Title:
Convergence Part 1: Returning
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I, sadly, do not own any of these guys, JW and ME do.
Setting: Beginning of S7
Summary: Spike's back in town, Buffy's flowerpiphany sticks, Dawn gets
inside info, Willow senses trouble.
Feedback: Oh definitely, Please. If y'all don't like it, I'll quit.
So long as the voices in my head cease as well.
The sinister growl of his motorcycle filled the night air as Spike rolled back into Sunnydale. A little tired, and a little worse for wear, he looked around at the town that he had called home for over two years, as he rode down the quiet streets. The town looked the same yet different, and although he wanted to really absorb everything, he knew he needed to get back to the Crypt. He remembered leaving his humble abode in Clem's capable, if somewhat timid hands, and wanted to see how things were doing, if Clem had, in his infinitely sweet way, cleaned the place up a bit. As he turned, heading for the cemetery, his vamp ears picked up the unmistakable sound of wood hitting pavement in an alley off to his right.
"Great. Bloody hell. A man can still get no respite around here, I see." He stopped and hopped off the bike, making his way stealthily down the dark alley. The scene he encountered was definitely a familiar one; one he himself had in fact lived several times, what seemed like a lifetime ago. He stood in the shadows and watched as she maneuvered the demon against the wall, taking no time for breaths, not noticing the pain when the demon's huge scaly claws gouged her skin. She was still poetry in motion when she worked. That was one thing he would always remember. As the fight continued. one particularly lucky demon shot had Buffy on the pavement, wincing. Spike stalked quickly into the light, unnoticed by both the Slayer and the demon. He rushed into the fray, and with speed he had forgotten he possessed, twisted the demon's head around, effectively snapping its neck and killing it.
"Yeah, now that was a taste of old school, I do believe." He shook his head like a prize fighter after a particularly easy bout. He turned to look down at the pavement where Buffy wasn't. Before he could relocate her, he felt himself lifted into the air and slammed against the very wall the demon had been up against. He winced, expecting the blow to his jaw to land any second. He remembered all too well how Buffy and he got on. The violent meetings may have been fun while they were going on, but it wasn't a pretty picture in his mind anymore.
"Where the hell have you been?!!" She slammed his back into the wall again. "You wanted me to love you...to trust you, yet you leave me?!? I needed you and you weren't here. Left without a word. No goodbye, no kiss my ass. Not to mention nothing to Dawn. You know how much she dotes on you." She let go of him, and Spike dropped to the ground, a look of vague confusion and shock on his face. He snorted, after regaining his composure.
"Hello??? I seem to recall some rather nasty words escaping your mouth, Slayer. I figured you didn't want me around anymore. You know 'evil soulless dead thing' I was and all that. Don't tell me you're changing your tune now luv." His blue eyes flashed derision.
Buffy sighed and sat on the stacked pallets across the alley. She rolled her eyes at him and gave a wry self conscious grimace. "You know, Spike, what you did, or rather almost did, in the bath – at my house that night? You knew it was wrong, and when I kicked you off of me, I knew you knew it as well. The look on your face…. I wasn't going to let anyone know about it, and I'll tell you why in a bit, but I want you to know that I meant what I said. I could never have loved you. As much as I may have liked you, I couldn't love someone without a soul. It may be my own little shortcoming, or whatever, but that is the way it is. There is black, and there is white. Or there used to be;" she shook her head as if to clear it, "there was at that time. However, there are some things I have come to realize over the last few months." She turned to look at him, and found him listening. Intent, confused, a little worried, but listening. She smiled at him, then gave a little laugh. "Do you really want this exposition here? In this dank alley with Mr. Smelly pulling our attention with his stench?" She tugged the sleeve of his coat and stood to leave. "Come on, my patrol is over for the night, or at least effectively over, now that you are back, so you can give me a lift home."
"Oh whoa, hold on a minute, Slayer. I don't switch gears that fast." He looked up at her from his seat on the pallets. "Your little Mary Sunshine attitude's got me thrown for a loop here. Say what ya gotta say, and let me be on my way. I'm tired, and would like to get to me digs, thank you very much." He folded his arms resolutely.
"Come on Spike, give me a lift home, and we'll talk. There is a lot you need to know, and I promised Dawn that if and when you came back, I would bring you back to the house." She rolled her eyes to the sky. "I had a time of explaining things to her. She wants to hear it from you. Go figure. What do ya say? Take me home?" She down at him with hopeful hazel eyes.
