Disclaimer: Characters belong to JK Rowling. Song belongs to Something Corporate
Author Notes: Written randomly for Nikki.
Close your eyes, and I will be swimming
Lullaby's fill your room, and I will be singing
Singing to only you
Dont forget I'll hold your head
Watch the night sky fading red
But as you sleep, and noone is listening
I will lift you off your feet, I'll keep you from sinking
Don't you wake up yet, cause soon I'll be leaving you
Soon I'll be leaving you, but you won't be leaving me
- Something Corporate
First year.
You never noticed me. I sat in the desk across from you in History of Magic. I smiled at your accent. I sat behind you in Charms. Laughed at the way you always messed things up. You thought I was being cruel. I was a Slytherin, after all. That's all you knew me for.
Second year.
I sat across the hall from you one time, directly across from you. For a moment you locked eyes with me. You frowned and looked away again. Me, up to no good. What else could it be? Slytherins were bad, you were told. I was a Slytherin. I was bad. Though maybe you might have wanted some excitement in your life.
Third year.
For some reason I noticed how you changed over the summer. How you came back glowing. How you looked straight at and straight through me.
As we slept in the hall I watched you. You didn't notice though. After all, who was I? You slept by the wall. I leant against it and watched you sleep, curled in the sleeping bag, as though this were normal for you. To be watched as you slept. Though I wouldn't doubt that. You mumbled in a dream. I wanted it to be my name on your lips.
Fourth year.
You sat beside me in the library and complained that your head hurt. I offered you my notes and you smiled at me. That smile nearly killed me. I wanted you so much. You made a comment on the Tournament. I replied and you laughed. Laughed at me. No, with me. You thanked me for my notes. Said you'd see me around.
You found me again. Gave me some chocolate and thanked me for helping you with your homework. Laughed when I said it was a pleasure. It's always a pleasure to be near you like this. When we pretend that it's fine for us to talk together. Like the people watching us cautiously aren't there. You sat beside me. Leant against me. Blushed and apologised.
At the Yule Ball I watched you dance with her. How she wrapped her arms around you and whispered in your ear. How you smiled at her. How I wanted to be her. No. I didn't want to be her. I wanted to be in her place. In your arms. Your eyes met mine, once. You knew I'd been watching you. My world froze when your eyes fell on me, and for a moment I was in your arms. For a moment before you tore your eyes away and put them back on her. Everything flooded away from me.
I was standing in the cold when you found me. You told me things you knew you shouldn't. Things you wouldn't admit to anyone but me. How you wanted to do so many things to me, but you couldn't explain it and you couldn't understand it.
You let me into your arms and let me kiss you. You let me taste you and you held me. You let me touch your skin and it burnt me. So soft and so hot and so forbidden. My hands on your back, your hands in my hair. I'd never wanted anything that desperately, passionately, painfully before in my life.
You left me in the courtyard amongst the frost bitten roses. They were meant to live all year round, but the winter was too cold for them. You went back to your tower and left me breathless and bruised.
Fifth year.
You stood beside me when I looked at the Thestrals. You wanted to ask, I know you did, like every other Gryffindor. You wanted to know who, how, why? You never got the chance to ask though. You stayed away from me the rest of the year. He'd said my father was involved. I didn't deny it. But it didn't mean I was.
Sixth year.
You spoke to me again on the train. You leant against the compartment looking like a wet dream. Standing so coyly, eating a bar of chocolate, making small talk. I would have taken you right there, between your comments about the good weather and homework. We seemed to follow each other around. You'd be in the library when I was. I'd end up near the Quidditch pitch when you were practising. You'd brush past me, just a little too close, when you moved to your seat. I'd just happen to sit so I could face you at dinner.
You found me in the library after curfew, as I was reading a book. You took it from me, your face so serious I thought you were going to cry. And you kissed me again, taking my face in your hands, pressing your lips to mine. How could you deny you wanted me, you said. Same as I hadn't been able to deny I wanted you. Your hands moved and stripped me of my shirt. Your fingers burnt my skin again and I wanted them to scar me.
I wanted to be yours. Your clothes followed mine onto the floor, and I lifted your body onto the table, kissing you, touching you, stroking you until you sobbed into my neck and came into my hand.
I took you to my bed, and you stayed there, even into the morning. I woke to you stroking my hair and looking at me with such emotion in your eyes I was stunned.
You rarely left me after that. You would be in my bed, or we would sleep under the stars. I would wake up to have you hold me. I would kiss you as you slept. If you moaned in your sleep, it was my name on your lips.
Summer.
I'm laying in your bed, in your house. I'm watching you sleep now, stroking your hair every so often, humming gentle things you've taught me, little songs you've sung to me over and again, even though they were by Muggles and I pulled faces at you.
You commented earlier, as we watched the sun setting, how the sky looked like it was bleeding. How appropriate that was. Because we are in a war now. I held you when you said that. I'm holding you now. No one will touch you whilst I'm here. Even though I'm not going to be for long. I'm not leaving you. I'm taking you with me. I have been called, but I'm not going there. You're the only one who can mark me. I want you to know I love you. Those will be my last words to you. That I don't regret the fact we wasted six years, because you made them up to me a thousand times over. What I do regret is that I won't be here to see you wake for the final time this morning. And that I won't be here to see you close your eyes for the final time today. I will love you until this world stops turning. I only ask that you forgive me for leaving you right now, and that you'll follow me.
I love you.
Theodore.