Episode 10: Bookends
Coast City: 10:45am. At the First Bank of Coast City, a Guard was sitting at his station, feet propped up on the table, reading 'Catcher in the Rye' by JD Salinger.
Guard:
Uh, this book is overrated.
Voice:
I know. It's a shame it made people overlook the real classics.
He looks up to see the Queen of Fables.
Guard:
Can I help you?
She gives the guard an apple.
Queen of Fables:
Take a bite.
Guard:
Does it have a razor blade?
Queen of Fables:
No.
Guard:
If you say so.
He bites into the apple and begins chewing. Suddenly, he begins suffocating and slumps down in his chair, unresponsive. The apple falls out of his hand and rolls onto the floor.
Queen of Fables:
I think the message of Snow White was clear as day; never take apples from strangers.
The customers see this and panic; the bank-teller presses a silent alarm underneath the countertop as Queen of Fables marches towards him.
Queen of Fables:
On your knees.
The customers drop to their knees. The Queen of Fables opens her book again; seven small individuals appear in front of her.
Queen of Fables:
Empty the vaults, my seven dwarves.
Sleepy:
I would but I'm so *Yawn* tired.
Grumpy:
You're always tired! (Smacks him awake)
Sneezy sneezes.
Sneezy:
Sorry.
Grumpy:
You're always sorry for sneezing!
Queen of Fables:
Get into the vaults, stat!
She opens her book again. She summons the Big Bad Wolf, wearing a nightgown and nightcap.
Queen of Fables:
Stand guard.
The wolf growls and turns to the door, as several guards show up, guns drawn.
Guard:
Ma'am, no dogs allowed. Stand down.
The Big Bad Wolf runs at a guard and swipes the gun out of his hands, before pushing him over and is about to bite his neck when a green ball appears out of nowhere, drawing the wolf's attention; it goes into playful mode and begins chasing the ball.
Queen of Fables:
I'll do this myself.
Voice:
Was this worth ruining our date for?
She looks to the source of the voice: Green Lantern (Martin Jr) and the Coast City Titans (Minus Huntress).
Queen of Fables:
(Laughs) Kids are this cities' ultimate defenders?
Crow:
We're not kids!
Hornet:
We are the Teen Titans, and you are under arrest, whoever you are.
Queen of Fables:
I am the Queen of Fables, and you will address me as 'Your Majesty'.
Martin Jr:
Yes, Queen of Tables.
He creates a table with his ring and throws it at her; it sends her flying into the countertop.
Impulse:
Good one, Martin.
Hornet:
It will take more than one table to defeat her. Titans, go!
Impulse runs around, taking the hostages outside; Hornet takes out his blaster and begins firing at Queen of Fables, who has gotten up; she looks behind him and grins. The Big Bad Wolf has returned.
Crow:
I'll take care of it! (He changes into a werewolf) I never liked this tale.
He charges at the Big Bad Wolf, and they fight. Martin Jr and Green Canary go to the vaults.
Martin Jr:
Can't believe our date got interrupted by this self-titled queen.
Green Canary:
Actually, I think this is the highlight.
Martin Jr:
The seven dwarves should be easy to defeat.
Doc:
Easy you say? You underestimate us.
Happy:
I'd be happy to be rich. And even happier to destroy you.
Doc:
Dwarves! Battle formation!
Green Lantern and Green Canary arm themselves as six of the seven dwarves surround them; Sleepy had fallen asleep while drilling through the lock.
Green Canary:
Cover your ears!
Martin Jr covers his ears; Green Canary takes a deep breath and unleashes a sonic scream. The room shakes, though the dwarves are undeterred; Sleepy wakes up. Canary stops screaming.
Grumpy:
We work in mines with loud noises; this is nothing.
Green Canary:
Okay, never mind.
She takes her bow and throws net arrows. This trapped the dwarves, except for Sleepy.
Sleepy:
Weren't we supposed to do dwarf formation?
The dwarves all groan in frustration.
Queen of Fables:
ow about the Three Little Pigs to eat you?
Crow:
I hate to tell you this, but pigs are herbivores.
Queen of Fables:
But when you starve them long enough, they'll resort to eating more meaty appetites.
She summons the pigs, who stare at Crow with hungry eyes. Crow then turned into a big bad wolf, causing them to run away, squealing.
Queen of Fables:
Come back you stupid pieces of bacon! (She looks at Crow) I've heard your music. Ever thought of making an autobiography?
Crow:
How do you know?
Queen of Fables:
Or being in one?
She opens her book again and touches her finger in the middle of the ridge. It turns into a vortex, and it begins sucking Crow in. He digs his claws into the floor, holding on for dear life.
Green Canary:
Crow!
