"Ahhh I love the smell of commerce in the mourning!" Phil shouted as he and Tommy entered the mall
"Wow, you're making that last." Tommy said pointing at the cup of OJ Phil had brought with him
"Waste not, want no..." he started saying until a tall guy ran into him. Spilling the OJ all over Phil
"Aren't you gonna say something?" The tall guy asked trying to intimidate Phil
"Yeah, about a million things. Express myself monosyllabically enough for you to understand 'em all!" He shouted at the guy
"Fuck you." he said walking away
"What was that all about?" Tommy asked as the 2 began walking into the mall
"He works at Fashionable male the crappy shop on the second floor, he's the manager. The guy's always giving me shit. I have no idea why though"
"I thought everybody loved you at this mall."
"Fuck him. So where do you wanna go first?"
"Back to Kimi's"
"Kimi is the past, my friend." Phil said as he began to walk backwards "She's behind you now. You face forward, or you face the possibility of shock and damage." he said turning around and smacked his head against a pole a builder was carrying
"You should learn to heed your own advice." Tommy said as Phil sat up
"Where the hell did that come from? What's going on here?"
"Looks like a stage is being erected."
"What is this monstrosity?" he said getting to his feet
"Maybe it's for the easter bunny pictures."
"Impossible ! The easter bunny corner is down at the other end of the mall. It's been up since two days after Christmas. I want answers!"
"Ask one of the workers."
"No. There's a soul who might know what's up." Phil said as the 2 headed over to a guy standing next to the stage staring at a hidden eye picture "Willam? Willam!"
The guy turns around and looks at the 2 "Oh Phil? Do you work here now?"
"No, man, just hanging with Tommy."
"Willam, what exactly are you doing?" Tommy asked
"Looking for the hidden picture." Willam said and tommy looked at Phil
"If you stare long enough, you're supposed to see some hidden, three-dimensional picture." Phil explained. Tommy turned and looked at the picture and a smile crept onto his face
"Oh, yeah, look, it's a sailboat."
"You saw it too? Damn it!" Willam shouted
"What?"
"I've been staring at this thing for a week now, And I can't see a goddamn thing!"
"You gotta relax your eyes." Phil said tapping his back
"Everyone sees this thing except me. But today's my day. I brought a lunch and a soda. I'm not gonna leave until I see this sailboat everyone keeps talking about."
Tommy and Phil look at each other and laugh a little "So, Willam, would you happen to know what this stage business is all about?"
"It's not a stage! I'm gonna see the sailboat if I have to go blind trying." Willam shouted looking at the picture again
"No, man, this stage over here." Phil said pointing at the stage
"Oh, that thing. Some game show in the mall today. I think it's gonna be on TV. It's called truth or date or something."
"Oh, my god ! That's Kimi's father's game show." Tommy shouted slapping his head
"What is it?" Phil asked as he saw the sailboat and smiled
"It's this cheesy dating game rip-off thing. It's supposed to be for college kids. Trying to capture the youth market with a staple of 70s television."
"Now why can't they bring back or remake good shows like B.J. And the bear?Now, there's a concept I can't get enough of a man and his monkey." Phil said much to the agreement of Tommy
"Would you guys shut up ? You're breaking my concentration." Willam shouted at the two
"Sorry, Willam."
"Now I have to start all over again."
"Good luck with that thing."
"Yeah, man, remember, relax your eyes." Phil said as the two walked off. As they did a little boy walked up next to Willam and looked at the picture
"Wow, a sailboat."
"Shut up!"
"Could this week get any worse?" Tommy sighed "Now she's gonna be auctioned off on live TV from a mall."
"Not a mall. The mall. Show some respect. But it doesn't have to go down like that if we trash the thing."
"Now there's a unique way of getting back in her good graces ruining her father's show." he said sarcastically
"I can get somebody to do it so we'll be blame-free and Kimi won't be able to do the show."
"Who is this imaginary hatchet man?"
