Welcome to Australia
AN:The second chapter begins. I will acknowledge that I do not own any of the characters from "The Cannonball Run" or "Cannonball Run 2". I will also acknowledge that a couple of scenes were directly based on scenes from CR2.
I also see I have my first review. Thanks, Turbo Man. BTW, a road train is basicly a tractor-trailer with two (or maybe more) extra trailers. They're only found in Australia, so that's why Pamela included it in the Australian-exclusive list.
With that out of the way, let's go.
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Somewhere off the coast of Hawaii, the Drake held a meeting with his team in the plane's lounge.
"So, I see you got my telegram, doctor." said the Drake.
"You mean that yellow thing with the printing on it?" asked the doctor.
"Yes." said the Drake.
"Yeah, I got that. I read that." said the doctor. "Uh, what did it say?"
"It said I wish to employ your services to take care of my ulcer during the Cannonball Run." said the Drake. "Do you know much about ulcers?"
"Proctology is my specialty." said the doctor. "But I'm most likely the world's foremost expert on ulcers." He reached into his jacket and pulled out a flashlight. "In fact, I could probably give you a thorough examination right now. Open up!" He turned on the flashlight and extended his middle finger to perform the exam.
The Drake stared at him in confused shock. The doctor stuck his finger in the closest drink and stirred.
"I sterilized it!" he announced.
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In first class, Brad watched the in-flight movie. J.J. walked in and kneeled down next to him.
"Brad?" he said.
"J.J, is something wrong?" asked Brad.
"Well, it's kind of disheartening when one member of the team flies first class while the rest of the team flies coach." said J.J. "I just want to go over our game plan."
"Alright." said Brad. "What is it?"
J.J. looked around. "Okay, here's the deal." he said. "Victor and I have gotten our hands on a Holden stretch limo. We're going to supe up the engine and modify it so it will pass as the limo of a VIP."
"Anyone in mind?" asked Brad.
"The President of the United States of America." said J.J.
"Whoa." said Brad. "Who are you going to get to fill those shoes?"
"Here's our idea: you." said J.J.
"Me?" said Brad.
"Of course." said J.J. "All you have to do is act like the president and ride in the back.
"I can do that." said Brad.
"Good." said J.J. "You'll make an excellent Cannonballer."
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Back in the lounge, the Drake was finishing up his meeting with the doctor.
"Okay, here's the deal." said the Drake. "You will ride in the car with me. Susan will be flying to Brisbane to organize the finish and Ron will be riding with us."
"How tragic." said Susan sarcasticly, remembering the Drake's extremely poor driving the previous year.
"Sir, why don't you have Susan ride with you?" asked Ron. "You know, you might find a great business opportunity to discuss with her."
"No, I need you to come with and protect me." said the Drake. "I can't bring you both because it'll be too much weight. If I see a business opportunity, I can discuss it with her after the race."
Ron turned to Susan and whispered "I am so going to get you for this."
"Okay." said the doctor. "Now, before we go any further, there is the matter of my fee."
The Drake held his hand out to Susan and snapped his fingers. Susan opened her briefcase and took out a stack of money.
"Since this excursion will be taking me away from my practice..." said the doctor.
Susan handed the stack of money to Ron.
"...I will be requiring adequate compensation." said the doctor.
Ron handed the money to the Drake.
"I will be requiring compensation of..." said the doctor.
The Drake handed the money to the doctor.
"...about that ammount." said the doctor as he looked over the money in his hand.
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Willy walked down the street in Perth. He came upon a hotel and entered the bar. He was a little surprised by the activity there.
"Hey, Gary." said Willy. "What's going on here?"
"Some American rich guy is using the hotel as a staging area." said Gary, the bartender. "It's the Cannonball."
"What?" asked Willy.
"The Cannonball." repeated Gary. "You see, it's a race from Perth to Brisbane. It's lots of fun."
"Really?" asked Willy.
"Really." said Gary. "People from all over Australia and the U.S. are coming to take part. Better get a move on if you'd like to get in."
"That's interesting." said Willy. "Well, I'll see ya."
