Chapter 1 - Deception

Author's Note: In which the Deception arc happens. :')

~ Amina Gila

Ahsoka is seated on the couch in her and Anakin's apartment, waiting for him to return from speaking with Master Yoda. The two of them had just returned from chasing Rako Hardeen – who has gotten the dubious honor of killing Obi-Wan, and thinking about it still hurts – as well as two other prison escapees: Cad Bane and Moralo Eval. Upon their return, after Hardeen had beaten Anakin, finally choking him into unconsciousness before escaping, Yoda had asked to talk to Anakin.

She feels his return long before the door actually opens; the maelstrom of fury and pain is hard to miss, especially with his obviously weakening shields. Finally, the door to the apartment opens, and Anakin stalks in, glowering. "Master?" Ahsoka queries, all too aware of the fact that he's practically vibrating with anger.

"Obi-Wan is still alive," he declares bluntly, fists clenched.

For a moment, Ahsoka can't even breathe, because... what?! "How's that possible?" she asks faintly.

"The Council had him fake his death. They said it was the only way." Now, he just sounds bitter. "They didn't trust that we could keep him safe."

Ahsoka flinches, because that hurts. How could the Council do this to them? All the pain, all the grief, it was all for nothing. The knowledge that they weren't even given the courtesy of learning the truth after the funeral is... Ahsoka doesn't even know how she should feel about it.

It's borderline cruel, and for the first time in her life, she wonders if the Council made the right decision. They didn't. She knows it. Nothing they say can justify what they've done to her and Anakin. How could Obi-Wan have gone along with it? How could he have thought it was alright to deceive them in such a manner? None of this makes sense.

The Jedi were supposed to be good. They were supposed to be honest. She can't understand. How could they do something like this? It's wrong on so many levels, and they hurt her and Anakin. She saw Obi-Wan die. She held him. They cried for him together, but... and all of it was for nothing.

Ahsoka sinks onto the couch as the truth overwhelms her. She doesn't want to think badly about the Council. She wants to believe that what they did was right, that it was necessary, but she just can't. Not this time. It was wrong on every level. The Council could have told them! At least after the funeral, but no. They waited anyway, completely uncaring of the constant pain Anakin and Ahsoka were living through. They only came clean because Anakin nearly killed Hardeen, who is apparently innocent, Ahsoka realizes with a sudden rush of sheer fury. Would the Council have told them, if Anakin hadn't gone after him? She wants to say yes, but she knows the true answer. She can't deny it. They wouldn't have.

"Where – where is he?" she somehow manages to get out. Because if Obi-Wan is still alive... he has to be somewhere.

"He's gone undercover. As Hardeen."

The world doesn't screech to a dead standstill, but it certainly should have. Obi-Wan... that means... it was him who she was about to run through with her lightsaber when they arrested Hardeen. Why did the Council send them to arrest him, knowing full well what could happen? And that means it was Obi-Wan who they fought and beat Anakin unconscious and left him lying there alone on the rocks. He could have been killed if Ahsoka hadn't shown up when she did. Would he have cared? she wonders bitterly. Would it have mattered to Obi-Wan or the Council if Anakin died, or would they have shrugged it off as another thing that 'needed to be done'?!

She certain she knows the answer without even having to consider it any longer. If they can do this and be so oblivious to her and Anakin's pain, why would they care so much if Anakin was killed?

But she doesn't understand how Obi-Wan could have gone along with this. It doesn't make any sense. Even if he's always extremely controlled about showing any emotions, it was clear how much he cared about Anakin. Or was it? She doesn't understand any of this.

She's always trusted the Jedi Council, even in cases when things they were doing didn't seem entirely right. But this... no, it's wrong on every moral level, even if they did it for a good cause. After all, aren't the Jedi the ones who say 'the end does not justify the means' all the time?! Talk about being hypocrites. She'll never be able to look at them the same way again.

"How can they do this?" Ahsoka exclaims, finally finding her voice.

"I don't know, Snips," Anakin says quietly, sitting down next to her on the couch. She can see his pain, feel it echoing through their bond and into the Force, and it hurts as much as her own. This is a betrayal which cuts them both deeply. Even if Anakin won't admit how much he's hurt, she can only imagine. One would have to be both blind and stupid to not realize how close Anakin and Obi-Wan were. To learn that he did something like this... Ahsoka has no idea how he's even keeping himself together. Probably by sheer willpower if she had to guess.

A heavy silence hangs over the room for a long time before Anakin retreats to his room, and Ahsoka departs for the Senate. Of everyone she knows who can help her, Padme is the best option right now.

**w**

Padme is in her office at the Senate when Ahsoka arrives, thankfully not in the middle of a meeting. Hopefully, she's not too busy right now, because Ahsoka wants to talk to someone about this, and throwing a temper tantrum with Anakin isn't going to make either of them feel better. If anything, it might make them feel worse. They were both betrayed, Anakin more than her, and he needs support more than she does, even if Obi-Wan "died" in her arms. He lost his master or thought he did.

"Do you have a minute, Senator?" she asks, reminding herself to remain polite until she can guarantee a moment with just the two of them.

