Castle Grayskull is a large and mysterious fortress in Eternia. It is in a vast isolated area full of dead trees and surrounded by a moat. The front is decorated with an enormous and frightening skull whose mouth opens into a drawbridge.
Within its great hall, the formless Spirit of Castle Grayskull booms, "A great evil has befallen Eternia! Skeletor, an overlord of destruction, seeks to become the Master of the Universe. Already, he has sent his minions across the planet to pillage villages, overthrow kingdoms, and spread misery."
Sharella, the beautiful and curvaceous green-skinned Goddess of Castle Grayskull, waves her hand over the large circular scrying pool at the center of the great hall. The surface of the water shows her several horrific images of the atrocities perpetrated on the innocent townspeople of Quietude by bloodthirsty monstrosities.
"What must I do?" she asks.
"You must seek out a champion and gift him with weaponry created by ancient Eternian scientists that he may drive away the evil and bring peace throughout the planet," the spirit answers.
"How will I know this champion when I see him?"
"Trust in your instincts, Goddess of Castle Grayskull. You will know."
H
"I will know? That's it?!" Sharella grumbles to herself while wandering across the wilderness with her serpentine staff in one hand. "He couldn't even point me in a direction."
Her musings are interrupted and she jumps and squeaks when she is startled by a monstrous screech from behind her. The Goddess spins around to find a hairy rat-like creature, larger than a full-grown man, threateningly approaching her on its hind legs.
"I don't even know what manner of beast this thing is!" Sharella thinks. "It's like a new kind of monstrosity is born from the darkest corners of Eternia every night." She tries to warn it away by swinging her staff before her and yells, "Back! Get back, I say!"
However, the monster screeches angrily in response and continues its menacing advance.
"I warned you!" Sharella says.
She fires a magical energy bolt from the tip of her staff. The beast is struck in the chest. It shrieks and staggers, but to the deity's surprise, her attack merely singes the rat monster's fur and served only to further anger it.
"By Grayskull!" Sharella exclaims. "This creature must have some natural resistance to magic!"
She tries to back away, but the rocky surface of mountainside blocks her escape. The hairy beast hisses at her, its eyes glowing red with fury, drool dripping from its maw.
"I don't believe this!" Sharella fearfully tells herself. "I'm the Goddess of Castle Grayskull. I'm arguably the most powerful sorceress on the planet. And this is how I'm going to die?! Eaten alive by a hideous giant rat in the middle of nowhere?!"
The rat beast screeches and lunges at her with its jaws open wide. Sharella shuts her eyes tight, screams, and cringes.
But the monster's deadly assault is interrupted by a roar of challenge from a muscular, bronze-skinned, golden-haired youth, waving his arms in the air while jumping up and down on the edge of a cliff. The rat beast swings its large head around and screeches in response, accepting the challenge. The barefoot young man slides down a slope on his heels.
Sharella finally has the courage to open her eyes, and she thinks, "A barbarian? But what's he doing all the way out here without his tribe?"
The rat monster and the savage youth rush towards each other and collide. They wrestle fiercely. The monster attempts to bite the young man's head off, but the barbarian holds its mouth open with his bare hands. Sharella does what she can to assist, firing energy blasts at the creature's back from her free hand. Then, to her shock, the young savage uses his brute strength to rip the rat monster's jaws apart, effectively killing the beast. The dead creature falls heavily on its side with its tongue hanging out and its eyes frozen open.
Sharella approaches the youth and says, "Thank you, stranger. You saved my life."
"That I have," the barbarian rather smugly replies. "And now to claim my prize."
"W-What the-?!"
The deity is surprised when the savage suddenly wraps his powerful arms around her waist and pulls her to him.
"W-W-What are you doing?!" she frantically asks him while squirming in his vice-like embrace.
The savage casually answers, "I just risked my life to rescue you. Surely, I should be rewarded."
He leans his head forward to kiss her lips, but the deity places a hand on his mouth to stop him.
"By Grayskull!" Sharella shrieks to herself. "He means to ravish me!" Actually, the youth only intends to kiss her, but the deity is wary of humans after having spent most of her immortality in solitude within Castle Grayskull and incorrectly assumes the worst. She panics and tells him, "As it so happens, I do have something to reward you with!"
The barbarian frowns and asks, "You do?"
"Yes! I mean, your strength, your courage mark you as the legendary hero who is to inherit the treasures I have been guarding for so long."
"Treasures? Bah! I have no need of gold coins or fancy jewelry."
"No. Not that kind of treasure. Weapons, armor, and war machines made centuries before the Great Wars by Eternia's scientists."
The barbarian is finally interested and releases the deity.