Then, she begins to be sucked in.
Martin Jr:
Babe!
He makes a metal clamp with his ring and attaches it to his girlfriends' foot, but to no avail, as all three are sucked in. Impulse uses his super speed to evade the vortex, but he was slowly running backwards, eventually also being sucked in.
Hornet:
Drop the book!
He fires a laser from his blaster at her.
Queen of Fables:
Nope.
Instead of hitting the book, the laser flew into the book with Hornet following. Once all the Titans were gone, she closed the book.
Queen of Fables:
Happy ever after, Titans.
Above a grassy, flowery field, a portal opens up in the sky; Martin Jr, Crow, Green Canary, Hornet and Impulse all fall out of it and crash-land onto the grass, startling a few rabbits. Impulse is the first to wake up. He looks around the field and sees the rabbits, curiously watching them.
Impulse:
Am I in Wonderland?
Martin Jr wakes up and rubs his head; he stops when he notices something missing from his finger.
Martin Jr:
Where's my ring?!
Crow stands up.
Crow:
We shouldn't linger here; let's go home and give that witch what's coming. (He raises his hand to create a portal) Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos! (Nothing happens) What?
Impulse tries running but it comes across as jogging. Martin Jr easily catches up to him. Green Canary gets up and goes to a nearby stream to wash her face; looking at her reflection in the water, she notices her weapons and uniform are missing.
Green Canary:
Where are my weapons?!
Impulse:
Hey, how come my uniform is on?
As soon as he says this, his uniform vanishes, leaving him in normal clothes.
Impulse:
Crap!
Martin Jr:
That means one thing. She knows who we are.
Impulse:
Does she though. Because last time I checked, only one of us here is famous.
He looks at Crow.
Crow:
We only have a few songs out, so what?
Impulse:
Well, she is going to recognise you but us…..
Hornet:
To be fair, we're not famous in our alter egos so, I think we're safe as long as we don't say our names.
A rabbit approaches them. Hornet reaches for his blaster, but only feels his waist.
Hornet:
That's right.
Rabbit:
Why hi there! Are you travellers?
Impulse:
You all heard that, didn't you? That rabbit just talked?
Green Canary:
We're not travellers. We're just lost in this place, and we need to get home.
Rabbit:
Well, you found the right rabbit. I can take you home. Follow me.
He turns around, shakes his tail, and bounds off.
Crow:
Is it right to trust that fluffball?
Rabbit:
I heard that!
Crow:
Sorry. (To the others) I'm just saying, we shouldn't follow him.
Martin Jr:
I'd like to hear your plan on how to get us out of here.
Crow thinks, then shrugs.
Crow:
Nothing.
Martin Jr:
Just as I thought.
The rabbit stops, and calls to them.
Rabbit:
We don't have all day!
Hornet:
We're coming!
They follow the rabbit.
Later, they enter an enchanted forest.
Rabbit:
Through the enchanted forest, you'll find someone who can help
Crow:
Why aren't you coming?
Rabbit:
Foxes, wolves. I'd essentially be giving myself away to be eaten. Toodle-oo.
The rabbit bounds away. The Titans watch him leave before continuing through the forest; all around them, bushes rustled.
Green Canary:
I think we're being watched, and followed.
Crow:
First person who makes Wizard of Oz jokes is dinner to the wolf.
Impulse:
Lions, tigers and bears, oh my.
Crow:
That's it.
Hornet:
Guys, stop. (He looks up into the trees) We're being followed.
Suddenly, seven figures jump down from the canopy and surround the Titans; the figures were armed with bows. One of them was dressed in green, with a red feather sticking out of his hat.
Green Canary:
Robin Hood!
Robin Hood:
The very same, fair maiden. The Queen has told all of us about you; she wants to see you immediately.
Green Canary reaches for her bow, only to remember she doesn't have it.
Green Canary:
Oh yeah.
Hornet:
Not like we have an alternative.
Robin Hood:
Merry men; take them to her.
The merry men position themselves on either side of the Titans; three on the left and right, and one in the back. Robin Hood takes up the front.
Impulse:
I didn't read a lot of fairy tales in the future. Do you think the queen will be nice?
Martin Jr:
That depends on the tale.
They begin moving again.
A little later, the group make it to a small kingdom at the foot of a hill; a castle was situated at the top. As they're marched through the streets, townspeople whisper to each other and point at the Titans.
Impulse:
Got a pimple on my nose?
He stops next to a barrel of water to look at his reflection.
Impulse:
Nope. Still good looking.
Merry Man:
Keep moving!
Impulse:
Yes sir.
He gets back in line.
Crow:
Why are they pointing at me? Do they think I'm a witch or something?
