A/N

So, what do Toge from Jujutsu Kaisen and the Phantom Tollbooth have in common?

Nothing, but I did find this to be a funny concept. Ain't nothing to see here but crack.

It was a little quirk that Lucy found endearing, but she noticed that Fae did not curse. Even when she stubbed her toe or otherwise was surprised by pain, she didn't usually articulate this.

Case in point Fae rubbed her elbow, hissing wordlessly. (Or she assumed, given what she knew about her language skills, it could be Parseltongue.) But not a single foul word escaped her lips.

"You ok, Fae?" The other girl gave a sardonic thumbs up, still rubbing her elbow.

"Peachy."

Her tone was abrupt and snappy. And a ripe, round peach fell into her hands. Fae bit into the fruit like it wronged her, juice wetting her hand.

"Did you make that, or summon it?"

"Made it." The Rune Mage said, getting her composure back. "Safer way of channeling than others."

-vVv-

A few days later, Lucy heard Fae sobbing. She came into her room with concern and saw Wendy and Kagura both already there.

The young academic was crying into her hands and saying:

"Doughnut...!"

Again and again under her breath. And Kagura was holding a plate full of the pastries, biting into one with relish. She wordlessly offered Lucy the dish as she sank onto the soft carpet they were seated on."

"What happened?"

"Fan mail." Wendy said, picking up a letter with a happy smile. "Fae got a pen pal a few years back, and now she's just discovered her own magic." The Sky Dragon Slayer flipped the letter open and read.

"'You were my first friend and your gift helped me so much when I was little. When I grow up, could you save me a place in Fairy Tail? I want to be able to help someone else like you helped me.'"

Fae gave another low snarl and another dozen doughnuts fell onto Kagura's waiting plate.

That...was super cute and Lucy desperately wanted to read the letter. And see pictures.

"That's adorable! What's her name?"

Wendy, with a rather self satisfied air, nodded to Carla who was already pouring over a photo album of a small girl with a flood of freckles and ginger hair beaming up at the camera with a yellow stuffed bear in her arms. She was missing a tooth, but the smile was as radiant as the sun and she was looking at the viewer as though they were the most wonderful thing in the world. And her long hair was twirled up in a pencil, just like Fae's own hair was.

"Awww...!"

"Doughnut, Wendy I didn't sign up to have feelings today!"

Kagura levitated the plate of doughnuts over to her and Lucy watched, bemused as Fae quite literally ate her feelings.

"And this doesn't impact your weight at all?"

"Literally empty calories." Wendy said with a happy hum. "It follows her memory of the flavors of the food plus a little zing of magic on top of it."

Lucy survived the pastry in her hand...then shrugged and started to eat.

-vVv-

Once was a coincidence, twice was a pattern. But when Fae well and truly fell into a fit of temper and instead fell into a slew of naming various nuts rather than actual curse words...

"Fae, why do you only curse using food names?" Lucy caught a handful of spiny chestnuts as they rained out of the sky. Fae was bent over a cornerstone block in a foundation, her magic pen zooming over the surface to untangle the snarled lines of runic script.

"It's a safer alternative. Ask me when I'm calm, please!"

-vVv-

"So...?"

"When I hit puberty, my magic got a massive boost in power."

"Which is normal."

"Nothing about how I do magic is normal, Lucy." The girl poked at her lunch with a sigh, head in her hand. "I learned how to get mad. Really, really mad, once I had the hormones to back it up. Made manifesting solid things a lot easier instead of just illusions."

Doleful blue eyes lofted to meet Lucy's lightening with a bit of humor.

"I got really mad at Warren for waking me one day. I called him a jackass. He ended every sentence with a bray for a week."

There were definitely worse curses to fall under than Fae's. Lucy giggled, handing the menu over to their waiter after indicating what she wanted. Fae was a regular here so they already knew what she wanted.

"That sounds funny."

"Yeah it was. Until he started growing donkey ears and a tail, and losing the ability to speak."

Lucy considered this...and the usual slew of curse words.

"So if you did actually curse someone-"

"My words manifest, quite literally, as a Curse with all the nasty side effects. So I have decided for the sanity, safety and sanitation of all to control my language."

Lucy winced, mind running through the various terms she knew...

"Yeah, food is probably the better choice."

"Par-fait."

Fae agreed emphatically, two beautifully layered servings of the yogurt dessert appear in her hands. She handed one to Lucy.

"Makes eating my words much more comfortable."

Her eyes grew distant then, and glowed slightly. A perplexed look came over her.

"Morgana have something to add?"

"She says 'and it keeps the rating down.' But I'm not sure what she's getting at."

A/N

I thought it would be funny to make it so Fae literally, and legally cannot say f*** and then this happened.