won't make it through the winter. Soon, I'll be joining Regal and Zelos in Origin's home. That's a place most people won't ever get to see. It is the home for only those whom Origin deems worthy. All of our group will eventually wind up there. Even Kratos and Yuan, or so says Lloyd. I wonder if Mithos will be there one day? It doesn't matter though. What does matter is that Genis and Presea are visiting tomorrow. Another of Lloyd's uses of the Eternal Sword, binding Presea's life to Genis' so that she will age and die with him. They were so happy when Lloyd did that. But I could tell that it had been Sheena's idea. They still love each other so much, at it only seems to get stronger with time. I truly am happy for them. Even if it did cost me my own happiness. Maybe I'll be happy when I go to the afterlife. After all, I don't think they'd let me be sad for eternity. I hope.
A/N: Whew, boy, am I glad that that is over. Just to let you guys know, I don't hate Collette. I don't like her, but I don't hate her. Which is something at least a couple of you guys do. But even if you do hate her, please try to put yourself in her situation. I think she deserves at least a little bit of sympathy, so no 'Suffer Collette, I wish you would die' reviews, okay. Anyway, you can probably expect the next chapter to be, by far, the longest. That being said, I have no idea when you can expect it up. But it will be fluff filled and I will try to keep any angst out of it. Though that may be impossible considering everything that has to go into it. If you guys want me to follow their life together until the end of Symphonia, that is. Or would you rather I just have it over one scene where they talk about everyone's reactions and do some fluffy activities? Please let me know, as I would really appreciate it. Guess that means I will have to lay off starting it for a couple of days to give you guys time to review. Oh well, Thanks.