"Why would you be in possession of such wonders?" he warily asks. "I also saw you fling balls of light from your fingertips. Just who exactly are you?"
"I am Sharella, the Goddess of Castle Grayskull," the woman answers. "And what is your name, hero?"
"I am He-Man."
H
"I certainly hope the Spirit of Castle Grayskull understands," the Goddess worriedly thinks. "Perhaps I was a bit too hasty in selecting this lustful young savage as champion."
She leads him to the Ancient Ruins, a city of a forgotten and once highly advanced civilization. The streets are cracked, and the tall structures that reach for the sky are empty and in disrepair. No one dares live here. Many believe that the ghosts of the past still haunt these buildings.
The steel door of a reinforced bunker slides open to grant them entrance. The interior is spacious and dimly lit. On either side of them are technological marvels the likes of which the barbarian has never seen, and the Goddess can't help but chuckle at how he gawks at them.
"This is the Battle Ram," the deity says as she proudly motions to a one-man aerial assault vehicle with the head of a griffin at the front. "It is equipped with a space-warp function that can allow you to teleport to any destination you wish so long as you input the coordinates into the-" The Goddess cuts herself short when she notices the puzzled look on the young man's face. "You didn't understand a single word of what I just said, did you?"
He-Man spots a double-headed axe leaning against a wall and exclaims, "Ah! This I understand."
He picks up the weapon with his right hand and swings it a few times at an imaginary opponent to test its weight.
"Just how strong is this youth?!" Sharella asks herself. "A burly full-grown man would have difficulty lifting that battle axe with both hands. Yet he easily handles it as though it were just a short sword." From a hook on the wall, she takes a harness with a red cross in the center and tells the barbarian, "Here. Let me put this on you."
He-Man says, "Ah, a baldric for my new weapon."
"Oh, it is much more than that. This is a force field harness. It can detect potential threats and cast an aura around your body that can protect you from harm-" The Goddess pauses when she sees the young man's perplexed expression again. "You know what? Better if I just show you."
After helping him put on the harness, she takes a few steps back and abruptly fires an energy blast at his chest from her palm.
He-Man staggers and cusses, "What the devil-?!" He raises his axe and roars, "You treacherous witch! I'll-!"
However, he stays his hand when he realizes he is unharmed. He examines the harness and discovers that it is undamaged. The blast didn't even leave a mark on it.
He asks, "What manner of witchcraft is this?!"
Sharella snickers and replies, "Not witchcraft. Science. I must warn you though. The force field has its limits. It can only completely defend you from minor attacks like the one I used earlier. But anything more powerful than that-"
"In other words, don't just stand before my enemy like an idiot."
H
After they exit the bunker and the steel door slides closed behind them, the barbarian turns to the green-skinned sorceress and says, "I thank you for these wondrous gifts. They will most assuredly aid me in my quest."
Sharella furrows her brow and asks, "And what quest is that?"
"I had received a premonition of an evil that I must vanquish. It is why I left my jungle tribe."
"Really?!" The Goddess smirks and adds, "In that case, I think I know just the place where you should start."
H
Beast Man, a frightening and hideous individual with a burly body covered in orange hair and red armor over his chest and upper arms, smiles cruelly while watching his orcs drag the women and children, kicking and screaming, out of their houses in the small farming village of Quietude. The men, the few left that survived the invasion that is, are already outside, disarmed and on their knees, surrounded by enemies.
"Separate the men from the women!" Beast Man commands. "The men will be forced to work in the mines and erect giant temples for Lord Skeletor. And the women…! Well, we all know what we're going to do with the women."
The orcs laugh wickedly, sending a shiver up the spines of their frightened captives.
"Not me," an incredibly overweight and effeminate orc says. "I like little boys."
"Fine, Pedo Man, you sick freak," Beast Man says. "You can have the sickly useless ones."
Pedo Man grins excitedly and scans the children for the one he wants first. The youngsters fearfully cling to their parents who hold them in a protective embrace and silently scowl a warning at the obese orc.
Meanwhile, He-Man and Sharella stealthily observe the village from behind shrubberies on top of a small hill.
"The ugly hairy creature giving all the orders is Beast Man," the Goddess whispers. "He is Skeletor's right-hand man."
"I overheard him saying something about building temples," the barbarian whispers back. "What does he need them for?"
"Temples are very important to users of magic. A powerful sorcerer can use a temple to harness the magic reserves of the very planet itself. And Skeletor is a very powerful sorcerer."
Suddenly, one of the villagers, a woman, bravely stands up and defiantly yells at their captors, "You can't treat us like this! The people of Quietude are farmers, not warriors. We have surrendered peacefully. All that we ask is to be treated with decency!"