He took a deep unneeded breath, and conceded with suspicion in his eyes. "Fine. I parked over here. I hope you have finally sussed out what it is you want from me and from your friends and life, though, Buffy." He laughed. "You're getting too old to still be deciding." They walked briskly out of the alley and climbed on the motorcycle, heading for the house on Revello Drive.
*********************
Willow looked up from the flame she had been studying for the past hour and a half. She felt a strange sensation in the pit of her stomach, a warning of some sort. "Giles!!!" She called the Watcher from his study. He stood in the doorway looking askance at her. She turned fearful eyes toward him, "Something is wrong. Something is definitely not right. There are forces… I can't pinpoint them, or even describe them, but there is definitely something goin on, and I think it is in Sunnydale."
"Willow. Is this another ploy to get me to return you back to Sunnydale? Because trust me, you are not ready for that level of interaction. You have only recently been allowed to practice again, and returning to the Hellmouth will only get you consumed in the dark forces again." He took off his glasses, holding them by one of the legs, as he rubbed his eyes. "Do you forget that you killed someone while under the influence of those forces?" He put his glasses back on.
She looked at him oddly. "You know, I have figured out that you not only take off your glasses when you don't want to see what we are doing, but you also do it when you are being confrontational. Interesting." She refocused her thoughts and addressed his questions. "Giles, don't start that stuff with me again. It is not like I am practicing right now. Hell, I have been sitting here, meditating on this damn flame for the last 90 minutes! No magic anywhere in sight, thank you very much! I was sitting here, minding my own, and the flame's, business, when all of a sudden my stomach turns all wonky." Her hands fidgeted around her torso. "I know something - the game - is afoot, and when did I start talking like Young Sherlock Holmes??" She shook her head in consternation. "And yes, I know I killed someone, his name was Warren, I went to school with him, and his eyes will haunt me for the rest of my life. Along with Xander's words at the bluff." She grew quietly pensive. "So, no, you don't have to remind me what the dark forces on the Hellmouth can do to me. And I would appreciate it if you didn't." She turned from him and blew out the forgotten candle as the clock's chimes struck 9 pm.
"For whom the bell tolls," she whispered to herself. Aloud , and with sudden resolve, she said, "We need to go back. Now."
***************
Dawn and Xander sat on the floor watching television. Dawn heard the motorcycle pull up first and ran to see what was goin on. The sound of motorcycles would forever remind her of the night Xander, Anya, Tara, and Willow had resurrected Buffy. And Spike. He had watched over her the entire summer last year, and to know what he almost did to Buffy, after being so good to her, was too much. She looked out the front door windows and nearly dropped from shock. Buffy was back from patrolling, and had brought home a guy.
"Umm, Xander, you are not going to believe this, but Buffy is back early – with a guy too." She turned to look at him on the couch.
Xander looked up at her like she was crazy. "No way, Dawnie, you have got to be seeing things."
"I'm telling you, she brought someone ho – Oh no. You better go."
"What? What are you talking about, I better go?"
"Xander, if you want your night to continue to go well, it would be best if you left, and ya might want to go through the kitchen."
He got up from his spot on the floor to look out the window behind the couch. "What are you talking about? Oh my god." He raced over to the front door and opened it before Buffy could. "What are you doing, Buff? What? Do you hang out with attempted rapists now? I mean, jeez. I thought you hangin with Angel when he came back was wrong, but at least he had regained his soul. What makes you think hanging with Spike is anything like that?" He grabbed his coat and started to leave. "You know what? Never mind. I'll just be heading out. I'll see ya later, Dawnie" He kissed Dawn on the cheek and left her and Buffy standing in stunned silence.
Spike was the first to break the silence. "Well, I knew he was pissed, glad he didn' try to belt me one, though. Stupid git." He turned and looked at Dawn. "Well….Hello nibs. I hear you wanted to talk to me? Or rather, that you hate me and want to see me in some sort of pain? Preferably living flame and flyin holy water?" He tried to make her smile, anything to ease her look of betrayal. She just looked at him. "You know nibs, I never meant to hurt you, or your sis, not really. I was tryin….ah hell. Nothin I say is going make bugger all of a difference. I don't even know why I try." He looked at Buffy. "This was a mistake. I knew it before I let you convince me to bring you –"
"You were trying to what Spike?" Dawns question interrupted him. "Force yourself on my sister? Get into her good graces by violating her and your invite into this house?" She folded her arms across her chest and frowned up at him. "Cuz I'm, like, confused. I thought you loved her. Seems to me that if you love someone, you certainly don't try to rape them. But then, maybe that is just my youthful, immature take on things." She marched away from the door and headed upstairs, saying as she went, "I don't want to talk to you Spike, and yeah, I do wish I had something that would hurt you as much as you seem to want to hurt others."