With that, Willy left the hotel and ran down the street. About a block away, a large man named Rocco jumped out of an alley and punched him in the stomach. He dropped like a stone.
Another man named Alex stepped out of the alley, picked up Willy by the collar, and said "Willy, my good man, you're just the person we wanted to see. Big Donnie's been looking for you."
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Victor was asleep on the plane as it landed. J.J. gently shook him awake.
"Victor? Victor?" he said.
"No school..." muttered Victor.
"Victor?" asked J.J.
"What? What's going on?" asked Victor.
"We're here." said J.J. as he pointed out the window. On top of the airport was a flag dominated by a blue field with six white stars on it. In the upper corner of the flag closest to the pole was a smaller version of the British Union Jack.
It was the flag of Australia.
Traveling in a fried-out combi.
On a hippie trail, head full of zombie.
I met a strange lady. She made me nervous.
She took me in and gave me breakfast.
Do you come from a land down under
where women glow and men plunder?
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?
You'd better run. You'd better take cover.
-"Down Under" by Men At Work
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In the airport's customs hangar...
"Okay, I have to catch my flight to Brisbane." said Susan. "Good luck."
"Thanks." said the Drake. "We're off to get our car."
As Susan left, Ron turned to the Drake and said "I hope you realize the customs waiting period for Australia has been extended to a week due to the September 11th terrorist attacks."
"I'm aware and I've taken precautions." said the Drake.
A customs official walked over and said "Mr. Drake? Your car has passed the required waiting period and is waiting for you."
"Thank you very much." said the Drake as he and his entourage walked to the car. They soon came upon a blue BMW 545i. "Shall we?" asked the Drake.
The Drake climbed into the driver's seat, the doctor got into the passenger seat, and Ron climbed in back. The Drake then started the car and drove out of the hangar.
"Hey, there's a mini-fridge back here." said Ron.
"Yeah, I stocked it just before I brought it here." said the Drake. "Ron, make me a salami sandwich please."
The Drake then became the first Cannonballer to get his car on Australian pavement. A second later, he became the first Cannonballer to forget that Australians drive on the left. He narrowly avoided a collision with a Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution.
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Elsewhere in Perth, a white Holden Commodore pulled into a nightclub's parking lot. Alex and Rocco climbed out. Alex opened the car's back door and Willy jumped out and tried to make a run for it. Rocco grabbed him and said "Come along, ratbag."
Inside, an older man waited in an office. The two toughs burst in and tossed Willy onto the floor. Willy looked up at the older man and gasped "Big Donnie!"
"G'Day, Willy." said Big Donnie. "I trust Alex and Rocco weren't too rough with you."
"One punch from Rocco." said Alex.
"That's all it takes." said Rocco.
"Willy, Willy, Willy." said Donnie. "I did you a big favor when I gave you 'til today to pony up the money you owe me."
"But, Donnie, I..." pleaded Willy.
"Shut up." ordered Donnie. "Alex, how much does he owe?"
"As of nine-thirty..." said Alex as he worked with a calculator. "...he owes...ten thousand..."
Donnie groaned sarcasticly.
Alex continued. "...three hundred, fifty four dollars and sixty five cents."
"Donnie, I'm doing the best I can!" yelled Willy.
"What?" yelled Donnie. "C'mere you!" He grabbed Willy by the collar and pulled him up to his face. "Y'know, I'm gonna do you another big favor. I'm gonna give you 'til tonight to give me some information I can use concerning someone else who owes me money. If you do not meet this deadline, do not bother to come back."
"Who do you want information on?" asked Willy.
"Rocco, give me the files on my outstanding markers." said Donnie.
Rocco walked over with a group of file folders. "You'll notice I removed yours." said Rocco. "Wouldn't that be tragicly ironic?"
Willy looked through the folders. He quickly took in the faces of the people in the folders, including Blake and Fenderbaum.
"You getting all this?" asked Donnie.
"Oh...oh, yes." said Willy. "I'll get you some info on these guys."
"Good, take him out for his rounds." said Donnie.
Alex and Rocco led Willy to the door. Willy turned to Donnie and asked "Just one question?"
