Summary: Life seems to go down hill for Kagura Sohma when she discovers her 'one true love' is in love with someone else. Now, having run away, Kagura is torn between suicidal and homicidal intentions, but the tragedy doesn't end there. What happens when a certain 'rat boy' decides to look for her?

Insanity

Chapter One : Psychosis

psychosis sī-'kō-ses n, pl –cho-ses -,sēz NL : fundamental mental derangement (as paranoia) characterized by defective or lost contact with reality

—Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary

Kagura Sohma forced a smile onto her face as she left Shigure's house with the earlier events playing over and over again in her head till she was almost insane. She knew it was bound to happen, she expected it to happen, but now that it has happened and she didn't know what to do. She felt empty and hollow, but at the same time full to the point of explosion. She felt the earth crumble beneath her, but her body felt a hundred times lighter as cold sadness engulfed any other emotion she might have felt.

Kagura Sohma was anything but blind and ignorant. Kagura was smart, observant, and analytical. As Kyo, Tohru, and Yuki matured she knew Tohru was becoming overly affectionate to both males. It was clear that she was in love, but with whom was the mystery. Kagura expected it to happen. She knew that Tohru would have to choose one of them.

Hollow and raw emotions wrecked Kagura's body as she stumbled down the rocky path. She knew it was going to happen, she expected it to happen, but why did it just seem to surprise and overwhelm her? Why did it hurt her so much if she knew it long ago?

Tohru and Kyo are in love, and there's absolutely nothing Kagura can do. There was no way to win for Kagura because, unlike those 'puppy love' stories you hear about often, this was true love. This was the true, pure, and honest love everyone searched for. This was the 'once in a lifetime' true love. Kagura felt tears push themselves onto her eyes, but she just pushed right back.

Kagura shivered as the cold wind brushed against her body, adding to the growing coldness she felt inside. Something was different, something changed. She didn't feel real anymore; she felt surreal. She felt like she was watching her life pass by on television and not actually living. Kagura Sohma was anything but fine, she was a nervous wreck.

"Kagura-chan!" That voice, that sweet, innocent voice could only be Tohru-kun, the one girl she adored above all others, the one girl who was able to touch Kyo in a way she never could. Kagura looked back and saw Tohru emerge from the house with a worried look all over her childish face. Tohru always reminded Kagura of a child, a cute and innocent child. Tohru was always accepting, always kind, and always helpful. There was nothing horrible about the petite girl before her; she was simply too perfect to be true.

"A-ano…? Tohru-kun?" Kagura's voice wavered, stuttered; her voice did everything she tried to suppress. Tears once again forced themselves onto her eyes, but she managed to hold them back. "Ah– did something happen?"

Tohru forced a smile onto her face, "I'm so glad!"

"W-what?" Tohru reached Kagura within a few steps and suddenly wrapped her arms around the brunet. Kagura just stood there in shock as Tohru's warmth pressed against her, reminding her again of the coldness she felt inside.

"I'm so glad…" She trailed off, something she always did when she was nervous or excited. Kagura reached around and returned Tohru's hug. Suddenly she felt something wet against her shoulder and knew that Tohru was crying. "Kagura-chan, I'm so sorry for everything I did, for the pain that I inflicted upon you. I… I know that there's nothing in the world I could do to repay you for all the pain you experienced… My mom once told me that I should repay everyone each time I get lucky, and now I'm so very lucky. I'm glad you're not mad at me, but Kagura-chan I promise to repay you somehow."

Kagura felt the tears threaten to fall, but she just couldn't allow them to. She was just too prideful to allow such a thing. She wasn't going to cry over Kyo, she wasn't going to. She was going to be happy, to scream in joyfulness because today Kyo accepted someone into his lonely life. He finally accepted love. He finally accepted himself, although most of his family didn't.

The two women stood still for a moment before Kagura pulled back slightly and smiled down at the normally bubbly girl before her. "I-I don't really need your help Tohru-kun, you should really focus more on Kyo."

"I know, but my mom always helped others, even the ones she hated or hurt, so I'm going to help you because Kagura-chan is so nice."

Kagura glanced up at the house and suddenly her eyes widened as she saw the object of her affections standing next to the window looking down at the scene between Tohru and her. Kagura managed another weak smile as she released Torhu from the embrace. "Kyo-kun is waiting for you."

Tohru smiled brightly as if completely unaware of Kagura's inner turmoil and proceeded to run back to the house. Before she disappeared into the darkness of the winding path, Tohru turned, smiled, and waved at Kagura.

The scene in the Shigure's living room once again replayed in her mind and this time Kagura just let the scene take its course.

"Um… Kyo-kun and I," Tohru paused as she stared at the three people staring right back at her, "Ano… Kyo and I," She paused once again, swallowing deeply as if she were a third grader reciting a speech to millions of on-lookers. "Kyo and I h-have decided to…"

"What Tohru wants to say is that we're dating now."

Yuki stood up suddenly with his fists shoved deeply into his pants pockets, as if to restrain himself from physically hurting Kyo. Kagura, on the other hand, didn't seem so surprised at all (completely contradictory to what she actually felt) and just sat there in a momentary daze before she smiled at the couple before her. "Ah, Kyo-kun and Tohru-kun, that's really cute."

