Chapter Four - Weird Science

"Chloe?" exclaimed Lana (who was really Lois).

"That's right," replied Dr. Swann (who was really Chloe). "I came here to visit Dr. Swann, who turned out to be Lana. Anyway Lana, with her natural gift for intelligence evasion, had finally realized that Dr. Swann was paralyzed rather than just lazy as she'd initially thought so the next thing I know she's swapping minds with me. Turns out it was the best thing that could have happened to me."

"How come?" asked Lois (who was really Clark) as Chloe approached a control console.

"Well after finishing off Dr. Swann's work, which was hardly rocket science - well actually it was - and after making the significant medical strides necessary to fix his body," she said, with a complete lack of modesty, as she stepped out of the hover chair, leaving her cat to scurry away to find more mice for experiments, "I used his vast resources to continue my life's work."

Chloe pushed a button on the control console and a large holographic display suddenly filled the air in front of them. A display so high they had to crane the necks to see halfway up it, and so wide that parts of the laboratory wall had to open up in order to accommodate it.

Lois and Clark immediately recognized it.

Chloe looked at the speechless duo. "So how do you like the new Wall of Weird. I spent half my life finding this stuff and now I'm going to spend the other half explaining it."

Clark laughed. "Wow, once you do that you'll be able to create designer freaks to take over the world. That'll fit in well with the white cat and the volcano hideout."

"You've got to be kidding me, Clark," replied Chloe jovially, using her hand to cover up the World Domination button on the console. "You think all of your old friends from Smallville, the friends that you never had the decency to reveal your secret to, end up turning into criminal masterminds?"

"Well no but ..." and then Chloe's words registered in Clark's brain. "You know my secret?"

"Lana told me," replied Chloe. "How could you not trust me, Clark? You know I'd have made a really great story out of it."

"Got to go, cousin," interrupted Lois. "We've still got to catch Lana."

"Don't worry. I've come up with a gizmo," explained Chloe as she zapped them with a beam she'd invented for just such an occasion. A beam that would miraculously transport them straight to Chloe's apartment. Well, to be brutally honest, it would totally rip apart their atoms and use the information gathered to create an exact duplicate of them in Chloe's apartment, but people are never that interested in the small details.

Chloe's body lay sleeping on a pink rug in front of a fire.

"Lana, we're here and we want our bodies back," yelled Lois.

Chloe woke up, turned over towards them and saw Lois. "Grrrr," she snarled as she saw Lana Lang's face staring down at her.

"So you recognize me do you, Lana? That's right, it's Lois, and me and Clark want our bodies back."

At the mention of Clark's name, Chloe's eyes lit up and within seconds she was off the floor and thrusting her tongue at Clark's face.

As Lois watched in disgust at what appeared to be her cousin licking what appeared to be herself, Clark pushed Chloe away.

"What's the matter, master?" Chloe asked Clark. "Do you want me to get on all fours and perform some tricks for you? Or you could get your stick out."

"You're sick, Lana," Lois said.

"It's not Lana," Clark realized as he gazed into Chloe's big puppy-dog eyes. "It's Krypto."

"You mean Lana ... ?" asked Lois, quickly leaping from being one step behind to one step ahead.

Clark nodded. "She's a dog."