Donnie motioned to Rocco. Rocco grabbed Willy by the back of the head and ran him towards the wall.
"Oh my God!" yelled Willy.
Willy rammed face first into the wall and Donnie walked over to him. "What was the question?" he asked.
"It'll keep, Donnie." said Willy.
"Good." said Donnie.
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"So, when does Mel get here?" asked Sarah as she and Terry walked out of the airport.
"I told him here and now." said Terry. "He should be here."
"Hey, Terry!" yelled Mel.
"Hey, how's it going, Mel?" said Terry as his old friend walked over.
"Pretty good down here." said Mel. "So, is this Sarah?"
"Yes it is." said Terry.
"Hi, Mel." said Sarah. "Remember me?"
"Oh yeah." said Mel, suddenly remembering who she was. "You're the girl Terry rescued from that biker gang last year."
"Yeah, my hero." said Sarah. "So, where's your car?"
"Parking lot." said Mel. "Come on."
The three walked into the parking lot. Mel turned to Terry and said "How did she track you down? As I recall, you didn't have much time to talk."
"She got the license number on the Chevelle and tracked it down." said Terry. "She was pretty shocked when she found out it was wrecked. But she kept looking and found me and we started dating and we've been married for about a month now."
"Here's the car." said Mel as he pointed to a white sedan.
"A sedan?" said Terry. "They've got you driving a sedan?"
"Two-doors are very hard to come by." said Mel. "However, four-door performance cars are rather commonplace here."
"So, what kind of car is this?" asked Sarah.
"This is a Ford Falcon XR8." said Mel. "It's pretty damn quick, I tell you."
"Is this what we're going to use in the race?" asked Terry.
"Unless you got something better." said Mel. "Let's go." he said as he climbed into the driver's seat.
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"Here's your sandwich, Mr. Drake." said Ron as he handed the salami sandwich to the Drake.
"Thank you." said the Drake.
"You'd better not, your highness." said the doctor as he took the sandwich. "That salami will kick the shit out of your ulcer."
"So, Mr. Drake." said Ron. "Do you think any of the other teams will be having problems with the week-long waiting period?"
"I'm counting on it." said the Drake. "Basicly, the teams will have to either have their cars in the country beforehand or buy their cars when they get here."
"Oh, that's devious." said Ron.
"Yeah, I know." said the Drake. "If anyone doesn't have their car in the country yet, they're in trouble."
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"Flight one-three-seven, report to hangar three." said the man in the control tower.
"Roger, tower." said the pilot. He turned to Mr. Takeshiro and said "No luck. They want us in customs. They're gonna impound your car for a week. That means you're gonna miss the race. What do you want to do?"
Mr. Takeshiro thought his question over and said "Okay, take it down."
"Y'okay." said the pilot. He switched on the speaker for the cargo bay and said "Jackie and Michael, change of plans. You're going now."
Michael put down his cheeseburger and groaned "Always when I'm eating."
Jackie wolfed down his ramen noodles and ran for the Eclipse. He leaned down and undid the securing straps.
The two climbed into the car with Jackie driving. Michael opened the glove compartment to reveal the control panel for the car's gadgetry. "Now, let's see what this stuff can do." he said.
"Button up." said Jackie as the plane's cargo hatch started to open.
"Roger." said Michael as he turned on the panel.
"Battlestations." said Jackie.
The plane landed on a road heading into Perth. Cars swerved out of the way. A second later, the Eclipse backed out of the plane and hit the road.
A police cruiser was heading for them as the plane took off again. Jackie performed a one-eighty and raced away.
"Dispatch, this is unit three-six in pursuit of a black Mitsubishi." said the officer. "Car was dropped out of a plane that made an illegal landing."
Jackie raced towards the city with the cruiser in hot pursuit. "Okay, make us invisible." he said to Michael.
The Mitsubishi and the cruiser raced past a sign for the Swan River.
"Unit three-six still in pursuit." said the officer. "He's heading for the Swan River."
"All set." said Michael.
The Mitsubishi raced towards a boat dock on the river.
