November 3rd, 4th, and 5th
Summer at Stalag 13... 'I could have you shot for that.' ...Rainstorm
An off the cuff remark—said to throw Hochstetter off the track—actually pays dividends
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"I could have you shot for that, Colonel Hogan," Hochstetter said to his quarry, who was not showing any signs of fear.
"I wish I had a dollar for everyone who has told me that," Hogan responded. He slouched in the chair, a bored expression on his face. Yawning, he then said, "If that's all you got, Major, I should be going. First of all, it's going to pour and I have a celebration to plan. This weather…"
At that, Klink gulped. "What celebration, Hogan?"
"Summer solstice," Hogan replied without missing a beat. "Why not celebrate? Did you know that various cultures have marked the day for thousands of years? In fact, Stonehenge may have had something to do with it." Hogan examined his fingernails.
"Getting back to having you shot," Hochstetter said loudly. "I should have Klink shot for allowing these celebrations to take place. This is a POW camp, not a kindergarten classroom! If I had not been on leave back in February, I would have had everyone arrested." He stopped bellowing when the door opened.
"What is it Schultz?"
"I brought over Newkirk and Carter, as you requested, Kommandant."
"Yes. You two, come in. Schultz, you're dismissed." Once the two crossed the threshold, Klink continued. "Now, wait a minute, Major. I run a tight camp, and just because an accident happened, I don't think…."
"Your face is turning red, Major. And boy, your intelligence is pretty bad." Hogan grinned. "That was four months ago. And you're finding out about this now? I'm sorry I interrupted you, Kommandant."
"You two, stand there and wait. I haven't finished with your C.O. yet," Hochstetter said. "Well, I was back by March. The aides who neglected to inform me of the parade catastrophe have been reassigned."
"Ooh. Harsh. So who finally blabbed? Your secretary? The desk sergeant? Anyway. Kommandant, permission to build a miniature Stonehenge? My men are already practicing the chants and dances. You should come, Major. It'll be fun!"
"You will be shot, Hogan. And so will the men driving the floats. It was all on purpose. I have a great memory and I will get justice no matter how long it takes." He pointed at Carter and Newkirk. The two now stood quietly in a corner. The only thing missing were dunce caps. Although, to be fair, they were not turned around, so they had a good view of the proceedings.
"Justice for a gate and a radio detector truck." This came from General Burkhalter, who up until now had been silently watching the proceedings with an amused look on his face. "That's a ridiculous use of resources." He rose from his chair and walked over to the two enlisted POWs.
"What actually happened that day?" he asked.
"I'll tell you what happened. It was…"
Burkhalter held up his hand. "Major Hochstetter. Let them speak. Or I swear you will be transferred to a more unpleasant environment."
"I am the Gestapo, General." Hochstetter's face was turning red in rage.
"And I have been to Berchtesgaden," Burkhalter replied.
"He's got you there, Major."
"Oh, shut-up Hogan." Klink looked like he wanted to crawl under the desk, but instead he leaned back and rubbed his temples. "I'm getting a headache," he said to no one in particular.
"Corporal Newkirk and Sergeant Carter. Your explanation?"
Carter stepped forward. "There had to be something wrong with the equipment we borrowed from the motor pool, General. Our mechanics did check them over and supervised the installation. Actually, so did one of the motor pool sergeants. Everything worked properly when we tested the floats."
"I wouldn't blame the staff from the motor pool, sirs," Newkirk added. "The equipment was new and not installed elsewhere. It was sitting in their stock area. Must have come in faulty from the factories, is my guess."
"Yes, yes." Klink pulled some sheets of paperwork off his desk. "I have the inventory right here. The equipment was checked in not long before the parade. It was never used nor opened. It's one of the reasons we allowed motorized floats. We had the supplies."
"And if I may add," Hogan said. "The accident was a good thing. What if that equipment had been placed in staff cars, troop trucks or what have you? Your own men could have been killed if they had been driving on some of the roads here at a higher speed." Hogan nodded emphatically. "Yes. I say our holiday event did you all a big favor."
"He has a point, Hochstetter." Burkhalter sneered at the Gestapo agent. It was no secret that they despised one another. "You have other radio detector trucks. Now go. And don't let the door slam on your way out."