He ran toward Dawn as she stomped up the steps, and was stopped cold at the threshold. He hung his head, knowing he couldn't get in. "You're invited. Go ahead. Talk to her." He heard the words, but couldn't believe them. He turned to look at Buffy and saw her look of concern. "Thanks, pet. Wait for me, I'll be down in a little while, I hope." With that he was up the stairs heading for Dawn's room.
"Dawn?" He called from the beginning of the hall. "Buffy said I could come up to talk to you. I need to talk to you, nibs." He made his way to Dawn's room and found the door open. He stood in the doorway, to keep her at ease. "Can I at least explain that night, and what has happened since. You'll so get a kick out of the things I have been through. They will satisfy your bloodlust, you know?" He turned on the pleading in his icy blue eyes. She didn't budge. "Come on, niblet, you know I am not going to hurt you. I know you're mad, and that you feel betrayed, and even that you are scared of me. I bet you think I believe you aren't old enough to hear what was going on, too. Well, that couldn't be farther from the truth. You want to know the details, and I believe you're old enough to know them. What do ya say, pet, can we talk?"
"Fine, but you do it from there, you got it? It isn't that I am scared you're going to hurt me, but I want some distance. I am angry at you, and when you get all big brothery on me, I lose perspective." She gave a half smile. "Oh and this better be good. No lame apologies, or excuses. I want the truth."
He nodded. "Fair enough, pet, fair enough." He moved into the room and closed the door for privacy, then sat down and leaned against it. "The thing is, I love your big sis. Tons, too much even. Have for a long time, since before she died, actually. And since she came back, or shortly thereafter, we have been sort of, you know, involved," he rolled his eyes at the weak word for the violently satisfying sexual relationship he and Buffy had shared. "Ahem, anyway, your sis was going through a rough time, which I'm sure you're aware of, and things just got way out of hand between us. She used me, for which I don't blame her, and neither should you. And I let her, hoping she would eventually come to feel for me what I felt for her. Didn't happen, I got frustrated, knowing that she felt something, and needed her to acknowledge that. That is what happened that night. I was trying to force her to come to understand and admit the feelings I was sure she had, and I lost it, got carried away, and did something awful, and hurt her." He gave the last bit in rushed sentences, looking at the floor, not able to meet Dawn's eyes, as she listened closely to his explanation.
She nodded her understanding, which he didn't see, as he continued. "I left that night. Took off, I knew that I wasn't what she needed or wanted, but nor was I what I needed or wanted, so things had to change. I couldn't be a monster, nor could I be a man. I wasn't anything anymore, din't know how to be anything. All I did know was that I wanted, loved, needed Buffy, so I made a decision to acquire the one thing that she needed." He looked up at Dawn and saw her eyes widen as realization hit her.
"You got a…"
"A soul, I got a soul." He smiled.
"For my sister?? You went and got a soul for my sister? For Buffy?? Miss I'm-so-depressed-cuz-I'm-alive girl?" she looked at him astounded. "So you are Mr. SoulHavin' poster boy? Hey," she said, suddenly serious, "is there, like, you know, 'the clause'?"
"What? You mean like NancyBoy, Mr. I'm so cool my hair stands up straight?" He gave a sinister Spike grin. "Nope, no conditions for me. I soddin asked for my soul back, I didn't get cursed with it, ya silly git. But it required some trials. Flamin fists of death, The Two-Headed Gilla monster, and of course really big ugly bugs. You would have been quite pleased, kitten." It was his turn to get serious. "But Dawn, you can not, for any reason, let on that you know 'bout this. At least not till I'm ready for it to become ev'rybody's business, k, luv?"
"Absolutely, our secret. There were really flaming fists of death?"
"Yeah, all of it. Believe me, you would have been very happy at my pain, ya minx. Now, can I get a hug from ya, or are ya still gonna sit way the hell over there? Am I forgiven yet?"
"Yeah, you're forgiven, but no on the hugs. I need to process all that stuff first. But hugs will be a lot faster coming now that I know what was going on, you can bet on it. Now scram so I can finish my homework for tomorrow."