"Hatchet men." Phil said pointing toward a long haired man dancing and a larger man standing next to him. The bigger guy was looking with great intent at something in his hand
"Knock it off." The long haired guy said smacking the bigger guys hand before turning to the window behind him "Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty." he began shouting while knocking on the window
"Hey, Jay!" Phil shouted at the long haired man
"Phil, man! Noochie-noochies. And look at this shit. The mad, fat chick killer." Jay said dancing over to the 2
"Can't believe how fast word travels in this town." Tommy said
"What's he doing?" Phil asked pointing to the other guy
"Shit head here watched empire and Jedi last week and he's been trying to do the Jedi mind trick. Crazy fuck thinks he'll levitate shit with his thoughts. Knock it off!" he said hitting his hand again
"The force is strong with this one." Phil said as the other guy nodded
"Don't encourage him. So what can a smooth pimp daddy like me do for you guys"
"I was just telling Tommy we gotta find Jay and Silent Bob. If there's any one that can help us out, it's the two guys who have even less to do than us."
"What is this shit ? Everyone's looking for us today. We're duckin' Tricia 'cause she wants to talk to obi-wan about her video setup."
"Why him?" Tommy asked
"Silent Bob's an electrical genius. He won the science fair in eighth grade by turning his mom's vibrator into a CD player using chicken wire and shit. Motherfucker's like macgyver-- no, mother fucker's better than macgyver!"
"It's that kinda smarts we need, right, mopey?" Phil said turning to Tommy
"Leave me out of this"
"We need to embark on a little sabotage mission on behalf of Tommy's love life."
Jay and Silent Bob look at each other before they begin dancing together
"Stage dive." Jay shouts as he jumps into Phil
"You know about this game show they got goin' on here? We need you guys to somehow ensure that it doesn't happen."
"Is that it?" Jay asked "Shit! We were gonna do that anyway.
"Really? Why?" Tommy asked sounding confused
"What else we gonna do?" Jay said shrugging his shoulders "Silent bob stole the schematic of the stage from some foolish carpenter and found a weakness, just like the fuckin' death star. He figures you pull this crossbeam out-- bickety-bam ! The whole stage comes down."
"We were thinkin' about somethin' simple, but if you wanna destroy the stage, we're all for that." Phil said with his cheeky smile
"Only problem is Lafours."
"Who's Lafours?"
"You don't know Lafours ? They don't know who Lafours is." Jay said as he and Silent Bob shook their heads "Lafours is only the most feared security guard in the business. Four hundred and sixty collars, all convicted. I hear he's even got two kills."
"Holy shit. I never thought I'd see the day when two such reputable mischief makers douse their drawers at the sight of a mall security guard."
"Shit, bitch, we're gonna bust that stage like a high school kegger. We're just gonna outwit lafours, x-men style."
"Should I call you 'Logan,' Weapon X?"
"No, 'Wolverine !'" Jay said as he began to imitate Wolverine "Snicktey-snicktey-snoime!"
"He's imitating Wolverine's berserker attack with his adamantium claws."
"I never would've guessed." Tommy said shaking his head
"You have your mission. Go forth and wreak havoc." Phil said with his smile
"Bye, baby kitties. Damn, Silent Bob, show some heart." jay said hitting Silent Bobs arm
Bob turned and waved to the kitty's
"That's better. We're on the job."
"Thanks." Phil said as the 2 ran off "I have to admit I'm shocked you didn't try to dissuade them."
Tommy laughs "I would if I thought they could pull it off."
"Oh, ye of little faith. Want a cookie?" he said with his cheeky smile again
Willam
A group of kids walk up to the picture where Willam is
"What's he doing?" A little girl asks
"Oh. Well if you stare at this poster for a few seconds, a hidden picture appears."
"Can we do it, please, please?" The kids plead with the women they are with
"Oh all right, go ahead. But hurry, the easter bunny's waiting."
They stare for a while until a little girl shouts out "Wow, it's a schooner."