Green Canary:
It's because of the pointy ears.
Crow:
My holographic rings aren't working? Sure. It's not like they're gonna burn me at the stake.
Green Canary:
I wouldn't be so sure.
Later, they arrive at the castle. The doors open, revealing a long grand hall with long tables on either side. At the end, on a raised platform, sat the Queen of Fables on a throne.
Crow:
You!
Queen of Fables:
Hello, Titans. Welcome to my world.
Hornet:
Why did you bring us here?
Martin Jr:
And how did you take my ring?
Queen of Fables:
Look, I just sucked you into my book and took your stuff. That simple. Don't need to complicate this by explaining unnecessary details.
Crow:
Including my holographic rings. I don't thank you.
Queen of Fables:
Now, now, no need for violence. You're all free to set up new lives in this world, except for (points at Martin Jr and Green Canary) you two.
Green Canary:
Why not us?
Queen of Fables clicks her fingers and teleports Hornet, Crow and Impulse out of the castle.
Queen of Fables:
You two are dating, right? I have something special planned for you.
Meanwhile, Impulse winds up back in the enchanted forest, however, he was now in a different part of it.
Impulse:
Hello! Hello! Don't worry guys, I'm coming!
A big bad wolf popped out of the bushes.
Big Bad Wolf:
Why hello there, little boy. Are you lost?
Impulse:
No. I know exactly where I am and where I'm going.
Big Bad Wolf:
So where are you going?
Impulse:
I shouldn't be talking to strangers.
Big Bad Wolf:
I'm no stranger, I'm the Big Bad Wolf.
Impulse:
Oh yeah, you tried to eat guards in the real world and you fought Crow as a werewolf. Do you think I'm going to trust you?
Big Bad Wolf:
You can trust me to help you find your way home.
Impulse:
No thanks.
Big Bad Wolf:
Really, I insist.
Impulse:
I think I hear my mother calling me. I should go.
He runs off.
Meanwhile, Crow was making animal noises, trying to communicate with the woodland wildlife.
Crow:
I hope this never happened to Dad.
A deer fawn emerges from the bushes.
Crow:
Oh, hello. My sister would lose her mind over you.
He sticks out his hand; the fawn approaches him. Then it sticks its head up and runs off down the path.
Crow:
Hey!
The fawn stops and looks back at him.
Crow:
You want me to follow you?
It stamps its front left hoof.
Crow:
Okay.
Crow follows the fawn to a clearing; in the middle of the clearing, was a coffin with a beautiful woman lying inside. The fawn runs off.
Crow:
White Snow. Great. Should I kiss her? (He looks around) No, I'm with Kacey, but I'm so lonely and love-deprived. Eh, what harm can it do?
He approaches the coffin, bends over and kisses Snow White's lips, then backs away and waits for her to wake up. While he's waiting, the Prince arrives, riding on a horse.
Prince:
Hey, that's my right, monster!
Crow:
I knew I should have read the tale to the end. Sorry buddy, I kissed her first; finders, keepers. She should be waking up any moment now.
Prince:
You... (He unsheathes his sword) Prepare to be slain, foul beast, for forfeiting my forthright to a bride!
Crow:
Buddy, I don't know Shakespeare. And you won't tell my girlfriend about this, right?
Prince:
Who is this girl friend you tell of? Ah, no matter. Thou shalt fall to thy blade.
He raises his sword; Crow, seeing as he can no longer fight, runs. The Prince mounts his horse and chases after him. Crow continued to run and then quickly ran into a darker part of the forest.
Prince:
Return forth, you foul beast!
Crow backs up against a tree, defeated, with nowhere else to run.
In another part of the forest, Impulse was still running. He finally stops and looks behind him, breathing heavily.
Impulse:
(Pants) Think I lost him. (His stomach groans) So hungry.
He notices he's next to a stream; he follows it, eventually reaching a small wooden house with a straw roof and the window slightly open.
Impulse:
Salvation! (He sniffs the air) Something smells good. (He approaches the house, but stops) No, what am I doing? I'm a Titan, I shouldn't be breaking into other peoples' homes. (His stomach groans again) Must eat.
Finally giving into hunger, he squeezes through the slightly open window, landing in a small kitchen. He sees three steaming bowls on the dining room table.
Impulse:
Porridge! Wait, I know this story. Too hot, too cold and just right. I'll just crash their fridge. Huh, I thought them bears would be more cautious about breaking and entering.
Then, a blonde girl walked in the home.
Goldilocks:
Hello?
Impulse dives under the table.
Impulse:
Goldilocks!
Goldilocks:
Hello?! Anyone home? Oooh, porridge.
Impulse:
Wow, break into someone's home and eat someone's food why don't you?