"Of course, Ahsoka," confirms Padme, looking up from her work. "You seem upset. What's wrong?"

"I – I can't understand what's wrong with the Council!" she blurts out finally, and then, something inside her snaps, and everything tumbles out in a jumbled mess. She hates the way her voice breaks on the words, her pain bleeding out. "Obi-Wan is still alive. The whole assassination was fake. They made us think he was dead all this time. They don't even seem to care how much it hurt Anakin. They still had us completely involved, knowing full well we could have killed him, and not even known until it was too late!"

Padme is visibly stunned by the time Ahsoka quiets. "He's alive?" she asks quietly. "And they never told you, until now?"

"Yes, exactly," she confirms darkly.

There's a flare of surprise and hurt in the Force before Padme tamps it down.

"I don't understand why they would do this," Padme declares, shaking her head. She moves over to Ahsoka, wrapping her arm around her shoulder. "After the funeral they should have at least told you. It was wrong for them to keep this from you, even if his mission is important."

"They don't trust Anakin," she says bitterly. It's honestly the only reason she can think of to explain it. She clenches her hands into fists, wanting nothing more than to scream and hit something until everything is fixed again, but unfortunately, that's not how it works. This isn't something she can fix. This is something else, something deeper, something that none of her training has taught her how to handle. Certainly, she knows how she's supposed to deal with emotions, but being near Anakin and feeling his pain as a constant echo of her own, she's begun to suppress everything.

And it hurts so much to see how low of an opinion the Council has of them. Anakin used to be a slave, a slave – and it's still hard for her to wrap her mind around – and the Council still wanted him to go to Zygerria to help the colonists from Kiros. Oh Force, they made Anakin rescue Rotta, Jabba's son! How – how can they treat him like that? If they do that to him, to the greatest Jedi the Order has ever seen – she's not biased, not at all; she's simply able to see the truth for what it is even if no one else can – what could they do to her? To any other Jedi who isn't as powerful and famous as Anakin?

"I've thought about leaving the Order once before," Ahsoka admits after a long pause, and much blinking to prevent herself from crying, "But I didn't because of Anakin. Now I'm wondering if we both should." Anakin had mentioned something about that right after they thought Obi-Wan was dead, but it wasn't something they've discussed since. She almost thinks that maybe she should bring it up again. She doesn't want to be a part of a people who could do something like this, who could treat them so callously.

He died. In her arms. She had to watch as Anakin shattered, unable to do anything to help him, because she wasn't the person he needed. Not then.

"You can if you want, but maybe you should wait a little while before making the decision. Leaving the Order is a very life altering decision," Padme points out, giving her a small smile, "And I know neither of you are really in your right minds right now."

Ahsoka sighs. She knows that the truth. She might want to leave the Order sometimes, in the depth of her anger, hurt, and frustration, but what would she even do? Where would she go? She's known no other life. She doesn't know how to live on her own – although that is something Anakin may be able to help with. But Padme is right. She's not thinking clearly right now. "Yes, that's true," the Togruta agrees reluctantly.

"How is Anakin holding up?"

"He's... much worse than me. He's known Obi-Wan far longer. And now it's like... even though he knows Obi-Wan is still alive, he can't stop mourning. Not after this. And we can't forget and move on as if nothing happened at all," Ahsoka answers miserably. "We sawhim die, Padme. Scars like that don't fade overnight."

"I know, and I'm sorry," Padme tells her, hugging her. "You shouldn't have had to go through that." Ahsoka sniffs, wrapping her arms around the Senator and hiding her face in the older woman's shoulder. If she cries, she knows Padme will never tell.

It takes a few long minutes for her to finally start calming down. "Sometimes I wish I could leave everything in this war behind," Ahsoka continues. "I won't be able to see Lux again until it's over." It's not something she allows herself to think about much. She misses him so much sometimes; she misses the easy way they spoke with one another, and how much he cares about her. Everyone she knows has been a fighter – that's all she's ever known – and something about his peacefulness is attractive, even if she can't say why she's drawn to it so much.

"I know, Ahsoka, and that is the price we are all paying as we let the war continue," Padme responds softly, a hint of sadness in her brown eyes. Ahsoka can't help but wonder if Padme has some similar problem that she can't quite identify – that's waiting to do something until the war is over, though Ahsoka doesn't know what.

"Then we need to find a way to end it," Ahsoka states with determination, trying to give Padme a smile, though it falls short. She's glad she came here. Even though her struggle hasn't miraculously vanished – of course, it hasn't – she does feel better.

**w**

The mission to protect the Chancellor during the Festival of Light may be over, but the repercussions certainly are not. Obi-Wan is back at the Temple now and looking like himself, thank the Force. It's been about a week since then, but Ahsoka still can't bring herself to forgive him for what happened. She's trying not to be openly hostile – that would be disrespectful no matter how upset she is – but she's also going out of her way to avoid him. It's easier like that.

