Disclaimer : I own dueling club " Shattered bones ", Litnen lane, White street, Mil Aten... oh, and the plot line ! Everything else belong to the mighty J K Rowling !

A/N : Well, this is my second fanfic. Again, this is H/Hr fanfic... Well, all my fics in fact will be like this 'cause I'm a mad fan of H/Hr couple. :))

This story will be gloomy, depressing and a bit sad. It's seious and hard fanfic and it was hard for me to translate it into English... But I was trying my best. Thank's to Savius, who helped me with my grammar and also with some scenes ! I don't know what would I do without him !

Well then... This is the first chapter. R/R !

MEMORIES

CHAPTER - 1

" From Litnen lane to Diagon alley "

A dark figure wrapped in a hooded cloak was slowly walking down a gloomy street limping with each step. All the streetlights were broken and there was a thick layer of dust on the cracked glass casing. It was obvious that they were without power for a long time. Even if they had power there would still be no light due to the fact that there was too much dirt on them. This street was thinner than normal; two or three men couldn't walk along it shoulder to shoulder. Everywhere you looked the were signs that the street was deserted from the so-called shops with half destroyed doors covered with dirt and mold, to the broken windows which were boarded up, to the signboard which was just a piece of wood hanging on the chains. The images on them disappeared ages ago so it was almost impossible to find the required shop. The street seemed all the same everywhere and there was no signs which could help to find what you needed. The roofs of the houses were touching each other not allowing a shaft of sunlight to penetrate the gloomy street, making it more gloomy and dark, if that were possible. The sidewalk which was only five centimeters (about two inches) in width was covered with garbage because no one bothered to clean up hundreds of empty bottles, papers, boxes and other stuff. Yes, it was Litnen lane - a perfect place for making dark and dirty deeds come to pass. Nobody cared about this place, so no one ever too care of it. There was no normal person in the whole magic world who could just walk along this lane and not give it a second thought.

Nevertheless Hagrid visited this place sometimes but not because he wanted to. Like he used to say, "Hogwarts business."

Litnen lane was populated with dark wizards and other dirty freaks... but there was another brand of people who walked this dirty and desolate road... those who were lost or had to hide from normal people for some reason. There were always a lot of people on this road but you could walk down it and not notice a soul because every one was covered in garbage. Some of them were leaning against the wall, some were sitting on the ground with faces covered with their hands, some were walking slowly down the street... like ghosts or zombies.

He had seen this place before...five years ago. Five long years. It was when he accidentally cried out the wrong name of the alley and got to the shop for dark magic. He saw it when he was coming out of the shop. Only out of the corner of his eye. He was that time a kid and there was no need to hide from anyone, no need to be afraid of people. He was walking down it now and it was damn hard to make even one step. His legs were carrying him unwillingly forward along the dark and gloomy lane. He was swaying and he had to lean against the wall sometimes to take a breath and find some strength. He did this because he knew that if he fell on the ground there was a chance that he may not be able to rise to his feet again. He rested against the wall for several minutes and proceeded to walk slowly. Nobody in the street gave him a second glance because almost everyone there were just like him, but he knew that he wasn't like them.

Bright flashes of light were swirling before his eyes, his head was aching. It was not just simple visions or something else...it was memories. Memories of the Dark Lord and his own. They were mixing with reality and destroying the line between the two. Harry was confused sometimes about what was real and what was fake. These images were swirling in his head like a muggle movie on fast forward causing him a great, unbearable pain, and making him dizzy.

When those fits of pain were taking place he held his breath automatically making it hard to breathe, and after a few minutes he started to choke. His lungs would start asking for air, his mouth was opening and closing again but the pain was too strong to even breath. Then the fit passed, but not for a long. After a couple hours the fit would come back again.

The memories about Cedric Digorry's and Harry's parent's deaths visited him more often then all the others. Well, all the others seemed to be almost the same... there was only death. How many people died? Every time Harry had a vision he felt like he could feel their pain. Harry could remember when it all started. It was during his seventh year at Hogwarts. He was dragged to a strange castle where he faced Voldemort for the last time.

"So Harry you have finally come to join me."

"Wrong, Voldemort I have come to kill you"

"But, Harry, my dear boy, I am immortal."

"We'll see about that."

At that moment Voldemort raised his wand and screamed

"Crucio !"

Harry jumped up and over the spell flipping and twisting while pulling his wand out of his robes. He landed with a cat like grace hardly making a sound. Harry whispered a silent thanks to Dumbledore for giving him those lessons and then was off again running and shooting every kind of spell he knew at Voldemort. Different kinds of spells were coming out of their wands...until the Dark Lord was finally unarmed. Harry James Potter pointed his wand at Voldemort and shouted the death curse. But something went wrong. Lord Voldemort was killed but all his memories came into Harry's head in an instant. He screamed from a terrible pain and fell to his knees. They weren't his memories so his mind was trying to throw them off. However it didn't work. They were coming back to him again and again... forcing him to feel pain over and over again. Yes, he killed the Dark Lord, yes, he saved the wizarding world...but he destroyed his own life also. Only sometimes during a short breaks when there was no pain he started to remember something good. He was sitting near the cold stone wall and thinking about Ron and Hermione - the closest people to him. He wondered how were they living? Haven't they forgot about him?

