Wild, Wild, West
The Drake stood on a stage overlooking the crowd. "Everybody, gather around." he said. "J.J, Victor, Blake, Fenderbaum. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the two-thousand four running of the Cannonball Run. Since you're here, you already know something's different. Instead of running across the U.S, we will be showing the Australians how we do it."
The crowd let out a cheer.
"There is another difference this year." said the Drake. "Last month, my friend Brad Compton and I were playing a game of pool discussing our fortunes. I told him 'I've got all this cash and I don't know what to do with it.' Then he told me 'Drake, be a sport. Spread the wealth before Microsoft gets it all.'"
The Cannonballers laughed.
"Therefore," said the Drake "I have decided to reward the winner of the race with the purse of...ONE MILLION DOLLARS!"
The crowd let out an even louder cheer.
"And without further ado," said the Drake "we will begin the race. Remember the golden rule: He who has the gold makes the rules. I go first."
The Drake walked over to one of two time clocks and punched his card in it. He then picked up a wine glass and said "Here is to good luck! May it all be mine." He downed the wine, tossed the glass over his shoulder, and jumped into his BMW. A second later, he was off.
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Elsewhere in Perth, Alex and Rocco were in an empty lot. Rocco was shooting at empty bottles with a silenced rifle. He hit all of them, despite being a good distance away.
"Nice shooting." said Alex. "You understand the plan, right?"
"How can I not?" replied Rocco. "You pull up behind the Drake's BMW and I shoot out the tires."
"That's correct." said Alex "But can you shoot that thing left-handed?"
"Watch me, jojo." said Rocco.
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The RX-7 pulled up to the start. Steve jumped out, ran over to the left time clock, punched the card, and jumped back into the Mazda.
"Floor it, Petey!" he yelled.
Pete threw on his shades and grabbed the steering wheel. He extended both of his thumbs as he hit the accelerator.
"Now, about the trip." said Brad as he climbed back into the limo.
"Ah, yes." said J.J. "I agree the accomodations will be a bit tight, but..."
"Dah, dah, daaaaahhhh!" called Victor, now Captain Chaos. "Gentlemen! It's good to be back."
"Does Victor have an identity problem?" asked Brad.
"No problem and no time!" said Chaos. "Let's get into the car and let's be off!"
Chaos got into the limo's driver's seat.
"Is Victor having some kind of mental crisis?" asked Brad.
"Jury's still out on that one." said J.J.
Jackie drove the Mitsubishi up to the starting line. Michael climbed out of the window.
"What are you doing?" asked Jackie.
"Watch my stuff." said Michael.
By the time the Mitsubishi reached the starting line, Michael had climbed to the roof. Jackie stopped at the starting line and Michael rolled down the A-pillar, jumped to his feet, and punched the right clock. Jackie started to pull out and Michael dove into the open window.
Blake and Jill were next to pull up. As Marcie was out punching the left clock,Blake was punching the right clock. Fenderbaum then noticed the Skyline, climbed out,and walked over to egg her on.
"If you think you're gonna reach Brisbane in that piece of shit, you're crazy!" he said.
"Oh yeah?" replied Jill.
"Yeah!" said Fenderbaum.
Jill responded by hitting the purge valve and blasting Fenderbaum with a cloud of nitrous.
The next car up was a Lotus Elise. After it pulled out, the Falcon took its place.
"Hold on, I need that." said Mel as the official handed him his time card.
"Honey, you okay back there?" asked Terry.
"Okay? I'm great." said Sarah. "This is going to be such an adventure."
The limo was just after the Falcon. After J.J. punched the card, they were off.
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The Drake raced down the street in his BMW. He raced past Alex and Rocco in their Holden.
"There's the Bimmer!" said Alex as he pulled out behind him.
"What if he spots us?" asked Rocco.
"Are you kidding?" asked Alex. "He probably won't even know I'm there."
Rocco leaned out the window with his rifle and aimed at the BMW's rear tires.
"Steady...steady." said Alex. "Now!"
Rocco fired a shot, but missed.
"Easy now. Easy now." said Alex. "Now!"
Rocco fired another shot. It ricocheted off the BMW's wheel arch.
