There Goes My Life, part 2
An upcoming episode may mess with my timeline on Kirsten's situation, but… I'm just going to ignore that right now.
xxxx
"Mom?" There was a soft knock on the door.
Dawn rolled over on the bed and faced the entrance to her bedroom.
"Come in, kiddo."
She watched as Ryan's blonde head poked hesitantly around the door. "Are you OK?" He eased toward her bed and looked at her worriedly.
"Yeah, baby." She ran a hand through her hair and over her face. Her head was pounding and her mouth felt gummy with dryness. "Ryan, would you go get mama some water?"
Ryan's look of concern didn't waver as he turned. He ran to the kitchen and clambered onto a chair to reach into a cabinet for a glass. He filled it from the tap and, climbing down, carried it carefully back to his mother.
"Thanks, baby." She sat up gingerly and took three huge gulps. She squinted at him. The light was so bright. "And some aspirin? You know where I keep the bottle?"
Ryan nodded and trotted off.
Dawn tried to remember how she'd gotten to bed. The last thing she could get a hold of in her very fuzzy brain was sitting on the couch drinking. A soft hand on her arm got her attention. She smiled weakly at her son. She took the bottle and wrestled it open. She shook four tablets out of the container and tossed them in her mouth. She guzzled the rest of the water to wash them down and, closing her eyes, eased back onto the bed.
"Mommy?" Ryan's voice was tiny. Dawn sighed. She knew she was scaring Ryan. He'd switched from "mommy" to "mom" months ago – after Trey had screamed at him to stop being such a baby following his father's arrest.
Without opening her eyes, she reached out her arm to him, feeling around for him where he hovered at the edge of the bed. Flailing somewhat exaggeratedly until she touched him, she felt around his small body, pretending like she was trying to figure out who he was. She put her hand to his face touching his forehead and eyes and ears and nose and finally, his mouth. She felt it turn up in a smile. Moving down, she tickled his shoulders, felt him squirm, grabbed his tummy and heard the giggle escape. Now she grabbed his arm and tugged gently. He responded, climbing onto the bed, snuggling next to her.
She wrapped her arms around him. Ryan wrinkled his nose – his mom smelled funny – but he still moved close.
Dawn felt him settle against her, and she smiled, kissing his soft hair. She didn't know how she'd survive without him.
"It's OK, baby," she whispered. "It's all going to be OK."
xxxx
"Mommy!" Seth let go of his father's hand and raced to meet his mother.
"Look what Daddy got me!" He thrust an action figure into her hands.
"Wow!" Kirsten crouched down to examine the plastic… man? "Who is it?" she asked.
"Spider-man!" he crowed. "See!" He moved the arms and legs vigorously back and forth. "He can ride Captain Oats! And he can do karate chops!" Seth rotated the arms wildly. Kirsten began to consider that Spider-man might soon be limbless.
"Sweetie, that is so great!" She smiled up at Sandy who had joined them. He rested his hand on Seth's dark head. When she stood up, he leaned in for a kiss. Kirsten pulled him close, and he deepened the kiss. Seth chattered on.
"And see, he can kick like this!" Seth swiveled Spider-man's hips even as he mimicked the motion with his own leg. "And like this!"
"Hey, babe." Sandy pulled back.
"Hey," she said.
"You ready to go home?"
"Yes," she smiled at Sandy and then down at Seth, taking his hand. "Home."
xxxx
Kirsten pulled Chrismukkah decorations out of a box. Ornaments, candles, menorah, stockings. Stockings.
"Seth!" Kirsten pulled the stockings out of the box and laid them out on the sofa. Sandy. Kirsten. Seth. They were missing one now.
"Seth!" She yelled it again.
"What?!" He yelled downstairs.
"I'm going out for awhile."
Silence.
"Did you hear me? I'm going out!"
"Yes, I heard you!" Kirsten could hear the exasperation in his voice. And quite possibly the sound of his eyes rolling.
x
"I'm back." Kirsten called as she came in the front door.
Seth came bounding down the stairs, headed to the kitchen. He looked at his mother, surprised to see her there.
"When did you get back?" he asked.
Kirsten sighed. "Just now."
"Look what I got." She held out a rolled up swath of red fabric.
Seth unfurled it, grinning at the name on the stocking.
"Cool."
x
"Oh hey, uh, Merry Chrismukkah, you guys." Seth handed the recycled presents to his parents with a flourish.
Kirsten took the package her son handed her, smiling at Sandy and Seth as they kidded each other about the gift. She was distracted, though, by the sight of Ryan's standing in front of the mantle. She clutched the present to her chest as she watched him hesitate, stocking in hand. He hung it, eyes darting swiftly to the Cohens as he thrust his hands into the pockets of his sweater. He smiled, ducking his head before he joined them.
x
It had been a good evening. Popcorn and laughter and bad Stallone impressions. More than once she was reminded of what they thought would be Ryan's last dinner with them. Ryan, fork in his mouth, eyes watchful as they went from Sandy to Seth while they teased Kirsten about her cooking, his expression cautiously amused and somewhat wistful; a quick lowering of his eyes and the self-conscious flicker of a smile when he realized Kirsten had caught him watching them. Tonight Kirsten also had moments of watching Ryan watch them – mostly the Sandy and Seth Variety Hour. But the eyes were no longer wistful – they were alight; his expression wasn't closed – it was open, mostly laughing at whatever patter Sandy and Seth were engaged it, jumping in occasionally with a dry comment or his own attempt to mimic Sly. Tonight when he caught Kirsten's glance, he grinned, secure—for the moment—in his place with them.
Later that night, after the movie, Kirsten stood at the sink and watched Ryan make his way toward the pool house. Sandy came up from behind, putting his arms around her and resting his chin on her shoulder, watching, too. Ryan turned before he entered, and seeing them at the window, smiled and waved. They returned the gesture with smiles of their own.
Kirsten turned in Sandy's arms, heart full.
"Merry Chrismukkah."
A couple years of up all night and a few thousand diapers later.
That mistake he thought he made covers up the refrigerator.
Oh yeah... he loves that little girl.
Momma's waiting to tuck her in,
As she fumbles up those stairs.
She smiles back at him dragging that teddy bear.
Sleep tight, blue eyes and bouncin' curls.
Chorus:
He smiles...
There goes my life.
There goes my future, my everything.
I love you, daddy good-night.
There goes my life.