Only Thirteen
A Kazuki/Ren fanfic by Rabid Lola
A/N: Owned by Rando Ayamine and Yuuya Aoki.
Sorry if Ren's OOC. :D She's sleepy, just woke up and...yeah, I wrote this before I met her.
I haven't seen a KazuRen in a long time…want more! Okay, fine. Read now.
It began with MakubeX.
She caught sight of him, walking the streets of Mugenjou…the silver-haired kid who was barely older than she was, with a bigger burden than she could imagine.
"MakubeX!" she hailed him, running up to say hi. Sometimes, they almost considered each other cousins…they were both, after all, Gen's grandchildren.
But her voice made him stiffen, and when he turned, there was more fear in his face than anything else.
She stopped in her tracks, a feeling of dread growing in the pit of her stomach. "MakubeX…?"
"Go away!" he shouted, stepping back. "You might trap me again!"
"MakubeX, what…"
"Don't you remember, girl?" It was Juubei of the Flying Needles, appearing suddenly behind her. "You trapped him. You helped."
"You fooled us." Emishi the Joker, not smiling, not joking now.
"MakubeX, let's go." The two stepped in front of him, as if to shield their charge, and they walked away, away…
Ren stared after then, her hand slowly curling into a fist. "But…but I apologized…"
"Sometimes sorry is not enough." Kakei Sakura, stepping from her left. She walked past Ren, not even sparing one glance for her. "Sometimes, it isn't."
"Sakura-san!" Ren turned and began to run after her, to stretch out her hand take her by the shoulder.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you." A hand that could have a devastatingly strong grip caught hers by the wrist and stopped it in its path. She glanced, startled, at the profile of Midou Ban. His eyes were closed, his cigarette dangling from his lips. He released her arm and shoved his hand into his pocket. "They've forgiven you, but first they must forget. Only then can you be friends again. Give it time." He walked past, not looking at her.
"But…" she began.
And then Raitei appeared…no, not Raitei, Ginji, and he followed Ban, glancing at her with a sorrowful look on his face. "Gomen, Ren-chan, but he's right."
"No!" she whispered. "I…"
"Why did you listen to them?" the Beastmaster, leaning against a wall. "To Toshiki and Masaki? You knew what they were doing…you knew it was betraying us…" His animals gave her reproachful looks, with wide, sorrowful, knowing eyes.
Usually by this time she'd wake up…usually, by now the dream would end. Because she knew who would come next, the people who would follow.
But the Sandman was not kind to her tonight, and Gen appeared, anger in his brow, hurt in his eyes.
"I'm disappointed in you, Ren," her ojisan said, ignoring her dry sob and taking her roughly by the elbow, pulling her to go home.
And so she walked, and she passed him, and involuntarily she cried out, "Kazuki-san!"
He turned….and he gazed at her with such coldness, such sorrow, she winced and wouldn't look at him.
And he said nothing, and walked away…
"Kazuki-san!" It came out as a choked cry as she sat up in bed. The house was quiet, the room dark. Gen was away, tending to an emergency, and no one was there to comfort her from her nightmares.
Usually she wouldn't make a sound, just wake with a gasp and with tears on her cheeks. And Gen would be there, hugging her quietly, and she wouldn't make a sound as she hugged him, pushing down her tears. Because her dreams were more bearable if the people she cared most about didn't hate her in them.
She knew that all the people in her dream had forgiven and forgotten…she knew they knew it was a mistake, and they still trusted her. But she still felt the guilt, looming and oppressive, settling over her in a perpetual dark mantle.
So many things could have been avoided had she just been strong.
In the darkness, she sobbed out loud, curled up in her bed, with no one to hear her.
"Kazuki-san!"
He jerked awake, hands flying to the string, listening worriedly. Heavy breathing, gasping…crying.
"Ren!" he ground out. He threw the covers off and scrambled out of bed, grabbing a shirt and pulling it on. He jammed his shoes onto his feet as he ran, long bound hair streaming after him.
After making sure that the apartment door was locked, he made for the nearby entrance to Mugenjou.
Ren got out of bed and shuffled to the kitchen, eyes puffy, breath still coming in short, shallow gasps. She'd only cried for a few minutes…it couldn't come out anymore after that. So she rubbed her eyes and blocked out her feelings, sat up and stared off into the dark.
She didn't want to go back to sleep…she didn't feel like dreaming again.