Beast Man's eyes slowly and lustfully travel up and down her body. The woman is tall with long brown hair, disheveled from how she was so roughly forced out of her home. She is already in her late forties and a mother of two but still very attractive.
"What is your name?" Beast Man asks.
"I am Hilda. I am the mayor of this village," the woman answers.
"You know, that's how it always starts. First, they ask for decency. Then, they want more food and water. And before you know it, you have an uprising on your hands." The right-hand man shakes his head and says, "Such a shame. You're a real good looking woman, but I think it's better to make an example of you."
"W-What-?!" Hilda shrieks as two orcs grab her by the arms and drag her away from the group.
Some of the townsmen tense and intend to intervene.
But Beast Man notices and taunts them, "What?! You want to fight?! The bloody and broken bodies of your dead friends lie all around you. Are you really so eager to join them in the afterlife?!"
The men submissively lower their heads.
Skeletor's right-hand man laughs, "Hah! The men of this village are fucking cowards. No wonder a woman leads you."
Hilda is shoved face down at Pedo Man's feet.
Beast Man coldly commands, "Kill her."
The fat orc smiles widely and replies, "Gladly."
"Damnations!" He-Man growls and leaps out from behind the bushes.
Sharella worriedly calls after him, "W-Wait! He-Man, what's your plan?!"
"Kill the monsters! Save the woman!" the barbarian answers without looking back as he races down the hill.
Pedo Man raises a spiked club over his head with both hands. Hilda shields her face with her forearms and screams. He-Man interrupts the execution with the same roar he used to challenge the rat monster earlier.
"What's this, a wandering barbarian seeking an early demise?" Beast Man amusedly asks. "Let's oblige him. Orcs, kill that young fool!"
Several of his bloodthirsty brutes snarl wildly and rush forward while swinging their heavy wooden clubs at the air. But He-Man tears through them, near gracefully splitting their weapons in half and rending their flesh with his mighty battle axe. Then, he heads straight for their leader.
However, the evil lord's right-hand man roars and meets the attack, ramming his shoulder into the young savage's chiseled six-pack. He-Man is launched backward and sent through the wall of a small house. Its supports crumble, and the roof collapses on top of him.
"He-Man!" Sharella worriedly calls out.
She slides down the side of the hill on her boots' heels.
Beast Man turns to the villagers and gloats, "You all thought you were going to be rescued for a second there, didn't you? This is Eternia! There are no heroes here!"
A pebble rolls down the rubble of what was once the house. Two seconds later, pieces of the roof explode upward. An enraged savage emerges from under the debris.
Beast Man shouts at him, "Who the fuck are you?!"
The barbarian strides forward and answers, "I am He-Man, the Most Powerful Man in the Universe!"
He strikes the hairy henchman with a powerful right fist to the face. It is Beast Man's turn to be sent flying. Then, he skids across the sand on his back.
He quickly sits up, rapidly shakes his head to rid himself of the grogginess, and shouts at Pedo Man, "What the fuck are you waiting for?! Kill the mayor already then save me!"
"Oh, right! Of course!" the blubbery orc frantically responds.
He raises his club again to smash the woman's skull.
"Damnit!" He-Man cusses.
He retrieves his battle axe from the ground and rushes towards the executioner. Beast Man takes advantage of the distraction and flees.
"He-Man," he growls to himself. "I'll be sure to inform Lord Skeletor about you."
Sharella observes, "The barbaric youth chooses to rescue the mayor over finishing off his opponent. Perhaps I have chosen a worthy champion after all."
Pedo Man sees the barbarian quickly approaching. He switches targets and swings his spiked club at the young man. He-Man ducks under the weapon with a knee slide and lops off the orc's right lower leg with his axe.
Pedo Man falls on his knees and shrieks in agony. He-Man stands up behind the evil orc then promptly beheads him.
H
The villagers' fear eventually subsides, and it is at first replaced by relief followed by jubilation then finally gratitude. Later, they will mourn their dead. But for now, they gather around the hero and his beauteous guide and cheer. He-Man places his fists on his hips and smirks a little arrogantly while reveling in their praises.
When the crowd quiets down, Mayor Hilda approaches the young hero and gratefully says, "Stranger, you have saved our village."
"That I have," the barbarian rather smugly replies. "And now to claim my prize."
"What the-?!" the woman exclaims in surprise when the young man wraps a powerful arm around her waist and pulls her to him.
The villagers gasp collectively as He-Man deeply kisses their mayor in the mouth.
Sharella lowers her forehead onto her palm and groans wearily.
END