" If Hermione and Ron were dating during the seventh year...they must've be engaged by now...I'm sure..." - he thought with a smile. Someone screamed but Harry didn't pay attention at it. He was enjoying these short moments of peace... when there was no pain and no memories of the Dark Lord.

He was starving. He hadn't eat for a few days. There was no way that someone will give him any kind of work. He changed a lot during the year. He wasn't Harry James Potter anymore. He wasn't Harry James Potter that so many girls were attracted to. His hair had grown and was resting on his shoulders, his glasses were half broken. Muddy, because of the pain, green eyes were looking from behind the round glasses. His forehead was covered with sweat, his lips were trembling. He was wearing faded brown pants which were red many months ago and a black hooded cloak covered with dirt and dust. He hardly looked human. He slowly rose to his feet still thinking about the good ol' times and started to walk down the Litnen lane. His destination was - dueling club " Shattered bones " which was located on a White street. Quite ironic name for such street 'cause it was just like the Litnen lane - gloomy and dark. Maybe many years ago it was bright and.. white indeed but now it was hard to describe it like that.

He was walking by the tramps who were rummaging in a heaps of garbage to find something to eat. He was trying not to pay attention to them so he concentrated on the place he needed to get to. There he was earning money which he needed to live. He was amusing the public by taking part in a death duels. He was invincible. He had beat all his contenders and almost always he stayed unharmed. Generally all the wounds he received during the duel were nothing compared to the pain he was feeling because of Voldemorts memories. His wounds were distracting him from the terrible pain in his head even though not too much.

Soon the street began to brighten. The Litnen lane was ending and he saw two index of an arms with extended index fingers. On one of them was written : " Diagon alley ". On the other he read : " Dark alley ". Unfortunately he had to turn to the right and walk through the Diagon alley and then straight to the White street. He didn't want to be there. He didn't want to see the faces of students shining with excitement from the thought that soon they will go to Hogwarts, and he was also afraid that he would meet someone familiar... They should not recognize him... Well, anyway nobody will ever recognize him. He stopped at the cross roads. Memories came back to him...this time his own. It was wonderful to recollect memories even about his fights with Malfoy. They were just childish fights for him right now even though he didn't think like this when he was learning at Hogwarts. Harry smiled weakly and pulled a hood over his face even though it wasn't necessary because it was a deep night and not too many people were walking around the Diagon alley during this time. There were always some students with their parents or friends and also some wizards hurrying to the Leaky Cauldron. It was getting colder and colder with every minute. The sun had already disappeared behind the horizon and Diagon alley was captured by darkness. However there was a bit of light coming from the streetlights which were standing on sidewalk.

He was glad to see the light, any kind of light. He had spent a whole year on a gloomy Litnen lane and nothing but pain, cold, and darkness was around him. Even a dim light of the streetlights was heaven to him. After some minutes he continued walking. He was looking around with a small smile. Strangely today there was too many people in the street. Big groups of students were walking here and there looking for a required things for the next year in Hogwarts.

Harry lowered his head a little so that the light of the streetlights wouldn't touch his face. Harry was trying to concentrate on a place he needed to get to...He was afraid that a new wave of pain will capture him and then he probably won't be able to continue his journey for a few hours. It was very painful to walk along this alley. Everything was so familiar : shops, cafes, benches.... He stopped again. Every time he was here ( which was not frequently ) he couldn't help but look into the shops through the windows. He was remembering Ron and Hermione and how they were walking into this shops to buy everything for the upcoming year at Hogwarts. Through the windows covered with dust he could see the smiling faces of customers and shop keepers trying to sell as much as they could. Harry felt tears forming in his eyes and he didn't even try to hold them back. The pain inside of his head was too strong to keep inside of him his emotions too. Harry stepped closer to the window of the shop " Flourish and Blotts" and closed his eyes. Among incoherent images his own memories were arising in his mind and tormenting him even more strongly than everything else. He missed everything ha had to renounce. And maybe somewhere deep in his heart he wanted to walk across this alley again and feel as nothing bad never took place... like he was just a little boy who came to Diagon alley to buy supplies for the school. He stepped away from the window and proceeded walking along the street. It was getting colder with each minute...The were very few people who remained in the street...

... Flash again... A man wearing a dark cloak illuminated by a bright light appeared before his eyes. His wand was pointed at the man creeping near his legs. He was praying for mercy...But the Dark Lord shows no mercy...This word is unknown to him. A wide smile appeared on a cold and cruel face. And a terrible phrase escaped his mouth : "Avada Kedavra!" Before he died he could say only one last word : " Spare me..." Terrible pain was clouding his eyes. Harry fell to the ground and hit his knee upon the cold stone of sidewalk. He wrapped his arms around his head automatically. It seemed that his brain was about to blow up. The memory dismissed but the pain remained and it was strong enough to keep him lying on the ground.

- Sir? Are you alright, sir? - he suddenly heard somebody's soft voice.