The kitchen was part of their front room…when Gen was busy in the pharmacy, he sometimes lined a little snack. Right now, the foldable table and chairs were still out. Ren paused in the doorway, a small, slight figure in the gloom. Switching on the lights, she tried to calm her mind and think of more mundane things, like what she wanted to drink right now.
Drink. Tea.
Kazuki again.
Shaking that thought away, she swiped an impatient hand over her eyes and made for their cupboards. Hot chocolate, or milk? Chocolate, or milk…which would be more calming? Sighing, Ren chose the chocolate, feeling like she needed it.
It was ready in minute, and she let it warm her hands first, before sipping gently. Hopefully, the chocolate wouldn't cause her to go on sugar high. Although she didn't think she was capable of that right now.
She had barely raised the cup to her lips when she heard the lock to the door click. Ojisan, she thought gratefully. At least now she'd have company. And Ojisan never asked awkward questions…he always knew.
The door opened and she looked up with a smile…which faded when she gathered in that the tall, graceful figure in the doorway was not her grandfather.
"Ren!" Kazuki took several strides and was in front of her in moments, kneeling and taking her by the shoulders.
"Kazuki-san…" she croaked out, shocked.
"Ren-san, are you okay? Why were you crying?" Kazuki was uncharacteristically urgent.
Ren gulped down the tears that were threatening to come. Why was he so kind? "Nothing," she said, trying to smile brightly. She took a deep breath and added, "Just a bad dream."
Kazuki looked at her sternly, gently. "What was it about?" It was two weeks after they had released MakubeX from the Archives…and he had a pretty good idea of what her dreams were.
Abruptly the young girl made to stand…but Kazuki stopped her. She glared at him through bright blue eyes. "Kazuki-san, really, I'm fine…" She stopped, and confusion dawned in her face. "Wait…how did you know I was crying?"
"Your eyes are red," he lied…he didn't think she would take very well to being eavesdropped on.
She looked at him suspiciously. "But you knew, even before you saw me…and why are you here at this time of the night?" She glanced at the door. "How did you get in? You have no key…"
"My strings," he said simply, by way of explanation. Big mistake. The details clicked together in her mind. "Your…Kazuki! Did you attach strings to me?!" She glanced around in alarm.
"Eh…" he sweatdropped nervously.
She succeeded in getting up this time, dislodging Kazuki's hands. "Where are they?"
He didn't want to answer…misinterpreting the silence, she got even more upset.
"Kazuki-san!"
With a remorseful sigh, Kazuki pinched at the air with his thumb and forefinger and tugged…and something flew from the base of Ren's throat, glittering in the air. "Gomen, Ren-san…" he said softly.
To his consternation, a tear slid down the girl's cheek. "Ren san?" he questioned, standing up to face her.
She looked down, her mass of red-brown hair shielding her face.
"Ren-san?"
"You really don't trust me anymore," she said softly. No tremble was in her voice, only sadness, resignation.
"What?!" he cried out, startled. "Of course not…"
"Don't," she said in a flat voice, which alarmed him even more. What was wrong? "I don't your kindness. Please…"
He forced her to look at him. "Ren," he said sternly. "Don't be stupid. Of course I trust you."
"But you attached a string to me. Aren't you all afraid I'll betray you all again? Isn't that why the string was there?" she asked. She didn't shout, or scream…just asked in a soft, emotionless voice. Emotionless, not because she was hiding something…Kazuki's heart gave a leap of fear as he realized she was numbing herself, intentionally….her usually bright gaze was dull, dead. And he was sure, now, of what her dream had been.
"No, Ren-san," he said softly, shaking his head, the soft tinkle of bells accompanying his movement. He hesitated, trying to find the best way to say what he had to say next. Giving up, he said simply, "I look after the people I care about. I wanted to make sure you were okay."
Ren blinked, and stared. And her tears rose to block her throat again. Fiercely, she fought them down, but her voice still came out cracking. "Please….you're too nice. Don't do it to me…don't try to be nice to me…" The tears fell, and she began to sob, hiding her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking with the effort of keeping it in even as the sobs fought to get out. She was tired, sleepy, guilty, sad. She couldn't be her usual tough, spunky self right now.
Kazuki didn't say anything…he just pulled her in for a hug. Slowly, he sat down on the chair she'd just vacated, still holding her, rubbing her back soothingly. She cried in painful gasps, trying, still, to stifle her sobs, but unable to do so any longer. She felt him murmur into her ear, continue to stroke her back, her hair, continue to cradle her against him.