Hochstetter held up his hand to make a point and then thought better of it. He left the office in a huff, neglecting to close the door behind him.
"I'm not sure I believe you and your men, Hogan. You are fortunate you did not find yourself in front of the firing squad, but it has been four months. Now what is this about a summer solstice celebration?"
"It's basically a morale booster. We find holidays to observe throughout the year. Let's see. We had Easter and Mother's Day. Hey, did you know that Father's Day is also coming up? Some lady in Washington State got the idea. oh, way back when in the early 1900's."
"We have had something similar in Europe for many years. Mainly Catholic countries," Burkhalter noted.
"See, you learn something new every day," Hogan replied as he noted Klink and Newkirk nodding. "We'll lump that in with the solstice. Anyway, it's great for morale and as I've mentioned to the Kommandant multiple times…."
"Happy prisoners mean prisoners who do their work and do not try to escape." Klink smiled.
"I'll allow the Stonehenge and the other celebrations. I'm curious to see how you plan on reproducing the stones."
"Haven't gotten that far yet," Hogan replied.
"You're welcome any time, General."
"Of course I am, Klink."
After being dismissed, Hogan, Carter and Newkirk tried to avoid the late spring downpour as they scurried across the compound. It was abnormally warm for the beginning of June, and the men knew that along with the rain and the temperatures, insects would make their life even more miserable.
"You had no intention of building a Stonehenge replica, did you, sir?" Carter asked as they opened the door to the hut. The three shook off the water before entering the common room.
"I was just making conversation," Hogan said. "But, never look a gift horse in the mouth." He walked over to the bunk entrance and opened it. The men in the hut could hear him say, "Kinch, get everyone up here. We have plans."
No one in the hut verbally expressed their opinion on an attempt to build their own little Stonehenge. After all, the Mardi Gras celebration was fun and necessary. The Purim celebration was educational and touching. Easter and Passover came and went. There was not much that could be done regarding Passover. Although with the help of the few Jewish men in camp, the chaplain led a small Seder in the tunnels. But, since food was scarce, Wilson issued an order that they were not to follow any special diet.
Mother's day was emotional. But, the men were frankly tuckered out. To make matters worse, the heavy rain and warmer temperatures continued to impact the tunnel system. Men were busy shoring up what they had, plus with more men coming in and taking up residence in what were previously empty barracks, new spurs had to be built. It was exhausting and dangerous work. The threats were two-fold. There was the chance of collapse and discovery, not to mention the task of hiding the extra dirt.
However, Hogan's enthusiasm, while not contagious, took priority and word spread throughout the camp.
"This is going to be a great way to welcome the change of seasons," Hogan said as he watched the men in the rec hall work on plans. Right now, the men were shaping chicken wire. After they were molded to specifications, the builders planned on using scraps of wood and plaster to complete the Stonehenge model. Fortunately, they were able to find photos of the actual site in a German encyclopedia.
"Looking good, fellas. I just wish it would stop raining. Not a good day for anyone except ducks." He noticed leaks coming through the ceiling. Fortunately, the men had placed buckets on the floor, and nothing was damaged.
"Definitely not golfing weather. Anyway, thanks, Colonel." Olsen, a mechanical engineer in civilian life, was working with the wire, while several British prisoners, all of whom had been to the site in person, supervised. "This is going to be great."
"So, what is this for?" asked McMahon, the meteorologist. "If you can say," he quickly added.
"Honestly, nothing," Hogan replied. "Like they say in American football…I punted. Had to change the subject." He laughed. "This reminds me of a miniature…" He stopped. "Wait one minute."
Alarmed, the men in the rec hall glanced at one another. They knew that look. They knew that tone of voice. A light bulb going off in the colonel's head could mean anything from a fake escape to a means of getting more electricity. Unfortunately, whether or not there would be danger involved or if the poor operatives in Barracks 2 got the short end of the straw was anyone's guess.
The men waited impatiently for the driving rain to finally stop and for the compound to dry out before they could safely place the models on the ground. They also needed to shore them up so they wouldn't tip over. Fortunately, the weather finally settled down, and they could get to work. Even better, the Allies finally caught a break and landed in Normandy several weeks earlier. The Solstice arrived and a group of "volunteers" danced around the stones in celebration. Klink allowed it because he did not want to show that anything was amiss.
