Disclaimer: Garfield and all related characters are the intellectual property of Paws Inc. and Paramount Global/Nickelodeon at the time this story was written.

Chapter 2: Getting a Life

Garfield taps his foot in front of the bathroom door as he waits for Jon to get out of the shower.

"Are you quite done in there!?" Garfield knocks on the door, growing increasingly impatient. "The sooner you get a life, the sooner I'll get food."

"Just a minute, Garfield!" Jon shouts from the other side of the door. "I just need to put away the soap and…Oops! Uh… hold on, I just dropped the…EEEEEEEK!"

*CRASH*

The cat lets out a deep sigh, realizing that this is going to take much longer than he previously thought. Just then, Odie and Arlene rush over to the bathroom door, both having just heard the crash.

"What's going on?" Arlene asks.

"Jon slipped on the soap while in the shower…again!" Garfield explains.

*MMM MMM MMM* Odie whimpers, showing concern for his owner.

"Don't worry, Odie. He's fine." Garfield assures the dog, having become already used to their owner's clumsiness.

"Okay Garfield, I'm all set!" Jon shouts, opening the bathroom door…

"TADAAAAA!"

…and wearing an assortment of awful looking clothes consisting of a red shirt with purple polka dots, a blue tie with pink flowers, bright yellow shorts, and a light green jacket, all of which do not match with each other whatsoever.

"Well guys, how do I look?" Jon asks.

"Like a dweeb." Garfield bluntly replies.

"A fashion disaster." Arlene adds.

*BARK BARK* Odie also adds, both cats agreeing with him.

"C'mon buddy, let's go show the world what Jon Arbuckle is made of!" The cartoonist runs straight for the door…

*SLAM*

…only to slam right into it, causing it to fall off its hinges and crash onto the floor.

"Can't believe it's been almost a year, and he still hasn't fixed that door." Garfield facepalms, knowing that this is going to be a very long day.

"Turn on the light, go on and get yourself a li-ife!" Jon sings to himself while driving. "Get yourself a life!"

*HONK HONK*

"Whoa!" Jon just barely manages to hit the brakes before his car could collide with another car. "Phew, that was close.

"You're not gonna have a life if you don't pay attention to the road, Arbuckle!" Garfield angrily shouts from the backseat.

"Sorry if I scared ya there, Garfield." Jon apologizes to his cat. "I'll be more careful next-"

Before he can finish his sentence, his eyes start gazing directly at the beautiful woman standing close by.

"Jon? Hello?" Garfield waves his paws around his owner.

"*SIGH* Isn't she the most beautiful girl you've ever seen?" Jon sighs affectionately, not having felt in love with anyone for years.

"Well, why don't you go up to her and talk to her?" Garfield insists. "That way, she can help you finally get a life."

"You're right, Garfield." Jon said. "I'm gonna go talk to her right now."

As Garfield watches his owner leave the car, he can't help but snicker, knowing full well what's about to unfold.

"Hee hee hee. This oughta be good." The cat to the reader.

"Uh…H-Hi there." Jon greets the woman, shaking like a nervous wreck. "W-Would you l-like to go out with m-me?"

"EEEEEEEEEEEK!" The woman shrieks, noticing his horrifying and brightly colored fashion sense. "LOOK AWAY AND RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

"WAIT!" Jon shouts at the woman running away from him. "WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY OUTFIT!?"

Sighing in defeat, the cartoonist returns to his car, only to find his cat laughing his ass off over what he'd just witnessed.

"WAH-HA-HA-HA!" Garfield keeps on laughing. "THAT WAS AMAZING! HA-HA-HAAAAAAAA!"

"Ha-ha. Very funny." Jon said bluntly, not amused in the slightest. "Though, I never knew how fast a woman can run in high heels."

Later, Jon and Garfield arrive at the beach in their swimwear, hopeful that the sandy shore bustling with noise, fun, and excitement will help the depressed Arbuckle get a life…and some hot dogs along the way.

"I love the beach." Jon said, strolling around the shore. "The sun, the sand, the water, the babes in bikinis…"

"And all the garbage lying around." Garfield adds, disappointed with humanity for not caring in the slightest about all the litter scattered all throughout the beach.

"You know, they say that happiness is a walk on the beach." The cartoonist said, suddenly shivering. "I c-can already f-feel it. W-Wait, w-why d-does it feel c-cold all of a s-sudden?"

"Because you're in the ocean, dumbass!" Garfield shouts from a distance, having stopped before his owner unknowingly stepped into the water.

"Oh, t-that explains it." Jon said, quickly stepping out of the freezing water. "C'mon let's grab some snacks and find a place to relax."

"Now you're talking." Garfield smiles, following his owner to the concession stand. After buying a hot dog for himself and his cat, Jon finds a perfect spot to kick back and relax on the sand.

"Ahhh, now this is what I call a life." Jon said, enjoying the warmth provided by the sun.

"You said it." Garfield nods in agreement before taking a bite out of his hot dog.

"Lying in the sand and bathing in the sun with a glorious view of the ocean and the bright, blue sky." The cartoonist takes another deep, relaxing breath. "What more could a man want?"

"*BURP* How 'bout some more food?" Garfield suggests, having just finished scarfing down his hot dog. "C'mon Jon, let's grab another hot dog at the stand. Jon?"

"Wow! Look at that pretty girl in the water, Garfield." Jon said, staring at the woman standing near the ocean holding a chocolate ice cream bar. "Isn't that the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?"

"It sure is." Garfield said, also admiring the lovely view. "That chocolate ice cream bar sure looks delicious."

"I gotta go talk to her right now." Jon gets up and heads over to greet her. "At least I'm not wearing the outfit this time."

"I gotta get that ice cream bar, but how?" Garfield ponders, looking around to see if there's anything he can use that'll help him achieve his goal. "Eureka! I've got it!"

While the cat runs off to fetch what he needs for his plan, Jon bears through the cold water to get closer to the woman.

"Pardon me ma'am, I've seem to have lost my Olympic swimming medals around here somewhere." Jon said, pretending to look for his "medals" in the water, flexing his muscles in an attempt to impress the girl. "Do you, by any chance, happen to know where my swimming medals are?"

"No, but if you stop flexing your muscles, I'm sure you'll be able to find them." The woman said, not amused by the cartoonist constantly flexing his scrawnier muscles right in front of her.

"Oh. Well, never mind then." Jon said, giving up on trying to win her over with his muscles. "By the way, could I have your ice cream bar? I know my cat wants it, so I might as well give it to him before he-"

"SHARK!" Someone suddenly shouts.

"Shark!? Where!?" The cartoonist panics, running out of the water…

"AAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

…only to be trampled by the panicking crowd behind him, also running away from the shark.

"Ooooohhhhh. My…spleeeeeen." Jon moans in immense pain before losing consciousness.

An orange paw reaches out of the ocean and snatches the ice cream bar in the air. Emerging from the water, Garfield, wearing scuba gear with a fake shark fin attached to it, heads back to the shore and takes a bite out of the frozen treat.

"Heh heh heh. Garfield, you are a genius."