Disclaimer:: I own nothing. Read.
My Spirit, My Mind—
I screamed those words at the man, but that was the first time I probably had ever lied with my whole heart. And that was the first time I began to doubt. In Hao-sama, that is.
Just when we were going to kill those brats, this perverted man outta nowhere comes and LECTURES us. And we couldn't even touch the guy. And I thought I could be invincible…I had felt completely hopeless. The man, mentioned something about both sides of us. Although both sides, he said, that we are equal under the Great Spirit.
That was the first time I ever doubted Hao-sama. I don't know. You can get bored of killing, right? Or frustrated? What's this feeling though? Is it pain, jealousy, agony, perhaps…..guilt? There was no time to think as soon as that Patch guy, Maguna-san, intervened in our battle.
When he told us to leave stating they still had some use for us, it made me wonder. We failed. I failed. Because I'm Hana Gumi's leader. To complete just one simple mission but we took too long and wounded up in such a mess that for sure we can't get ourselves out of now. And then those words, the man said.
I may be faithful to Hao-sama but then I'm only being used as well. Just by working for him, I know I'm also just using that as a refuge to make sure he won't kill me too. But is that faith just some kind of false hope? When I saw him kill the three X-Laws, there was no mercy in those killings. Matilda and Kanna didn't seem to care but it made me shudder for a moment just imagining us in those three people's places, if we ever broke off from his faction. Or to be even more specific, just me.
Everyday is like an emotionally draining fight to make sure I stay alive. I always have to torture myself just for his sake so that I'm someone worthy to him, so that he doesn't have to throw me out like the worthless piece of trash I really am. Perhaps bonding with my spirit like I've seen before could make my rise in furyoku much easier.
But I thought that's what weaklings do! Didn't I just say that a few minutes ago?! They meet together, become friends, and it just disgusts me that I hate it! I hate it! But what do I have to say? Just because I defeated a weakling doesn't mean that I am any stronger, is it? I couldn't defeat that man, so that makes me weak.
I was the last to follow Maguna-san, Kanna, and Matilda off as I glanced back one more time before walking off with them as well. They saw me looking back. But I don't want them getting the wrong idea thinking that I wanted to be helped. I can work it out by myself.
I don't quite recall ever speaking to Hao-sama directly. He's only spoken to us as a group, but I don't remember ever him speaking directly to me. The other people in his faction are my enemies as well. I don't think Hao-sama would mind killing off his weakest member. His brother, Asakura Yoh-kun, has a higher furyoku than mine's. And that pisses me off too.
Later on, when we all met back at the some deserted area by the beach, everyone was reporting to him about some recent stuff. The Chinese Shaman, Tao Ren, I heard has been brought back to life by the Iron Maiden. His furyoku I heard has increased by 50,000. My furyoku isn't even 10,000.
When we all met together, I don't feel like a family. Or maybe it's just me. Everyone is my enemy and everyone ticks me off. I don't mention anything though since losers shouldn't say anything. Otherwise, Kanna can just say something if she wants too.
When one of them said that Big Bill and Brocken were defeated by a Shaman with a furyoku of only 2200, it made me begin to wonder. Big Bill and Brocken's were 240,000 combined. How? How can a 2200 defeat the two of them??
I'm doubting the numbers now. What if those numbers are just false play? When I watched Tao Ren and Asakura Yoh fight on the screen trying to get into the Shaman tournament, even just by using 30, Yoh could defeat Ren's 100.
Now those are quite small numbers, but just broaden it a bit and I think it makes a little bit of sense.
Could it be the way you USE it as well? Showing off all that furyoku and getting a ton knocked away at every turn by a lower furyoku is embarrassing. Yet, vulnerability and weakness are very common. If you have a weak spot, that's where it hurts. That's where you lose your Over Soul power and it could kill you too. And that Spirit Force too that I heard about that other major power. Does that come in play as well?
As Hao-sama mentioned about Yoh reuniting, he turned around looking at us. My heart must have immediately jumped as he seemed to have glanced at me for a second and looked at the others the same way. Recalling our fight against the girl Hao-sama was flirting with, it made me hate her. Her name was Anna…..I think. She asked Kanna if she was jealous or something.
I was glad she didn't ask me. Actually, I don't have any grudges against the other two, but it makes me mad to see Hao-sama with her. That stupid, stupid bitch!
But when did I ever all the sudden started crushing on Hao-sama? Perhaps talking to him alone for once may be nice. I never got to know who the person I'm serving with my life is really like.
I want to know more of he is like. Heartless? Maybe. Cruel? Maybe. When he killed those three X-Laws, I knew I winced at the sight of it. He was smiling. He was enjoying it. I don't care if it had nothing to do with me. And it isn't what it seems like. I may seem like his puppet, to do his bidding. But I hate it. It's stupid running around getting people's souls for the Spirit of Fire to feed on.
Perhaps I should try talking to Hao-sama and see what he'll say. But…..what should I say? I got nothing better to say than what the others had just done. It makes me frustrated too to see Obacho-chan to talk to Hao-sama like a friend. And Hao-sama does admire the little midget as well.
But what can I do? I'm just more of a 'yeah, I'll do it' kind of person. Perhaps I'm the only one that has the worst relations with Hao-sama. That's why I need to be really strong. Otherwise Hao-sama could find that as a reason for throwing me out and killing me. I'm weak and not having any kind of contact of sort to Hao-sama.