Willam laughs "You dumb bastard. It's not a schooner. It's a sailboat"
"A schooner is a sailboat, stupid-head." A little boy says
Willam looks at them and snaps "You know what? There is no easter bunny! Over there, that's just a guy in a suit!" he screams as the kids run off and Willam returns to the picture
And heres the next part, of this awesome movie. Please R/R
"Wow, you're making that last." Tommy said pointing at the cup of OJ Phil had brought with him
"Waste not, want no..." he started saying until a tall guy ran into him. Spilling the OJ all over Phil
"Aren't you gonna say something?" The tall guy asked trying to intimidate Phil
"Yeah, about a million things. Express myself monosyllabically enough for you to understand 'em all!" He shouted at the guy
"Fuck you." he said walking away
"What was that all about?" Tommy asked as the 2 began walking into the mall
"He works at Fashionable male the crappy shop on the second floor, he's the manager. The guy's always giving me shit. I have no idea why though"
"I thought everybody loved you at this mall."
"Fuck him. So where do you wanna go first?"
"Back to Kimi's"
"Kimi is the past, my friend." Phil said as he began to walk backwards "She's behind you now. You face forward, or you face the possibility of shock and damage." he said turning around and smacked his head against a pole a builder was carrying
"You should learn to heed your own advice." Tommy said as Phil sat up
"Where the hell did that come from? What's going on here?"
"Looks like a stage is being erected."
"What is this monstrosity?" he said getting to his feet
"Maybe it's for the easter bunny pictures."
"Impossible ! The easter bunny corner is down at the other end of the mall. It's been up since two days after Christmas. I want answers!"
"Ask one of the workers."
"No. There's a soul who might know what's up." Phil said as the 2 headed over to a guy standing next to the stage staring at a hidden eye picture "Willam? Willam!"
The guy turns around and looks at the 2 "Oh Phil? Do you work here now?"
"No, man, just hanging with Tommy."
"Willam, what exactly are you doing?" Tommy asked
"Looking for the hidden picture." Willam said and tommy looked at Phil
"If you stare long enough, you're supposed to see some hidden, three-dimensional picture." Phil explained. Tommy turned and looked at the picture and a smile crept onto his face
"Oh, yeah, look, it's a sailboat."
"You saw it too? Damn it!" Willam shouted
"What?"
"I've been staring at this thing for a week now, And I can't see a goddamn thing!"
"You gotta relax your eyes." Phil said tapping his back
"Everyone sees this thing except me. But today's my day. I brought a lunch and a soda. I'm not gonna leave until I see this sailboat everyone keeps talking about."
Tommy and Phil look at each other and laugh a little "So, Willam, would you happen to know what this stage business is all about?"
"It's not a stage! I'm gonna see the sailboat if I have to go blind trying." Willam shouted looking at the picture again
"No, man, this stage over here." Phil said pointing at the stage
"Oh, that thing. Some game show in the mall today. I think it's gonna be on TV. It's called truth or date or something."
"Oh, my god ! That's Kimi's father's game show." Tommy shouted slapping his head
"What is it?" Phil asked as he saw the sailboat and smiled
"It's this cheesy dating game rip-off thing. It's supposed to be for college kids. Trying to capture the youth market with a staple of 70s television."
"Now why can't they bring back or remake good shows like B.J. And the bear?Now, there's a concept I can't get enough of a man and his monkey." Phil said much to the agreement of Tommy
"Would you guys shut up ? You're breaking my concentration." Willam shouted at the two
"Sorry, Willam."
"Now I have to start all over again."
"Good luck with that thing."
"Yeah, man, remember, relax your eyes." Phil said as the two walked off. As they did a little boy walked up next to Willam and looked at the picture
"Wow, a sailboat."
"Shut up!"
"Could this week get any worse?" Tommy sighed "Now she's gonna be auctioned off on live TV from a mall."
"Not a mall. The mall. Show some respect. But it doesn't have to go down like that if we trash the thing."
"Now there's a unique way of getting back in her good graces ruining her father's show." he said sarcastically
"I can get somebody to do it so we'll be blame-free and Kimi won't be able to do the show."
"Who is this imaginary hatchet man?"