"Adult swim!" yelled Jackie as the Mitsubishi drove off the dock and hit the water.
The police cruiser slid to a halt and the officer jumped out and ran to the dock. He saw the Eclipse cruising away on the water's surface.
Jackie and Michael laughed as they sped away. The officer returned to his car, picked up his radio, and said "I lost them, and don't ask me how!"
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Marcie walked over to the bench where Steve and Jill were sitting.
"Okay, I'm through customs." she said. "Let's go."
Steve and Jill got off the bench and joined Marcie. "You must be the only girl in America who takes a set of tools on vacation." said Jill.
"What can I say? I'm thorough." said Marcie. "Where's Petey?"
"Shopping." said Steve.
Pete ran over to the others with an artifact of some kind in his hand. "Check this out." he said. "It's a genuine Aborigine artifact." He handed it to Jill.
She looked at the back and said "I didn't know they had Aborigines in Taiwan."
"What?" said Pete as he took back the mass-produced tourist trinket. "Oh, damn!"
"Hey, Marce." said Steve. "Where's that girl we're supposed to meet?"
"Right there." said Marcie as she spotted a dark-haired young woman holding a sign that said "Thatcher". "Jessie!" she cried.
"Marcie Thatcher?" said the girl. "You did come."
"I promised." said Marcie. "Oh, Jessie. I'd like you to meet my team. This is Jill Boyd, Steve Carter, and Pete Rivers."
"Hi." said Jill.
"How ya doing?" asked Steve.
"Hey." said Pete.
"Guys, this is Jessica Munroe." said Marcie. "We talked on the internet and she's agreed to lend us a couple of cars for the race."
"I still can't believe they're running the Cannonball in Australia." said Jessie.
"You've heard of it?" asked Pete.
"It's the stuff of legend." said Jessie.
"Welcome to the legend that is the Cannonball Run." said Marcie.
"I guess I'll show you to your cars." said Jessie. "Come on."
The group walked out of the airport to find a man leaning against a Toyota Celica street racer. In front of the Celica was a Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution street racer.
"This is Lazlow, one of my teammates." said Jessie. "He'll be driving your guys around town, while I'll be your chauffeur."
"Why, thank you." said Jill.
"Would you like the tour?" asked Lazlow as he flipped the front seat of his Celica forward to let Steve in the back.
The girls climbed into the Evo. "So, is there any kind of car in particular you'd like?" asked Marcie.
"What do you mean?" asked Jill.
"Part of our deal was that Marcie would rig up a car for me when I go to visit the states next year." said Jessie. "I think I'd like something that's not available here."
"Guess that rules out a GTO." said Marcie. "They're based off the Monaro now."
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In downtown Perth, Blake and Fenderbaum were visiting an exotic car dealer. The salesman was showing them a bright red Maserati 3200GT.
"This is the latest to come from Maserati's factories in Italy." he said. "With its 3200cc V-8, producing..."
"We'll take it." said Blake.
"You'll take it?" asked the salesman. "Looks like you don't need a lot of arm-twisting."
"No, you see," said Fenderbaum. "we already picked this particular model out. We tracked you down because this is one of the best places in Perth to buy a high-end automobile."
"Would you like to make a deal?" asked the salesman.
"Sure." said Blake. He went on to detail a payment plan and where the car could be delivered. He was unaware of Willy walking by the dealership. Willy looked into the dealership and was shocked to discover his goal in sight.
"Well, I'll be." said Willy as he took a digital camera out of his jacket. He took a picture of Blake and Fenderbaum with the car.
"Wait'l Big Donnie sees this." he said.
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The Evo and Celica drove down the streets of Perth. In the Celica...
"On your right, you'll find St. George's Anglican Cathedral." announced Lazlow.
"You're a tour guide when you're not racing, huh?" asked Pete.
"Hey, you gotta know this burg." said Lazlow as he turned onto William Street. "We are now passing the Brass Monkey Hotel."
"What hotel?" asked Steve mischievously.
"The Brass Monkey." said Lazlow.
"That funky monkey!" sang Steve and Pete. They high-fived each other laughing.
