Song lyrics to "There Goes My Life" by Kenny Chesney. I'm pretty sure. I know he sings it, and it looks like he wrote it, too.

I don't any of this stuff.

xxxx

Dawn Atwood looked at the stick. Crap.

"Mom?" A small palm slapped on the door. "Mom! I'm hungry!" She heard Trey lean against the door and then slide down to the floor.

Dawn dropped the pregnancy test in the trash. She splashed water on her face and looked at herself in the mirror. They couldn't afford this. Dawn bit back on the sob that threatened to bubble out of her throat. Dave had just lost his job – again. They were buried in debt and another baby…. She covered her face with her hands.

They couldn't afford this child.

xxxx

"Kiki, did you get your application for Paris turned in?"

Kirsten looked up from her plate at her father. "What?"

Caleb shook his head with impatience. "The application. For Paris. It's due February 1st."

"Dad, it's not even Christmas yet. I haven't…"

"Getting the application in early will demonstrate your interest, your dedication."

Kirsten pushed her peas around on her plate, listening with one ear. She'd heard it all before. Many times.

"Kiki."

Kirsten flinched at the frustration in her father's voice.

"We've had this discussion. Turn in the application."

"Yes, Dad." Kirsten continued to study her peas.

"Is this about that boy?" Caleb's voice was hard.

"No, Dad, it isn't," she lied.

"Kiki, you know…"

"Cal," Kirsten's mother interrupted the now familiar rant against Sandy Cohen. She saw the sadness in her daughter's eyes.

"Mary, she's going to throw her life away if she…"

"Cal, she's said she'll go to Paris. Like you want. Now, let her do it her way."

Caleb opened his mouth to say something more, but closed it at an arched eyebrow from his wife.

"Hmph," he grumbled under his breath.

x

"Honey, what's wrong?" Sandy said it softly against her hair as they sat, curled together on his couch. Kirsten turned toward him pressing into him, absorbing him. Wrapping her arms around him, she put her head against his chest, listening to his heart, trying to breathe him in.

"Babe?"

Kirsten shook her head, tightening her embrace. Sandy frowned, but was quiet, holding her until she relaxed.

"Hard dinner with the folks?" he whispered.

Kirsten sighed. "Dad's really pressing about the Paris application. I just… I wish he'd stop. I don't…"

Sandy tried to figure out what had changed. Last week they'd decided the Paris exchange would be perfect. She'd go to Paris for the summer to learn about design. He'd spend the summer in New York, working at a prestigious firm, earning the ridiculous salary they'd pay him, living at home, and flying to Paris whenever he got a chance. He had no interest in working at the firm when he graduated from law school, but he was willing to whore himself out for the money, if it meant getting to see Kirsten regularly while she was away. They'd had a plan.

"I thought Paris was what we wanted," he said gently.

"It was. It is!" Kirsten pushed out of his arms and off the couch. "It is. It is what we want." She smiled at him, her heart breaking.

x

Kirsten parked her car along the road and walked slowly up to the top of the hill. It was her favorite place to sit and think. It made her a little nervous to be there after dark, but it was her father's property, and her need to sort through all the emotions and thoughts that were spinning through her head was greater than her common sense at the moment.

She found her spot – a sheltered niche that gave her an incredible view of the ocean. To her left she could see the path that led down to a secluded cove. Sometimes she swam, when the mood was on her. She'd brought Sandy here for the first time six weeks ago. They'd gone skinny dipping in the moonlight and made love on the blanket they'd eaten their picnic on. She wondered if that might have been the night; she thought it probably was.

Kirsten drew her knees up and wrapped her arms around her legs. Propping her chin on her knees, she closed her eyes, and felt the tears start down her cheeks. What was she going to do?

It made no sense to keep it. She knew that. He father would flip out. He'd be so disappointed in her – that she'd gotten pregnant, that she wouldn't be able to go to Paris, that all their careful plans would not happen. The thought of telling him, of facing him made her feel physically sick, and she curled in more tightly on herself.

And Sandy. Kirsten wiped her hand down her cheeks, trying to get herself under control. He tried to make out that he didn't really care about the position at the N.Y. firm, that it was just about the money, but Kirsten knew it was a big deal. Even if he never ended up working in a firm, she knew it gave him a sense of success to have been courted and hired by the firm; to be able to return home with a prestigious job.

Having this baby would ruin all their plans.

xxxx

Kirsten stared out the window at the pool house. In the den she could hear Seth and Ryan playing a video game. The sounds of the game were punctuated by Seth's quick, light voice. She heard nothing from Ryan, but she'd watched them surreptitiously for a little while earlier, and had seen the boy respond to Seth's chatter with a glance or a quick smile or a soft word. In spite of herself, she'd felt her heart ache for him. Even as she watched Ryan interact with her son, Kirsten saw in the child's eyes the fear and the pain and a sense of complete and utter aloneness that went deeper than Kirsten thought she could bear.

She leaned against the sink, staring out the window toward the pool house.

Seth wanted him. Sandy wanted him.

Kirsten closed her eyes. If she allowed herself to think about it, she'd have to confess that right now she wasn't sure she was doing much of a job with her own child. Seth was solitary and clearly unhappy. Kirsten was at a loss. She wasn't even sure when it had happened. He'd been a cheerful, talkative kid and it seemed like overnight, he'd become this sarcastic, sullen teenager. She knew that it hadn't happened that swiftly, that she'd been wrapped up in work and Sandy and … somehow she'd lost sight of Seth. She swallowed the surge of guilt.

She turned when she heard Sandy's voice chastising Seth down the hall.

As he came into the kitchen Sandy said, "I never knew you to be an impulse shopper."

Desperate, Kirsten cried, "I didn't know what else to do."

"Did you tell him it was permanent?"

"No, of course not."

Desperate in his own way, Sandy said, "'Cause we can't keep jerking this kid around, pulling him out of Juvie, sending him to foster care, giving him hope, and…and taking it away."

"They were going to kill him in that place, Sandy." Kirsten couldn't get out of her mind the image of Ryan down, the other boy's fists flying. "He couldn't stay there. But he can't stay here. We've got to find his mother."

"He doesn't want to find her."

"He's a kid," she said, frustrated and angry at him for refusing to see; at herself for being afraid. "He doesn't know what he wants."

They were so engrossed in their conversation that they didn't notice Ryan come up behind them.

"So I guess I won't unpack."

They froze.

Sandy moved toward him. "Ryan…"

But the boy hunched his shoulders, turning away, rejecting. "I'll be… out there." His eyes met Sandy's briefly before he looked at Kirsten. Her breath caught at the lostness she saw there. And he was gone.

She couldn't do it. She was only just beginning to realize that she hadn't had time for her own son. Where would she ever find the time and the energy to take such a troubled kid into her home; into her heart? How, she thought wretchedly, can I do that for him when I haven't been able to do it for Seth?

All he could think about was I'm too young for this.
Got my whole life ahead.
Hell I'm just a kid myself.
How'm I gonna raise one.

All he could see were his dreams goin' up in smoke.
So much for ditchin' this town and hangin' out on the coast.
Oh well, those plans are long gone.

Chorus:
And he said,
There goes my life.
There goes my future, my everything.
Might as well kiss it all good-bye.
There goes my life...