"Hatchet men." Phil said pointing toward a long haired man dancing and a larger man standing next to him. The bigger guy was looking with great intent at something in his hand
"Knock it off." The long haired guy said smacking the bigger guys hand before turning to the window behind him "Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty." he began shouting while knocking on the window
"Hey, Jay!" Phil shouted at the long haired man
"Phil, man! Noochie-noochies. And look at this shit. The mad, fat chick killer." Jay said dancing over to the 2
"Can't believe how fast word travels in this town." Tommy said
"What's he doing?" Phil asked pointing to the other guy
"Shit head here watched empire and Jedi last week and he's been trying to do the Jedi mind trick. Crazy fuck thinks he'll levitate shit with his thoughts. Knock it off!" he said hitting his hand again
"The force is strong with this one." Phil said as the other guy nodded
"Don't encourage him. So what can a smooth pimp daddy like me do for you guys"
"I was just telling Tommy we gotta find Jay and Silent Bob. If there's any one that can help us out, it's the two guys who have even less to do than us."
"What is this shit ? Everyone's looking for us today. We're duckin' Tricia 'cause she wants to talk to obi-wan about her video setup."
"Why him?" Tommy asked
"Silent Bob's an electrical genius. He won the science fair in eighth grade by turning his mom's vibrator into a CD player using chicken wire and shit. Motherfucker's like macgyver-- no, mother fucker's better than macgyver!"
"It's that kinda smarts we need, right, mopey?" Phil said turning to Tommy
"Leave me out of this"
"We need to embark on a little sabotage mission on behalf of Tommy's love life."
Jay and Silent Bob look at each other before they begin dancing together
"Stage dive." Jay shouts as he jumps into Phil
"You know about this game show they got goin' on here? We need you guys to somehow ensure that it doesn't happen."
"Is that it?" Jay asked "Shit! We were gonna do that anyway.
"Really? Why?" Tommy asked sounding confused
"What else we gonna do?" Jay said shrugging his shoulders "Silent bob stole the schematic of the stage from some foolish carpenter and found a weakness, just like the fuckin' death star. He figures you pull this crossbeam out-- bickety-bam ! The whole stage comes down."
"We were thinkin' about somethin' simple, but if you wanna destroy the stage, we're all for that." Phil said with his cheeky smile
"Only problem is Lafours."
"Who's Lafours?"
"You don't know Lafours ? They don't know who Lafours is." Jay said as he and Silent Bob shook their heads "Lafours is only the most feared security guard in the business. Four hundred and sixty collars, all convicted. I hear he's even got two kills."
"Holy shit. I never thought I'd see the day when two such reputable mischief makers douse their drawers at the sight of a mall security guard."
"Shit, bitch, we're gonna bust that stage like a high school kegger. We're just gonna outwit lafours, x-men style."
"Should I call you 'Logan,' Weapon X?"
"No, 'Wolverine !'" Jay said as he began to imitate Wolverine "Snicktey-snicktey-snoime!"
"He's imitating Wolverine's berserker attack with his adamantium claws."
"I never would've guessed." Tommy said shaking his head
"You have your mission. Go forth and wreak havoc." Phil said with his smile
"Bye, baby kitties. Damn, Silent Bob, show some heart." jay said hitting Silent Bobs arm
Bob turned and waved to the kitty's
"That's better. We're on the job."
"Thanks." Phil said as the 2 ran off "I have to admit I'm shocked you didn't try to dissuade them."
Tommy laughs "I would if I thought they could pull it off."
"Oh, ye of little faith. Want a cookie?" he said with his cheeky smile again
Willam
A group of kids walk up to the picture where Willam is
"What's he doing?" A little girl asks
"Oh. Well if you stare at this poster for a few seconds, a hidden picture appears."
"Can we do it, please, please?" The kids plead with the women they are with
"Oh all right, go ahead. But hurry, the easter bunny's waiting."
They stare for a while until a little girl shouts out "Wow, it's a schooner."
Willam laughs "You dumb bastard. It's not a schooner. It's a sailboat"
"A schooner is a sailboat, stupid-head." A little boy says
Willam looks at them and snaps "You know what? There is no easter bunny! Over there, that's just a guy in a suit!" he screams as the kids run off and Willam returns to the picture
And heres the next part, of this awesome movie. Please R/R