Chapter Three - Family Reunion

"Virgil who?" asked Clark, looking at Superman.

"You won't know me, Lois," replied Superman. "I am, or rather was, Dr. Virgil Swann, a wheelchair-bound scientist."

"You're Dr. Virgil Swann!" exclaimed Clark, who was always eager to state the obvious. "Dr. Swann, it's me, Clark. Lana switched minds with me just like she did with you. We have to stop her."

Dr. Swann looked at Clark in confusion. "But I thought you switched minds with me, Clark. You said you were bored with all of the needy people always wanting your help and wanted to switch places with me so that people would admire you for your intellect. Besides, you said, it must be a real doddle just being intellectual all day and sitting around - not a proper job like waitressing."

"No, Doc, that was Lana. She switched minds with Lois, then she switched minds with me, and now she's switched minds with you," explained Clark.

"How very plausible," observed Dr. Swann, amazed by the plausibility of it all. "Don't worry, Clark, this looks like a job for Doc-, uh, I mean Superman."

As Dr. Swann (who looked like Superman) flew Lois and Clark (who looked liked Lana and Lois) to the top secret laboratory of Dr. Swann (who'd hopefully turn out to be the real Lana Lang), the real Lois turned to Dr. Swann. "Thanks for taking the time out to help us. You must be pretty busy, what with all that fighting for truth, justice and the American way."

"It's no problem, Ma'am. Actually it's all a bit of a no-brainer when you've got powers like mine. Just last week I put an end to all wars, found a cure for cancer, and rescued ten thousand cats from trees."

Lois stared at Clark accusingly.

"Hey, I've rescued cats from trees," said Clark defensively. "And I kept telling you that I'd get round to those other things come the holidays."

Lois turned her attention back to the muscular form of Dr. Swann and ran her finger over his chin. "Hey, Doc. If things don't work out and we never get our original bodies back, what say you and I -"

"Lois!" exclaimed Clark. "Remember who you're married to."

"Well, newsflash, Smallville, did you really think I married you for your mind?"

"Yeah, well let me tell you that I've spent a lot less time looking at myself in the mirror now that I look like you ... Great hair by the way, Doc."

At which point a red-faced Dr. Swann deposited Lois and Clark at the entrance to his old laboratory. "Good luck, you two. I better be off now. Up, up and away!"

As Dr. Swann soared off into the sky, with Lois gazing adoringly after him, a fuming Clark muttered "I came up with that line."

"I'm sorry, Clark," said Lois, turning to face him. "It was just seeing you again, like you used to look, brought back all those memories and feelings I've been trying to suppress."

"Oh, Lois," said Clark.

"Oh, Clark," said Lois.

"Oh boy!" said Dr. Swann who, now a safe distance away, was using his telescopic vision and super-hearing to see what appeared to be Lois Lane and Lana Lang making up outside his lab. Just as his X-ray vision joined in, he was suddenly disturbed from his voyeurism by a super-fast baseball ricocheting off his head. "Guess I better get back to rescuing cats," he sighed.

"Hello, I'm one of Dr. Swann's minions," said one of Dr. Swann' s minions. "Can I help you?"

"Yes, we're here to see Lan-, I mean Dr. Swann," explained Clark. "Tell her, I mean him, that Lois Lane and Clark Kent are here."

The minion did a double-take.

"Oh, it's okay," said Clark, seeing the confusion on the minion's face. "I'm a man trapped in a woman's body."

"Oh, I see, very convincing," said the minion grasping the wrong end of the wrong stick. "You had me fooled although, of course, now that you mention it ..."

"Listen, minion," yelled an angry Lois, grabbing the minion tightly by the throat. "We want to see Dr. Swann and we want to see him now."

"But he's a very busy man," explained the minion, whilst fighting for breath. "First there were all the months we spent finding new shades of pink, and now there's his latest work. Groundbreaking stuff."

"If you don't let us see him now then I'll ..." started Lois.

Suddenly the air was filled with a strange sound.

"What's that strange sound?" asked Clark, always eager to ask the obvious as well as to state it.

"Sounds like a ..." started Lois.

"Hover chair," completed Dr. Swann, as his hover chair made it's entrance. As he stroked the white cat on his lap he looked at his visitors. "So, Lana Lang and Lois Lane, or rather Clark and Lois. Come inside, ladies, I've been expecting you."

As Clark and Lois followed Dr. Swann into his huge laboratory that was, as such top secret laboratories often are, built inside a large volcano, Dr. Swann turned to Lois.

"So, cousin. How's things?"