She watches as Goldilocks sits at the first chair and slurps some porridge.
Goldilocks:
Ah! Too hot! (She moves left, to the second chair and bowl, and slurps that one) Ah! Too cold! (She moves to the third set) Perfect.
Impulse listens to her slurp down the third bowl of porridge.
Impulse:
Poor baby bear.
Just as Goldilocks finishes, the chair she's on collapses under her weight.
Goldilocks:
Ow! Stupid chair.
She gets up and Impulse hears her go upstairs.
Impulse:
She's going to bed.
Impulse emerges from under the table and looks at the two porridge bowls that haven't been consumed.
Impulse:
If I mix the two bowls, it will be lukewarm. But she's too stupid to know.
He pours the first bowl of hot porridge into the second bowl of cold porridge. He picks up a spoon and begins stirring, and gives it a taste.
Impulse:
Temperatures perfect, but the flavour could be better.
He goes over to the fridge and opens it.
Impulse:
Wow. Just fish and honey, and juice. Wait, honey!
He takes out a jar of honey and closes the door. He returns to the table and starts drizzling honey onto the porridge. He tastes it.
Impulse:
Perfect.
He begins eating. The front door opens; the Three bears are home.
Papa Bear:
That was a great walk. Now, let's see if the porridge is ready to eat.
He looks up; the other bears also look up, to see Impulse slurping down porridge straight out of the bowl.
Impulse:
(Burp) Boy that hit the spot. (He notices the three bears) Uh, oh.
Mama Bear:
Intruder!
Impulse:
I wish I had superspeed now.
Baby Bear:
My breakfast! My chair! How could you?!
Impulse:
That I did not do.
Papa Bear (Picking up the rotary phone on the wall):
Save it for the police.
Impulse:
Just for the record, there's a girl sleeping upstairs.
His statement goes unheard.
Impulse:
But if you don't want to follow the flow of the tale, you do what you want.
Elsewhere, Hornet was searching for someone who could be of assistance in getting them home.
Hornet:
Wish I had my armour. There was a GPS in it.
He hears what sounds like an old man blubbering nonsense.
Hornet:
Do you need help, sir?
Old Man:
Just practising incantations.
Hornet:
Are you a wizard?
Old Man:
Not just any old wizard; I am Merlin.
Hornet:
That's perfect. You can help me then.
Merlin:
What can I do for you, outsider?
Hornet:
Me and my friends got sucked into this world by the Queen of Fables, and our powers and equipment got taken. We just need to get home.
Merlin:
If the Queen of Fables is your enemy, you'll never leave here.
Hornet:
You hate her too?
Merlin:
We all do; but we can't do anything to overthrow her. She's the supreme ruler of this realm; those who speak out against her are never heard from again.
Hornet:
Thanks, anyway.
Merlin:
Come; I can take you to my workshop.
Hornet:
Cool; where is it?
Merlin leads Hornet to a large tree where the roots are visible; he taps one of the roots four times and a door appears in the trunk.
Hornet:
This is more realistic than the cartoon.
Merlin:
Did you say something?
Hornet:
No.
They enter the trunk; once inside, the door closes and vanishes.
Inside, Merlin leads Hornet down a winding staircase lit by a few wall-mounted candles.
Hornet:
Wouldn't the tree burn with the candles?
Merlin:
I placed an enchantment on the tree; the candles won't burn it.
Hornet:
Convenient.
They finally enter a circular room littered with scrolls, pieces of parchment and tomes. A cauldron stood in the middle of the room on a slightly raised stone pedestal.
Hornet:
It's a bit of a mess.
Merlin:
I can't be bothered cleaning up; afraid I'll lose something important. Now, about your... predicament.
Hornet:
Yes?
Merlin:
What do you need?
Hornet:
I need a portal, a battlesuit, and a blaster that fires lasers.
Merlin:
La-sers?
Hornet:
Never mind. Battlesuit but magic resistant.
Merlin:
Battle-suit?
Hornet:
Suit of armour.
Merlin:
Yes, I can make you some armour.
Hornet:
Reminds me of an adventure my dad told me. There was no technology either.
Merlin:
He sounds like a fine gentleman, your father.
Hornet:
It's a long story.
At the castle, Green Canary (while shackled) was in the tailors' chambers, being fitted for a wedding dress. Queen of Fables was supervising.
Green Canary:
You can't do this.
Queen of Fables:
You and him will be wed before nightfall and you will agree to go with this, or off with your heads.
Green Canary:
You might as well chop my head off. Spare me the pain.
Queen of Fables:
Funny enough. I keep all my decapitated heads talking and breathing. Here's the White Rabbit.
