Chapter Seven - The More Things Change
"Ms. Lane, Ms. Lang, what a pleasant surprise," Alfred said in one of the many sarcastic tones he reserved for visitors to Wayne Manor. "However I regretfully have to inform you that Master Bruce is not taking visitors at the present time."
"Alfred, it's me, Clark," said Lois, grabbing hold of Alfred's shoulders.
"And what makes you think that I'll believe you, Madam?" asked Alfred, peeling Lois Lane's hands away.
"Ask yourself this, Jeeves," butted in Lana Lang. "You know Clark Kent. Why would anyone want to pretend to be him?"
Lois looked at Lana with a hurt expression. "Lois, lots of people would want to be me."
Alfred used his advanced butler training not to smile. "Of course they would, Master Clark. Very droll. Now if you and Ms. Lane would follow me below. Although I should probably warn you in advance that my employer hasn't been himself lately."
"Who has?" replied Lana.
The Batcave was just as Clark remembered it, apart from the pink wallpaper, an additional level that was being added in order to house a La La Land coffee shop, and, most strikingly of all, a Batmobile that had been repainted pink, seemingly in a homage to the Compact Pussycat.
Of course there was one other thing that had changed - Batman himself. He just sat on the floor, his head in his hands.
"Can we be alone please, Alfred?" asked Clark.
"Certainly, sir. I'll go and polish a pole," Alfred said, and then, with a farewell nod, left Lois and Clark with the Dark Knight.
"Lana?" asked Clark, looking at the caped crusader.
Batman looked up at the two of them and laughed and laughed and laughed. It was a laugh that Lois and Clark knew well and that sent a chill down their spines.
"Batman's The Joker!" Clark exclaimed. "That means Lana must have taken The Joker's place. Just think of it, Lois. Lana Lang an insane psychopath with a hideous fixed grin."
"To tell you the truth, Smallville, I always thought of Lana that way."