What Do You Know
"Jack, can I talk to you for a second?"
Daniel was leaning against the doorway to General O'Neill's office with that curious way he had of looking so relaxed that you thought maybe he'd been leaning there all day.
"Sure, I could use an interruption. So what color do you think the cafeteria should be painted: grey or taupe?" He asked disgustedly, throwing a wrinkled memo on his desk to join its brothers in a precarious pile.
"I, uhh, don't care," Daniel offered.
"Exactly! Thank you. So, anything in particular bring you by?"
"Actually, I was wondering if you'd read the memo yet about the budget for off world archeological missions for this coming year."
"What do you think?" Jack responded, indicating his overflowing inbox.
"Well, right, I figured as much. Here, I brought you a new one."
Daniel doggedly handed Jack a piece of paper, ignoring the look of pain that appeared on O'Neill's features.
Daniel sat waiting patiently to make sure Jack read the proposal.
"Yeah, I don't know, Daniel, this budget thing is really getting to be a problem," Jack mused, "The Stargate program is being cut to bare bones as it is. Can you think of something else to call these missions of yours? 'Archeology' just doesn't do anything for the guys that run the Air Force budget." "Are you telling me that some of these missions won't be scrubbed if I can find a way to make them sound more—military?"
"I might be."
"Okay, then. I'll draw up some alternate mission plans."
"Make them, I don't know, adventurous, technology procuring, G'ouald busting sort of missions."
"Thanks. Will do. Jack, have you seen Sam this morning?"
"No, why?"
"I don't know. I just thought she might have been by to talk to you by now."
"Again, Daniel-why?"
"I should probably let her tell you that."
"Daniel?"
"Alright. You didn't hear this from me, but Sam told me that she and Pete broke up over the weekend. She seemed kinda upset. I just thought she might have wanted to talk to you about it. I know she usually comes to talk with you whenever she's-- well, you know."
"No, I don't know. It just so happens that she comes to talk to me about a lot of things for a lot of reasons. Look, Daniel, go get to work on those proposals. Oh. And if you see Carter, tell her I need to see her ASAP."
Jack went back to work on the sea of papers adrift on his desk, looking serious and very General-like while Daniel left his office with a very self-satisfied grin on his face.
So, Jack needed to talk to her ASAP.
Good.
Daniel had long ago come to the conclusion that the forces keeping Sam and Jack apart weren't worth the cost it was exacting from them, his two closest friends. They needed each other. He'd known that for a long time, even if they didn't.
At first, when they'd started dating, he'd hoped Sam could find in Pete all that was missing in her life, and that he would be the key to Sam finally putting Jack behind her.
But Daniel knew now that the simple truth was inescapable: she would never find in anyone else the soul mate she had in Jack.
And when Daniel realized that truth, something deep in his heart broke for his friends and then and there he had resolved to see what he could do to help them somehow be together.
"Sir? You wanted to see me?"
Sam stood just inside his office doorway, her posture and expression indicating fragility and fatigue. She wasn't looking at him, but just past him, as if by not making eye contact she would be able to hold onto the threads of professionalism that just barely held her together even now.
"Yeah, Carter, sit down for a minute while I finish this report, would you please?"
"Yes, sir," Sam answered very correctly, taking a seat opposite Jack with an uneasy glance at the General as he scowled at the computer screen, his face mere inches from the monitor.
After a few barely concealed curses, he looked over at Carter.
"Carter, what's wrong with this blasted machine?"
"How do you mean, sir?" Sam asked, coming around the desk to peer at the offending piece of equipment.
"I mean, it's frozen up, the little arrow won't move, the hourglass thingie won't go away, and I can't make it move to the next page!"
Sam was already looking more confident and in her element as she moved closer and bent over the exasperated General's shoulder, reaching for the mouse around his right arm.
After fiddling for a minute, she straightened up.
"Well, this isn't good, I'm afraid, sir. You may need to turn the machine off and then back on."
"But I haven't saved--"
"Then you may lose what you've just done, it can't be helped."
"Just do something," Jack said wearily, getting out of his chair and moving away so she could sit down.