She pulls out the head of the white rabbit
White Rabbit:
I was two seconds late! Please, kill me. Being a head is boring.
Queen of Fables:
Yeah. You betcha green butt it's boring.
Green Canary:
Do you think you're the Queen of Hearts? Because there is no wedding in Alice in Wonderland.
Queen of Fables:
My world; my rules. Let's see if your husband-to-be is more cooperative.
Green Canary glares at her as she leaves with the white rabbit. The tailor begins pulling the straps around her waist.
Green Canary:
Hey, ease up! You're suffocating me.
Tailor:
That's how the Queen wants it.
Green Canary:
Well, do it tighter.
Tailor:
Do you want to die?
Green Canary:
You're already killing me!
Tailor:
Okay, I'm loosening it up a bit.
In a separate chamber, Martin Jr was also shackled as the Tailor fitted him into dress robes.
Tailor:
You're going to be quite the groom.
Martin Jr:
If I'm getting married to the giant's wife, then no way.
Tailor:
Who said you were marrying the giant's wife? No, you're marrying the pretty blonde in green.
Martin Jr breathes a sigh of relief, but his relief doesn't last, as reason kicks in.
Martin Jr:
We've only been dating for a few months, and I don't think our parents would approve so soon.
Tailor:
Since you'll never leave this place, it doesn't matter if your parents agree or not.
Martin Jr sighs as the tailor moves his arms into the sleeves navy-blue dress robes.
Martin Jr:
I hope the others are faring better than us.
Meanwhile, Impulse woke up to the sound of a gavel banging. He looked around as his vision came into focus; he was in a courtroom, his wrists and ankles cuffed to a defendant's chair. He looked up at the Judge's stand to see who was banging the gavel; it was the Queen of Fables. On the left, the gallery where others were watching. To the right, a guillotine. Impulse began to writhe his limbs, but was unable to break the cuffs.
Queen of Fables:
This court is hereby in session for the trial of Impulse. The charges include breaking and entering, consumption and property damage.
Impulse:
Well, in hindsight, the bears were asking for it. They left their window open and their door unlocked so Goldilocks could sneak in-
Queen of Fables:
The defendant will not speak out of turn!
Impulse:
Do I get a lawyer?
Queen of Fables:
No.
Arms appear from the chair and clamp around Impulse's mouth.
Queen of Fables:
If found guilty, which he will, the defendant will be executed through beheading.
Impulse (Mumbling):
Are you the Queen of Fables or the Queen of Hearts?
Queen of Fables ignores him.
Queen of Fables:
Will the first witness take the stand?
Papa Bear, wearing a suit, stands up from the gallery and sits in the chair on the Queen's right.
Queen of Fables:
Witness, please state for the court your name and occupation.
Papa Bear:
I'm Papa Bear, and I'm a bear.
Impulse laughs. Queen of Fables glares at him and slams her gavel; the hand tightens around Impulse's mouth.
Queen of Fables:
Now, Papa Bear, what were you doing during the incident?
Papa Bear:
My wife made our family porridge, just like every morning. It was too hot for consumption, so we took a constitutional so when we'd come back, our breakfast would be edible. I opened the window to let the porridge cool faster. When we came home, we saw the defendant drinking my entire bowl, and my son's broken chair.
Queen of Fables:
(To Papa Bear) A moment. (To Impulse) Is there something amusing you?
The hand removes itself from Impulses' mouth; he was still laughing.
Impulse:
He really is a fool to leave the window open when they were all gone. I wouldn't even be surprised if this isn't the first time Goldilocks has eaten at your place.
Queen of Fables:
This second person, Goldie Lox, is irrelevant to the case, as you were caught red-handed, drinking porridge.
Impulse:
Still, I don't think the charges should be that serious. Me consuming food; how is that a crime?
Queen of Fables:
Here, I decide what is a crime or not.
Impulse:
That sounds corrupt.
Queen of Fable:
This is my world.
Impulse:
Where are my friends Fables?
Queen of Fables:
You'll find out in good time, Impulse. (The hand clamps over his mouth, as Queen of Fables looks at Papa Bear) Proceed with your testimony.
At Merlin's workshop:
Hornet:
And the witch was able to take him home but he refused to defeat the traitor.
Merlin:
While technologically impaired? That was brave.
Hornet:
Yeah but he was defeated and picked up by Sarasim when the witch boosted his power.
Merlin:
Yes, that is correct. Quite a tale I've heard countless times.
Hornet:
I don't know if it's a good or bad thing they didn't get together. Who knows what kind of babies they'd have.
Merlin:
She never had offspring?
Hornet:
I guess they would have loved each other regardless.
Merlin:
But you would never have been born.
