Shouto Todoroki

Would it not be easier to die than to endure this hell that's supposed to be a blessing any longer? Todoroki wondered after receiving a text from Higoro. I'm used to it, but it never gets easier to handle. I sometimes wonder why this happened to me, but this must be the world punishing my existence. I got too close to being happy again, so it took everything from me. Despite that, I can't even be mad. I don't feel sad. I've accepted it.

As Todoroki read the next message that Higoro sent him, he felt a familiar rush of revulsion slosh around his insides. He shivered and closed his eyes, but his memories of meeting with Higoro the night prior ensnared his mind. The assignment that he and Bakugou had received from Aizawa during their lecture trembled with his knees.

I can't even eat without being reminded of everything you've done to me, Todoroki thought while steeling himself for the night that was ahead of him. I still have to force myself to eat, but… Having it in me… I can't stand it. He tiptoed out of his room, but he had not anticipated that Bakugou would be sitting on the sofa.

"Where do you think you're going?" Bakugou grumbled while lowering his pencil to the table.

He'll hit me if I'm late… Todoroki reminded himself as he unconsciously brushed his fingers over the bruise on his cheek. How do I get out of this relationship? I can't tell anyone the truth. I can't take that risk. Even if the trauma is prolonged until I do, I have to keep it to myself. He offered Bakugou a brief moment of eye contact before glancing away and heading towards the door.

"Don't fucking ignore me," spat the ash-blonde who winced upon standing up. "Ngh. Shit." He rubbed his temples and ambled towards Todoroki.

"How much did you drink last night?" Todoroki queried with achromatic words. "You're lucky Aizawa doesn't know about this." He felt as though each second passing by was a scorching needle being jabbed into his flesh.

Bakugou clasped onto Todoroki's wrists, but unlike the time he'd torn into Todoroki's wounds, his grip was merely firm. "Don't change the subject." The baritone ardor in his alluring voice was like a bonfire without light. "And you're lucky he doesn't know you slit your wrists."

"Those scars are ugly, but the rest of you makes up for it."

Katsuki never made me feel self-conscious about the scars. No. Stop. Don't touch me…

"Why is someone as pretty as you cutting himself? They're all over your legs, arms, and wrists."

"I…don't want to say."

"Are you sure that's your answer?"

I don't like this. I don't like this at all. Stop. I don't want this. Don't. Please don't.

Todoroki felt his heels and shoulders hit the wall behind him as Bakugou's menacing shadow swallowed him up. "Rui…" Todoroki whispered in a hesitant, husky sigh.

"Why?" Bakugou's cerise eyes were like two infernos of smooth lava.

I have to. "I love him," Todoroki forced himself to say, but his answer rewarded him with Bakugou inching closer to him. "He loves me more than you ever did."

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"So I can prove that even someone like me can still be loved."

"What you're making me post…is nothing but an illusion."

"So? As long as they believe it, that's all the validation I need."

"Rui… What you're doing isn't getting you anywhere. Wouldn't you rather have a genuine relationship with someone that makes you feel loved?"

Bakugou's wroth expression flickered like an ember. "No way in hell he did. I… I loved you with everything I had. No one else is gonna top me. Tch. Bet he doesn't kiss you as well as I can." His hands gently traipsed across Todoroki's arms to his shoulders.

I've never felt so sick from eating before. I keep remembering that. I can't forget. I feel so sick… I can't take this. I don't want it in me. I guess I'll know the pain Katsuki goes through, but for different reasons.

I still love you, and I hope that I always will, Katsuki. I wish I could tell you…but if he found out, he would hurt you, and possibly other people too. I hope you can understand.

"I guess not," Todoroki whispered while silently desiderating the loving touch of his ex.

With a sly smirk, Bakugou snickered, "Looks like I'll just have to prove that fact." The delicate sensation of his rough fingertips grazing Todoroki's cheek swirled into a sweet, sticky hold of rekindled feelings.

Steadily, Bakugou wrapped their lips together in syrupy ribbons of saliva. He gently withdrew from the fleeting kiss, and then, after sieving Todoroki's cold, enraptured eyes, he locked their lips again. Tepid tendrils of passion wove between the two as their tongues tenderly tangoed.

I don't want this to end, Todoroki thought to himself as he and Bakugou began to trace along each other's curves. You loved me for me. You weren't in a relationship with me just to use me as your pawn and hit me if I acted out of line. It was nothing like that. Gradually, his lips separated from Bakugou's lips.

In a ragged, gravelly whisper, Bakugou asked, "Are you…okay with more?" His imperial eyes were saturated with love and lust.

No, please don't… was Todoroki's first thought as his pupils shriveled into poppy seeds. I would rather you beat me to death than that. Nothing will happen. Just respond.

"I'm sorry," Todoroki sighed while catching his breath, "but I don't want this. It's not you. I…don't want more from anyone." He rested his head on Bakugou's shoulder to obscure his dismal grimace from the torrent of memories and sensations that besieged his senses.

"What happened?" The tenebrous undertone slithering from the icy grandeur of Bakugou's voice plunged the apartment into silence and suspense.

Todoroki shook his head. "Nothing," he finally uttered. "I'd just rather wait until I'm married." Cognizant of his duplicity and what the deplorable truth was, he felt his stomach churn.

But…I know you don't care. Why bother asking? To exploit more of my weaknesses? I accept that I was made to be punished.

"Tch." Bakugou's chest twitched. "Sounds like bullshit to me."

Todoroki let out a long sigh as he squirmed out from Bakugou's hold. "Believe whatever you want. But I need to go." He swallowed thickly and nodded.

Shit. He'll hit me, and if it's somewhere visible, Bakugou will know Rui is the one behind my injuries. But I guess I deserve to be abused in more ways than one. It doesn't change the fact that the pain remains every time, though.

Bakugou coiled his calloused digits around Todoroki's wrist. "What's the rush?" His grip loosened ever so slightly once Todoroki hissed in pain.

"I want to be with him," Todoroki lied. "But try not to drink too much tonight. I know you've been drinking a lot more ever since we broke up. I'm not saying to completely abandon drinking in the blink of an eye, b—"

"Then eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"If you want me to fight my addiction, you need to eat since you fucking starve yourself."

"Bakugou, don't make it sound like I have an eating disorder. I don't. But I'll eat something if you'll drink less."

Bakugou rolled his eyes and scoffed, "That's absolute fucking bullshit and you know it. I even heard you throwing up the other night after telling me you didn't have any issues with eating. Just admit it, you fucking hypocrite. You're not leaving until you admit it." He spun Todoroki back against the wall by the wrist.

But I'm not… I know I'm not. I'm not saying that my eating habits are healthy, or that what I'm doing to myself is a good thing, but I just…

"I can't…stand the feeling of eating anything," Todoroki brazenly murmured under his breath. "'What's my problem when I wasn't like this before?' I can't tell you, Bakugou. But I really need to leave. I'll eat something, but I don't want you to be hungover tomorrow." He feebly struggled out of Bakugou's grasp and gangled towards the kitchen.

"I don't need you on my ass about this shit," sibilated Bakugou.

"I could say the same to you." Todoroki expelled a sigh and plucked an apple from the small bowl of fruit on the kitchen counter.

Bakugou looked as though he wanted to declare something with fuming ire, but instead, he pursed his lips and walked away.

Rui won't be happy about this, Todoroki thought while scrambling to exit the apartment. He's definitely going to do more than just hit me this time. I'll have to beg him not to hit me anywhere easily seen. But that means…