"Now!" said Alex.
Rocco fired another shot. This one hit the BMW's bumper.
Rocco pulled the gun back inside and reloaded. "You're not holding the wheel steady enough!" he admonished.
"Hey, you wanna drive?" asked Alex.
Alex pulled up to the back of the Drake's BMW and got into position.
"Hit 'im!" called Alex.
Rocco started to lean out the window to make another shot. Unfortunately, Alex hit a pothole and Rocco pulled the trigger by accident. He ended up putting a shot through the car's windshield and hood. Steam and oil sprayed from the bullet hole as the engine started to conk out.
Alex managed to pull the car off to the side of the road and bring it to a stop.
"I think we need a new plan." said Rocco.
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Pete raced through the streets of Perth in the RX-7. He weaved around the slower cars and came out to the front of the pack. Next to him was a Toyota Supra street racer.
"Hey!" called the Supra's driver. "I don't think Lazlow's gonna be so jazzed about you racing in his Rex. Especially since you're probably gonna lose in that thing. What do you say?"
Pete responded by raising his right fist...with his middle finger extended.
"If that's the way it's gonna be, then that's the way it's gonna be." said the Supra driver. He flipped open the cover on his gearshift and flipped his nitrous switch.
The two cars passed the next intersection and took off racing. The Supra started to take the lead, but the RX-7 closed it quickly. The two cars parted when they came to a slower car and swerved around it.
The cars continued weaving around slower cars until they came to a clear stretch.
"You're pretty good." said the Supra driver. "But I don't think you'll last much longer."
Just then, the Supra's right front tire blew out. The driver screamed as he fought to regain control over his car, but to no avail. He careened across two lanes of oncoming traffic and crashed through the window of a store. Ironicly, it was a tire store.
The attendant ran out of his office and over to the driver's side of the Supra. "Are you alright?" he asked.
The Supra's driver sneered and gave him the finger.
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Just outside the city, the Holden limo raced down Highway 30 towards Albany. Brad sat in the back in the seat closest to the privacy window. Pamela sat in the furthest back seat with her legs crossed. Brad looked up at her. She noticed him.
"Stop looking up my skirt!" she yelled.
"I wasn't..." he protested.
"You were!" she said.
He turned around and opened the privacy window. Chaos was driving and J.J. was riding shotgun.
"J.J, I think your girl is a little on the paranoid side." said Brad before he looked at the instrument cluster. "Aren't we going a little above the speed limit?"
"Yes, a hundred and forty." announced Chaos.
AN:This is in miles per hour.
"You see, this is a race." said J.J. "The goal is to go as fast as possible."
Chaos swerved around a police car without reducing his speed.
Brad looked back at the police car in shock. "Uh, we just passed this police car." he said.
J.J. looked at the police car. "Oh, that's okay. We pass them all the time." he said.
"Sarge, are we doing one-twenty?" asked the officer in the police car's passenger seat.
AN:This is in kilometers per hour.
"We sure are." laughed the sarge.
"Did they just pass us like we were standing still?" asked the officer.
"Yeah and I'll tell you what." said the sarge. "Fasten your seatbelt, 'cause you're about to take part in your first high speed pursuit and capture."
The police car raced after the limo, lights and sirens in full effect.
"The police car is chasing us." said Brad through gritted teeth.
"Oh." said J.J. "He probably recognized me."
Brad tried to laugh it off, but then collapsed into tears. "I'm screwed!" he said. "That's it! I'm toast!"
Pamela tried to get him to lighten up by lifting her skirt a little.
"Don't worry, Chaos has it all in hand." said J.J.
"Notice how I took that last turn?" asked the sarge. "High and wide, straight through the apex. Pick up about a hundred more coming up."
The police car rounded the next turn and discovered the limo had come to a stop. He swerved to avoid rear-ending it and spun out. The sarge regained control a second later, but ended up driving right into the ditch.
"Floor it, Chaos!" yelled J.J.
"Fly, baby! Fly!" said Chaos as he peeled out.
The sarge lifted his head from the deflating airbag and noticed his partner writing in his pad. "Whatcha writing?" he asked.
"The accident report." replied the officer.