Hornet:
True. True. How's the suit looking Merlin?
Merlin:
Done.
Merlin shows him the suit.
Hornet:
Shiny silver. How thick is the armour?
Merlin:
Enough to withstand a spear.
Hornet:
Oh, and a wrist crossbow!
Merlin:
Indeed. Enemies would have to be sharp enough to dodge an arrow from one.
Hornet:
Can it also withstand the Queen's magic should she attack?
Merlin:
Sadly, no.
Hornet:
Thanks anyway.
In the village, the Prince rides in on horseback carrying the bound Crow.
Crow:
What's going on?
The villagers stared at him in repulsion.
Male Villager:
He's a witch!
Female Villager:
Burn him!
Crow:
Uh...the witches are women, stupid! But I do use magic, doesn't make me a witch.
Male Villager:
Burn him!
Crow:
I have some Martian blood. It would be better if I didn't get burned.
The villagers ignore his pleas; the prince pushes him off the horse onto the ground as the villagers pick him up and drag him along the cobblestone street.
Crow:
Yes, you are not alone in the universe, you idiots.
The Prince trots alongside.
Prince:
Lest you insult us again, your death will be swift instead of long.
Crow:
Actually, I'd prefer that.
The Prince is not amused. Crow is taken to a pole where a pile of wood was nestled underneath; a priest was waiting with an oil lamp, ready to set the pile ablaze.
Crow:
Hope this never happened to Mom. I didn't think I was going to die like this.
He is mounted onto the pile and tied to the pole.
Priest:
Let the fires condemn you back to the hell from whence you came.
Crow:
Hey, Frollo! How do you know? If you burn me down, I'll unleash hell on humans and you'll be the first to die.
The Priest drops the lamp onto the pile, setting it alight.
At the castle, Martin Jr, in his dress robes, was being guided to the altar, still shackled.
Martin Jr:
My ring better be green.
Tailor:
It's gold. But if you wish for green we can paint it.
Martin Jr:
So paint it.
Tailor:
No need to be hostile.
Martin Jr:
I didn't even shout.
Tailor:
I will paint it right away.
He leaves. The Queen of Fables appears in front of him.
Queen of Fables:
Your bride-to-be is nearly ready.
Martin Jr:
Great.
A door opens behind them; Green Canary comes out, shackled and guided by her Tailor, wearing a flowing white dress and a sad look on her face.
Martin Jr (Thinking):
She's too beautiful.
Green Canary joins him at the altar. The Tailor leaves, as Queen of Fables addresses the wedding guests, who were all villagers, their ankles bound to the floor.
Queen of Fables:
We're here today to bond these two lovers in the sacred ceremony of matrimony.
Martin Jr:
I oppose this!
Green Canary:
Me too!
A bulky figure dressed all in black carrying a large axe appears. Martin Jr and Green Canary gulp.
Queen of Fables:
Shall we continue?
At the courtroom, Baby Bear has just finished giving his testimony and was returning to the gallery.
Queen of Fables:
Now we have heard from all our witnesses, it is very clear that there's no room for doubt, and am now ready to hand down the verdict. I find the defendant, Impulse... Guilty. (Slams her gavel)
Impulse:
What a surprise.
Queen of Fables:
Guards! Take him to the guillotine.
The guards stand on Impulse's sides, uncuff him and pull him out of the chair and haul him over to the guillotine. One of them kicks him down onto his knees, positioning his head and wrists into the stocks.
Impulse:
I'll never see her again.
Queen of Fables:
Don't worry. We can send your special someone your head.
Impulse:
She hasn't been born yet but I appreciate the attention.
Queen of Fables:
Release the blade!
Just as a guard is about to release the blade and drop it on Impulse's neck, the doors burst wide open. Someone in silver armour runs into the courtroom.
Hornet:
Stop!
Guard:
What is this?
Hornet:
Let my friend go!
Guard:
What if I refuse?
Hornet marches over, picks up the guard and throws him at the guillotine, knocking it over and freeing Impulse.
Impulse:
Thanks. Is that a prototype?
Hornet:
I'll tell you later. Come on.
Impulse gets up off the floor and he and Hornet run to the doors.
Queen of Fables:
Stop them!
Impulse:
Do you have a plan?
Hornet:
We find the others, then get out of this world.
Impulse:
Great plan.
They run through the doors into the open air.
Impulse (Sniffing the air):
Something's burning.
Hornet:
Let's see.
He looks up, and sees black smoke rising up in the distance.
Hornet:
This way.
They run in the direction of the smoke.
In the village, Crow was sweating constantly and trying to avoid having the fire touch his clothes.
Crow:
The heat is killing me!
Impulse and Hornet arrive in the village.
