The Shores of Aman
Chapter Four - Alone Again
I feel a strong presence come to my side, one full of power and age. I do not turn my head to see who it is, I do not speak. I know it is the Lady Galadriel, but at the moment she is the last person I wish to speak with.
My beloved lies dead before me, and she is the cause of it. She sent him to his death, knowing well it was suicide.
But I do not feel angry. I do not feel sorrow. I only feel a gaping emptiness in my heart, a void where my feelings used to be.
"This is not the end, Lícuma," I hear the Lady say softly, "he has not left us forever. You shall meet again before the world's breaking."
"And how long," I heard myself whisper, "how long 'til then, my Lady?"
I can feel her gaze on me. "None can say. But do not give up hope, do not succumb to despair."
"You do not understand how I feel, Lady Galadriel," I say. "None can."
Lady Galadriel is silent for a moment. Then, I hear her voice in my mind.
"You were not the only one who loved him, Lícuma. There are others who share your pain."
I close my eyes. Of course, I know. Rumil, Orophin, Talagan, and many others who know and love Haldir. But I can not think of them at the moment, I am too drained of emotion to feel or think much beyond the darkness in my heart.
"Haldir," my mind whispers.
"Haldir," my heart cries.
"Why, Haldir?" I whisper.
A single, hot tear courses down my face.
The world around me fades, it is nothing. Without him, my world is nothing.
"Why did you go..."
- - - - - - -
I stare up at the blank ceiling, long hours crawling by sluggishly.
I see not the white roof, or the gold and silver of the mallorn beside me.
The talan does not exist in my mind any longer. Nothing is in my world.
Haldir has gone, the funeral and ceremonies were days and days ago.
No one has come by to see me since, I do not keep track of my days, lying here on my bed. There is no one, those that I have loved are gone.
There is no one left.
I am alone.
There are only memories, so many memories; memories of days and days when the only darkness was behind me. Days when only joy filled the present, and only joy stretched ahead. Certainly, there are tinges of sorrow in the memories - joy and sorrow are always entwined - but none of it can compare to the gaping emptiness in my mind right now.
An abyss carved of loss and despair.
I can only think of Haldir, and remember on the days past.
Holding on...
Somehow hoping for memories to become the truth. Hoping, wishing desperately to return to the days long gone.
So many memories...
I close my eyes, and let the sweet remembrance take over.
I yearn to relive each day of my past.
I delve into memories, always believing that it is the present, but always knowing that it is not so - knowing that I am lying in my bed, broken and alone.
That Haldir has left Arda.
That I am alone again...
Yes, yes, short I know. But at least it connects the story. Sorry, now we can get on with some of the plot...maybe...