"Alright. Your sis needs to talk to me for some reason anyway. G'night nibs." He left her room and made his way back down to where Buffy waited for him. A grateful smile graced is lips, grateful for Dawn's easy acceptance of his explanation and secret. He thought to himself that she was getting more adult everyday. Plus, it didn't hurt that she was a knockout to boot. That thought brought a frown. Oh lord, he was going to have to watch the boys with her. Those dastardly little whelps, just looking for a good shag. Well his Dawn was not going to be the provider of said shag, not if he had anything to say about it.
"Alright, Slayer, spill." He said as he entered the kitchen, where Buffy waited, drinking a cup of tea. "What did you drag me here to listen to?"
She grimaced at the taste of the tea. She didn't know why she made this stuff, she hated the taste, but then again, it was the only thing she found that soothed the tension after a night of slaying, well, outside of sex that is. She looked up at Spike. "Have a seat, peroxide guy. Or rather," after getting a really good look at him in the light, "former peroxide guy. I need to get some things off my chest, and no, not those things, ya perv." She set down her mug and started talking.
"I need you to know a few things about how I have been feeling, what I felt, and what I have learned over the summer. Plus you need to know what happened after you left. So where to start? Hmmm. I'll start with the 'you and me' issue. Spike, ever since you helped me with Glory – hell almost sacrificed yourself to her for Dawn, you have held a teensy little spot in my heart. That is to say, I have learned to care for you. Not like it was a big hardship, honestly. You were funny, insightful – though it was unwelcome – and you proved that you could do something for someone else." She lifted her head and gazed off into the distance as she said what needed to be said.
"Also, when I came back, was brought back, you were there for me. You understood me better than I understood myself, and that was comforting. Then things got all crazy. I needed you in a way that I never needed anyone else. But I didn't love you, I didn't love anyone, couldn't love anyone, so I used you. When I finally figured that out..."
"We've been through this, Buffy, I don't need to hear it again. You were using me and it was killing you, I got it the first time. Now if you don't mind…?" He got up to leave.
"No, hear me out Spike, please. This is not about you, it isn't the 'breakup' speech at all, this is something you need to hear."
"Fine, get on with it then." He said irritably as he sat down again at the counter.
"Anyway, when I finally figured it out, that I was using you, I felt awful about myself. I was taking those feelings out on you, so not only was I using you to feel something in this world, but I was using you as a punching bag for my own emotions. Every time I hit you, after that first kiss outside the Magic Box, every nasty vile thing I said to you was what I was feeling about me. I was the evil soulless thing, I was the dead thing. I couldn't love myself, as hokie as that sounds. That beating I handed you, outside the police station, was so wrong, so terrible. I couldn't hit myself, so I hit you and just kept on hitting you. I knew you would take it, because you were like a lapdog plus you were a vamp. You're supposed to be able to take that kind of beating and keep on goin. Anyway, I took you for granted, and used you as a cathartic punching bag. Even for a vamp that was wrong. I remember getting on Faith about that. I watched her go to town on a vamp, and I remember thinking that this was not our job. Go in, slay, get out. Vamps are not therapy." She noticed that she had got off track, and gave a wry smile. "Sorry."
Spike watched her regain her composure, realizing how much this confessional had cost her. But he also knew she wasn't finished. "Buffy, I don't know why you are telling me all this. I mean, any and everything you did was wiped clean in my mind that night on your bathroom floor. It was even justified, I did exactly the kind thing you accused me of. You don't need to do this big confessional for me, ya know. I realized what I was that night. I understood you then, and I still understand you now."
She shook her head. "Yeah, I do. I need you to know I'm sorry. I need you to know that I realize I was wrong, and that I was abusing you and your feelings for me. I am asking for your forgiveness. It is as simple as that. And I am promising, right now, that it will never happen again."
"Fine, I get it. You're sorry, and your apology is accepted. It was never necessary, not really, not for me." He tilted his head and changed the subject. "Buffy, something I have noticed in the last hour or so, since I have been here."
"What's that?" She asked, worried.
"The birds aren't flyin. I mean where is Red and Tara? Them not being here must have something to do with what happened after I left. And where was the Magic Box? Tonight, we were in the alley behind where it is, or used to be, right? What'd I miss, luv?"
Her eyes grew wide, and she leaned on her elbows on the counter. "Oh lordy. Spike. Everything, you missed everything.."