This is my first attempt at writing Addek. I apologize for any errors, as my mother tongue is not English.

Good reading.

Addison and Derek sat for nearly half an hour in utterly uncomfortable and awkward silence. She didn't know how to act after hearing her husband say that he was in love with another woman, she only knew that her craving for that sweet rum was over and that she needed to cry. Finally she stood up, grabbed her bag and forced her voice to sound normal as she spoke:

"I'm going home now. It's been a long day."

Derek just nodded disinterestedly and she walked away, soon paying the bill and leaving the bar, the catalogs abandoned on the table.

Addison cried all the way to the trailer, she felt ridiculous and small and unhappy, a dependent woman on a husband who hated her in a totally failed marriage. Arriving at the trailer, she crawled into bed and curled up under the covers as her husband's words echoed ceaselessly in her head. A few hours later she heard the sound of the trailer door opening and decided to pretend she was sleeping, it was the only way to avoid looking at Derek. He, in turn, threw himself heavily on the bed, the strong smell showing that he had drunk much more than the first glass and for the moment she wondered if he had gone to see Meredith, but she resigned herself to never having that answer.

Addison woke up to her husband's cell phone ringing and heard him mutter a curse as she grabbed her cell phone and dragged herself out of the bedroom. From the bed she could hear his muffled words and realized he was talking to his mother, it was a Christmas call, just the first of them. Addison shuddered at the thought of having to talk to every Shepherd sister, her friends or her brother, she wouldn't be able to receive and return Christmas congratulations, for her Christmas was over at Joe's bar. With that in mind she got up, took her cell phone from her bag and turned it off, tossing it back into her bag and heading back to the safety of the blankets.

Long minutes later Derek returned to the room, he stopped at the door and said:

"It was my mom, she blew you a kiss."

"Uhm..."- Addison muttered, uninterested in pretending to believe her mother-in-law cared for her. Derek spoke again:

"I'm going to make coffee and start getting ready."

"It's just for you. I intend to sleep again."

Addison spoke in a monotone and snuggled deeper into the covers, Derek nodded and headed for the kitchen. He still hadn't finished his coffee when his cell phone rang again and the dejected sigh as he answered it made Addison deduce that it was one of her sisters. Suddenly Derek came back into the room, holding the phone he whispered:

"It's Nancy."

Addison shuddered again, she thought for a few seconds and made some gestures and whispers that mean "I'll call you later" Derek nodded and justified himself to his sister:

"She's gone back to sleep, I'll let you know to call you later."

Addison closed her eyes and let out a long breath, she felt bad about ignoring Nancy, who had always been her friend and supporter, but that was exactly why she didn't want to talk to her. Of Derek's four sisters, Nancy was the only one she felt completely comfortable opening up to. While Amy is the one who vents her problems, Liz the one who judges and Kathleen the one who psychoanalyzes everything, Nancy is the one who listens, advises or comforts. Addison knew that just a few minutes of conversation would make her break down, tell her about the night before and all her unhappiness, she didn't need it right now.

When Derek returned to the bedroom, Addison once again pretended to be asleep, he happily dressed quickly and left the trailer. Addison felt relieved to be alone, for the first time she wanted distance from her husband, she wanted to be alone so she could stop using her Forbes-Montgomery facade and allow herself to wallow in peace.

Addison was startled when she heard the noise of her husband's car and saw the lights approaching the trailer, it was much sooner than she expected. Quickly she pulled on a sweatshirt, pulled her hair into a bun, put on her glasses and put an article on her lap, when he opened the door, she was already faking complete absorption in a read. It was her way of pretending to be okay, not even dead would she let him know that she'd spent all day curled up in the covers replaying her words from the night before. Derek stopped in front of the bed with his arms crossed and an annoyed expression as he asked:

"What is wrong with you?"

Addison looked up and looked at him confused. Derek sighed and said:

"I walked out of the operating room and there were countless messages from all my sisters, Savvy, Naomi and even a little naughty one from your brother. Everyone complaining that they couldn't get through to you all day. I ended up coming home early. because of that." -Derek stated totally out of patience.

Addison shrugged and explained in a matter-of-fact tone:

"I forgot my cell phone at the hospital yesterday."

Derek immediately furrowed his brows stating:

"You never forget your cell phone."

"But I forgot yesterday. The battery died, I put it in a desk drawer and I didn't miss it until this morning after you left."

Addison spoke every word as if it were true. Faced with Derek's still annoyed expression she stated:

"It didn't make any sense to drive more than an hour just to pick him up on holiday."

Derek nodded, unable to disagree with the logic, he then held out his cell phone to her and said:

"Use mine and return calls, so people stop thinking I killed you and hid you in the woods."