Impulse:
It's Murdoc! And he's being cooked alive!
Hornet:
The consequences of sorcery and witchcraft.
Impulse:
We need to find a bucket of water!(Looks around) Ah!
He runs over to a row of houses and picks up a barrel filled with brown water.
Impulse:
So unsanitary.
Hornet:
Bart!
Impulse:
Right!
He carries the barrel over to the stake and throws it on the pile, extinguishing the fire.
Crow:
Thanks, guys. Hurry; untie me.
Impulse:
Give me a boost.
Hornet holds out his hands; Impulse steps up onto him and unties the rope. Crow drops onto the ground.
Crow:
The people here are ungrateful. I saved a young girl and they take me for a demon.
Impulse:
It's the same for me. I tried to apprehend a thief and I got arrested.
Hornet:
Since you were in bear court, I assumed you were Goldilocks?
Impulse:
Unfortunately, yes.
The villagers glare at the three; several began lighting torches, while others began grabbing pitchforks.
Hornet:
Oh great, the town mob.
Impulse:
Does everyone in medieval times have those lying about? I'll defuse this. (He turns to the mob) Guys, pitchforks and torches are outdated.
Crow:
They're not listening. I already tried.
Hornet:
We should find Olivia and Martin and get home-free.
Crow:
Where could they be?
Hornet:
Still at the castle. The Queen wanted to keep them behind before we got booted out.
Crow:
Oh boy, I can only think of the horrendous torture they could be going through!
Hornet jumps onto the Prince's horse.
Hornet:
I need this.
Crow and Impulse jump onto its back.
Hornet:
Hold on.
The two wrap their arms around Hornet's torso, as he tugs on the reins, giving then a whip, and the horse gallops off up the street to the castle.
Prince:
Hey! That's mine!
Crow:
Not anymore, Lessalot!
Prince:
First off, Lancelot is a knight-
Crow:
I'll leave Snow White to you. I already have a girlfriend!
At the castle: Queen of Fables and was brushing the priest.
Queen of Fables:
You're looking great father. Remember what happens if they kiss.
Priest:
They're married.
Queen of Fables:
Well, yeah, but also dead.
Martin Jr:
Dead?!
Queen of Fables:
Till death do you part.
Green Canary:
Of course.
Queen of Fables:
Father, you have the floor
The priest coughed.
Priest:
Marriage is what brings people together. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to witness the joining of two Titans. Green Canary and…..What's his persona again?
Martin Jr:
Green Lantern.
Priest:
And Green Lantern. Unfortunately the couples have not written any vows so we will move on to the I do's and I don'ts. (He turns to Martin Jr) Do you, Green Lantern, take Green Canary to be your lawful-wedded wife, to have and to hold, till death do you part?
Martin Jr:
I... uh...
Priest:
Do you or do you not?
Martin Jr looked at the Queen of Fables, who scowled.
Martin Jr:
Iiiiiii do.
Priest (To Green Canary):
And do you, Green Canary, take Green Lantern to be your lawful-wedded husband, to have and to hold, till death do you part?
Green Canary:
I, uh-
Before she can give an answer, the door burst wide open and Hornet, Crow and Impulse enter, riding on the horse.
Hornet:
We object!
They dismount the horse, who neighs and gallops off.
Priest:
I haven't gotten to that part yet. Wait outside until I say so.
Queen of Fables:
How did you escape?!
Impulse:
How did you get here so fast from the courtroom?
Queen of Fables:
I told you; my world, my rules. I can be everywhere all at once.
Crow:
Yeah but the joke is over. Get us out of here before I smash your face.
Priest:
This is a house of…
Queen of Fables:
I am the god here, father.
Impulse:
I thought it was a woman.
Queen of Fables:
Gods aren't exclusively men, Impulse.
Impulse:
Now, get us out of your little fairytale!
Queen of Fables:
Not until the wedding is over.
Hornet:
The wedding's already over. Titans, go!
Martin Jr:
Wait, I haven't had my green ring yet.
Hornet:
Even if we don't have our powers and equipment anymore, we're still Teen Titans. We can still fight.
Crow:
How? We're utterly powerless!
Impulse runs out of breath.
Impulse:
I didn't learn to fight without my powers.
Queen of Fables:
Pity.
Crow:
Okay, you want me to fight a goddess without my demonic and transforming powers? It's suicidal.
Voice:
Not quite.
A puff of smoke appears on the right of the altar; Merlin enters.
Queen of Fables:
You seem to forget who I am.
Merlin:
No Queen. You've forgotten that I am the greatest wizard of all time.
Queen of Fables:
Okay, come fight me! If you win, the Titans return to their realm. If I win, they stay here for all eternity.