Sam was looking almost as weary when she too gave up and reached around the back of the computer to switch it off manually.
"Hey, you do that too? I thought that was a no-no."
"It is, but this 'blasted' machine left me no choice. Do you want me to turn it back on so you can see if any of your work got deleted?"
"Not particularly, at least not right now, no. I really don't want to know yet. Geesh, I hate computers."
Jack had temporarily forgotten his original intention in calling Sam to his office, so peeved was he with this latest roadblock to finishing his paperwork.
"Sir, did you need me for something else?" Some of the fragility had crept back into her tone.
"Huh? Oh!! Right, Carter, I did. Are you free this afternoon?"
"Am I free? Uh. Well, I guess I could put off the tests Dr. Lee and I were going to run. What's up?"
Sam wasn't sure what to make of his question.
"I just thought that maybe you would like to, you know, talk? Friend to friend. What do you say?"
Sam stiffened.
"You know."
"What do I know?"
"You know what you know, someone told you. Sir. Daniel, right?"
"Okay, look, I admit, I know, but I can't tell you how I know."
"Sir, I know how you know."
"Okay, maybe you do, what difference does it make? We're friends, aren't we, Carter? Let's get out of here and go get a beer, or a milkshake- whatever. And talk. If you want to."
Sam looked up.
Until this moment, Jack hadn't been sure whether she would be irritated and blow him off or be glad for his company. But what he saw in her eyes made him ache with sympathy for her. He was suddenly really, really glad he'd gone out on a limb, as uncomfortable as he had felt doing it, and asked her to go out with him for the afternoon.
"C'mon," he invited.
The road wound wildly up the mountain, each curve exposing changing views of the valley spread out below as Jack drove steadily, his destination having slowly taken shape in his mind. There was a tourist-y little town a few miles ahead, nestled against the side of a rugged Colorado peak. He came here when he wanted to poke around anonymously and would sometimes browse the unique galleries and shops, inevitably stopping for a drink in the tiny local bar that doubled as a café.
He'd done some hiking around here over the years as well, and several of his favorite trails had their trailheads near this little town.
And so, having unconsciously sought a place to go where he'd previously found solace, he found himself here now with Sam, wanting to offer her the same sense of refuge if he could.
Jack glanced over at Sam, suddenly realizing that he'd been so lost in his own thoughts that there had been no conversation between them for most of the drive.
He smiled tenderly at her now, propped casually on her coat between the head rest and the door, sound asleep.
The next curve in the road revealed the small mountain village, only a few blocks long, and Jack slowed down. Spotting the rustic café, Jack pulled up behind it and parked.
As the engine stopped, Sam awoke with a start.
"Where are we?"
"Rosa's. It's a place I've been before, and I thought you'd like it."
He got out and came around to her side of the jeep as she let herself out and stretched on her toes.
"Do you feel like pizza? Because Rosa's pizza is about the best on the planet. But if you're in the mood for a sandwich the club is enough to feed Kawalski and Feretti, both."
"Pizza's fine," laughed Sam, picturing the three soldiers goofing around in this out of the way place.
"So you've been here a lot?"
"You could say that. Not lately, though. Not for years, I guess."
Jack pulled out a chair for her as the waitress arrived to take their order.
"Pizza- pepperoni, green peppers and one half pineapple," Jack ordered, stating the standard combination the team usually got, although the pineapple was a nod to Sam, a gesture she found touching. She realized she took for granted how very well Jack actually knew her.
"So, you wanna tell me what happened?" Jack asked as he slipped into the chair across from her.
"Oh, sir-"
"Jack."
"Jack," she repeated, a bit awkwardly. She turned towards him some in her seat, appearing to be pondering where to begin.
"Do you remember a long time ago when Daniel said to me that I don't know what love really is? I've been thinking about that a lot."
"Daniel was out of his head when he said that to you. You can't possibly believe that."
"No, it is true. And now I've just thrown away everything I ever thought I wanted: a man who loves me, a shot at a normal life, a chance for a family- and I don't even know why I did it."
"Sam."
She looked at him, close to tears.