"You dreamed that we all hated you, didn't you?" he said softly.
She nodded, quieting, still sniffing occasionally.
"Did I say it?"
She shook her head, but she whispered, "Not in words."
His arms tightened around her, and he said quietly, surely. "Ren. Remember this…I would never hate you." His throat constricted painfully. He could not hate her. Kazuki may be feminine in looks and mannerisms, but he was still a man. Like any other man, he eyed females, just not as much as the other guys did. Hey, even Hevn's…um, "assets" made him stare once or twice, just not so much that anyone noticed." And male that he was, he was attracted to this girl…this slip of a thirteen-year old, whose boyish looks and cocky mannerisms he found more alluring than anything else.
She was thirteen. Only thirteen…
Too young.
"Arigato, Kazuki-san," she whispered. Then she noticed that one of her hands was clutching his now damp shirt, the other gripping his shoulder. Startled, she let go abruptly. "Gomen…"
"I don't mind it," he told her, not letting her go. They were silent, for a while, she still nestled against him, like what she did with her ojisan. Then, he ordered softly, "Tell me about your dream."
She sighed, seeing she had no choice, and began. He listened, not interrupting, not saying anything when the occasional tear rolled down her cheek and she stopped to catch a shaky breath. There was a silence when she was finished, and he lowered his head, his cheek resting on the top of her hair, his arms still around her protectively.
They sat together, for a while…Ren finally felt at peace. She began to relax, and Kazuki, sensing this, smiled.
After a minute or so, there was a sleepy, "Kazuki-san?"
"Hai?"
"You still haven't dropped by for tea."
"I will tomorrow," he promised, and she smiled.
Another silence, then a soft, groggy, "Arigato, Kazuki-kun."
Kazuki-kun. A warmth spread into his chest, and his smile widened.
Moments later, she was finally asleep, her tired eyes shut, her head still nestled in between his neck and shoulder. Kazuki looked down at her young, sleeping face. The forehead was unwrinkled, her breathing even. Impulsively, he bent to kiss her forehead.
The lock clicked, the door opened, and footsteps came in and stopped midway.
Kazuki jerked in surprise and blushed, staring straight into…he gulped. Gen's face. Gen's very blank face.
The pharmacist said nothing, only gazed at his granddaughter cradled in Kazuki's arms. The thread-wielding man cleared his throat and said, "Gen-san, we didn't do anything, I swear…"
"She had another nightmare?" the old man's voice cut his words off softly.
Kazuki nodded. "Hai."
Gen's gaze turned to him. "You attached a string to her. I saw it, before, and I left it because I knew you wouldn't hurt her."
"Gen-san, I promise, we didn't…"
"I know," Ren's grandfather said. He smiled as he put out one hand and stroked back his granddaughter's hair. He looked up, meeting Kazuki's frank brown gaze. A small smile pulled the corner of his bearded mouth. "Can you carry her, Kazuki-san?"
"Huh? Oh…hai."
Gen led Kazuki to her room, and stood in the doorway as the man laid her gently in her bed. Kazuki pulled the covers up to her shoulders, and looked one last time at Ren's sleeping form before Gen cleared his throat, and they both waked out of the room.
Once outside, Gen looked at Kazuki. "You care about her, don't you?"
Kazuki stared down at the floor. Very softly, he answered, "I think I do."
Gen was silent, then he said firmly, "Kazuki-san."
Kazuki looked up.
Gen met his gaze. "You have my permission to court her, when she is older, if you wish," the old man said frankly. He smiled at Kazuki's openmouthed reaction of shock. "I approve of you, and I know she harbors some feelings for you. But," he held up a hand. "She is only thirteen. I cannot promise her heart to you…I have no knowledge of what it will be like in the future."
Nonetheless, his words gladdened the other man…he had considered courting her when she was older, but now he knew he actually had permission. Not to mention a chance…true it may be different when she grew older, but somehow, he had a strange feeling…
"Arigato, Gen-san." He bowed to the pharmacist, who immediately told him not to.
"It is you I should be thanking, Kazuki-san," he said. "Thank you, for taking care of her tonight."
As Kazuki walked home that night, there was a brightness to his eyes and a lightness to his step.
He had a chance. According to Gen, a very good chance.
True, she was only thirteen….
She was only thirteen, he was only twenty.
There was still time.
As he walked out of Mugenjou, he smiled.
…---END---…