But I guess my way of living today is working. That's why I'm torturing myself everyday. To bring my furyoku up. But I also need to work on making sure I'm not increasing any weaknesses along the way.
And now…..before I realize it, everyone had already kind of went off. I blinked twice returning back to the real world. The stuff that the real world burdens me with. I'm alone right now. Everyone forgot about me. Accidentally. No one forgets little Obacho-chan, definitely not Hao-sama, BoZ, or even Kanna very popular with the guys…..no joke. But me, probably.
Maybe I'll go meet up with them later. I grabbed my doll, Chuck and looked at it for a moment staring down at the seemingly lifeless form. Maybe I've considered it lifeless for a long time until now. At night sometimes, when I place it sitting against the shelf, it looks as if it was…..sad. It made me angry to see it so I always slept the other way not wanting to face that sadistic doll.
But it reminds me of me. I'm just a sad puppet too being used. I don't care. I just want to live. I didn't know why but I just embraced Chuck. 14 year olds shouldn't be treating dolls like imaginary friends. Perhaps I should just go do some shopping with Matilda. I don't want to think. Coz thinking hurts.
"Mari? I thought you've already left with Matilda and Kanna," the seemingly concerned voice asked. I swear my heart skipped a beat as I looked up seeing Hao-sama smile down at me. And I swear I would just die happy right now.
"U-um, I guess I kinda s-spaced out," I admit, kinda humiliated. My throat feels dry, my head hurts, my heart pounds like…..extremely fast. Idiot,' I scolded myself. I need to think of something better to say. I even lost my style of talking in third person!
"Looks like everyone is off right now," Hao-sama sighed. He seems to have sighed in satisfaction. I still hate Anna for having him. But I can't fight them since Yoh-kun is stronger. And Hao-sama would be mad and may find a reason to kill me for attacking his brother and Anna.
When have I been this sadistic? I feel so stupid being the silent one.
"The sun is really pretty…..don't you think so, Mari?" My heart just skipped a beat again. And I'm only 14. I look up knowing I'm probably blushing a lot. What do I say? Yes? Or…..yes, it's pretty?
"I-I guess so," I should have just said yes. Hao-sama turned around to look at me, the sun behind him capturing the perfect shape of his body and the handsome features on his face. I immediately look down at my doll cursing mentally to myself 'Hentai! Baka!'. We've never really spoken like this before, this is too good to be true.
But not good enough if he talks like a sweet guy but belongs to someone else.
Hao-sama is the only one I know that's pretty close to my age. Actually…he never mentioned his age. But he looks really young. Fifteen is the first number that pops into my head. I thought he was Yoh's twin. But then again, Hao, next to Yoh, he looked taller…..and much more developed.
Why the hell am I thinking about it like that?!
Because Bokuten no Ryu is seventeen, and seventeen year old guys are really tall. Not saying that Hao-sama is a midget or anything Manta…..har, har.
"Mari?" I immediately look up and swallowed. Hao-sama is in front of me right now. I don't think a guy has ever been that close to me like that before.
"W-what?" I stutter again. He laughs lightly and sits down next to me. And all I can do is just smile trying to hold myself back from yelling towards the ocean saying what a lucky person I am or even worst, spazzed out, or fainting. I mean, what else can I do but smile?
"Nothing," he stops laughing. "It's just that I know how you feel." A blink, feeling very protective of my mind and my mouth all the sudden. An arm rests on the opposite shoulder as I just stay completely still. "I know you love me." He whispers. Now I want to die and forget. My world is going to collapse and I feel crawling in a hole and hide for a while. But I can't now.
"Um…..yeah? So…..?" I don't know what else to say obviously embarrassed now that he knows how I feel.
"About my feelings for Anna….." he says as if he's thinking or finding out how to answer his own feelings. "…..maybe I do like her, maybe I don't. I can take anything I want though, don't you agree?" That name just makes my blood boil. I hate what I would think I ever saw Anna join us. And what Hao-sama could do…..baka hentai, I scolded myself yet again. I just nod with a frown. I don't care anymore anyways. I just want him to shut up about Anna.
"But I've already got what I wanted," I immediately looked up surprised. Hao-sama just grins at me. But…..it hurt to look at his beautiful…..and such sad eyes. I don't know why, but it just rips me apart when I look at them. I wanted to mention something but I couldn't in time because before I knew it he kissed me. Literally. It was only lasted like…..three seconds, yes, I counted. I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me for a while.
As he smiled at me once more, he got up walking away. It was then it also hit me that he was so much like his twin brother. Both of them bond with their group or friends, like a family. When we fell out of that wretched Patch plane and I WILL get revenge someday he saved every single one of us from falling to our deaths and checked on us to make sure we were all right.
Can he, Asakura Hao, be really all that heartless as he seems to be?
"You coming or not?" he asked with a grin on his face. I shake my head trying to snap out of it and stood up walking shakily after him. That kiss really weakened me. And that was my first. From Asakura Hao. I don't care what happens later, I was happy when he smiled at me. I felt like the happiest girl to ever live for three seconds.
Perhaps I will ask later. Because, Hao, I want to know what you're really like.
AN:: OO Mari may not have feelings for Hao, but always felt she had a thing for him since they're sooo close in age and they work togetha anyways. And Mari kind of has that 'resemblance' to Anna when the she "versed" Anna, if you know what I mean. Haha XDDD. I kno some of you are going to be lyk, 'You made Marion far too sensitive'. XD. Shez onli human and everyone is very sensitive no matter how tough their appearance may look lyk.