Merlin thinks for a moment.
Merlin:
Agreed.
Merlin utters an incantation, causing a chandelier above them to cut loose and fall. The priest, Martin Jr and Green Canary jump out of the way, but the Queen of Fables is crushed.
Green Canary:
That was easy.
Queen of Fables appears behind Merlin and, with her tome, blasts him into the pews.
Green Canary:
Or not.
Martin Jr:
And this tailor who is too slow. How long does it take to get my green ring back?
Hornet:
We need to get her book; we get the book, we go home.
Impulse:
How do we do that?
Hornet:
Merlin.
Merlin picks himself up, and mutters another incantation.
Crow:
Azarath...
Queen of Fables looks at him as Crow's hands begin to glow with a black aura.
Crow:
Metrion...
The Titans step back as Crow raises his arms.
Queen of Fables:
Guards! Seize him! Off with his head!
The guards advance on Crow.
Crow:
Zinthos!
An eruption of black aura explodes from him in a shockwave effect, sending the Queen of Fables and her guards flying backward in all directions; the Titans and Merlin are untouched. The Queen's book falls onto the floor; Hornet picks it up. Martin Jr's Tailor appears.
Tailor:
Here's your green ring.
Martin Jr:
Finally!
He puts it on.
Martin Jr:
In brightest day, in darkest night!
No evil shall escape my sight!
Let those who worship evil's might!
Beware my power, Green Lantern's light!
Green Canary:
Wow!
Martin Jr:
All it took was a little willpower.
His dress robes fly off and in their place, the signature Green Lantern uniform.
Impulse:
Hornet, you have the book. How do we get out?
Hornet:
The same way we got here; by vortex.
Impulse:
So what are you waiting for?
Queen of Fables sees Hornet with her book open.
Queen of Fables:
No!
Hornet touches the centre of the book and drops it; suddenly a vortex appears.
Impulse:
Game over!
He jumps into the vortex.
Green Canary takes Martin Jr's hand as they jump into the vortex.
Green Canary:
Geronimo!
Crow flicks his tongue at Queen of Fables and jumps into the vortex.
Hornet:
Thanks Merlin!
Merlin nods as Hornet jumps into the vortex; the book closes.
Coast City: 10:55am.
Queen of Fables:
Is that everything?
Doc:
Yes Queen.
Queen of Fables:
Thank you for your generous offerings!
As she leaves, her book violently shakes. She drops it; it opens and the Titans fly out and land on the floor.
Crow:
We're back, baby!
Queen of Fables:
Impossible!
Impulse runs towards her and punches her in the face.
Impulse:
Impulse is back!
Green Canary touches her back and feels a familiar weapon. She takes up her bow, loads and arrow, and fires it straight at the book; the book explodes. The Seven Dwarves and Big Bad Wolf disintegrate into nothingness, as the police show up outside the bank.
Policeman:
Queen of Fables, you're under arrest.
She seethes in anguish.
Queen of Fables:
How could you escape without your powers?
Martin Jr:
You can take our powers, but not our fighting spirit.
Queen of Fables turns to run; Hornet casually fires a laser at her foot, tripping her up. Green Canary fires a net arrow, trapping her. The police pick her up and take her away.
Green Canary:
I should've done that from the start.
Martin Jr:
Shall we continue our date, Olivia?
Green Canary:
I don't see why not.
Crow:
If we're done, I have things to do.
He creates a portal and vanishes.
Impulse:
Martin and Olivia do get married, but that would've been too early.
Green Canary:
Thanks for the spoiler.
Hornet:
You should learn to keep your mouth shut and not pry into other peoples' business. It got you into trouble in that world.
Impulse:
Sorry. I wouldn't talk about your children then.
He runs at full speed; Martin Jr, Green Canary and Hornet watch him.
Martin Jr:
C'mon, let's go.
Martin Jr and Green Canary link hands and leave.
Hornet:
Nothing beats high-tech armour.
He activates his jetpack and takes off.
End of 'Bookends'
Cast
Jesse McCartney: Crow/Murdoc Logan
Damon Wayans Jr: Hornet/Jaden Stone
Meagan Smith: Green Canary/Olivia Queen
Jason Marsden: Impulse/Bart Allen, Prince
Seth Green: Green Lantern/Martin Jordan Jr
Alan Tudyk: White Rabbit, Sleepy, Robin Hood
Wanda Sykes: Queen of Fables
Mark Hamill: Merlin, Grumpy
Dee Bradley Baker: Doc, Big Bad Wolf, Priest
Kevin Michael Richardson: Papa Bear, Sneezy
Tara Strong: Goldilocks, Baby Bear
Tress MacNeill: Mama Bear