"Beastie Boys." muttered Lazlow. "Okay, mates, we're here."
Lazlow followed the Evo into a garage and parked next to it. The girls had gotten out of the car.
"Welcome to our base of operations." said Jessie. "If there's anything you need for your automotive works, this is where you'll find it."
"Wow, this puts mine to shame." said Marcie.
"There's only one automotive work we'd like to find at the moment." said Jill.
"Oh, right." said Jessie. "Come along." Jessie led them out of the building into the back lot. "There they are." she said.
Marcie gasped. Jill said "No way." Pete and Steve squealed with delight. In front of them was a white Mazda RX-7 with black tear vinyls. A red Nissan with yellow side stripe vinyls was next to it.
"Like it?" asked Jessie.
"Oh my God!" squealed Marcie. "That's a Skyline!"
"You're impressed?" asked Jessie.
"Do you have any idea how hard it is to get one of these in the states?" asked Jill. "Only two companies import them and the price is astronomical."
"And you can say you drove one for a week." said Jessie as Marcie opened the hood on the Skyline.
"Oh, this thing is fully eqipped." said Marcie. "CAI, strut tower brace, full engine electronics...is that a nitrous injector?"
"Only the best." said Jessie.
"This Rex is pretty wired itself." said Steve as he peered under the hood of the RX-7.
"When does this race start?" asked Lazlow.
"We've got five days." said Pete.
"Good, you can take that time to get used to driving these cars." said Lazlow. "Remember, we drive on the left here."
"Oy, just before we got to the airport, some nong in a BMW almost ran into us." said Jessie. "Had American plates and everything."
"Were they yellow plates that said 'New Jersey' on them?" asked Jill.
"If you're suggesting we get used to sitting on the right, you might want to let Pete drive." said Marcie. "Back in L.A, he's got a JDM."
"No kidding? What?" asked Lazlow.
"Toyota Corolla Levin." said Pete. "Chassis code AE111, turbocharger, NOS nitrous system, Bomex body kit."
"Bonzer." said Jessie. "Let me show you some of our other rides."
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"Did J.J. discus the fact that we're impersonating the president's men?" asked Brad.
"Are you kidding?" asked Pamela. "I helped him come up with the idea."
Just then, a black Holden Statesman stretch limo pulled into the hotel parking lot. The car almost hit a man standing on the corner with its wide turning arc. After it parked, J.J. and Victor climbed out.
"Okay, we've got the car." said J.J. "Let's get to work."
"I thought you said this thing was in relatively good condition?" said Brad.
"Yeah, well, it turns out 'relatively good' is a phrase whose meaning varies between car dealerships." explained J.J. "At used car dealerships, it's practically meaningless, so buyer beware."
"Also, much of the side damage was caused by me." said Victor apologeticly. "I'm just not used to driving a car this long."
"We've got almost a week." said J.J. "We can train you over that time."
"Don't we have to work on the car as well?" asked Victor.
"We'll work something out." said J.J.
"J.J, what about working on impersonating the president?" asked Brad.
"How tough can it be?" asked J.J.
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Back at the nightclub, Willy entered with his camera. "I've got information." he chirped.
"Let's see it." said Donnie. Alex took the camera and hooked it up to Big Donnie's desktop. A few seconds later, the picture he had taken came up on screen.
"What am I supposed to be seeing here?" asked Donnie.
"Those two are both on your list." said Willy.
"And you just happened to get this picture now?" asked Donnie skepticly.
"Well, yeah." said Willy.
"Who are these two?" asked Rocco.
"Let's see." said Alex as he searched through the files. "A-ha, Jamie Blake and Morris Fenderbaum. They owe..." Alex let out a whistle. "...thirty thousand dollars. The only problem is they haven't been to Australia in five years."
"And they're back." said Willy. "You can go after them."
"How do we know this picture wasn't taken five years ago?" asked Rocco.
"Because this is a brand new Maserati." said Donnie. "And it's right-hand-drive. Let's see if we can get these guys."
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AN:Ah, the plot thickens. Now that you've read, please review.