"Tell me what love is."
"What?"
"You just told me you don't know what love is. So tell me, what do you say it is?"
Jack was looking right at her, steady, calm, and encouraging; and she almost physically felt his trust, there to catch her and hold her up even when she couldn't trust herself.
"I thought I knew. I thought Pete and I had found it," she ventured.
"But since I accepted his proposal, every time I think about Pete and I, together for the rest of my life, 'til death do us part…"
She began to cry just as the waitress came up to their table and placed a cold beer in front of each of them.
"Thanks," Jack said softly to the woman, who smiled slightly, understanding in her eyes, and quickly left.
"Okay. So, that scared you, and you broke up with him," Jack prompted.
"Yes. I told him it wouldn't be fair to him to marry me, when I couldn't seem to love him the way he deserves to be loved," Sam blubbered, taking the handkerchief Jack was holding under her nose.
"He loved me, and I hurt him. That's all I ever seem to be able to do."
"He'll get over it."
Sam looked up sharply, anger blooming in her teary eyes.
"What I mean is," Jack explained, "if that's how you really feel about being married to him you'll both bebetter offin the long run."
She nodded, seeing where he was going now.
"Sam, I think you know what love is enough to know that this wasn't it. At least not for you. Now answer the question: what do you think real love is?"
Sam took a deep breath, calmer now as she objectively pondered Jack's question.
"Well, the first thing is, I think I would be thrilled to spend the rest of my life with him instead of being scared to death by the thought."
"That's a good start," agreed Jack, sipping his beer.
"I wouldn't be able to imagine my life without him. He'd be someone I could talk to about anything, someone I trust completely."
Sam grew calmer, more focused, as she took another mouthful of beer.
"He'd be someone whose opinion I sought out automatically, not because I want him to tell me what to do, but because his opinion would matter to me. And he would seek out my opinion for the same reason."
Sam's voice and tenor had changed from despairing and self-incriminating to introspective and hopeful, like a scientist on the verge of a major breakthrough.
Jack's demeanor was also shifting.
The conversation had started out with him clearly in charge, leading the direction of the discussion, a concerned yet neutral close friend.
Somehow in the last few minutes it had taken a sharp left turn, and was now threatening to spin out of his careful control.
All he could do was hold on tight.
Sam went on.
"He'd be someone I'd risk my life for, knowing without a doubt he'd do the same for me."
Sam looked him in the eyes, a dawning understanding lighting her features, although not without an accompanying pain.
"He'd want the best for me and he'd push me to be more than I could imagine myself to be. He'd want me to be happy, even at the cost of his own happiness."
Jack couldn't speak, he couldn't move, he could only sit and try to comprehend what was unfurling before his eyes.
"He'd be my best friend. Talk with me about the hard stuff along with the good stuff."
Sam paused, then went on.
"He'd know how I fix my coffee.
What I like on my pizza.
He'd save me the last MRE with macaroni and tomato sauce in it.
He'd lend me his last pair of dry socks."
Jack and Sam were both grinning now as they remembered the missions that had prompted her last comments.
"He'd put his very important job on hold for the afternoon because he knew I needed him," she finished in a whisper.
An emotionally charged silence hung between them.
"So, see? You do know what love is," Jack answered, barely able to get the words out.
"Pizza! Enjoy it, dears. Need anything else, refills yet?"
Jack had never been so grateful to be interrupted in his life.
He didn't yet know what else to say in response now that he knew exactly why Sam had broken up with Pete.
The Jack in him was running around in circles, punching the air, yelling 'Yes!', but the General was kicking the table leg in frustration, afraid that this would just make things harder between them.
Stuffing his mouth full of pizza would put off the inevitable for a good while, he reasoned, so he ate with single-minded purpose.
Sam felt nervous now, unsure, wishing she hadn't said so much, yet amazed at what she had just figured out for herself. She followed Jack's lead, eating her pineappled half of the pizza with gusto, and quickly downing the rest of her beer.
She was withdrawing, Jack could feel it happening.
He determined to himself that he was not going to just let this thing go.
Sam had all but said that she loved him.