"I told you, sir, that it was real waste of resources and a shame to store the stones away for another year. Not that I think we will be here next summer."
"No."
"But, sir. It's recreation. According to the Geneva Convention…"
"Absolutely not."
"Think about those lovely Fräuleins you see in town. Wouldn't they enjoy doing something enjoyable in the fresh air? And they can get a glimpse of how you run your camp. Not only that, but you would definitely be the first Luft Stalag to offer this amenity. Think of how jealous the other Kommandants will be when they hear what you had your prisoners do."
"What I had them do?"
"Yes, sir. You ordered us to find a use for the extra wood and chicken wire."
"I did?"
"Yes, when Hochstetter and Burkhalter were here. Your memory is getting bad. Or it's stress from the invasion. You need more outdoor activity and sunshine."
"My memory is not bad, Hogan! In fact, I seem to recall you asking for this before."
Ah. Like a fly into the web. Bad move on your part, Klink. "Yes, sir. And you will recall that when I presented you with a list, it was right before I saved your life by breaking into a safe and getting that list...which, if I recall correctly, implicated you and Burkhalter as part of a conspiracy to assassinate Hitler."
Klink stared at Hogan for a moment. "But, I gave you the extra showers and two extra slices of bread per day. I can't help it if Red Cross packages are late."
"I think you can do better than that, sir. Gee, I wonder when Hochstetter will return to camp. In fact, I can call him for you." Hogan grabbed the receiver.
Klink slapped it. "Get your hand off that phone, Hogan. I don't know how you talked me into this. But, absolutely no flags and no Statue of Liberty."
"Thank you, sir. Can we still get the local girls for the weekend dances?"
"Hooogannn! Out!" Klink pointed to the door.
"Thank you, Kommandant. We'll have a tournament real soon."
Hogan happily inspected the miniature golf course taking shape over on the far side of camp. It coincidentally covered over the tunnel spurs servicing the newly occupied barracks and hid a lot of the dirt removed from the tunnel system.
"Never thought you would pull this off, sir." Kinch was nonchalantly swinging a small golf club he built using spare wood and metal. "I can't wait to try this." The other men nodded and spoke in agreement.
"Wasn't sure I could pull it off. But, Klink honestly remembers the times I've saved his you know what, even if he won't admit it. And that…" Hogan took a swing at a golf ball, which lazily rolled its way towards the first hole..."Is how you kill two birds with one stone."
A/N: The incident with the safe occured in the episode, "Safecracker Suite" which probably took place in the fall of 43. Hogan offers to give the list of names implicated in plots to kill Hitler to Klink in exchange for two extra slices of bread per day, all Red Cross packages delivered on time, and an extra shower for each prisoner per week. Klink agrees to these requests.
Earlier that episode, Hogan comes to Klink's office bringing a huge list of requests. Including, building a mini golf course, two extra slices of bread for each man, and to bring local girls into camp for weekend dances.
Coincidentally, we've had very warm weather this past week near Philadelphia. It's Sunday, November 12th and we hit 70 degrees. Lots of sick people. And it's droppiing 20 degrees, starting tomorrow, I think. We also had a lot of rain yesterday because of the hurricane heading up north.
I've tried to locate Dusseldorf's historical weather records for the war, and have so far been unsuccessful.
This is a humorous story, so if my mechanics are off on the motors, etc...sorry about that. However, I did speak to my husband (a retired civil engineer and a model railroader) and he agrees that the technique used to build the Stonehenge models would work.)
The Passover comment about not following the diet. (For those of you unfamiliar with a seder-that is the ritual meal where the story of Exodus is told.)The diet—strictness varies depending on observance and background—forbids anything with yeast. The story recalls how the Hebrews fleeing Egypt did not have time to wait for bread to rise. Which is how we got matzoh. As I've mentioned before in my stories, health and life take precedence over any Jewish observance or ritual.
I was surprised to find out that info about Father's Day.
As usual, let me know if you find any errors, typos, etc.