Addison forced herself to smile at the comment, because that's what she would naturally do. She couldn't help but think that she'd rather he did that, it would have hurt less than all the misery he's put her through. Not that she wanted to die because of a man, but maybe because of all the wrong choices she's made in her life. Addison soon pushed the thoughts away, she grabbed her cell phone and got out of bed, putting on a coat and sweatpants, and went to the porch to start the call marathon. She started with Archie, knowing the conversation with her brother would be the quickest. Talking to Savvy and the sisters-in-law was also quick thanks to the different time zone, so the longest conversation was with Naomi, with whom she couldn't make that argument. Addison was grateful when Maya called for her mother and broke the call.

In less than an hour Addison was back in the kitchen of the trailer, she handed the cell phone to Derek, who asked surprising her:

"Cold?"

Just then she noticed her shaking hands and nodded, it was easier to say she was cold than admit she was shivering from not eating in well over 24 hours. Derek nodded and turned his back on her to the bed. Addison decided to make some tea and eat at least some cookies, she didn't have to pass out in front of her hating husband, although she suspected he would pass through her body without realizing it, with Meredith's hearts clouding her vision like they do in cartoons. The thought of her made her want to laugh and cry at the same time.

Addison spent a good deal of time in the kitchen with her cup of tea waiting for Derek to be fully asleep before allowing herself to go to bed, she didn't want any more awkward silence. When she was finally sure of her husband's deep breathing, she crawled into bed and tried to block out the thoughts that were driving her crazy.

The next few days passed in absolute silence with Addison and Derek avoiding each other. Addison no longer looked for him at the hospital, didn't try to arrange lunches or dinners, and was always with an item, avoiding starting conversations. This change in attitude of hers led to total silence, as Derek definitely made no move to approach his wife.

On the last day of the year, Addison had been in bed since nine, a cup of tea in one hand and a book in her lap, totally certain that Derek wouldn't show up until midnight and that she would start 2006 on her own. It was past midnight when Derek entered the trailer, he had a hard expression as he approached her and started talking quickly:

"I'll let you know that tomorrow I'll be fishing all day. So don't even start with your holiday plans."

Addison just put down the book she was reading, bit her cheek for a few seconds to keep back tears and then spoke calmly:

"I am going to work tomorrow."

Derek frowned at her response, he expected a fight, a role play that only Addison could do about not getting attention and all the nonsense he was used to. He then commented:

"You haven't worked New Years since we were residents."

"I'll take advantage of the fact that I don't have any surgeries scheduled to organize paperwork. The expansion of the neonatal ward is demanding more attention."

She shrugged her shoulders and went back to her reading, Derek lay down as far away as possible and neither of them said another word.

The next night it was Addison who was late, Derek was sitting in the kitchen drinking a glass of whiskey and they nodded to each other.

Minutes later Addison came out of the bathroom slamming the door, she went to the sink wearing a robe and started making tea, each object grabbed with violence. Derek sighed and even though he knew he was going to regret it he asked:

"May I know what your problem is?"

"My problem is living in a can where I can't get a hot shower after I get home from work."

Addison snapped angrily. Derek huffed and didn't think twice before replying:

"I don't remember asking you to live here."

"And how were you going to fix this marriage by living in different locations?"

Addison asked turning to face him with raised eyebrows. Derek ran a hand over his face and spoke again:

"I had a wonderful day today, I refuse to let you spoil my good mood."

With that he stood up, grabbed his glass and bottle and prepared to leave the trailer, but Addison asked again:

"How did you want to fix this marriage, Derek?!"

"I don't know, Addison. We wouldn't have had to fix the marriage if you hadn't slept with my best friend!"

The argument did its job and Addison looked down, Derek flashed a winning smile and left the trailer.

Finding herself alone, Addison let out a long sigh and decided to invest in a drink more comforting than tea. Derek's words seemed to echo through the trailer, he didn't want her here, he didn't want to live with her and he loved Meredith, once again regret washed over her. She no longer regretted just sleeping with Mark, but not having divorced Derek in the first place. When he stopped showing up, stopped caring about her feelings and the dates that meant so much to her, she should have given up, she should have accepted that her husband didn't love her anymore and moved on with her life, she could have been happy now, at least I preferred to believe it. But instead of making a smart decision, she slept with Mark Sloan, let her husband catch them together, and ended up in Seattle, a city she hated, working in a hospital where everyone hated her, and living in a trailer with a husband who hated her. hated her. Addison had hit rock bottom, that's all.

When Derek got back inside the trailer, Addison was done with her alcohol-fueled pity party, she was already on her bed and as soon as she felt his presence, she turned away, her walls heaving and the instinct for aggressive passivity starting to kick in. Derek just lay back on the bed and let out a long breath. Once again the two just lay there, as far away from each other as possible and in a silence that ate them alive little by little, a deafening and sad silence that echoed the worst things said between the two. Addison hated being silent.

That's it. I always wonder what the three weeks between Addison and Derek would have been like after the Christmas reveal. That was just an idea.