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On Highway 94, Jackie raced along in the Mitsubishi.
"I'm thirsty." said Michael. "I'm gonna get something out of the snack unit."
"Are you still having problems with the delivery system?" asked Jackie.
"Yeah, but they should be working now." said Michael as he turned around and looked at the keypad. "Okay, soda." he said as he pushed the soda button. "Root beer." he said as he hit the requisite button.
The machine used a robotic arm to pick up a can of root beer and hand it to him.
"Thank you." said Michael as he grabbed the can.
The arm pulled the can away from him and pulled him face-first into the back of his seat.
"I said 'Thank you.'" said Michael as he tried to pull the can out of the arm's grip. "Come on, give it!"
Each time Michael tried to pull the can out of the robot's grip, it pulled back even harder. Jackie just watched in shock.
"Let it go, you stupid piece of junk!" yelled Michael. "Useless son of a bitch!"
Finally, the can popped out of the gripper and Michael went tumbling into the footwell. He climbed back into the seat with his root beer.
"Son of a bitch is crazy!" he yelled. "I'm talking mental crazy!" He opened his root beer and it almost exploded on him.
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Jill pulled the Skyline into a gas station and got out to fill the tank. Marcie noticed she wasn't looking very happy.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"I'm just a little bored." said Jill.
"In the Cannonball?" asked Marcie.
"Well, it's just that I'm used to going one on one against opponents in quarter-mile dashes." said Jill.
"That didn't bother you too much last year." said Marcie.
"Well, it was the novelty of it all." said Jill. "I just need to race someone directly."
Marcie glanced over at a man putting air in the tires of his Ford Laser. "What do you say?" she asked.
"Let's see." said Jill.
Marcie walked over to the man and said "Hello there."
"Hi." said the man. "Can I help you?"
"We're looking for a little race." said Jill as she walked over.
"Oh, yeah. Yeah." said the man.
"Take a hike, loser." said Marcie.
The man was shocked.
"Yeah, get lost." said Jill.
The girls walked back to the Skyline.
"Well, that was a bust." said Marcie.
"Yeah, we need someone more of a challenge." said Jill as a silver S2000 pulled into the gas station. "Marcie, look!"
The S2000 pulled up to the girls and the driver rolled down his window and asked "Excuse me, is this the way to Kalgoorlie?"
"Yeah, it is." said Marcie. "Nice car. Doesn't sound stock, though."
"It isn't." said the S2K's driver. "I put in a Spoon F20G engine with head gasket, injectors, air cleaner, throttle body, and sports computer. Got a Mugen radiator and an Apex-I World Sport muffler. It's hot, baby."
"Hey, you up for a little highway dash?" asked Jill.
"You bet." said the S2000 driver.
"That's our Skyline." said Marcie. "First one to Kalgoorlie wins."
Jill paid for the gas, then she and Marcie got into the Skyline to start the race.
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Sometime later, the Maserati hit Highway 1. Soon after, a police car took after them.
"Blake, we've got a tail!" said Fenderbaum.
"Hang on, let me lose him." said Blake.
"Can't we talk our way out of it?" asked Fenderbaum. "We've got these uniforms."
"I'd really rather not risk it at the moment." said Blake.
"Why?" asked Fenderbaum.
"My license was suspended last month." said Blake.
"For how long?" asked Fenderbaum.
"I was supposed to show up for a court hearing yesterday." said Blake. "I wonder how it went?"
"Why didn't you tell me this earlier?" asked Fenderbaum.
"I kinda forgot when you told me about the million dollars." said Blake.
"Just lose this guy." groaned Fenderbaum.
The police car got right on Blake's rear bumper. "What is he going to do?" asked Blake.
"I don't know." said Fenderbaum. Just then, he saw the police had set up a spike strip.
"Brace yourself." said Blake. Hequickly cut the wheel to the left and spun the car. The police car hit the spike strips instead.
Blake maneuvered around the roadblock and continued towards the state line with South Australia.
"Is there anything else you wanted to tell me?" asked Fenderbaum.
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AN:And we're off. Sorry this was so low key. Don't worry. I've got something in mind for the next chapter.