But it doesn't help that, right now, she and Anakin are about to be sent on another mission with him. After attending the briefing, Ahsoka, Rex, and Cody exit the room, leaving Anakin and Obi-Wan inside. She decides to wait for Anakin since he'd wanted to do something with her, either training or repairing his fighter.

Her proximity gives her the ability to listen; she's not trying to eavesdrop, but she can still overhear them. "Master, I want to talk to you." Anakin's voice is quiet, apologetic.

"What is it, Anakin?" Obi-Wan questions calmly. Ahsoka can almost see his posture in her mind, one hand resting on his beard as he watches Anakin with a look of fondness that he only ever seems to give to him. If only he cared more. If only he cared enough that he hadn't hurt them like this. Does he know, she wonders, that she and Anakin have nightmares almost every night, because of his "death?" And if he knew, would he even care?

"I wanted to apologize for my actions. They were completely unreasonable. You did what you had to do, and I can understand that," Anakin says, subdued.

Ahsoka's mouth falls open in shock. He did just...? Yes, he did. He apologized for being upset, for being hurt. How could he? Why would he? It doesn't make sense. Obi-Wan is the one who left, the one who broke their faith and trust and heart. Why should they apologize for his actions? Ahsoka loves Anakin dearly, but she doesn't always understand him. She's tempted to stalk into the room, to scream at him and demand answers. That applies to both of them, actually.

She hears movement, and after a moment of hesitation, peaks inside. Obi-Wan is resting a hand on Anakin's shoulder, an unreadable look on his face. "It's alright. I know why you were upset, and I accept your apology." Obi-Wan offers him a smile, and Anakin returns it, though it doesn't meet his eyes.

Ahsoka steps back, pretending to have been patiently waiting as Anakin exits the room. He has to know that she overheard, but he says nothing, only motioning for her to follow. Confusion swirling within her and hoping for answers, Ahsoka falls in step next to him.

She's unsurprised when Anakin steers them in the direction of the hanger bay. There's not any real reason why they have to work on modifying the Twilight, but if it will help Anakin keep his mind off whatever is so obviously troubling him, then Ahsoka doesn't mind. Also, she wants to talk to him without any chance of being overheard. She loves Anakin, she really does, but he doesn't always make sense. The conversation she overheard is definitely proof of that.

"Skyguy, can I ask you a question?" she asks finally, when the silence becomes too much for her to bear.

"Ask away, Snips," Anakin replies, glancing at her momentarily. The look on his face makes her wonder if he suspects – or knows – where her line of thought currently is.

"I just – Master, I don't understand why you apologized to Master Obi-Wan," she confesses. "I mean, what he did wasn't right, so why – why would you?" She tries, she really does, to keep her voice level, but she doesn't think that she did a good enough job in hiding her resentment.

"Whether we like it or not, Obi-Wan was doing his mission," Anakin explains. "He only did what he had to do." His tone is oddly detached and emotionless as he says that, and Ahsoka realizes that he doesn't believe it. He's only saying that, because... because why? Because he sees it as his duty as a Jedi, and he's trying to be an example to her, she knows. And maybe he's right that they shouldn't hold it against Obi-Wan like this because it's not the Jedi way, but just this once she wants to be angry.

"But he faked his death!" Ahsoka exclaims in disbelief. "He hurt us!"

Anakin turns his head away, not looking at her. "Maybe we are too attached," he says quietly.

Ahsoka huffs out a breath of disbelief before jogging ahead and planting herself right in front of Anakin, hands on her hips. "You don't mean that," she states flatly, knowing that she's right. "I was there, remember?" she adds, snippily. "I know how you felt, and I also know that you're not alright with this."

"Force! Of course, I'm not alright with this!" Anakin exclaims, running an agitated hand through his hair. She should cut it for him again, she notes distantly. "Why would you even think that?"

"You... apologized to Obi-Wan?" Ahsoka answers uncertainly.

He laughs bitterly, folding his arms across his chest, eyes fixed on a spot across the hanger. "Yes, I did, because it's – it's what I'm expected to do." His expression twists, and it's only now that Ahsoka realizes how unhappy he is in the Order. Why had she never noticed before? Why had she always assumed that, because he's so famous and popular, he enjoyed the attention and was treated fairly by others, if not better than them?

But he's not. She's beginning to see now, how the Council holds him to such impossibly high standards and she doesn't understand it. Yes, he's the Chosen One, but still.

It's not right. It's not fair to him. "Master, do you want to leave the Order? We could both go together and find another way to help the Republic." Right now, seeing how much Anakin is simply bowing to the unfair treatment, Ahsoka can admit that, even though she's only ever known the Order, she would like to leave, to find another path for both of them, one where they don't have to hide their closeness.

Anakin meets her eyes, expression conflicted and pained. "Ahsoka... I – I can't. I can't do that to Obi-Wan." They stare at one another for a long moment, before Ahsoka steps aside silently, letting her master past. She follows him, wondering how he can possibly be so loyal to the man who broke his heart. He's far more forgiving than her, and he's a much better person than she thinks she will ever be. She hopes he knows how proud she is of him and to be his Padawan. There's nowhere else in the galaxy that she'd rather be than at his side.

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