Shigure glanced at the smiling girl sitting besides him and smiled slightly as he surveyed the couple. "Kagura-chan is right, something just seems to match." Tohru blushed profusely as she awaited the approval of the last of the party, Yuki.

Yuki gaped at the two before him and sighed, there was no fighting it. Even if he was deeply hurt over Tohru's decision, there was absolutely nothing he could do. She was obviously happy with her decision, so why ruin it? Why ruin something so wonderful? Yuki nodded slightly before he retreated to his room. Tohru was about to follow the fair-skinned boy, but a hand on her shoulder stopped her. Kyo looked down at Tohru and managed a weak smile as he shook his head. "There are things we need to overcome ourselves."

As if on cue, Tohru and Kyo turned to Kagura with curious looks in their eyes. It was as if they awaited a certain reaction from Kagura.

From earlier conversation, Tohru expected Kagura to burst into tears after their confession, whereas Kyo expected Kagura to beat both Tohru and he for their decision, but Kagura defied both their expectations as she just sat there with a smile on her face.

The two didn't realize this, but the smile was entirely fake. There was no happiness behind it, only sadness and disappointment. Tohru and Kyo were just so happy that the 'talk' went better than they thought it would go.

Tohru bowed, her long brown hair drifting in the air with the sudden motion. "T-thank you for understanding, I'm so happy there weren't any problems. I felt so guilty for having kept this a secret for so–"

"You kept this a secret? For how long?" Shigure smiled mischievously as he examined the two.

"Ah… gomen. Kyo-kun and I have been dating for two weeks already, and now we decided to go public with our relationship."

"Oh, one more question. Who decided to finally tell us?"

"That would be me." Kyo replied with his hand slightly raised, "I couldn't stand seeing Tohru stressing over how to keep it a secret and I just wanted everyone to know. If Akito gets mad, well he can just kiss my ass. I don't care what in the hell he thinks."

"Kyo-kun," Torhu tried to calm Kyo down slightly with her hands raised up. She smiled brightly. It was obvious that Tohru enjoyed seeing Kyo excited, mostly because Kyo was just being himself completely when he was excited.

Kagura had stayed silent through the whole ordeal with a silly smile on her face.

"Is Kagura-chan alright with this?" Tohru looked down at her with her large chocolate brown eyes, but Kagura evaded the question with a quick remark of "Is that the time?! I have to go." and a small dash through the doors.

Kagura pulled her coat tighter around her body as she continued down the path. She walked alone in silence till loud grunting and panting caught her attention. Being the curious girl she had always been, Kagura looked to the side and saw a dark silhouette towering over what seemed to be a small garden.

"This…all this had been for her." It was a low and mysterious voice, a voice that could only belong to one person: Yuki. Kagura approached the obviously depressed boy and sat down on the opposite side of the garden. "I can't believe this is real."

Yuki shook his head and grinned, "Kagura-chan, do you really have nothing against this relationship?"

Kagura smiled, she could never sneak up on Yuki. "No."

"But…" Yuki felt selfish, but he couldn't help it.

"Oh, strawberries!" Kagura smiled as she pointed to the small patch of fruits in the right hand corner, "And leeks! You have quite a garden here."

"Stop avoiding it, stop pushing it away. Kagura-chan, how can you handle it? Please, just stop pretending and…" Yuki stopped, but Kagura already knew what he was going to say. 'Please, just stop pretending and help me.' That's what he was going to say, but Yuki didn't want to admit to this weakness.

Kagura wasn't surprised that Yuki could see right through her charade. "I'm not actually coping very well with this, Yun-chan, really I'm much more distraught than you could ever be. I know you loved Tohru, I know you've loved ever since she appeared, but try loving someone all your life and never actually having those feeling returned. Yun-chan, I'm much more worse than you could even imagine."

"Then?"

"Well," Kagura took on a more relaxed position as she laid down and place her arms behind her head for support, "I just smile and everything is masked."

"That's all, you just mask everything?"

Kagura nodded, "Yep, I just hide everything. I'm not like Tohru-kun, I can't openly display my sadness. I'm not like her at all."

"You can openly display your compassion, though."

"I know, but that's what drove Kyo-kun away."

"Tohru-kun never…"

Kagura held up her hand to stop him, "Yes, she has. Tohru-kun always shows her sadness, although she may appear to be trying to hide it. She is so obvious, it's like reading a book."

"Hey, you're making her out to be some kind of weak—"

"I've never said she was weak. She's just emotional and overly passionate, I guess that's what drew you and Kyo-kun towards her. It was her fire, her sincerity, something you don't come across often."

"You seem to be an expert on human psychology."

Kagura grinned before getting up and leaving Yuki feeling slightly better about the situation Kyo and Tohru had laid upon them.

When Kagura disappeared Yuki realized that although she comforted him, he did nothing to return the 'favor.' He didn't help her, in all actuality, it seemed that he just made everything worse.

TO BE CONTINUED