He was not going to let Sam walk away from this never knowing how he felt in return.
"Ready for your check?" The waitress was back.
"Please." Jack handed her a credit card.
"Sam," Jack entreated as they waited for the bill, "you know we're not finished with this conversation yet. Now you ask me."
Jack signed for the bill and they stood and pulled on their coats. He steered her up the sidewalk as they left Rosa's, away from his jeep.
"Okay."
Sam paused, gathering up her nerve to continue.
"What do you think love is?"
"It's…it's…" Jack had thought he was ready for her question, but suddenly he wasn't, and he searched his mind for the right words, words that would convey what he felt for her without compromising their professional relationship.
"I don't know the right words, Sam. But I know what it looks like, and for me, it looks a lot like you."
Jack closed his eyes still struggling for words.
"I know enough of what love is to know that I love you."
"You love me?"
"You know I do."
"Yeah, I guess I do."
They walked on together, side by side, hands in their pockets, for some time. The sidewalk ended as they reached the edge of town, so they stopped, neither ready to turn back.
"There's a good hiking trail right up there, wanna walk it for a bit?" Jack pointed up the slope.
Sam agreed.
"Jack," Sam began as they climbed.
"What, Sam?"
"Nothing about the future is certain. Maybe all we have is what we know right now. And I know that I'm happy when I'm with you. It's when I'm the happiest, it's where I most love to be. It doesn't scare me to death to picture my future with you in it. I'm tired of ignoring what I know to be true."
Jack looked back at her, his eyes bright and gentle.
"So, let's go from here. We'll figure it out."
"I'm not going to let go of this. I want to be with you."
Sam was shocked to see tears in Jack's eyes as she finished. She stopped and faced him, arms wrapped around herself.
"So do I," he responded.
"If you're not going to let this go, then I'm not either. We'll find a way."
Jack reached out for her then and she went willingly into his arms.
As she held him against her, and felt his arms embracing her in return, she knew this truly was exactly where she wanted to be.
"Maybe I do know what love is, after all," she proclaimed, muffled against his padded shoulder.
"You know."
She pulled back as he spoke and looked at his face, gently wiping at the tears still there with her fingers.
Their eyes caught, and she knew then that he was going to kiss her, and her heart surged with the thrill of it.
And it was everything she'd dreamed of.
It wasn't until Jack dropped Sam off at her house late that evening and he was on his way home, alone, that the euphoria began to wear off a little and he had time to think.
He knew without question that they were right for each other. He'd known that a long time.
But the timing had never been right. It never would be right unless he did something to change their working situation.
For Jack, as General of the SGC with a fight against the G'ouald still ongoing, resigning was not an option he would consider.
But after today, he was committed to finding a way to eventually be able to be with Sam.
Jack was at work very early the next morning trying to sift through his inbox, now piled even higher.
He took sadistic satisfaction in the fact that he was now filling Walter's inbox…a retaliation of sorts.
"Good morning, Jack."
There was Daniel, fluidly propped against the doorway, giving the illusion that he'd been lounging there all night.
"Daniel," Jack grunted, throwing another thick report into his outbox.
"Here's my re-written mission proposals," Daniel offered hopefully, placing a stack of papers in front of Jack.
"Thanks. I'll see what can be done."
"So, where did you go off to yesterday? I couldn't find you, or Sam either."
"That's because we were together, talking, off base," Jack explained to his friend.
"Really. All afternoon."
"Yeah. It was a long talk."
"So, is Sam doing better?"
"I'd say so."
"What?"
Daniel was fishing, knowing there was more.
"I said Sam's fine now."
"Jack! Just tell me what happened."
"No! Look, I've got to finish this before Walter shows up with new stuff," Jack grumbled, effectively dismissing Daniel.
"Later, then?"
"Yeah, later. Good bye, Daniel."
"See ya."
Jack didn't see the smirk on his friend's face as he left.
'Well, what do you know,' Daniel gloated to himself.
He couldn't wait to see what would develop.
A/N: I have sketched out a second chapter to this story butfeel like thismay bea story all by itself- so maybe more to come?